KarenK

This rings so true, Kieron. Brought tears to my eyes. I can remember many things he said to me, but not the voice, although I have his voice on an old cassette tape and on my landline voice mail. May sound silly, but I sometimes try to remember the happier times when we first married, but it's been 50 years..........

Kay, thinking of you and hoping for the best.

So true about being nice to have a handyman, Gwen. Ron could do most anything. He had grown up helping his dad build their home from the ground up. He also taught Robert a lot of things. Guess I was wrong about him and electricity. He said he would change the light switch. Is it possible to keep the same home health? Does it make a difference whether it's you or insurance paying them. At least they're familiar with your case. Maybe Dee is just not the person you thought she was and comes with too much baggage. I hope you're able to work it out soon.

Well, the light switch in my hallway bathroom finally bit the dust. Gee, it only lasted 70 years. lol. Glad it broke in the "on" position. Would be like a cave without lights. I sure can't afford an electrician and I know my son won't mess with electricity.

Gwen, this is another resource you might check for assistance...Area Agency On Aging. Have you heard anything about your doctors attempt to have Medicare pay something? Please be careful! Living with a mean drunk is frightening and dangerous. They are unpredictable. I hope she can overcome this.

Gwen, I have found that sometimes just googling "reviews for.........is helpful". You never know what you'll find. Also check the Better Business Bureau which is sort of reliable, although I've heard that companies sometimes pay them for good reviews. Plus you might get some info from the state department that licenses them. Might save you some calls if you can narrow things down. We may have the heat, but not your level of humidity. That would kill me.

We're looking at 110 midweek. Our hot weather will run into October. Our "monsoon" season is over. Not much rain in my area, but other areas got slammed several times with much rain, strong winds, and flooding. It will probably just take some time to work out the kinks in your new friendship, Gwen.

Gwen, not sure what you're implying, but just be true to yourself and your values. Don't try to be something you're not. I'm sure Dee is a great friend and one day she'll be an "old" friend with your own history together.

I could write a novel about the wretched care my husband received after his cancer diagnosis that contributed greatly to his death....but I won't. Suffice to say it was a huge comedy of errors, but no one was laughing. He had been in two hospitals for a month fighting sepsis along with everything else when he aspirated and was put on life support. My daughter(who was very ill with cancer) and her husband came from Kentucky to join my son and I. His body continued to lose function and many doctors told me he would be in a nursing home in this state indefinitely. I knew he wouldn't want to live that way, nor did he want to die in a hospital. I made the decision to remove the life support, probably the hardest one of my life. With the help of Hospice, he was put on a portable life support and brought home by ambulance. They did not expect him to survive the trip. Sad Widower, maybe this is more common than we know, but when the portable life support was removed, he sat up and said "I'M ALIVE". He immediately fell back and went into a semi conscious state. We stood by his bed for the next 19 hours and watched him take one less breath every hour until he was gone. I was in shock, completely numb as I stood outside in the driveway and watched the body bag being loaded into the mortuary vehicle. It was surreal. The following year I watched my daughter die from cancer. She died after screaming and convulsing all day. Her death was not peaceful and is forever embedded in my heart and mind. Needless to say, I've seen enough death to last my lifetime.

Gwen, I imagine the PT will feel like "baby steps", but at least you're getting started again. Just do what you can. Have you talked to your doctor about the bloating? Always a good thing to make sure your will is in order. Changing mine is something I sure need to do.

Gwen, mentioning MRI got me thinking........some screws used in surgery(such as stainless steel) are not compatible with an MRI. Do you know what your surgeon used? If you end up in ER with a possible MRI, they should be aware of this.

Gwen, I'm glad the surgeon is FINALLY offering you some kind of help. I still don't understand why he doesn't communicate with you himself, especially given all the problems you've had with this surgery. I feel like he's thrown you to the wolves. Hope Medicare approves the PT so you can get on the road to recovery.

Sorry, Kay. I did type Arlie, but forgot to proofread it. You know how these damn computers change words at random.

It's hard to believe that beautiful Armor has been gone for 3 years, Kay. My heart is with you.

I just finished a mini series called "The 10th Kingdom", sort of a twisted fairy tale thing. It was pretty silly, but sometimes I like a break from all the murder and mayhem I usually watch. I watched a pretty good crime movie called " The Whole Truth" with Keanu Reeves the other day. Unexpected ending. Hope your doctor "visit" goes well. Do you see the surgeon in person this week?

Gwen, hoping Medicare and your secondary insurance have paid the providers in full. Maybe you won't see many bills. I never get a medical bill from a doctor. Would you be able to go for a short drive with Dee just to get away from everything for a while? Maybe see that lake you mentioned.

One of the hardest trips I made after Ron died was to our cabin in the mountains. My son and I went to clean it out in order to sell it. Although I would rather have moved there, it was financially necessary plus I couldn't have taken care of it alone physically. It was so strange being there without him and still breaks my heart that I had to let it go. The other hard trip came a couple of months later when I flew alone to Kentucky to be with my daughter. She died a month after I arrived. I was so lost and had this insane desire to fly to Albuquerque, rent a car and drive to Gallup and the Zuni reservation that we often visited. I just wanted a sense of what life used to be, I guess. A really stupid idea as I'd just spent a week in the hospital in Kentucky with a lung infection and was far from healthy. Logic won and I flew home crying most of the way. The grocery store was hard for the first year. I got take out from our favorite Mexican restaurant sometimes, but couldn't bring myself to eat out alone.

This bench I have is more like a square vanity bench, I guess. It's the same height as the lounge chair's seat which makes it supportive. Maybe you'll find a lot of the mail is junk and you can just pitch it😁

Gwen, glad you made it home safely and are starting to settle in. I'm sure it will take a while to figure out what works for you. I have a small padded bench in front of my lounge chair to prop my legs on. Would that be helpful? Hope you had a comfortable day without too much pain. I've been watching "House", not that I haven't seen it before. It's just kind of a clever series. Hope you are getting some rest.

Boho, I completely agree about the free sites. I think I just did this on a whim and really had no intention of actually meeting someone in person. I also wanted to see what the fascination of online dating was. I have almost no experience at dating having married the first time at 16. When we divorced, I was thrust into an alien single adult world filled with bars and a lot of drunks. Didn't know how to handle it. I met and married Ron. He probably saved my life. I feel for those of you who are younger. The world is filled with scary people. Maybe it always has been. How do you know who to trust? I think I'm safer alone.

Well, I am crushed! Got a card from my dentist saying he retired on July 20 and providing info to another dentist where he has transferred records. After being his patient for at least 40 years, I'm sad to see him go, but he certainly deserves it. I have one last(I hope) broken tooth that needs pulled. Have been trying to pay my existing balance down before adding to it. Not sure what will happen now. Just "play it by ear", I guess.

I think age and one's circumstances factor into this. About 3 years after my husband left, I decided to check out some online dating sites out of sheer loneliness. Definitely out of my comfort zone. I wasn't looking for sex or romance, just looking for companionship, conversation, dinner, a movie, etc. I thought it was ridiculous to pay a fee to find a friend, so I chose a couple of free sites. What a bunch of losers! Those in my age group or even a few years either way were only looking for hot sex with hot babes. It was eye opening, to say the least. I decided what I was really looking for was my husband and he definitely was not there. I just sat and cried. Being a few years older now(and a lot older than some of you), I've learned to live without the companionship. I'm not dead, just not interested. I also have the advantage of my son and grandson living with me to help with those "man" things when I need help. I know many of you don't have that.

Glad you and Kay got your AC's working, Gwen. We must have sent you guys some of our AZ heat. The next 10 days, we're not supposed to be much over 100, kind of unusual. Having some rain and even flooding in parts of the state. At least we're not washing away like those poor folks in eastern Ky. Really sad. Thinking of you as you get ready to go home and sending BIG hugs.

Nothing abnormal at all about feeling that part of you has died, especially if the two of you were very close. After all, your entire existence has changed. My husband and I were together over 40 years and although our marriage was far from perfect, we were more or less "attached at the hip". It takes a long time to adapt to a different lifestyle where there is no "we", only " I". I say "adapt" instead of "accept" as losing half of my family will never be acceptable. Grieve at your own pace and in your own way. Don't listen to those who think you should "get over it". They are not living it or feeling it, YOU are. Time is a great healer.

Here is my opinion and not meant to offend as I know this idea comes from your heart. What you are describing sounds like a party atmosphere or maybe an "open house". I doubt that most who are grieving(especially in the early months) would be receptive to this. During the first couple of years, I was a disaster. Of course, I had lost my daughter a year after my husband so my grief was a bit more complicated. I would not have wanted to open my home to those who really weren't friends, much less provide food and entertainment. Not everyone lives in an environment that would accommodate a lot of people. A lot depends on the dynamics of your Widow/Widowers group. I hope you get many varied responses to this to help you with your decision. Take care