Widowedbysuicide

I love your sense of humour George!!

Chickens wear aprons for a few different reasons, sadly, dishes and housework are not included.  The girls in this photo are wearing them for the most common reason.  Since they tend to be canabals they wear the aprons to cover damaged areas on their backs or wings (I make optional wing covers too).  When chickens see red they are very attracted to it and this makes it difficult to treat wounds.  The aprons protect the chicken from the sun and from being pecked to death as well as allowing the injury to be treated and to heal.

The other reason for the aprons is actually more of a saddle.  Sometimes roosters have favourite hens and all the attention they give the hen can damage the feathers and skin on the hen's back.  This way the rooster is not actually latching on to the girls but rather they grip onto the saddle.  In some cases the rooster may have long spurs that can actually pierce through the feathers and skin into the hen's internal organs and kill them.

Turkeys have been bred to have the huge breast and because of this the toms are unable to fertilize the eggs without some assistance.  Most high yield turkey production is through artificial inseminaton.  Back yard producers use a saddle to give the toms the ability to get a grip with their feet, wings and beak.  I've probably given you too much information and you will never see turkey's in the same way again, sorry.

I repainr tents, tarps, horse blankets and all kinds of sports or industrial items.  I really enjoy learning about animals and their peculiarities.  My business is small but growing and I hope to be making my first million dollars soon, lol.

So, if anyone out there has some special needs items repaired or constructed.....

Marita

Hello Poncho,

When I was newly widowed in January, I was feeling some of what you have written here.  I know the devastation of losing your 'everything' person and how difficult it is just to get up in the morning.  

Your needs must come first now, you don't want to become ill or too run down, please take care of yourself.  I am glad you found this safe place to come and read and share as you wish.

Marita

Home repair kits are very important.  I agree with the duct tape and WD 40 but I must add baleing twine and Gorilla Glue.  

Critters are a great inspiration for lots and lots of things.

I am a country girl who sews and sells unique items.  These hens are wearing my chicken aprons that have recycled bra parts on them.  I also make them for turkeys  

I loved reading about your love story.  Your life and love are the perfect love story that I admire.  If you were to write more of your life and love with Charlie I would love to read it.

I wish that the story didn't have an end.  I'm so sorry for your loss.  

Marita

Yes, congratulations Maryann!

Sharing your experiences and giving others hope are things you can be proud of.

Marita

Kay, I'm inspired by all of what you are doing.  I hope I can get it together to be as independent as you are.  You are a great role model!

George, in these times where I don't always know which end is up this is good advice, thank you.

Thank you for sharing the messages and the beautiful imagery.

It is kind of funny Laura, it was my son who at the age of 10 had researched my mother's behaviours and told me that she was a narcissist.  Smart kid!  Poor kid, he had to deal with too much bs from her too.

I also assisted my father in his latter years and the resentment my mother dished out over that was ridiculous.  My father and son were 75 years apart.  Until the started tattling on each other they shared the big bedroom in our house.  New Year's Day 1998 we gave them separate bedrooms, which meant shifting stuff in 3 bedrooms and the family room.  We were home schooling our son at the time so the family room became the classroom.  I would do it again if I had the chance of a do-over.  One change would have been to get an unlisted phone number so that my mother couldn't call and cause problems.  

I miss my Dad like crazy.  He was the one that encouraged me, my mother insidiously broke down my joy for life.  Considering he was 45 when they had me I'm lucky to have had 46 1/4 years with him.  Thanks for letting me rant and get some of the 'brown smelly stuff' off my mind.

I hope we can dream of our Dads tonight.  

I feel as Kay does.  So sorry you are here.

Marita

Thank you Laura.

I only hope that my son never likens me to my maternal unit when it comes to my behaviour.  Too bad for me that I see her in the mirror each time I look there.  Lol, is it any wonder that my hair is a mess and I don't wear makeup?!

In the recent dictionaries, my mother's picture is included in the definition of narcissist. 

Marita

You have my most sincere condolences.  I'm sending cyber hugs too.

Marita

Please don't be so hard on yourself Marg.

If it is true that there are no judgements here then you need to be nonjudgmental of yourself too.

What was written in minutes past is history now.  It was what was true then and since everything is constantly moving and changing you wouldn't expect it to be the same now.

I've learned so much from you, please don't stop being yourself.

Marita

42 minutes ago, Mylovehasleft said:

I am so sorry for your loss I recently in June of this year 2016 lost my love And Almost everything you wrote feels like you pulled the words from my mouth 

I lost my husband in January and I can read my thoughts and feelings in your words also.

Although I wish we weren't all here I'm glad we have found this safe haven.

Marita

I just wanted to say that I loved reading your blog Amy.  

Dew's Girl your story is sad and beautiful.  

I haven't visited my MIL or spoken to her on the phone since the dinner after Gord passed.  Her way of coping is by pretending he isn't gone, just away at work.  I don't know how to deal with that.  He is gone, he is not coming back, and I'm grieving his death.  All our conversations over the last 37 years have had some aspect of Gord's life in it.  If I can't talk about him to her I don't really have anything to say.

Is this horrible of me?  She lives in a beautiful assisted living facility were she has easy access to 100 or more people just outside her door.  She is 80 and very physically fragile and has some mental deficits but does not have dementia.  She has one son and his wife and 4 grandchildren and a daughter with two adult children and 5 grandchildren.  

I'm lonely.  Yes, my adult son lives with me.  I live out of town on 5 acres in a house that needs work.  My phone rarely rings as I am 'contagious' or something.  I've tried to reconnect with family on my side and old friends but it isn't happening.  Too many people don't want to talk about Gord.  My heart is breaking and some days I feel like I'm drowning.  My birthday is next week and I will be surprised if anyone besides my son remembers.  Boo - hoo for me.  Silly really, no, it's petty of me.  

Loneliness, emptiness, meaninglessness.  I should get the t-shirt.

Marita

I'm glad you are having 'Butch & Mary' time.  

Be well.

The link worked for me.

Interesting topic.  I am estranged, by choice, from my maternal unit.  She was very jealous of my relationship with my father.  As an only child I was a disappointment to her, in every way and she reminded me about it often.  When she and my Old Dad divorced after 50 yrs. she became more vindictive and tried to turn my son and husband against both my Dad and I.

Dad has been gone 13 years now, he was 91 when he passed.  I miss him dearly.  My maternal unit was 91 last November.  She always criticized my dad and belittled him, telling everyone that would listen that he was faking his health problems.  Lucky her, cause now she gets to feel what he felt with worn out body parts, deafness, and low energy.  I have not seen or spoken to her in 3 years.  I don't wish her any illness or injury but I can't say I'm sorry for her to learn some empathy.

enough of my rant

Each day I try to be a good person, some days I'm more successful than others.

HI Finch,

I'm glad you are well enough to post here.  We can not always be strong so try not to be hard on yourself.

I think I know what you mean.  There are things my hubby And I would do together that now I am left to do alone.  Sometimes it makes me feel bad because of the minute joy I get from remembering us doing it.  Other times it is just like having your heart cut open and left bleeding.  I want to feel better and when I start to the guilt and loss stomp me down.  

I keep getting up though.  I wish I could do something to help you.

Marita

My heart is breaking for those who are hurting so much.  I wish I could do something to help each of you.  Please know that you're in my prayers.

Marita

You are not alone Marg. 

It is very awkward to be living in our current bodies with our used brains trying to grasp today's concepts and accepting the new not-improved versions of ourselves.

Joyce, your poem is beautiful.  I feel your love and heartbreak in your writing.

I'm sending you peaceful thoughts and hope you have many good days soon to come.  Marita 

3 hours ago, TerriL said:

 "Widowed"---I'm so sorry, I don't know your first name---mentioned "One Is The Loneliest Number" and that one takes me right back to middle school, along with songs like "Day By Day" from Godspell, "Joy To The World", another one from Three Dog Night and any song by The Partridge Family, which was my big thing back then. My poor mother didn't know what to do once I entered high school. I went from having a crush on David Cassidy to having a crush on Alice Cooper....

Anyone else remember Chubby Checker and "The Twist", "The Fly" and "The Limbo"? Also, Dee Dee Sharp---I still love that song Gravy, I have it on my iTunes playlist! 

Hi Terri, it's Marita.  Love the older tunes.  I remember once having a 'wardrobe malfunction' whilst wearing a dress with a strapless bra.  We were in a contest to do "The Twist"!  Lol, I hadn't thought about that in many years.  "The Limbo" was great fun too. David Cassidy was a fav of mine at one time too.  Ha, ha, "The Cars".  Thanks for giving me the opportunity to smile and reminisce.

Hey Mitch, love the concert.  My husband was always drumming on things with his fingers when listening to CCR.  I eventually bought him a drum and he looked bed that thing!  Great reading your posts.

I feel bad that so many here are suffering so badly right now.  I hope you all can feel a little comfort, peace and joy soon.  Marita

The links worked for me.

I truly love what I have read here.  

It is now about eight months down the road from the last posts and I'm hoping Fae, that your journey has continued to improve.  

It has only been 7 months since the loss of my husband but many of the thoughts and feelings I'm having sound similar to your experiences.  I am grateful for all my husband gave to me, our years together and our son being the greatest.  I am very grateful for the emotional security and memories, and for the material things I am thankful as they have provided me with a home and the necessary things for me to continue living.

The dark times are further apart, not constant now.  They help me to see all of the things that I can be grateful for.  If this pattern of my journey can continue to evolve as time passes I believe that I can do my husband proud.  I need the strength to advocate for survivors of suicide.  It is time for the world to recognize that suicide is the result of an illness.  It is not illegal, not something that is contagious, selfish, or evil.  It is wickedly cruel to shun the grieving because of the stigma surrounding suicide.  We do not hurt less than the friends and families whose loved ones died from cancer or any number of other diseases.  It would not be humane to shame the child whose father was killed by a drunk driver so why are we, the family and friends of a suicide, shamed?  Ignorance!  

Enough of my rant.

May we all be blessed with good health, peacefulness and joy.  We will never forget our loved ones and there will always be dark days, I hope those days are few.

Marita

Dear Butch I am weeping just thinking about your sorrows.  I hope you have some respite soon.  It won't last long enough but you need to recharge your battery.

Marita