Widowedbysuicide

Thanks @MartyT.  Very interesting reading.  Again, thank you for all you do for us.

I'm glad you found us too.  It is so much better knowing that our behaviours are normal considering our circumstances.

Katie I am glad you are getting looked after.  It's hard to put ourselves first sometimes but it is the best choice you could have made for you and your family.

I have misplaced my glasses so will cut this short.  Just know I am always ready to listen. 

I don't know where this topic belongs so if it needs to move or be edited that's great by me.

My thought with this thread was to welcome members to the forum.  We have members returning after time away and new members starting all the time and I thought that it would be good to let everyone know that they are welcome.  Perhaps folks might want to come here to say, "hey, I am back", or "hi, I am new here, my name is Marita but I'm listed as Widowedbysuicide."...  This could be where people could post a short introduction if they wish.

I know what a great place this has been for me and I just feel compelled to let people know that you are amongst friends here.  We understand what only others who have suffered loss can truly understand.  No judgements, lots of encouragement, sometimes a little smile, and always with heart ❤️.

Like Kay and everyone else said.  ❤️

Hi Dennis

I'm sure someone like @kayc will pop on here to give you info.  This part of the forum is not very active, sadly.

Welcome.  Sorry you have suffered such a huge loss.

Marita

Welcome to the club.  Sorry you qualify as a member.

It has been a life saver for me for sure.  I've been here since early 2016.  I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing.  I like how you put words and feelings together.  Hugs to you.

Marita

I know what you mean Kay.  You should see the mess my place is with the bathroom reno.  Still using garden hose for showering lol.

I'm UP but not peaking.  It's crazy busy here right now and all is relatively good.  I'm learning to take on and learn about more of the things that Gord took care of.  The down will return but hopefully it's a while away and won't last long.

Take care everyone.

Great advice Katie.  

Everyone here knows the pain of loss.  We are all here to help each other ❤️

Hello Katie,

I know you are hurting and I wish I could help you with it.  As far as I can tell the only way this life with the pain can get easier is when we begin to accept it.  Somehow we have to allow ourselves feel the pain, the grief, and work through the moments or hours or days.  Just try it a moment at a time.  Remember to breathe deeply and slowly.  Your brain needs the oxygen to function properly.  It is a harsh reality I know, and I am truly sorry Katie. ❤️

The pain is the love you wish to share with all your lost angels.  While you are not able to hug them and see them smile or hear their voices I believe they are wanting you to keep going.  In doing that you are honouring them and showing them that your love for them has never stopped.  

You are very much needed and wanted by your earthly family.  Your heavenly family is safe in each other's arms but they need you to stay here with your children.  ❤️

I'm so sorry Katie.  It's hard but I believe in you.

The following was posted on a medium's page.  A penpal read it and her comment was, "I am ready to die now."  The comments have been removed but my penpal isn't responding to any messages sent to her.  I'm not sure what she read that made her feel ready to end her life, can anyone else see it?  I'm worried about her but she is in Australia.  She has lost 2 adult children to suicide.

There are no shadows up in Heaven
As we all live in God’s pure light
There is no sadness, pain, or Anger
There are no tears within our sight
Here life is filled with love and laughter
Our souls are free to run and fly
So as you think of me please smile
And Please don’t keep asking God why
Life there on Earth is just a chapter
Of this eternal live we live
Heaven is not the end of our life
As we have so much more to give
You look at me as if I’m gone
As if I am not there with you
But you see, I am still right here
And I was only passing through
Part of my path in life with you
Was to bless you with strength and love
You see it was my time to go
and I now watch you from above
I watch you as you spread your wings
Sometimes you stumble and you fall
But know I’m standing next to you
I’ll be here with you through it all
Days may seem harder since I passed
And your nights may feel lonely too
Know as you say your prayers to me
In Heaven I always hear you
May you see signs I send from Heaven
Letting you know I’m at your side
And please know this within your heart
Your life you live fills me with pride
Someday this all will just make sense
When you join me with God above
For now just live life to it’s fullest
As I surround you with my love

      Written with love, 
   Fara Gibson Psychic Medium

I hear 77 is the new 65.

You are like me about having to make an effort.... A why bother kind of thing.

Hugs to you

Just wanted to say hello to you 

Sorry it's so hard @Rahn.  I understand much of what you have said.  I don't have any answers for you, wish I did.

From my experience the lack of interest in much of life including eating was hard but it didn't last forever.  Longer than I expected for sure but I tend to be impatient and hard on myself.  I don't usually admit that.

I feel like if you just manage life in the moment and let tomorrow worry about itself, easily said, it gets easier to deal with.

I hope you are taking it easy on yourself.  Hang in there friend.

I can empathize with you Cookie.  I was 61 last month and sometimes the future seems so bleak and too long to be without my husband.  But I have hopes that eventually there will be more good days than just ok or getting by ones.

Take care of you for him and for yourself.

I'm glad it was ok for you and that you want to continue.  I bet you are exhausted today.  I remember that group stuff used to zap my energy.

Proud of you Katie ❤️

A fresh day Katie.  It is full of possibilities.  Just take it slow.

Katie,

Right now I'm here to help hold you up and offer my support.  Don't worry about sending me an email.  As long as you post somewhere that you are ok or ok but need help I will be happy.

Let your friend help you and take the time you need.  Ask her to give you a hug from me. ❤️

I know I started this thread about me but if those of you who have journeyed here with me could offer Katie some similar support it would mean alot to me and I think it would help her.

I know how difficult these moments are.  If you can try to refocus on just now.  Just breathe and let the tears flow.  Is someone there with you?  I hope so.  This is too hard of a time to be alone.

Life will go on one moment at a time.  It won't be the life you and Allen planned.  You are a great mom and a wonderful person and the life you will give your children is the best life they could have.  As they are older you will be able to tell them the love story of you and Allen.  You can share with them what a great dad he was and wanted to be.  No one else can do that for them with the love and honesty you can.

If you need help to go to the group therapy ask someone to drive you.  If you aren't sure you are strong enough that is normal and it's ok.  Ask if someone might be able to go with you if you think that would help.  Right now you have to focus on looking after yourself so that you are well enough to look after the boys and to carry your darling daughter.  You are important to many people in this world.  Each one who cares for you wants to fix what can't be fixed.  But if you can teach them to hold your hand and listen to you I think you will feel better.  We all need people to care about and to have care about us.  Don't be like me and lock yourself in a box where no one can see your pain.  Reach out ❤️ 

Katie you are strong and brave.  I don't think there is anyone that I have heard of that has gone through all of what you have.  You are still here with the boys for a reason.  They need you and you need them.  Take care my 'chosen little sister'.  You mean so much to do many.

Don't give up Katie. 

All you need to worry about is the moment you are in.  Let the rest of 'time' be a blur.

Breathing is a big coping skill for me.  Our brains and body need oxygen to work well so the shallow breathing or holding your breath deprives us of what we need. I need to have visual reminders to breathe deeply, stickers or special items in places around my home or the car help.

Music can help some people cope.  Meditation cd's or tapes help me. 

You are kind Gwen.

I certainly hope your life will be improving soon.

Today I am revisiting this thread because I do still miss Butch.  I am praying that he and his heavenly family are watching over Katie, the darling to come and the boys.  None of us will ever really know what caused Butch and Allen to leave the earth in the way they did but I know they loved their family here on earth.

I hope they know they are not judged; that we here in this family are doing what we can to encourage, guide, and provide our loving support to Katie.  And, I hope that they are able to help Katie during this very difficult time of grief.  

Mitch I am sorry for your recent agony.  Your love for Tammy is wonderful.  I know you wish she could be here to share your love and to return it.  I believe she knows you still love her.  You write so clearly from your heart and it is truly awesome to read your love story.  I don't believe the story is over.  There has to be more to come.

Selfishly I wish I could read or hear my husband tell me that he loves me.  I will never stop loving him and remembering all of the great things we did together.