KarenK

V, Nine years ago on May 5, my world imploded as I watched my husband take his final breath. It seems like only yesterday. It seems a million years ago. The following year, my destruction was complete as I watched my precious daughter die. And yet, I am still here plodding along, albeit more slowly. There is light at the end of the tunnel, if only a glimmer that you can't quite see just yet. My heart is with you.

Alone, yet not alone. I understand what you mean. Even though Dee will be there, it's not at all the same as having Steve. It's a bit like I am even with the guys here. We don't interact much, but the advantage is that they are my family. My heart goes out to you. I was interested to get my Medicare statement which included my eye surgeries. Both surgeries totaled around $8000. Medical needs like that are the main reason I opted for the more expensive supplemental insurance so I'd have no out of pocket expense. I figured as I got older that things would start falling apart. Wish my dental insurance was this good, but it's kind of lousy. My dentist has raised his prices some. He charged $600 to remove the 2 broken teeth. Of course, he probably charged extra for the jackhammer. My insurance has not adjusted their payment schedule in many years. They're still living in about 2000.

Gwen, I am rooting for you as you make plans to move forward and head home. It will all work out, but take a lot of getting used to, I'm sure. I've been watching a Showtime free weekend. A few good movies. Ran across one from 1983 "Testament" that had Kevin Costner in a bit part. I almost didn't recognize him. Still a hunk, just a much younger one. A very sad movie about nuclear war.

I have to agree with the suggestion that you see the surgeon. He needs to evaluate you in person to weigh in on your progress. I've never had one but to me a telemedicine visit is useless and a "cop out". Of course a lot of things in today's modern world are, in my opinion. Progress has not helped mankind in all ways. Off my soapbox now! Sorry to hear about Robin. I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone. Dee certainly has her plate full. Not too surprising you feel sick after eating. With all the stress you're under, it's no wonder. Maybe once you get settled in at home, your stomach will be better. Hopefully, everything will be better.

Sure wish you had the small oxygen container and could avoid all the tubing. It would make things a little easier. I usually quit watching movies about 10 pm and switch over to old western tv series that I've only seen about 100 times. lol Just started "Little House On The Prairie", my daughter's favorite, so many episodes guaranteed to bring tears. A better era to live in, I think. My daughter was the same age as Melissa Gilbert.

Gwen, maybe you are expecting too much of yourself. We are our own worst enemy. No one returns home from an extensive surgery in tip top shape, especially two of them. It may take a while to find a comfortable and helpful routine to follow. Try to cut yourself some slack. You're doing the best you can. I say this because I care. Good idea not to get in the middle of a cat fight. Hope it all works out.

Me too Marg, few teeth and not too good on stairs. Glad she is up and around. She sounds a lot like me in my younger days. I spent a week in the hospital after c section with Robert and wasn't supposed to lift anything. I remember being bent over with one hand holding my stomach and the other dragging the clothes basket through the house to the washer. Those clothes weren't going to wash themselves. I also rode to the ER with Robert at about 8 days old due to bleeding circumcision, which was a no no. Wasn't going to send my tiny baby there without me. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do. Hope she feels better every day.

I'm afraid my hands are too shaky and my old brain doesn't have the talent to make intricate stuff. Earrings are easy to make using ear wires and silver or gold plated charms. I use a lot of gemstone beads of all kinds to make necklaces. I bought the more expensive bead strands, such as rubies, tourmaline, rodochrosite many years ago when I could afford them. If you can name it, I probably have it. I have a ton of beads. Glad that the social worker is able to help you. Maybe she has some suggestions on who might be able to do your shower rehab? Hope things will work out with Dee.

Oh Marg, I'm so sorry that Kelli is going through so much pain right now. I don't understand what shift change has to do with a patient's welfare. Seems to me she should be hospitalized. Wonder why she wasn't given medicine to dissolve the stones. Maybe that's not done anymore? It's been 60 years since I had them. Even though the surgery was laparoscope, I'd think she needed to have someone there with her.

Nothing much happening here. Spent the last few days doing the annual "Easter Egg Hunt" at the online bead store where I shop.(Am seeing little eggs in my sleep) Collected enough eggs for a decent prize and bought a few things I didn't need. I haven't made any jewelry in a year since my eyes got flaky. Just mundane stuff to do like your jigsaw puzzles, Gwen. Will be in the 90's this week, so the dreaded summer has arrived. At least we don't have to shovel sunshine. lol

Gwen, so sorry about your cousin. I didn't realize that you hadn't been in contact for a while. I haven't talked to my New Mexico cousin in 25-30 years. We had a falling out over her 2 criminal sons. Family is not always what it's cracked up to be. Have you had a chance for Dee to meet with someone about the shower remodel yet? It would be nice if it was done before you get home to avoid the mess. Is there any chance someone from the surgeon's office could come to the rehab to evaluate you? Doubtful, but it wouldn't hurt to ask. Sleep well, my friend.

Gwen, you're right. It's hard to know how to respond. I've never experienced anything remotely close to what you've been through in the last year. Even in my lowest of times after losing Ron and Debbie, I did not want to die. That does not mean that I'm judging you for having these feelings. I know you are at the end of your rope, but please remember that all of us here are holding on to the other end of that rope trying to pull you up. There is a light at the end of this dark tunnel which is invisible to you, but I just know it has to be there. Not sure about who you should talk to if your counselor and shrink are not helpful. Have you thought about calling your cousin. She probably knows you best of all.

Kay, glad you canceled that appt. Wouldn't want to take a chance there. Wonder if you have some crazy virus in your throat that has finally run its course. Hope it continues to get better. Shame on me! I remember you mentioning some eye exercises, but don't know what they are. When you have a spare moment(hah hah), could you post them again? Gwen, I sure don't have all the answers. I just know you can't let fear win. I care about you.

Gwen, I wish I had the magic words to make you feel better. Maybe if you focus on some of the positive things about going home like setting your own schedule, eating what you want, when you want and choosing your own tv programs. Small things I know, opposed to all the challenges you face, but it's some kind of a start. The big thing, of course is getting Mel back home to combat some of the loneliness. I'm sure Dee will be there as often as she can and home health at least for a while. Is there a Meals On Wheels there to help with food? I imagine the social worker can provide helpful suggestions. You have overcome so much already. All you can do is grit your teeth and keep pushing forward. Luv Ya Girlfriend

Thanks Dee. I'm so fortunate that Robert has been doing all the shopping and driving, but sure feeling guilty. At least I can do some of it now. I've never been one to ask for help, but find I must now sometimes. Forging ahead blindly has real meaning now. lol Was talking with my dentist today and asked about his wife, who I know as she used to help out in the office. He said she has macular degeneration in both eyes. She gets the shots as you do. She still drives, but he discourages it, tries to make sure one of his daughters is available. Sure hope yours is not getting any worse.

I saw the optometrist today. Driving is a challenge as my eyes don't want to focus together. Best guess is that my left eye muscles don't work as well as my right, due to getting older. Old age...the gift that keeps on giving. This also contributes to the double vision when looking to the left. Glasses with prisms might help some, but no guarantee. I don't drive much anyway, so unless it becomes a real problem, I'll just get by. It doesn't affect watching tv or reading. Stopped by the dentist so he could snip out the stitches that didn't dissolve. Knock on wood, I have one more tooth to pull. Dermatology checkup was good. Now if I could just conquer the damn dizziness. Somehow we learn to live with all these little inconveniences.

Gwen, it may be a legal issue for them to distribute expired meds(even though they are yours), not so much whether they work or not. Maybe you can try the new walker for short periods. It may be the key to becoming more upright. Good luck with it.

Kay, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending peace for your heart.

Kudos to Will smith for defending his wife! Some so called comedians need to be smacked.

Just watched the Academy Awards. It was a whole lot better than last year which flopped due to the pandemic. I think the fashion theme was "saggy exposed boobs" which wasn't overly attractive. If you've seen one, you've seen em' all. lol All in all, a pretty enjoyable show.

Gwen, I just finished a book by Robin Cook called "Viral". Basically it is an expose of fraudulent practices of hospitals and insurance companies concerning pricing and patient care. Companies and CEO people make insane profits off the little people. Although it's a work of fiction, you can be sure most of it is true. Have you given any more thought to Dee staying with you for a while until you get acclimated at home again? That might speed things up.

Bad tornados in Louisiana, in the south. Hope Marg is okay. I know she's in the north part of state.

Dee, I was thinking your second surgery was soon. So glad it's over now and was successful. The bluriness in my left eye is pretty much cleared up, but I still have double vision looking to the left. Maybe I just have to live with it. Tooth pain a little better today. No pain pills yet as they really mess with your innards. Many, many years ago an oral surgeon took out my bottom wisdom teeth which were impacted. That was definitely not fun. Left me with a permanent brown mark on my right jaw from broken blood vessels. A few years ago, my dentist sent me to an oral surgeon for extractions he wouldn't attempt. I don't think he realized how involved yesterday would be. Heck, I'll survive. Right now, I miss food. Think I'll try some oatmeal.

Not a fun time at the dentist today. Knew it wouldn't be. He had to drill pieces of bone off the broken tooth pieces to get them out. Took a long time and then had to stitch everything back up. Not looking forward to anesthetic wearing off, but I do have some pain meds. Have one broken tooth left to pull, but it should be a lot easier. Have 6 teeth left now. Just call me "Hag". lol

Nash, I've often wondered why our minds gravitate to the bad times and not the good. Over 40 years, there was a lot of nastiness between us, the kind that chips away at the love, but I know there were good things that happened too. I wish there were "do overs" and things could have been different. Neither of us were perfect, but I have to believe we tried.