Dwaynecg

Sad I go to church once or twice a week. I have been from after the second week after Pauline passed. I cry every time I go sometimes I do not always get anything positive from the service, but most of the time I do. Please just keep trying because we all know God works in many ways. God Bless Dwayne

Brian Glad to hear you had a possitive responce from the meeting. I go to 3 meetings a month, I really them right now. Yesterday has been 3 months scence Pauline passed away, It was also The first time I cooked a home made meal. It was just as good as Pauline had cooked it. God Bless Dwayne

Sad, I agree we need to give you another name. Because your mother and father gave you a name that ment somethig to them. I was so sorry to read about your mother taking her life and you father being a quad. What happened to your father after your mothers death. Did he just give up or did he go on for you. Please tell me I would like to know. I don't think he would want to see you crawl inside that bottle and throw the rest of your life away. I had to dig deep inside myself after Pauline pasted. It was just last night I was able to make myself a home cooked meal, because everything I cook is what she had taught me. I cried the whole time making and eating my meal, but it was just as tastey as if she had made it for me. I try to go for walks every day when it is not raining in New England. It is these small steps we all take into our new life. None of us wanted to. Do you think Margaret would want you to drink your life away. I don't think so. Please get help any way any were you can. Even going to Church can help. I will say prayers for you, Dwayne

Anne So sorry to hear of your loss. I will say prayers for you and you family. Pauline was my whole life. I lived for her and through her. I still can not beleive she is gone. I didn't want a new life. I was expecting at lest 5 more years with her. It hurts very much, there are no words to discribe my loss. Having the support helps, but healing no. God Bless you and your family Dwayne

Brian I had never been to a group meeting before either. My first meeting I could not go I had some kind of a bug and I was sick for 2 weeks. The hospice councilors told me she has 3 every month. the last one is for the loss of your spouse or significant other. The first one I went to was for any one who had a loss on their family. As it turned out every one had loss their mate. I done a lot of crying and talking about the sercomstance of Pauline's death. If she was home or not, if I got to say goodbye, and how am I doing now. You will feel a lot of raw emotions durning and after for a while. But it really does help to talk to other people in person whom are going through what you are. I have been through 5 meetings now. I still cry and it is still hard to talk about but it does help. Just today I went to the store and seen a volunteer who worked at the hospital where I would take Pauline once a month or every other month and she had not heard of Pauline's passing. She hug me and said she was so sorry to her of her passing. We talked about Pauline and the giving person she was, and after I felt better. She was another person Pauline had given as small cross to and she wears it every day. The meetings are very good for your soul and other people your wife touched in her lifetime whether you know them or not carry a small part of her in their hearts that they will always have of her. I know it brings me comfort when I her people tell things Pauline had done for them. Go to as many meetings as you can God Bless Dwayne

MartyT The wound nurse that came once a week to do the wound care and see who I was doing on supplies told me the very same thing. You are never to old to become a nurse and that I had what it takes to be a good nurse. When I am done with the course I start in July I will be 57. I remember the day Pauline passed away. The hospice nurse that deals with the patient was in the kitchen looking out the window and my sister in-law seen she was crying. She thought it was odd because she deals in taking care of the death part all the time. She asked the nurse why she was crying because she sees this all the time. She told my sister in-law because of that man in there and the care he is giving her after death and all the time before she passed. You never know what you have in you until the time is needed. I can not wait until July to start and the get certified and get a job to help other people in need. God Bless Dwayne

Where She Go, My wife had a very long illness wit MS, In the year 2000 for six months she was on IV medication ever day. I took of work to do the IV treatments. It was very hard because you see your loved one so sick and on top of that the IV medications made her even sicker.At the end of the IV treatments they did little to stop the progression of the MS. After time she came around again in better health. We had a lot of ups and downs through the years I always believed she could pull through anything. The end stage MS is exactly what its says I thought she would pull through. Her last meal she at was the kale soup I made, I always done the cooking for many years, because she just could not do it any more. I did not mind but after She passed away I still can not cook a homemade meal for my self. I can not even think about the close. Last week I got a call from Pauline's father, Pauline's passed away in 1995 from cancer. He asked me if I have someone sitting across the table to drink coffee with yet. I could not believe what he was saying it has not even been 3 months yet. I am making small steps but you just can not replace you best friend, soul mate,and wife in that short of time. I don't know if I will find anyone again. I have faith in God that he will led me down the right path and who knows he might have someone for me some time. It does help to have all these people to talk to and share with. God Bless Dwayne

Dear Kay, Harry is right, there is a lot of help out there for you if you take the time and look. When I quite my job to take care of my wife Pauline I didn't know what I would do for income. A good friend told me as I was saying goodbye to him he said. Dwayne you are a very kind man and always you try to help other employees when you can God will not let you down he will provide and opportunity to you and he did. Pauline contacted the PCA program and I became her PCA. It was the only way I could afford to stay home and take care of her. After she passed I was unemployed again. I didn't know how I would be able to stay in the place were we have lived for 21 years. Unemployment just gives me enough to pay the bills. Like you jobs are far and few between, so I decided to go into nursing where there are jobs. Unemployment will pay for the schooling, I have been approved. I had to take tests and the career center for them to approve me for the funding. I had not taken a test since 1973. I passed and now when the funding comes in so in July I will start my schooling. I can't wait to start. So look around your area and you will find places to help you. Is it scary you bet. But in the end you will come out a lot better than when you went in. God Bless Dwayne

Dear Sad, I lived 33 years with my wife Pauline. I always put he frist before anything or anyone. I even quite my job of 27 years to take care of her for what came to be the last 2 1/2 years of her life. I is something I would not change for anything. We talked about her passing away many times. She told me I would be a wreck when it happened. She always told me to be strong and go on with my life. Which right now is hard to do. But the support of the local hospice group meeting and now I found this fourm it helps. I cry every day for her but slowly I am making a new life. It takes time and many tears to do it but we all have to start a new life post our love one. Talk to any body that will listen. At the hospital we went to all the time, the valet parking attendant sat and talked with me for a long time. After I felt a little better. all those little talks where ever they are help us all heal the best we can. So don't give up or give in, just take the small step one after another and you will make it out of the dispare. I know I have a new life now with out Pauline, I don't know how I get through some days but I look at her picture and know I have to go on for her because that is what I promised her I would do. God is holding your hand through you journey of life, he never gives you more than you can handle and he always place people around you in some way or another. GOD BLESS YOU stay strong Dwayne

Brian, I would have moved anywhere Pauline wanted to go. She was always first in my book everything else didn't matter to me. You get use to the rotaries. Yes it did fell goo to be in the sun, today another cloudy day. It makes it hard to get started on days like this. Dwayne

Brian It is a hard thing to do to say good-bye to your loved one. I do not have a grave to visit, my wife Pauline donated her body to sience. Years ago when she found out she had MS, and she started declining we both decided to give our bodies to sience. I said my good-byes when she was taken out of our house. I will get her ashes back after they are through. As far as sunny days, up her in Massachusetts we have had cloudy rainy spring so we could use those sunny 70's days you are haveing God Bless Dwayne

I am new here on this forum. My name is Dwayne and on February 25 2011 I my wife of 33 years lost her battle with MS, (MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS), She went into end stage MS and it took her really fast. We are both deeply Christian and I know she will be waiting for me in Gods Kingdom for me. When she pasted I not only lost my best friend, my soul mate, my wife, I also lost my job. I had worked one job for 27 years, She had a PCA that worked in the mornings and I took care of her for the rest of the day. Her PCA told Pauline the day before Thanksgiving that it was her last day. After interviewing about 20 people none was a fit for my wife. I came home from work and found Pauline on the floor. The next morning I went to work and told them I had to quite to take care of my wife. God provided for us, I became her PCA. I trust in the Lords guidance. Pauline's best friend and her husband goes to the same church we went to. They came over and prayed with us, for God to give me the strength to go through this, and for Pauline not to suffer. Pauline went on hospice on February the 5 2011. 3 weeks later she pasted away, The last 2 weeks with the help of hospice she was the most pain free she had been for years. I gave her all her med's for years. After she passed I decided I wanted to make a difference in peoples lives. I will be starting nursing school in July. By having to take care of Pauline for so many years I found out I was good at doing that job. I really it is the Lord guiding me on the rest of my journey through life. The loss of Pauline is worse thing in my life. Days I don't even want to get up, but I do because I know she is watching after me. I feel her all around me. There has not been a day goes by that I don't cry for her.Over the last 2 1/2 years when things looked really bad for us The Lord always came through for us with help from places you would never except it to come from. I pray every day for him to give me the strength to get though the day. So keep the chin up and just take one step at a time and God will help you through this very hard time. See I know God has plans for all of us because 33 years ago, me being born and raised in Colorado and Pauline born and raised in Fall River Massachusetts, he brought us together on a rainy day in May in a small town in the middle of Kansas, It was like we had known each other forever. With Pauline I have experienced the best day of my life and the worst day of my life February 25 2011 at 2:30 PM. I told Pauline I would be alright and I know you are tiered and it is alright to go to sleep, and I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY BEING, her mouth moved I LOVE YOU TOO. Then she was taken into the LORD'S KINGDOM. So now my life starts anew prayer works and is real because he gave me the strength to help Pauline to go through the end of her life the way she wanted to be home in bed in her favorite nightgown with me by her side. I hope and pray my story gives other people her to go on with their new life, and feel comfort that God has you in his hand and will never let you down. God Bless Dwayne