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Yes, Kacy, I think that just as allopathic MDs should be educated to "alternative" healing so should vets. This vet I "use" is retiring soon. She brought alternative treatment to a town about 80 minutes west of me and even got the farmers there using alternative as well as allopathic medicine. She has a nice mix. Her business partner is even more into it. I am grateful. A long drive but worth it. My regular vet is open to it and about 40 minutes away. This is the third vet I have had for Bentley....I walked away from the one less than a block away when he did not respond appropriately to Bentley's. Ends when he swallowed a BIC shortly after Bill died. I walked away from the second o e last year when she did not ha dale an ER call appropriately and had no feelings. Now I have a nice mix but it took a bit to find them.

Yes, I have Bentley on probiotics all the time plus some yogurt, plain, Greek.

The herb is called Si Miao San/GM 1/2 tspn by mouth every 12 hours. slowly work up to 2 tspn every 12 hours (FOR HIS WEIGHT which is 78 lbs). I get it from a local alternative vet. here is a web site about it. https://pathwithpaws.com/blog/2011/06/17/si-miao-san-slowing-down-cancer-and-inflammation/ Bentley had diarrhea on day 3 of this but I never know what causes it. I could have been gone too long or it was the mix of herbs or who knows what. So today he is having loose stools big time and it could be the beef (new) vs the chicken or that I was gone for 4 hours yesterday....I use slippery elm bark for that now and sometime metroniazole depending on if it lasts or not. Lately it has been one day. We shall see. Peace and good luck Mary

Hello to alll, Bentley has now finished his first month (almost) of homemade food and is loving every minute of it including being in the kitchen when I cook. So far the meat has been chicken with lots of veggies, kelp, eggs including ground up shells, vitamins, probiotics etc. This week my friend and I will make the next batch which will be beef (including liver) and chicken (separate). I keep the meat portion separate from the rest so I can vary the meat more. I will add pork and turkey the next time around. It has been a bit tedious as I was attempting to make sure the proportions of veggies to meat and calcium to phosphorus (which is in the meat) were sound. This batch will be perhaps two months. I am a regular at UW Provisions in Madison which sells meat (fresh and frozen) wholesale. I buy meat at about 20-40 pounds at a time. A lot for a non-meat eater. I eat meat, myself, on rare occasions. I don't even like it. Bentley's lymph nodes in his neck are growing as is his white blood cell level. BAD sign. He gets minor infections that take forever to heal as his immune system is so shot. Now I am ready to try the herb mix my other vet (alternative) really wants him to have as his fever (not high but high enough) and the lymphoma would both be helped by it. He got diarrhea when I last tried it but he is stable on the homemade food so I will try again. I am using Wysong Call of the Wild (vitamins made for homemade diets). I picked up some sardines on sale at Costco yesterday and will put a few on top of his food for fish oil but I do have a liquid fish oil also. He remains energetic (as energetic as a almost 12 year old 80 lb dog gets). He lost 3 pounds (was 83) and I am aiming for 3 more which puts him at 77 his natural weight. He gained 6 because the vet I no longer see wanted 6 pounds on him but it is too much and makes breathing more difficult so off it is coming. I pray for one more year with him. Will be blessed with that and any more than that would be a miracle I will embrace. I focus on now but it is hard to see him make a slow exit just as Bill died. That's it for a while. Happy to respond to questions if any. I am no expert, just learning but appreciating homemade dog food and feel I am doing well by him. ALL future dogs will either homemade cooked. Peace Mary

Progress is being made. Bentley's first batch of homemade food is now completed and I have tested him for all the ingredients. I have to kennel him for a few days this coming week and when I return we will begin the transition. As we cooked (a friend who feeds her three dog raw food came over and helped me) and use the grinder, Bentley watched and waited for some treats. I was excited about him finally getting high quality food. Here is what we did in case someone wants to consider this: I purchased a grinder using my friend's advice...a tough grinder that won't wear out. Happy to share any of this information if someone wants it. I had about 25 lbs of deboned and skinned chicken breast (some I deboned which I won't do again...as it is not that much much more expensive at our meat sites to get it skinned and boned). We ground it up and baked it. While it cooked we cooked sweet potatoes and carrots in the microwave and green beans, celery, Chinese cabbage, spinach, parsley, zuchini and kale lightly. Then we ran all that plus cooked tripe (Kathy cooked it at home as it stinketh and she cooks it outside) through the grinder and then the chicken. We also ground up whole eggs raw (from my friend's chickens-organic) for fat and calcium (in the shells). I kept the meat separate for this first batch but we weighed it all out as we packaged it and labeled it. He gets 1.5 lbs of food a day for his 80 lbs. 2% roughly of his weight. We may go up or down if he needs more or less. So 75% (18 oz) of that will be meat, liver and tripe but no liver this time. Then that 18 oz will get mixed with 6 oz of veggies at serving time along with some yogurt, Call of the Wild (vitamins from Wysong on web with enough calcium to balance the phophorus) which is created for homemade diets to assure vitamins. He will get milled flax seed and kelp and fish oil also upon serving. This dog is now eating better than I am. I put the food in containers that would serve him for 3 days so I am not defrosting too much at a time. 3 is recommended. I will get a rhythm eventually but this time I was totally wiped out. My friend Kathy does this for her 3 dogs every 4 months and with her husband's help they get it all done in a half day...but they do raw. No cooking except potatoes and beets. The planning is important. Watching the ads for sales and the UW Provisions which provides meat to all the restaurants, or a lot of them, in Madison has wholesale prices. (this week $1.79 lb for deboned and skinned breasts and thighs). So I am getting on all of their lists including a group of raw feeders who invited me to join them and get a huge discount on the meat and tripe and heart and gizzards etc. Kathy took the bones home (including one chicken breast I removed from Bentley's mouth) and her dogs eat those for their evening meal. I am not there yet and won't be with Bentley. So that is it. In a month, I will let you know how it is going but if anyone wants information, others here know and I now know and am happy to share. It has to be done right, I have learned so nutritional requirements are met. Maylissa thanks for the info. I wish I had done this when Bentley was 8 weeks old, maybe he would not have cancer now but who knows. I fed him high quality food, as best i could afford, and since 60% of Goldens die of cancer I can't believe his is all related to food but rather to the environment in which we live. If Bentley does not feel better on this program, at least I will. Peace to all, Mary

Maylissa, this is invaluable information and I thank you. This reminds me of my sister and how she has feed both of her babies. She made their baby food and froze it in ice cube trays (this is 40 years ago) so they grew up with wonderful food. I think our pets deserve the best just as we do. I will check out your links. I do live in an area where healthy food is readily available. The Organic Valley started in my neighborhood and it caught on so that I have access to eggs, chicken and beef and yes, turkey as well as veggies and some fruits. Once I get a pattern this should be easy. Then maybe I will clean up my own diet also though I do pretty well with that. In my opinion, the food and water we feed our pets (and ourselves) is the single most important health move we can make. I think I will be ready to make my first batch even over the weekend or at the latest next week. Then I will post what I am doing. Peace, mary

Thank you, Mary. I do have probiotics...actually 2 plus some in his vitamin/mineral supplement. I will also be putting yogurt in and removing one of the probiotics. Yes, I am probably going to keep the food separate and just give him some of the new cooked separate rather than mix them. Makes sense if it is all dry kibble but not doing this. Some recommend adding an ingredient at a time but that would take forever and does not seem needed. Yes, a crockpot and grinding all meat so it is more digestible. My friend feeds raw tripe and she also said it stinks but so good for them. I do wish I had done this 11.5 years ago. But here we are. Thank you. Mary

Just an update on the switch I am doing for Bentley's diet. I met with a friend today who gave me a ton of information to add to what I have already reaped. She feeds raw and has for 13 years. Her dogs are the picture of health. (I do not much of anything half way ) I am not prepared to try raw given Bentley's digestive issues but the ingredients are the same no matter cooked or raw. Before you jump into this, it is wise to think about the time it takes. I believe it will be cheaper for me since Bentley has been on a prescription diet that I do not believe is high quality at all but costs a lot. I also will be joining with a group who gets a hefty discount on meat and tripe. (Tripe is the lining of an animals stomach and has the most vitamins and minerals in it). When a prey animal kills, he (or she) eats the tripe first because instinctively they know it is loaded with vitamins and minerals. I currently use freeze dried tripe and liver for treats for Bentley. I will be cooking for one month at a time and start with a beef diet and a chicken. Eventually I will get to three months at a time. So think about that. My friend has 3 dogs and it NOW after a long time of practice takes her ONE morning every three months to prepare a 3 month supply. Not bad but in the beginning that will be much longer especially if you include studying about it which you must do so you know what you are doing not just what I am doing. Anyway, I have just spent 2 hours on this and I know it will be a few days before I have the final product given all this new info. I hope to begin making the transition within two weeks and have been preparing him by using treats of food that will be in the diet to see if he develops diarrhea. I am convinced his bouts of diarrhea are not diet related but are lymphoma related. I will post here as I go along but in the end, I will post the actual diet I will use with Bentley and all dogs I ever have in the future. It is important that you understand the needs of a dog in terms of diet...including supplements. I have learned too much about processed food to ever use it again but if I did have to for some unknown to me now reason, it would be as close to homemade as I could afford or buy. But that is just me. Buy the best you can buy. Here is a great site I am studing today: http://www.dogaware.com/diet/homemade.html (home) http://www.dogaware.com/diet/homemade.html#supplements(supplements) "Getting calcium right is essential. Meat has phosphorus and it must be balanced with calcium 2:1. Adult dogs need around 800 to 1,000 mg of calcium per pound of food fed. They also require the calcium to be supplied in a proper proportion to phosphorus. The ideal calcium: phosphorus ratio in the canine diet is between 1:1 and 2:1. Meat contains a lot of phosphorus, so the more meat a diet contains, the more calcium will be required to reach the correct calcium:phosphorus ratio. Adding 800 to 1,000 mg of calcium will provide the correct calcium:phosphorus ratio even for a high-meat diet, unless you use a calcium supplement that also contains phosphorus. In that case, moderately higher amounts of calcium may be needed to balance out the additional phosphorus contained in the supplement.Ground eggshell can be used as a calcium supplement. Rinse eggshells and dry them on a counter overnight, or in the oven, then grind them in a clean coffee grinder. One large eggshell provides one teaspoon of ground eggshell, which contains 2,000 mg of calcium, so add ½ teaspoon ground eggshell per pound of food fed. Don’t use eggshells that haven’t been ground to powder, as they may not be absorbed as well."

I will post it on Tuesday. I have one more meeting on Monday before I finalize this process.

I am in the process of switching Bentley to a homemade diet. In the end it is cheaper but the main reason is that it is quality you can not get in dog food dry or canned. I make it for 30 days at a time and my next dog will be on it from day 1. I wish I had done this sooner. If you want more information let me know...I have been to many resources. It is essential that it be done right otherwise important nutrients can be missed and lead to health issues.

Dear Karen, I am sure this is a bit sad or more today. So glad your grandson came through with a hug ...a well deserved and needed hug. My thoughts and love are with you today. Peace, Mary

Dear Butch, what a touching story and how right you were to jump in when their tears began. Personally I think it took a great deal of strength for them to allow themselves to cry in front of everyone. Tears are a sign of strength and love. I am so glad they also chose to stay at school, another show of strength. What a wonderful family....and twins on the way. Mary is with you all. Peace ,mary

I have always used a "restraint". I started with a gentle leader but I did not like the fact that it went around his mouth. So I bought this http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002AV3NGA/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1 several months ago and it is great. Bentley weighs 84 pounds and only pulls when he sees someone on our walks who pets him (literally everyone). But it gives me control without any problems. Congrats on getting a furbaby. You know how much comfort a dog is. Not sure what I would do without my Bentley but when he does die eventually I will get another dog. He is on a roller coaster ride with me these days. Bad weeks and then stable. But holding his own pretty well. Enjoy your new buddy. Mary

My dear Butch, What a treasure Mary left for you. I am sure there were many tears shed as you read through it. And going with the children to school when they read theirs at Share Day is such a sensitive gesture. You are blessed with a wonderful family and I celebrate the arrival of what we hope will be a baby girl but in any case a much welcomed grandchild. I hope you in my heart, Mary

Fae, I just signed up for Francis Well's two session webinar. I really respect his work. I do think you might enjoy it. He goes beyond but includes our personal losses and includes and addresses cultural issues. He is from Wisconsin and for a while I was thinking of bringing him here to lead one of his three day rituals as he co see to visit family nearby. But my energy to do all that organizing has fled for parts unknown. I will be taking a ten week class this summer at the UW in Minfulness. It is the program started many years ago by Jon Cabot Zinn. I am glad you enjoy what I post. Bentley is having some bad days and I worry about him. He has been stable but recently I see changes. Today's is a particularly tough day for him. And that means tough for me. I hope this finds you well. Peace, Mary

http://www.synchcast.net/#!grief-and-joy-in-a-flatline-culture/c1d28 This is a two session workshop on line hosted by Framcis Weller. I believe it will be very worth while having read his book and having had personal co tact with him. There is a fee..I think $63. His book Entering the healing Ground is outstanding. His website is also http://www.wisdombridge.net Peace to all Mary

QMary, I am so glad to see that your sister is responding and at home. I know this has to be gratifying for your whole family even though, as you say, it is a lot of work...the caregiving. We do it for those we love, even though it is challenging. When I was taking care of Bill, the best gift I got was my brother's 3-4 days visits once a month during the final 4-5 months. I got away to a local retreat house and focused on sleep.

and another from the same site. I recommend getting this newsletter...it is free. http://www.emotionalgeographic.com/blog-1/2015/4/10/let-it-be “I think you should learn, of course, and some days you must learn a great deal. But you should also have days when you allow what is already in you to swell up inside of you until it touches everything. And you can feel it inside of you. If you never take time out to let that happen, then you accumulate facts, and they begin to rattle around inside of you. You can make noise with them, but never really feel anything with them. It’s hollow.” — E. L. Konigsburg, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler Healing is often on its own trajectory. We don’t really decide when certain parts of ourselves start to heal. We can’t really schedule our healing moments for convenient times. In the same way you can’t really schedule when your child will learn to walk, or talk or lose his first tooth, or break up with his first girlfriend. Growth and development happens when the conditions are right, when things come together. And healing, especially healing from grief and trauma, is another form of growth and development. It is rehabilitative growth—it is growth that starts up again with parts that are often sore or unused or unpracticed.....

Powerful and a place many find ourselves. “Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror Just keep going No feeling is final.” t’s hard to hold both when you are healing—both the beauty and the terror. There are some moments of healing that are so difficult. So massive. Those giant cloud domes filled with lightening. All the pain you experience lighting up as you bring your attention to it. http://www.emotionalgeographic.com/blog-1/2015/4/17/beauty-and-terror

http://www.rebellesociety.com/2013/12/18/5-lies-you-were-told-about-grief/ Lies You Were Told About Grief When someone experiences a significant loss, feeling lost and alone is ever present. This piece surely speaks for me and I imagine it will for many of you. Pass it on to those around you. I could not have said it better than this. If only those around us would or could comprehend this with their hearts and souls.

This book looks really good. Poems and essays all written by those who have lost a spouse. It is pricey but you can get it used for about $14 so,ething. I buy used all the time and they are often like new. It is called The Widow's Handbook. here is the link. Who knows better what this journey is about than someone who has lost a beloved spouse....this book is filled with their thoughts, pain and words. http://www.amazon.com/Widows-Handbook-Reflections-Survival-Literature/dp/1606352040/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1428361568&sr=1-1&keywords=the+widows+handbook By the way...there is a pretty exciting basketball game on tonight at 8:19 central. UW Wisconsin goes for National championship...won last in 1941. There will not be an empty seat at any bar in the state tonight and there won't be any traffic here in town....you might enjoy seeing these kids play their hearts out. I do NOT watch sports under normal conditions. Might be a good distraction tonight. CBS

We used to do our version of wax resistant egg dying as kids...we wrote our names on the eggs with a crayon and then died it. that was as fancy as we got back then.

I agree, fae. Here is a video with a rich message. This man is a psychiatrist. http://beyondmeds.com/2015/04/05/breaking-down-is-waking-up/

I have to agree with you, Kay. As time goes on, I see all the pieces of my life that Bill has missed and misses now....and wish he was here to participate. I would guess we learn how to live with our losses but that has little to do with how much we miss someone.

This post took my breath away today. It is my story...and why I and so many of you miss our beloveds so very much. That key person took away our longing. David Whyte EASTER MORNING IN WALES A garden inside me, unknown, secret, neglected for years, the layers of its soil deep and thick. Trees in the corners with branching arms and the tangled briars like broken nets. Sunrise through the misted orchard, morning sun turns silver on the pointed twigs, I have woken from the sleep of ages and I am not sure if I am really seeing, or dreaming, or simply astonished walking towards sunrise to have stumbled into the garden where the stone was rolled from the tomb of longing. EASTER MORNING IN WALES From RIVER FLOW: New and Selected Poems © David Whyte and Many Rivers Press Photo © David Whyte 2014 Sun Through Sycamores