Widowedbysuicide

Karen you mentioned Kachinas.  Are these sport dolls?  My much loved mare who is gone now was named Kachina De Chelly.  I was told her name meant spirit of the canyon De Chelly.

She was my support through troubled and painful times.  I'm interested in learning more about Kachinas.  I miss her terribly.  I had to have her euthanized in September '17.

❤️

I am thrilled for you Maryann!  Thank you for sharing your wonderful news with us ❤️

So sorry Gwen.

I understand what you are saying and I know how much it hurts.  I wish it wasn't like this.  🙏

Thank you for this post.  It will help me and my son too. ❤️

I am going to print it out and keep it on my fridge.

I hope you all will be feeling better soon.  I don't remember strep throat but i do remember ear aches.  Sorry for you all.

Each special occasion is difficult after a loss ❤️.  I am thinking you have too many family not at the table with you and my heart  knows your heart  is still really breaking.

I pray for you that you will accept God's love.

Ana I am truly sorry that people said such hurtful and ridiculous things to you, especially in the early days.  Our hearts are so vulnerable and we need support from people.  I think Kayc was right saying a little space or time from those kinds of people is probably a good idea.  Hurtful things are too hard to deal with when our hearts are aching so badly. ❤️

I'm glad that you have your friend and your parents coming to your home.   It must feel good knowing they love you and the boys enough to do Thanksgiving with you.  It won't be the Thanksgiving you had hoped for and I'm sorry about that.

Take care to look after yourself.  I know it's hard to feel good about anything but your health is very important.  Hugs to you ❤️🙏

People, is right !! I can count on one hand the number of people who I can count on, one of them is me. 

@Kieron I so get what you have said. 

Too many people in my old married life only want my attention for what they can gain.  Some crying the blues about ridiculous little spats with their husbands.  Others trying to get money or stuff from me.  I am so desperate for human contact and yet I fear being taken advantage of.

I hear you Gwen.  We have all the hard things in common.

My life really is a drag.  On tv tonight was an episode of Mom.  One of the characters was going to be moving in with a friend.  The friend was recently widowed and is now a cat lady.  The character moving in was truly excited about being able to have a bedroom with a door, do jigsaw puzzles, and have 9 cats.  I am envious as heck.  All I have to look forward to is the same old things day after day.  I sure miss having my husband tell me everything is going to be ok.

I absolutely get that.  Life sure is a void.

Wow.  Interesting read.  Thanks for sharing it.

Katie I hope you will be able to start feeling better soon.  You definitely need your strength and good health.  You must be exhausted from the pain and worry.  Maybe now that you know what it is you can get the appropriate treatment.

You are so incredibly strong.  I wish you didn't have to go through everything to find that out.

Hugs and prayers to you and the boys.

Sending you prayers and love. 🙏❤️

I love the picture of your fisher man.  His picture reminds me of my husband fishing for steelhead.  ❤️ To you

@krissyaldridge I certainly feel for you.  Imagining losing my son along with my husband is more than I can bare. 🙏

🙏❤️. Prayers for some kind of comfort in our lives.  Hugs too all as well.

Heartfelt thanks to everyone

A friend of mine on Facebook posted a reminder about the time change on Sunday.  She inadvertently posted about setting the clocks an hour ahead.  It made me smile when I posted that she would be really early for her appointments on Monday.  It made me stop and think about the passage of time.

Tomorrow, November 5th will be 34 months that my husband has been gone.  That time is much like an accordion as it expands and contracts.  Time can seem long one moment and in the next moment it feels so short.  I don't like the feeling of either.  The shock of the first night and the following day....  I didn't think grief was going to be so hard.  When the calendar says how long he's been gone I realize it was a lifetime ago.

If I could turn back the calendar to November 2015 maybe I could change the future.  When I realized my husband wasn't in the house or the barn it was already dark.  I had no idea how he was thinking of feeling.  When the police asked if he could have done something to harm himself I said no way.  As did my Facebook friend.  She and her husband helped search for my Gord.  It was shortly before midnight when the police officer told my son and I that they found him but it wasn't the outcome we had hoped for.  

I'm doing as well as I can.  Most of the time I manage ok.  I'm looking forward to a time that I can look forward to.  My horses are all gone now, the dogs and cats are getting older.  I'm fortunate to have my son still with me.  Even with his autism spectrum disorder, which is challenging as he is 31 now and he isn't working, I need to count my blessings.

my brain couldn't count last night lol 🤔 I was trying to calculate two months short of 3 years 

I am very sorry for your huge loss.  I know how hard it was to lose my husband but to lose a child as well is beyond my worst days.

Please give yourself the time and care you need.  Our journey is not a simple one and good health is necessary to help you during this time.

It is good you feel the love.  It's something that you can count on here. ❤️

I am sorry Katie.  I know that one loss is a struggle but multiple losses must be so much harder.

You are smart and strong enough to recognize how you are doing and seek help when needed.  That is so great you can do this.  Praying for you for some peace.  Hugs too you 3 ❤️❤️❤️

So good to know you are doing better.  Big hugs to you and the boys. ❤️

This is well said Kay.  

I haven't heard from her since she started her care.

Love to you Katie.  It's ok to read and not respond.  Just know we are all here praying for you. 🙏❤️

Perfect description Kay. ❤️

So sorry it isn't the anniversary we all long for.