TerriL

Oh geez....can you believe this? Right after I got off here, a friend came by to pick up the junk metal I had in my back yard. It had been raining off and on this morning, due to that tropical system. I was walking out to the trash can when he arrived, my flip flop hit a wet spot on my sidewalk and I fell. I landed right on my left knee cap and even though he immediately came running over, it took me a few minutes before I could get up and sit down on the bumper of my car. He helped me inside and I got some ice for the knee, took a couple of Tylenol (I can't take NSAIDS for inflammation---allergic). I can put my weight on the leg, but if I bend it to step up or try to bend it with weight on it, it hurts like a bugger. I don't think I broke anything, but I'll keep an eye on it. He told me it will hurt even more before it gets ay better. Oh, goodie. I've had to fight those "what if" thoughts though. My anxiety can get the best of me in situations like this. What if he had not been here when I fell---I could have laid there on my sidewalk for God knows how long. These are the things that really scare you when you're all alone with no husband anymore. Paul would have picked me up and he'd be nursing my knee for me right now. At least I was wearing long jeans when it happened. I would have busted my knee open if I'd been wearing shorts. I just shake my head in complete wonder.

I feel like I'm reading things I've written---all of your experiences are what I have gone through, too. I thought for sure, when Paul had the seizure and they rushed him into surgery to open the arteries, that they would come out and tell me the surgery was a success and with rehab, Paul would be okay. When the surgeon told me that they tried, but the artery kept closing down on them and it wasn't as successful as they had hoped and he was not optimistic that Paul would be able to recover, I don't think even then that I believed Paul would die. I thought for sure we would have a miracle. It wasn't until the next day when the nurse had a doctor speak to me on the phone that they told me there was no hope at all that Paul would ever regain consciousness again, that the reality truly began to sink in and I felt my body suddenly become cold all over and I was shaking. I suppose that, too, was shock. I just stumbled back to Paul's room and sat there, tracing his mustache with my finer one last time, kissing his face, holding his hand. I was trying to memorize him and couldn't believe that the plans we had been making just a week before were suddenly just over. No more. Our life together was done. And what Gwen said is so true. I feel like everyone is waiting for the old me to return. They don't understand that she died along with Paul. Or at least a large part of her did. One of those friends who visited yesterday called me just a few minutes ago to let me know that my 82 year old friend with the esophageal cancer passed away this morning. I began crying all over again. For him, for his family's loss, for my own loss, for all of your losses, for all the losses big and small that keep happening all around me. The friend who called mentioned that there would probably be a celebration of life dinner somewhere, but I told her I didn't feel that I could attend. I told her that things like that right now are too painful for me. She seemed shocked and said to me, "But, when we were there yesterday, you seemed to be getting better! Isn't the pain better?" I refrained from voicing was I was thinking: "No, it doesn't GET better!! And by the way, did you notice that I lost weight and have thin legs?" lol I just told her (she still has her spouse, even though hers has not always been a great marriage) that I hated to break there news to her, but the pain doesn't go away and that I feel depressed much of the time, but I don't curl up in a corner if someone comes to my home. I'm able to function as a human being. It doesn't mean though that I am no longer in pain. She did at least have the decency to apologize and I told her that I'd send my respects to the family but wouldn't attend any sort of dinner. If I'm an ogre, so be it. Just call me Shrek. Kay, how are you feeling today? Any better at all?

Gin, I'm so sorry you are going through that situation with your son. I pray that he will start to realize what his lack of communication puts you through and pick up that phone. Marg, you can be zombified along with me whenever you want to. We'll skip the brains part though. Today was kind of rough. Had a couple of friends visit and things seemed to g well and then, shortly before they were leaving, they felt they had to tell me how I've lost weight and my legs look a lot skinnier than they used to. Um.....thank you? The weird part was I was feeling fairly okay before they arrived and when they left, I was off to look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I was not aware of how bad I truly looked. Why do people feel the need to do that? I love all the talk of being from the "same star"! I loved that, Marg!! Did anyone else see Neil Degrasse Tyson on 60 Minutes when he said that science has found the same particles that make up stars inside of US. So, they were right---we are stardust, we are golden. I need to look up one of my all-time favorite essays, The Desiderata. It is so poignant and beautifully written. No matter which decade we're in, it remains relevant to this day.

As usual, when I've dropped off here for a while, it means that I've been in "one of those states of mind" again. Different things coming at me from different places and I become "zombified". Luckily, it appears that the hurricane threat has diminished, although they say we may get lots of heavy rain and wind from what's left of the system. I've been reading everyone's posts and I've been praying for you all. I hope you're feeling better Kay and that the heat has lessened somewhat. Marg, I was having those nights recently, too. Is there something weird in the air or the alignment of the planets? I've had emails regarding the pension stuff and after a summer break, they're back having meetings and contemplating how they are going to place the retirees and widows in financial jeopardy. So, that knot that I used to get in the immediate aftermath of Paul's death----the one that was abject terror, mixed with fear and dread of the unknown----cam back and planted itself in my stomach in the middle of the night for several nights. At the meeting, they decided to hold off moving forward on anything. That buys time, at least. Maybe they've been told how illegal what they are doing really is and so they are stalling to cover themselves before they shelve their plans completely. I'm praying for the latter. I am having the strangest dreams though, when I do sleep. George, I never think about this until after someone has visited me, but I have the ashes of both my parents sitting on my piano, three decorative boxes of my cats' ashes sitting on my entertainment center and now, the large urn with Paul's ashes sitting on the table in my living room, next to his favorite chair. When someone leaves, I'll suddenly wonder if they looked around and realized that I'm essentially surrounded by the ashes of my former family. This actually cracks me up, since it makes me feel a bit "Tim Burton-esque". ("Nightmare Before Christmas", "Edward Scissorhands", "Beetlejuice", etc.---almost everything that has Johnny Depp in it---lol) When I first brought Paul home and people would stop by, I would introduce them to him by pointing to the urn. They'd nervously laugh. Patty, I love that picture of the reef ceremony. What a life-affirming ritual. I would so much prefer something like that. I'm not sure if it makes people uncomfortable or not, but I've told many of my friends and the few family members I still talk to that when my time comes, I also want to be cremated and placed in Paul's urn so that they can take us both and scatter us in the Everglades. If any oil companies attempt to frack where we're scattered, I won't just haunt them, I will go poltergeist on their a$$es! HAHA!

Yeah, Kay, I see where there are holes for screws. My old plate, however, was caulked on, so I just copied what was done before. I don't remember if Paul is the one who put that on or not, but it had to have been him, since he'd owned this house since 1981 (before I moved in). I can't imagine that a plastic plate would have held up from before that. Either way, it seems to still be stuck on! I did a load of the cat's towels this morning---I woke up to the always-inspiring sight of a hair ball---and I am now about to test my new vent plate, as I need to go to place them all in the dryer. Oh geez...wish me luck.

Kay: Wow, 108 degrees and no AC? I thought it was hot and humid HERE! I am so glad to hear that Kitty and Arlie seem to be on the mend. You really don't need any other problems right now, but no one knows that better than you. Marg: I was researching those dental implants, too. I thought it might be a good idea until I remembered that with my Crohn's (or any autoimmune condition, for that matter), I run a risk of having my body try to attack the "invaders" and I am not about to go through the hell of a full-out Crohn's flare again, if I have any say in it. So, when I find a dentist I can trust and who also will arrange a payment plan for me (I refuse to take out one of those dental credit cards, with 28% interest! No thanks!), I will tell them do whatever you can to save my teeth but I can't do dental implants. I won't take that risk, no matter what they might try to talk me into. I'm now a tougher person than I used to be when it comes to doctors and dentists. Especially after the last experience I had with dentists. :::shudder::: I know what's worked in my mouth and what hasn't and there have been times when I was correct and the so-called "experts" were not. Well, today, I decided to take the bull by the horns and I used caulk to stick the dryer vent plate on the outside of the house. It doesn't look very professional---haha!!!---but, so far, it seems to be holding. Fingers crossed. It's been a very hot, sunny day with no black storm clouds to be seen in any direction, so I figured this was it. I won't do any laundry for at least 24 hours or so, to make sure that the caulk dries really well and the plate is adhered. I don't want the hot air coming out to melt the caulk and have my vent plate sliding down the wall of my house. Now THAT would be a trip!

Marg, so true that the simplest things are sometimes hardest to be able to follow through on. Thank you for sharing that. Those things do help. Gin, I'm s sorry you had that experience. That's exactly what I would be afraid of, looking and looking for Paul, like I would in the past and always lighting up when I'd spot him in a crowd or see him walking toward me. Just knowing that will never happen again keeps me from wanting to go to all the places around here. Everything is such a reminder. After my mom had passed away back in 1998, Paul and I were shopping in the grocery store we all used (my mom and dad didn't live far from us, so we went to the same stores, sometimes even running into each other there). There was a couple in the frozen food section----an elderly man pushing an elderly woman in a wheelchair. Her hair was very short, like she may have undergone chemo at one point (that's how my mom's looked when she passed). The woman also looked as if she could have had a stroke---her face was sort of slack on one side and she wasn't speaking, just looking around. Paul saw the look on my face when I went over to the woman, stretched out my hand to grab hers and said hi to her. I rhetorically asked her "how are you today?". And then, Paul and I walked over to the next aisle, where I promptly burst into tears (quietly, so the couple wouldn't hear) and Paul just held me right there in the aisle as I silently sobbed. Fortunately, no one was on that aisle, but I suppose I could have always said, "I just found out they're discontinuing an item I really liked." It's the perfect example though of how grief can strike you anytime, anywhere. You just never know what will trigger it. So, my thinking is, why go to some place you KNOW will trigger it? That song that made me burst into tears the other day? The CD got stuck in the CD player---it won't open at all---and I haven't been able to get it back out. Maybe Paul saw me losing it and said, "Okay, that's enough of that." and deliberately broke my CD tray.

I just wanted to add that I, too, have had lots of dental work done on my teeth throughout the years (my parents allowed me to have bottles of orange juice in my mouth when I'd go to sleep as a toddler and my baby teeth even came in all rotten---I went through hell having to go to dentists as a baby and my dental phobia still exists). Just as all of you are saying, mine is also falling apart and I'm in desperate need of seeing a dentist. Paul would drive me and sit in the waiting rom if I did have to see one, so it's been extremely difficult for me to wrk up the courage to g on my own. If it was my old dentist from the '80s, I'd have no problem. The only dentist I've ever loved and trusted 100%. But, he moved away. (Of course.) Kay, I'm sorry Kitty is starting to have problems, but just wait a few days. I've had older cats who have acted like that and like us, they must have just been having a bad day or two and then, they'd suddenly go back to their old selves. Not every time, but enough to warrant waiting on it. I'm with you, too, about allowing nature to take its course rather than stressing them out so bad. At least her last moments will be in the home she knows and loves surrounded by her favorite things and the person she loves most int he world. That feeling of being tired of death and sadness and sorrow is one I share, too. I seem to lack enthusiasm for things some days. Everything around here where I could go or the things I could do remind me too much of Paul and then I lose the desire to do anything, period. Unfortunately, just up and mov9ing isn't an option for me at the moment, as tempting as it would be to try it. I need to keep the baby-cats in mind with everything I decide. They are my first and most important responsibility. Totally unrelated and random, but the lawn people my BIL hired without my consent two weeks ago came back and did the lawn and hedges today. Yes, they are cheaper in price, but they decimated my two cape honeysuckle shrubs at the end of my driveway. I looked out and saw a bunch of sticks where the lush, full leaves used to be and just sat down and stared into space. I went out there and they also had left a huge chunk of my bougainvillea bush untrimmed. I guess I will have to be out there supervising next time unless i fire them and rehire the more expensive lawn guys. They cost a bit more, but they did know how to trim hedges.

By the way, Kay, I forgot to mention that my friend who is on hospice care right now, seems to have rallied. For how long is anyone's guess. Several days ago, he was not eating or drinking and was, for the most part, unresponsive. In and out of consciousness. Yesterday was his 82nd birthday and I texted his daughter to let her know I hadn't forgotten but thought sending a card under those circumstances might be inappropriate. She said her father was enjoying his birthday with family and when he found out it was me on the phone texting, he told her to have me call him because he wanted to speak to me. So, I did! We had a lovely conversation, a funny conversation, believe it or not. He sounded great, voice strong, like his usual self. He even asked how I was doing---he really liked Paul a lot. I told him I was hanging in there and doing what I needed to do in order to take care of myself. He was happy about that. How long this "aware" phase will last is anyone's guess, but the will and strength of the human mind, body and spirit will forever leave me awestruck and fascinated. We shared a laugh and told each other "I love you". I'm grateful for that.

Kay, I'm so glad your problem was only an electrical surge. We get those, too, all the time and Paul always griped how our power company was going to end up frying all our appliances. It's a good thing you got the vent cleaned though and I'll be more aware of that in the future, too. Speaking of my dryer, I have the vent plate to put on the wall outside my house, but I haven't yet had the chance to get it on there. Since this past weekend, we have had intermittent thunderstorms coming through every day. When the sun is out, everything is still all wet outside, and by then, I've usually gotten busy doing other things. As soon as I have a dry, sunny day, that vent plate will be attached! On the plus side, all this rain is making my grass (or, according to my BIL, "weeds"--Ha!), trees and shrubs green, full and lush. It brings me pleasure and comfort to walk around out there. I am praying for you Kay that the dishwasher situation is also something extremely minor and easily resolved. It does feel like an endless loop of problems sometimes, doesn't it? I know I truly did appreciate Paul and everything he did around here while he was still with me, but with him gone, it just seems as if I'm EXTRA appreciative and grateful. It really hits home---literally!---how much he did to take care of me (of us) and our home. It leaves me flabbergasted to think about it. It's like: It would be quicker to list the things he DIDN'T do. A much shorter list.

I'm not sure we're ever supposed to get used to this. I heard a song on the radio this afternoon, "A Thousand Miles" and I was immediately jolted back in my memory to a vivid picture of Paul and me riding back home from an afternoon drive, the sun shining, the skies blue, eating Doritos. That song was playing in the car. Between the lyrics, which are exactly what I'm feeling, and the memory, it hit me---for the umpteenth time---that I would never again experience that and I burst into tears. I do feel surrounded by peoples' deaths and unhappiness and I'm scared that, at 57, all my best years might be behind me already. It feels like I will never be able to experience that carefree happiness again, the way i did with Paul.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, Kay. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you. That feeling of being surrounded by death is one I've been experiencing ever since Paul passed away. I know people were still passing before that, but I'm so much more aware of it now. The emails I get from the retired firefighters association informing me of yet another friend's death or serious illness and even as I write this, my friend who was recently diagnosed with esophageal cancer is close to passing. I received word last night that he is no longer eating or drinking and hospice is with him now around the clock. So, it's only a matter of time. His birthday is tomorrow, too. It's such a surreal feeling for all these people I've known for most of my life to be leaving, seemingly one after another and at different ages. Some are elderly, but not all are. Maybe you could tell her family about this forum, where they can openly express their grief and not only be heard, but totally understood. <3

I was talking about that with the woman who notarized some papers for me this morning. She lost her father a while ago and I told her about my husband. She's now caring, along with her sister, for her elderly mom who has Parkinsons. We were saying that whether you know the end is coming ro whether it's sudden and unexpected, there's no way that is easy to take. You do have the added shock of a passing that just "happens" out of the blue, but it's never easy. The air isn holding up in the tire, so I worked up my courage to drive to get my papers taken care of so I can send them in to the pension office. Of course, there was roadwork being done on the street I was going to take, so I had to take a detour. No problem. It's good practice for me to handle little disruptions so I can prove to myself I can handle it. I am now doing a load of wash. The dryer seems to be working and I pulled the box away from the wall outside, holding it there with a bucket. I don't think an iguana would try to get in there righty now, but I will go check on it. It could be done going around and I don't want to chance it. But, the clothes do seem dry, so that's a good thing. I also may have found a place, recommended to me by the notary today who uses them, right nearby who can take a look at my tire to make sure it's okay and who also do auto repair work if I need any sort of maintenance on my car. A lot of the businesses where I went this morning are still family owned and operated types of small businesses, many of whom have been there for decades. So, if I can find places like that, I definitely prefer it. They get to know you, like the old days of doing business with people, and I like that atmosphere. It was a relief to at least have some positive experiences today.

My heart also goes out to everyone with everything they've had to deal with. I read all the posts and my heart breaks for all because there never is a "good" way to lose anyone you love. I also agree with Marg that we are more humane to animals than to human beings. That's due to government and religious people fighting against laws that would support assisted suicide (in the veterinary world, "euthanasia"). If your loved one is begging, crying for you to help end their constant pain, you could help them, but then be arrested and possibly jailed for murder. So, not only would you be grieving, you'd be grieving while maybe doing time for the first time ever in your life. That's "humanity" in this society. Paul once said to me that if he ever ended up in a vegetative state in a wheelchair or unable to take care of himself, he wanted me to shoot him. First of all, I could never do anything to harm him, plus, I'm not sure I'm THAT great a shot, so it might end up a total fiasco. Also, there's that little issue with my arrest afterward. At the other end of it, you can euthanize a suffering animal, but animal abuse laws and penalties are far too lax in this society. Sometimes, this whole world just feels as if it's running backwards really fast.

Hi everyone, You know, I'm sure Paul kept th receipt from when he purchased my tires, he always documented and recorded everything so well. It's who I've been able to do at least some of the things around here, especially keeping up with anything financial. I don't now how many times I have looked heavenward and thanked Paul out loud for helping me with his meticulous records. In certain cases, all I've had to do is follow what he had done when he was alive and I'm able to accomplish it. One more way in which Paul was taking care of me and still is. I didn't tell you all the most embracing part of the encounter with the AAA guy. He was rolling up his air hose and I asked, "Um...before you leave, could you tell me exactly where my spare tire is?" lol Before he arrived, I was out there taking things out of my car, trying to see if the floor of the back hatchback area conceals the tire and I couldn't find a place to open it up. He said it was underneath the car, but that doesn't seem right to me. What if I was trying to change my own tire on the side of a road? You mean, I'd have to crawl under the car to get the tire? Seems like something opened inside the back of my car and the tire was stowed in the compartment. I haven't ever had to use a spare tire in the 15 years I've owned it, so I forgot it all. (Besides, Paul would have been the one to change it and then go buy me new tires.) I need to get my owner's manual out of that glove box and go over it again. I am missing Paul so much. I'm still so upset over the pool having to come down and now all this stuff is happening.

Thank you, Joyce. You're right, I do need to keep telling myself to breathe, because I literally find myself holding my breath from time to time. That doesn't help any more than hyperventilating does. I notice I typed "AA man"! I meant the AAA man, although he could be a recovering alcoholic, we just never got into that. I gave the guy a ten dollar tip for his trouble and he was very courteous---he even asked if I wanted a bottled water, because I was sweating. I declined, but it was nice of him to ask. He also kept asking me about the car, like when the tires had been purchased because my flat tire looked brand new. I couldn't answer any of them, I kept telling him that my husband handled all that and he's gone now. I felt like one of those stereotypical "little housewives" that you used to see portrayed on 1950s and 1960s sitcoms. But, yes. Somehow, some way, I will get this all done and this, too, shall pass.

The AA man came out and just put air in the tire. He listened and said he couldn't hear anything coming back out so it could be that the intense heat we've been having, plus the fact that my car sits for long stretches of time, caused the flat. He said I should go as soon as possible to a tire place and let them have a look at it, just to make sure there isn't a hole in it. I called a male friend and he said if I wanted him to come along with me, he would. It won't be until tomorrow though because I got to the point of frustration where I sat myself down and had a good, long cry. I can't do laundry until I get that plate for over my vent, I still need to get some papers for the pension notarized and now my tire. I'm fighting to keep my anxiety from kicking in. I know I have conveniences that balance out the downside of being in a more congested area, It's one reason I chose to come back here from our house with five acres.

Kay, The old plate was not nailed to the wall, it was glued with caulk against the wall. So, I'd have to drill holes into the outside wall and I'm not really handy with power tools. You know, we have a small, family owned and run hardware store that usually has more than the big box stores and far less expensive, too. They have the plates. I finally worked up the courage to get in the car myself and go pick one up. I figured I could caulk it to the wall as well as the other one was. I pulled out and got to the stop sign in front of my house and realized my right front tire on my car is flat. (I wondered why I felt like I was leaning to the right.) :::heavy sigh::: So, I pulled it slowly back into driveway and here I sit, waiting for AAA to come and change tire. It just never ends. Oh sure, my life with Paul ended. But not the stuff breaking down, the money to fix it, that goes on and on. The only positive thing I can say is that at least it happened while I was still home. However, it doesn't make me feel any safer about leaving home in the car. What if I hadn't been home? Like my anxiety needs this? (Beginning to think BIL practices voodoo or something. Whenever he throws one of his tantrums and is no longer helping me, all sorts of things begin falling apart, when I am alone with no one to ask for help.)

Oh, dryer repairman left. He unclogged the vent outside and it works now. However, he does not do the replacing of the plate with the flaps on it that attaches over the hole in my wall. Now, I must find a handyman. :::sigh::: We had to move two frightened iguanas out of the way to get to the vent, too. Welcome to South Florida.

Even though it's tongue in cheek, it still has a ring of truth, Marg. I always called myself an orphan in a joking manner, but when you think of it, the longer we all live, the fewer people are left that remember us as kids. It can give you a feeling of being "lost". Even our husbands "knew us when". I was 23 when Paul and I became a couple and he knew me better than anyone on this planet, even my blood relatives. I'm at least glad that all of you, including your mom, can find some peace now. There is nothing peaceful about watching someone you love struggle.

Repair guy called and on the way. Wish me luck! We were just discussing this topic and this was in today's paper: Dear Miss Manners: When I am with a friend or acquaintance and learn of the passing of a close family member or friend to that person, I am unsure how to respond. I believe that saying “I’m sorry” in any form is wrong. Even “I’m sorry to hear of your loss,” or phrases of that nature seem to strike the wrong chord. Yet I want very much to express my sympathy in a familiar, nonformal, heartfelt way. Am I wrong? Gentle reader: The desire to be familiar, nonformal and heartfelt in expressing condolences is one Miss Manners has heard before. Being “heartfelt” is a matter of tone and bearing more than of words. Why you wish to be informal, Miss Manners cannot fathom. The reason there are a small number of well-worn phrases to express your sympathy in such cases is so that you will avoid the temptation, in an emotional moment, to chose one of the large number of unintentionally hurtful phrases (such as “It was for the best” ) that purport to comfort, but actually belittle the grief.

Kay, I am very lucky that hanging the towels up seems to have done the trick. They dried and I sniffed them---everyone comes to know mildew here in tropical Florida---and so far, no rank smell or physical indications of those creepy little spores. Sometime today, the repair guy will be here and you'd think I was going on a date, I'm anticipating his arrival so excitedly. (The ONLY guy who could get me excited at this point!) lol I'm praying that the dryer can be easily repaired and I can get back to doing my laundry. When you're without your love and lonely, laundry can be a highlight of the day. But, seriously, my laundry is a big thing for me because sitting too long in a laundry basket can also lead to mildew and yucky odors. Who needs that? George, that was excellent information. I may rtes the salt and water for the weeds, since it's a non-toxic alternative. I try to protect wildlife and even myself when it comes to using any substances. I use a lot of vinegar and water to clean/disinfect and 7th Generation products for things like washing dishes and---again---laundry. I can't operate a regular mower---I'd be worried about injuring my joints if I attempted to pull the rope crank to start it and I really don't want o deal with gas or oil and all that stuff. I had wanted to purchase an inexpensive reel mower to do the grass myself, but everyone kept telling me they were so hard to push and I shouldn't try it in this heat and so forth. I have no clue and have no one close by to give me real guidance. I brought up the prospect of the reel mower to my brother in law, but he gave me a resounding NO. The problem is that I could never fully trust him. He was always trying to make me feel helpless or incapable so he could take over. So, whether what he said was truly in my best interest or just him attempting to push his own agenda on me is anyone's guess. I had to go out in the heat yesterday and tim some bushes back on the side of my house so the repairman can get through today. I also scrubbed the sidewalks off with a long-handled scrub brush and soap and water because there was some mold growing from all the rain we've been having. It posed a slip hazard for when i walk down there in my flip flops. Yes, my hands and arms were sore and still are this morning (but I'm also not used to doing that--anyone could be sore under those circumstances) and yes, I was sweating quite a bit out in this heat, but I DID it. It got done and I'm still here to tell about it. lol

Marg, I am deeply sorry---I really am, not just words---for your loss. I was orphaned by 44 years of age, with my parents' deaths coming only four years apart. 13 years after my dad's death, I'm a widow at 57. So, I do understand. There are very few people who are 100% good or 100% horrible. We all have our faults, we all carry and deal with the baggage that life has shoved upon us along the way. Now, it's time for you to turn the focus on yourself and rest as much as you need to. You have endured multiple hits in a short time frame and you need to treat it the same way as if you'd been in an accident. I send love and prayers your way. WW is always on your side.

Kay, Now I'm trying to remember, but yes, I believe it was spinning, too. Getting hot, spinning, and wet towels. I did manage to pull some lint out of the outside vent, but when the slats broke off and I had to cover it with a box and duct tape it to the wall of my house---I'm laughing just typing that! Keepin' it classy! :D---I was afraid to start the dryer up again because I wasn't sure what would happen with the box on the vent. I've been reading stuff online and they mention how it could catch on fire and I'm scared of that! I'm amazed at how long you and Karen have had your dryers! I've been happy with my dryer up to this point, so I am hoping it's easily fixable. Maybe a clogged vent I couldn't reach or a minor part that he has on him. Now, the laundry is once again piling up because I have no way to dry it! I hung the damp towels outside for a while and they're mostly dry now, but we've been getting so much rain, I can't hang everything up. I don't have that much clothes line anyway. As far as our lawns go, maybe we should all just buy ourselves some goats! Let them eat the grass. Problem solved! lol

Karen, where I live, summer is when the grass grows like crazy. It's been raining pretty much every afternoon lately and it needs to be cut every two weeks. Winter is when it all slows down and the rain is only sporadic. Your code enforcement people are strict! Not a lot for them to do in your town? Lol Here, I watch as code enforcement rides by blatant infractions and just keeps on going. You're right, you don't need that hassle. I wish you luck with both the mower and the lawn thing. I'll let you know what happens with my dryer.