Widowedbysuicide

I'm loving the musical memories.  Please keep sharing them.

One is the Loneliest Number, I used to think that was about being an 'only' child.  It sure has a different meaning now.

I've been listening to all the 50's, 60's and 70's heartbreaker - tear-jerkers.  If they don't kill me they will make me stronger.  

Sorry I cut it short there but my horse was calling me.

In my quest to find answers I just kept having more questions.  One thing that has been of great help is this forum, followed closely by talking with a grief councellor.  My grief councellor is not shocked, frightened or embarrassed by the things I am telling her.  She has heard it all before, she is there for that appointment time for me, she does not share information, and she understands.  I never worry about what she will think because she is trained and experienced in her job.

I learned that

No one is responsible for the actions or intensions of another person.

It is okay to feel the way you do, unless you are contemplating harming yourself or someone else.

If I feel like screaming then I should scream.  

Holding your feelings back can cause you a longer duration of stress.

It is good to talk about  ALL of your experience as a survivor.

Grief is both mentally and physically painful.

I could go on here but I think you probably see that I'm trying to encourage you to look after yourselves.

Marty can provide you with links to more information as can others on here.  This journey is still early for me and I am not as familiar with the forum as other members are.

please take care,

Marita 

if you wish to talk more openly, I believe there is a personal message option.  

Hello,

Firstly, I want to tell you both that you have my deep and sincere condolences.  Nothing I can say or do anything is going to make you stop feeling what you feel but please know that as a survivor of suicide I can empathize with most of what you may be thinking or feeling.

My husband died of suicide in January this year.  I did not see any evidence of there being a problem that would cause him so much pain that he would do what he did.  He was my whole support system and over the many years of friendship before marriage and our 35 1/2 years as husband and wife I was absolutely asking all the same questions.  We need to make sense of the act and since we will never know all of what was happening in the person's mind and life we will not find any definitive answers.

I'm so glad you found your way here but I am truly sorry for why you did.  

Marita

On July 6, 2016 at 0:56 PM, MartyT said:

My heart just hurts for you, my friend. I hope that sharing your story here with us, as it continues to unfold, offers you some small measure of relief and comfort. 

You are in my thoughts.

The replies here have been the best advice, from those who know, they are giving it from their knowledge and from their hearts. 

Thanks for that Kay.

Butch, my heart and prayers are with you.  I agree with what has already been said.  Right now you need to do what is right for you, just you.

Sending you a big super-sized hug from the Pacific Northwest Coast of Canada.

Big girl panties here too! lol

I did quite a lot of t of sorting in the first couple of months.  My house is tiny but there is tons of stuff in our cabin, tool shed, barn and an 800+ sq. ft. Portable.  Most of Gord's clothes were donated with a few shirts saved for a memory quilt.  His personal, personal effects are in a drawer in my bedroom.   I continue to sort things almost daily.  Things for recycle, trash, donate sell or gift.   I have given several of our newest friends many of the tool type things that I hope never to need - I don't want to be doing firewood and such.  Some of the 'trade specific' tools and things have been sold and there are still the tools that had been his father's and my father's.  Heck, I have 3 wheel barrows!  

My son is not happy with all the changes.  He is still not getting counselling and that isn't helpful for me.  I have told him that in order to move some day I must downsize.  I want to do it while I am fit enough to do it and while I am able to decide for myself what I want done with things.  

I need less stuff to care for to live more simply so I can enjoy what I have.  Right now I am in a good place in my journey.  I am not questioning it I am going with the flow.  If the flow stops tomorrow then I will just have to deal with it; I don't have to like it or be happy about it, I just need live through whatever.

I wish I could send you some energy and ambition to help you Marg.  You go girl!

Hey Finch!

I'm glad to hear that you are having an acceptable experience.  You have every right to be very proud of yourself!  

Stay strong.  Looking forward to hearing from you on here again.

I've been afraid to look in the photo albums.  The pictures that I see daily do not crush me, they bring back a tiny piece of the joy of that moment in time.  I'm working hard at living in the moment and I feel like it is good for me.

There are some mighty brave and strong folks on here.

My way of coping is to change channels.  If there is any way of avoiding the depressing bombardment of horror I do it.  I don't read the papers or follow any 'news' feeds.  Ignoring it might not be socially responsible but a healthier mind is being socially responsible, I think.

I will continue hoping that society takes a step back and sees the destruction.  It couldn't hurt.

It is good to be able to come here and find my questions asked and answered.  It feels bad knowing that you all have suffered enormously to have the answers to the questions.  Thanks for having the courage and compassion to share your journey.

Just wanted to let you know that you matter to us.  It is ok not to post if you feel you can not.   I'm hoping you are managing your situation.

Marita

Thank you Maryann!

I wanted to add some of the posts to my journal.  My thoughts are that I want to use the good here and not waste the goodness.  Hello from Charlie one of my fur boys!

Following this post.

Great topic.

I wish I knew how to save some of the posts here so that I can go back an reread them.  I always seem to lose which thread they were in

Many thanks to all for such great thoughts and information.

Sorry I missed the take off Finch.

I am hoping you had a smooth flight and a light landing.  I will check back in for any update.

Sending you healing thoughts and prayers Butch.  

You don't always have to be seen as strong, we all know (and so does your family) you have incredible strength.  Take care friend.

I don't have anything specific to say.  I just wanted to let you all know that I'm reading here and I'm learning what great people you all are.

This was on my Facebook feed.  I think it is awesome.

I can understand your pain Polly.  My heart goes out to you.  So much of your post describes my feelings and thoughts perfectly.

I vote yes on the group hug!

Yesterday was a dreaded 'Tuesday' AND the 5th - 28 long weeks since my Gord left this earth.  The strange thing is that it was the best day my son and I have had in the whole time Gord has been gone.  I am grateful to have been able to not feel like giving up, not wanting to cry all day, not wonder why, and to speak about our good times and not feel bad for feeling good.

I would like to pass my good feeling on to each of us on here by way of my cyber hug.

I love knowing I can come here at any time, and in any frame of mind and just type my heart out.  Thanks everyone.

Big   group   hug!

I've been thinking of you all day today.

Your little Gracie is such a doll.  

As the day progressed I hope you found some moments of peace.  You must be exhausted.  I wish I could take some of your pain, you have too much for one person.  Be well.

I just wanted to tell you that I think you are an amazing man.  You do the best you can for everyone around you.  I'm so sorry for your broken heart and all the grief you suffer.

Marita

You can send us a message on here...  We want to know you arrived safely. 

Hello Finch,

Your love story is both beautiful and sorrowful.  From your posts here I believe the connection you share with Crystal continues.  In my heart I want to believe in hope and joy.  I think this is what propels me to keep going each day.  I'm hoping that when we meet our loved ones the joy will be as deep as the grief we now suffer.  I want to share my hopes for the future I want for myself and my husband.  -   She knows what you want her to know, she feels what you want her to feel, and when the time comes to reunite she will have no trouble finding you.  Your hearts will be calling to each other.

I hope your flight was safe and that you are ok.  Crystal is cheering you on.

Marita - today was 28 weeks since my physical husband died.