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I am glad you will begin to do some reading (articles recommended) as it is one of the most helpful tools we have. Learning about grief and ourselves in the midst of grief helps each of us to learn how we can heal. Another tool is journaling as it helps us to identify the pain that sits beneath the anger that occurs in many people with grief. You are in a safe place to share your pain and your anger and neither will be judged.

Shalady, I am glad you are considering a support group at the appropriate time or individual counseling. As helpful as this group is and will continue to be, sitting in a circle of people face to face has its own benefits that I hope you will explore for yourself. Typically it is recommended that you become a part of a support group after the third month and consider individual counseling before (and after) that time. I think in these early weeks it feels as if the pain of loss will just crush us and be with us forever. In time we learn how to live with it and incorporate our loss into our lives. We learn that the pain will come and go instead of having a constant and excruciating presence in our days. And we learn that we can do this journey and grow as a result of it. None of this is what any of us wanted but when it comes into our lives, we do the best we can without judging ourselves and with great patience. Peace to your heart, Mary

My dear Sue, As you know by now you have found yourself in the middle of a circle of caring and supportive people who know loss and grief and who will continue to reach out to you. I am so glad you have done such great things for yourself: support group, quitting your job in 73 days. When my husband died, now 55 months ago, I had already stopped seeing clients a few months earlier so I could focus on my care for him in his final months with Alzheimer's disease. The first thing I did when I got my senses about me a little was to sell the small local arts publication he and I started but which I was keeping going as I did caregiving. Like you quitting your job, you will be freed up to focus on self care which is your top priority. Our thinking and focus and energy are all compromised at best as a result of loss and grief. You know now that the pain of losing a spouse is gut wrenching and the healing is a long road. I agree that feelings become less raw as we move along this painful path. As you know, as the fog has lifted, you tend to feel worse before you feel better as you see all you have lost. Often year two brings with it an awareness of those secondary losses as Marty mentioned and the second year can be quite painful but by that time we seem to have learned that the horrific moments pass and that we survive them so- it is a different kind of pain. We are here for you and with you and I am glad you found this wonderful circle of love and support.

Oh, Mary, what news you have to bear and your whole family. I am so sorry. If she went back to the hospital, she becomes eligible to go to wherever she can get the best care...as long as she goes from hospital to care center. I think that is accurate....we went through this with my mom..hospital rehab hospital rehab....law may have changed. Good that her body is responding better but I know you are all so worried and rightly so. I carry you in my heart as always. Mary

Thank you, fae. When I went to look for it, I search SA site for meditation and this is the list that came up. It is a gold mine and eventually I will read the ones I choose. Thanks for this tip. Meditation, if nothing else, allows us to stop doing and just be each day. Hopefully people will learn about it and see its value in times of grief. Some of these articles might be helpful. Thank you, Mary http://www.scientificamerican.com/search/?q=meditation&x=0&y=0&display=search

http://us1.campaign-archive1.com/?u=eada83262c8b82a089d1facca&id=aa531a65c4&e=54e17d0f99 This piece Autumn: The Ideal Season for Reflection and Review is written with caregivers in mind but since each of us here is a caregiver to ourselves, I see great relevance in this piece.

What is Your Morning Routine When Mourning? http://ezinearticles.com/?What-Is-Your-Morning-Routine-When-Mourning?&id=8785829 This piece by Lou LaGrand (one of the pioneers in grief education) suggests some wise ways to start your day. Though we need to feel our pain and walk into it and deal with it, we also need to do some of what this author suggests. About Lou La Grand with links to others of his writings. http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lou_LaGrand

Dear Steve, I am so sorry for your loss and I am sorry the relationship with your father was so conflictual. When someone we love dies and there are unresolved conflicts many people not only grieve the loss of the person but also the loss of what could have been or what never was. I am sorry. You mentioned being in stage 1 of grief. Without going into a long explanation the stage theory of grief is not valid. The person who spoke those words is indeed a hero in the world of grief education (Elizabeth Kubler-Ross) but she never intended the stage theory to apply to those who grieve a loss. We now know that grief is unique to each person. No one that I ever heard of moves through set stages of grief. Each of us has feelings and behaviors that speak of our grief but those feelings and behaviors are in no order, repeat themselves and not everyone experiences all of them. It might be more helpful to just consider what you feel today and tomorrow see how you feel and each day do the same without judgment or attempts to walk through stages. Just be in the pain you feel each day. And that coupled with doing some journaling perhaps, reading as you requested (wise move) and sharing and support will all help you through this pain. You asked about resources and I think this group is one wise choice. You will learn a great deal here by reading other posts and by going to the Tools forum where you will find many resources. http://www.griefhealing.com/articles-columns-books.htm#Suggestions%20for%20Further%20Reading This is a list you can browse from Marty's site and she may have more specific resource articles for you. She has a gold mine of information and articles. This articlewritten by Marty is a good starting place: http://www.griefhealing.com/articles-columns-books.htm#Suggestions%20for%20Further%20Reading

Dear Steve, How wise of you to reach out for information on being there for your friends. I am sorry that Beth is struggling so and with her is her friend Cathy who is probably grieving an anticipated loss. Here is a link to Marty's blog on anticipatory grief: http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2009/11/anticipatory-grief-and-mourning.html These following articles are relevant to helping someone grieve a death but the wisdom in them is very relevant to an anticipated death also. This first one is from USNews and World Report and quotes Marty, the founding moderator of this site. http://health.usnews.com/health-news/health-wellness/articles/2013/08/07/7-ways-to-help-a-loved-one-grieve?page=2 This piece by Megan Devine (a therapist who recently lost her husband suddenly when he drown) and it too has pointers in it for you. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-devine/death-and-dying_b_4329830.html Keep in mind that each of these 3 pieces has links at the bottom with more information. Do return and we will be with you on this journey.

Dear Mahsa, You are welcome. Accepting help is one of the key pieces to healing the pain of your loss. It takes more strenght to reach out for help than to walk it alone. Getting help is a sign of strenth and I know you feel broken. Loss breaks our hearts and your pain and brokenness is a sign of your love. It is not a sign of weakness. It is normal to have all the feelings you have right now. The pain is a sign of love. Walk through it. Masking the pain does not heal it. It is still there waiting for you to walk into it. If you are on medications from mini strokes, please contact your physician about any prescription drugs you are using.

This is a link to a Fall Psalm eRetreat that starts on Nov. 17 and ends on Nov. 23. It is led by Joan Chitister who is a Benedictine nun and an activist and author. I have great respect for this woman who speaks truth to power; works for the causes of justice, peace and women's issues. It is $10 for the retreat if it interests anyone. There is a sample at the website. I see it as a preparation time for Thanksgiving and a time of a few minutes of quiet each day. Fall Psalm eRetreat • If you desire to deepen your spiritual life… • If you can invest minutes a day for one week… • If you are open to trying an online retreat… Then this invitation is for you — an opportunity to retreat with Joan Chittister — so that as the days grow colder, you find new warmth for your soul. One-week eRetreat: Monday, Nov. 17 to Sunday, Nov. 23 Cost: $10 Listen to a sample psalm verse and register for the eRetreat. You must have an account at Monasteries of the Heart to register for this eRetreat. More information available here.

I am so sorry for your loss. Losing our spouses is a life changing loss and frankly, it changes us at deep levels. Losing your husband so suddenly is shocking and adds to the pain. But I do not have to tell you that. I am glad you found this wonderful place where you are welcomed by all of us here who are grieving. We will reach out to you and listen as you share. Sometimes you will post just to vent; sometimes to get information. At this early time of three weeks since your painful loss, you are most likely still in a fog. We tend to move out of this shock and fog slowly perhaps over 4-9 months depending on each person's journey. During this time, these early days, it is essential that you take care of yourself, get enough sleep if you can, exercise a bit outside daily, and try to eat nutritious foods even if y ou just graze your way through the days. Do feel free to share photos and your story if and when you ever wish to do so. And continue reading posts, especially those on spousal loss and the tools forum. If you wish to tell us more about your husband and family please feel free to do so. Others will come on with comforting and caring words so do check in off and on. You feel gut wrenching pain because the pain is just that...gut wrenching. You are broken and you will heal but there will always be grief that with time and work will sit more quietly in your heart. Educating yourself by reading posts and articles on grief will help you. A great starting place is www.griefheallingblog.com That is Marty's blog site and it is filled with good and solid information along with search engines. You WILL get through this but I won't lie...it is a tough tough journey. Losing my husband 55 months ago yesterday was the worst day of my life. I think of my life before Bill and after Bill's death. But it does not always hurt as it does today. There are days when the pain returns in full force but we learn how to handle it and we know it will pass. Right now, my guess is that your pain is there 24/7. That changes but takes patience. One day at a time. My toughest lesson and tough for many. Welcome to a place you never wanted to come. We are glad you found us.

Taking Warm Baths As we grieve our stress hormones, exhaustion, sadness and more lead to a depletion of energy and increase in tension. Warm baths can provide a relaxing way to rejuvenate and relax. http://beyondmeds.com/2014/10/28/healing-bath/ Drinking Water When we do not drink enough water, we become dehydrated. Symptoms of dehydration include feeling tired, headaches, dizziness and more. As we walk through loss and grief, we must take care of ourselves...by drinking water, eating nutritious foods, exercise, stress management tools. http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/nutrition-and-healthy-eating/in-depth/water/art-20044256

Audra, I completely agree with Marty....no way around it, under it....the only way is through it and keep in mind the rawness begins to dissipate down the path somewhere. As Marty said, it is different for everyone, unique to each. We are here to walk with you.

I am so very sorry that you have lost your friend. I know during her illness you got your hopes up and then watched them be dashed as your friend's condition worsened. I also understand too well what it is to lose a friend you were so close to, who was in your life on a daily basis and who loved you as you loved her. I hope you can hug her dog who needs hugging as much as you do and grieve with her, shed your tears with her. I hope you have someone you can cry with and talk to during these early days of loss and grief. You are, of course, very welcome here and you will be surrounded by people who know loss well and who will reach out to you. I have lost very close friends and I do know the void created in life. Do read posts here. They will help you to understand your feelings and learn that with work and time, they become easier to deal with and lose their raw edge. It is not just time that is needed, however, it is about walking into your pain, journaling, sharing and self care..among other things. You are welcome here and I am so sorry for your loss.

Educating ourselves about grief in a society that does this poorly (but which is improving slowly) helps us through these challenging losses. This four day FREE webinar is filled with opportunities to learn. A total of 36 speakers in 6 tracks will speak on a variety of subjects. Check out this link and read about this before deciding to watch it or not. Host Dr. Karen Wyatt is a family practice and hospice physician who has spent her career gathering spiritual wisdom from her own life experience and from the patients she has cared for over the years. She is the author of the book What Really Matters and lectures frequently on her 7-lesson system for living a soul-guided life of meaning and joy. She helps people navigate the difficult times of life and transform their suffering into spiritual growth and awareness. www.karenwyattmd.com http://www.eoluniversity.com/ This is FREE.

This is not about letting go. You never have to let go of Bailey. It is about holding that grief as you also enjoy and get excited about your new puppy. We are amazing human beings and we can do both. I suspect when you hold that puppy and bring your puppy home, it will be easier to smile and yet at moments you will cry. We do both....I can look at a photo of my husband Bill and be smiling and laughing at the same time...smiling at the happy memories depicted in the picture or in his face and sad that he is no longer here physically. See if you can allow yourself to do that. Perhaps a few visits to that breeder would help. When Bill and I were waiting for our Bentley, the breeder allowed us to visit every week....so we got to see him progress during those first few weeks. You might ask if you can come for 20 minutes (don't make it too long as your breeder is busy and may say no if you overstay your welcome). You can be conflicted, happy, sad, and feel guilt all at the same time...our hearts can carry many feelings.

It is common to wonder why others seem to "get off" so easy in life but in the years I have lived I have learned everyone has a story, everyone has pain. We do not know another's pain until we walk in their shoes and that, of course, is impossible. I am so sorry you lost such a good man. Peace, Mary

Perhaps surrendering to the fact that there is very little in life that is black and white...it is ok to be emotional....some excitement co-existing with your grief. Accepting that IS getting your act together. Try to relax into the excitement and enjoy it and simultaneously accept the grief.

Melina, how wonderful first that you got home, saw your family, did not feel like killing your mom, and released a lot of old anger and negativity. That has to be a huge successful visit filled with forgiveness and mending. I celebrate with you. Certainly coming home and seeing the darkness of winter approaching touches those feelings but they are yours forever and I hope you can find a neat way to remind yourself of them....a collage or photos or writings...something on the frig door perhaps. Peace Mary

My dear Mahsa, I am so very sorry for your loss and all the pain surrounding it at the hospital. I am glad you found your way to our circle of caring people. You mentioned that you are having trouble with the memories of your Dad's eyes while in the hospital. I wonder if you have considered seeing a grief counselor at this point. I do not know what kinds of services are available to you there but a grief support group or a grief counselor might be a wise choice at this point. Losing someone we love so dearly does often feel as if we are paralyzed, frozen in time. Reading about grief so that you understand it is another step you could take these days. Journaling helps and sharing your pain here will also help you identify and deal with some of those normal feelings you are having. Marty has a great on line course for the first year of grief. You might consider signing up for it. It is very helpful. http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/course-52.html