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This week's webinar is about rewiring the traumatized brain. This is free if you watch it live. Just sign up. http://www.nicabm.com/nicabmblog/three-ways-trauma-can-change-the-brain/ This series is excellent.

Rumi Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the thorn and seeing the rose, looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full. ~ Shams Tabrizi

This was on Facebook. This is the full episode of Supersoul Sunday today on loss and grief: Madonna Badger http://www.oprah.com/own-super-soul-sunday/Full-Episode-Madonna-Badger-Video

"How profound do our "stories" have to be to make them deemed "share able"? The answer to your question is probably dependent on who is asking it and to whom it is being asked. If someone here is sharing a story, its "share ability" is not based on how profound it is but rather on the person's desire or need to share it. I do know the media likes sensationalism. However, Madonna's story shared as it was on Supersoul Sunday today certainly is not in that category. I agree that many stories do not get attention and that one like Madonna's does because it is unusual and tragic.

Elly, Just to let you know that even after doing therapy and grief counseling for 40 years, when Bill (my husband) died just over 4 years ago, I saw a grief counselor for several months and joined a Hospice spousal loss support group. Both helped me and I urge anyone who is grieving to try counseling if they are so inclined or if they are struggling with grief in any way....

Kay, you said: "I will be with my George again." I believe it is normal and natural to question life after life for those who believe in it. From all we know life after life is so very different. We can't imagine it and that can lead to doubt. This is where faith comes in as you know so well. I, like you, believe you will see George again, just as I will see Bill, my parents, all the friends I have lost and yes, our first dog Buffy. What a reunion it will be.!!!

Yes, Anne, this woman has powerful and sensitive messages for those who grieve. The interview with Oprah today has even more. Oprah has a way of bringing that out of people...perhaps because she is a wounded healer.

Thank you for this link. The show is on commercial break right now and it is so incredibly powerful. She talks about the doctor in AK (yes, QMary) who finally after all people and doctors told her she was crazy....this MD finally said she is sad, very sad. There are dozens of tiny messages in this video. I wish I could keep a copy but Oprah does not You Tube these shows very soon. I will watch the TEDx later.

A must see...Oprah's Super Soul Sunday at 2pm EST TODAY. This woman, Madonna Badger, lost 3 children and her parents in a house fire on Christmas day. It is a powerful interview. I wept through the show. Many good messages on how to handle our grief and loss. Watch on OWN TV on cable or at this link. http://www.oprah.com/app/own-tv.html on line. Here is this woman's TEDx talk: http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/Resilience-Consider-the-Uses--3;search%3Amadonna%20badger Warning: Do not allow her loss to minimize your own. Every loss is different and unique to each person. Just absorb what she learned about grief. I truly relate to the nerve being severed and without skins. It is just how huge losses feel.

Hi Audra, Link to Meditation string: can go backwards or forward on page numbers. Link to neuroscience webinars. http://www.nicabm.com/programs/brain-science/ This series is on Wednesdays and if you watch it live it is free. Experts on neuroscience. Just sign up. http://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/12/meditation-helpful-to-those-who-grieve.html Meditation and Grief -a piece I wrote and Marty posted on her blog and I posted on my website. Amit Sood, MD at Mayo in Rochester is an author you might want to research. He was our physician there.

Dear Audra, here is a link to some basic information about neuroplasticity. http://www.whatisneuroplasticity.com/pathways.php However I want to caution you to avoid getting too involved intellectually as that can be a distraction from the practicals. I suggest you read this and then go to the meditation string under tools and consider getting involved in mindfulness and meditation. I will post some links on that tomorrow but do go to the meditation topic. I applaud you for wanting to learn and do what you can that will help you on this path. It is a matter of balancing pain and calm. Walk into you pain but also work on the meditation. More tomorrow. Peace, mary

When Bill died, his life insurance policy asked me if I wanted to get the money in payments and keep the balance invested at their company. I decided to take the money and be in charge of it because I basically knew not much about this insurance company. Your decision is complicated because what they are suggesting could result in a larger sum of money. I agree...time for professional help from someone you REALLY trust. There are financial advisors and there are financial advisors and believe me I have seen a couple of losers. Be careful. Ask friends who they use, how long they have used them, what their fees are, etc. and get legal advice. NO one can know what they may or may not do down the road and to put this to you at a time like this leads me not to trust them but that is my kneejerk reaction. You need good advice from experts.

I am so sorry for your losses. To lose your husband and your furbaby within days is huge. It is indeed a most difficult journey...to put it mildly. Your guilt may feel worse right now because the fog has lifted and you start to see all that has happened. This is not unusual at all. As for guilt, I am glad you are reading about it. Educating yourself is part of the way out of that guilty place we tend to dig for ourselves after a loss. Like you, I walked through years of caregiving without family (his or mine) who lived nearby and proved helpful. I believe our guilt flows from our deep desire to have been perfect during the trauma preceding your husband's death. We expect a lot of ourselves and during the traumatic times we get caught up in trying to do it all and exhaustion enters the scene and we get impatient and angry sometimes and then when this fog lifts we start to look back and see that we were not perfect and we call it failure and feel guilty without looking hard at ALL the good things we did, our exhaustion, trauma and fear. You might write your husband a letter and tell him all these feelings and then write a second letter, a response from him...what would he say to you about those times. In addition instead of repeating your guilt messages to yourself, when they come up, try to also say good things about all you did. When we keep repeating a thought it becomes stronger and easier to access. The brain builds neuropathways to the messages you repeat. Then if you repeat the positive ones, the other pathways die out...actually the neurons to those guilt message die. Bill and I spent time at Mayo clinic working on this with a phenomenal MD there who helped both of us with this. You are not guilty of anything. You love your husband and did your best at the time. Did you do it perfectly? No, that is impossible. Peace to your heart. I know how difficult this is and dealt with the guilt of not being a perfect caregiver. Now after working hard on that, I see all the pieces of that puzzle far more clearly. This will take some time. BE Patient. This whole journey calls for patience.

I admire your insight and your strength. Just take care of you. Do not be spiteful. Be loving to yourself and even to her...but also be firm and stick to your own needs.

Marcia, this is how you felt at the breeder's home. You said: "It was so good being w/ breeder last Friday because dogs and Border Terriers are her life..they were everywhere in her house!!! She and her hubby love these guys!!! That's what I need more of....to them Border Terriers reign!!!!!!!!" That means you can transfer those feelings to your own home when that puppy comes knowing Bailey is smiling with you. We can carry grief and joy at the same time. One in each hand. Both in our hearts.

Anne, I know the pain of missing someone and am remembering you and Jim today. Missing them never goes away.

Wbentley is far better and calmer at home with things than at the vet. I hope it all works out.

Can you get someone to distract Arlie by being in front of him with chicken or cheese treats while you apply the med?

She seems to be saying to you that she is leaving the 16. And wants to be present when ashes are spread which means she is passively telling you she assumes or hopes they will be spread before then. She did apologize for being pushy. You still do not have to do anything about possessions. When the day comes that you sort...down the road...you could let her know a few things you are willing to ship to her. If you have a date for ashes to be spread, you could let her know when and where. You may not be planning to spread them. You could Just tell her either you do not know yet....what you are doing or when or if you have a date and place you could invite her. Keep the ash issue separate from the possessions. At some point down the road it would be kind to send them an item or two but ONLY when you are ready. She is telling you here that she wanted to go through your house now and you have been clear that will not happen. I would just speak to the ashes issue not the items. My opinion,

I like this....a lot! We are, indeed, light dancing on this planet....sometimes a dance of joy and sometimes not.

Again I am sorry you are missing your retreat and being with your friend. It looks like you have a week of treating Arlie instead. Glad he is on antibiotics and you know the treatment now. Thank you for sharing this with us. I love how you let him pick out a toy to destroy

Anne, well spoken...outstanding...will be helpful to others....I honor your path. Mary

Kay, I am so sorry Arlie is having a problem. Believe me I know the feelings that race through our minds. I am also sorry you will miss your retreat. Please do let us know what happens today re Arlie.