Cheryl J

Adorable!!!

Just try....I know its hard. Trust me I do.

I don't hear him. I wish I did. Sometimes I feel him but not often.

Thanks Laura, actually I got through today pretty okay. A few crying spells but my employees were so supportive today because they knew where I was at with my feelings. I just stayed super busy and when I got home I put my dads hat on that he always wore when he worked in the yard. Needless to say I mowed and other stuff so he was with me.

Oh my gosh, I am so glad you got to the doctor. Very big step!!! And you got into the pool!! What a huge step for you. Hang in there....you got this. Cheryl

I'm so glad you found someone. I understand the being together every day. Dad and I were very close. I was a daddy's girl. For the last 2 1/2 years I have taken care of him. And I actually lived with them for a couple of months before he died. It's tough. Just keep coming here, work with the counselor, try to not to drink or at least limit your drinking. I don't know if I mentioned this or not but I started doing video journals which does help getting it out. Talk to her and don't rush yourself to get rid of her things. Do it when you feel comfortable. We haven't gotten rid of a single thing of Dads because we are not ready. One day at a time. We are here for you. Hugs! Cheryl

Thanks for the kind words!

Thanks! very cool stuff

Thanks so much Marty for sharing. Good reads!

Hugs and prayers coming your way on this tough day. Thanks so much for sharing the pictures!

If I may touch on the topic of drinking.....I can relate. I am a recovering alcoholic. I have been sober for 1 year. When Dad died I was worried that I would want to drink. I didn't and I leaned on others to help me stay sober. As Kayc said, it is a depressant so it just intensifies those feelings. Only you can make those decisions but I'm just sharing from experience. Although I struggle daily with this disease I am so grateful that I have stayed sober. Me being sober is the only reason I am able to function. I hope you can find the resources you need for assistance. As Marty said, Hospice support is great so since your mom was on Hospice I would reach out to them. They have been awesome to me. Praying for you. Cheryl

Tomorrow marks the 3 month anniversary of Dad's passing. My mom called me a little bit ago and told me that she received several checks today from the life insurance for Dad. I was in the car and when I hung up I just lost it. By the time I got in my driveway I was sobbing so hard I could not hardly breath. It is weird what sets it off. Just the sound of it was like a smack in the face. This just really sucks.

First, I am very sorry for your loss. I just lost my dad 3 months ago so I know that alone is hell. You are dealing with a lot. Keep coming here. We may not be able to give you the right answers but you have our support and shoulders to cry on. I'm not sure what type of resources you have near you but maybe a support group or a local resource to help with home placement. Just thinking out loud. My one real recommendation would be to find a counselor. Dealing with the loss of your mom alone is enough but as someone being in an abusive relationship it is so important to work through that. I know because I still have ptsd from an abusive relationship from last year. One day at a time. Hugs and prayers. Cheryl

He has some clothes and tools but not a ton of stuff. I sent him a message this morning asking if he wasn't going to come get it did he want me to just donate it? No response. Just frustrating. No closure.

My prayers to everyone who is going through this "non-family" situation. Death changes families in a bad way....not all of them of course but I see it more than not. Hugs to all. Cheryl

Yesterday I was feeling so good about the situation with my boyfriend "needing time" with no explanation. Over 3 weeks and I still have nothing. This morning I woke up angry about it because he still has stuff at my house and he refuses to respond to me to let me know when he is going to come get it. This may be mean but I refuse to take it to him or ship it to him....it was his choice, not mine. But now I find myself sad. I keep asking "what did I do?". I can't focus. And right now I'm just venting so thanks for listening. Cheryl

My dads stock car when I was little

So glad you are feeling better. One day at a time. Cheryl

Thanks!

Thanks!

I LOVE that song!!! It fits for all of us!! Thanks for sharing!

I finally made it to see my therapist today. I had not seen her since March. When I filled her in on everything that has been going on since then she was amazed that I was still standing. We talked a lot about my dad. She knew how close I was to him and that I had been his caregiver for 2 1/2 years before he died. I found that just talking about it with her, crying and playing in the sand (yes, she has a little sandbox for her patients to mess with) it was like a burden being lifted off my shoulders for a brief moment. I was in a safe place to grieve, say whatever I needed to say - good and bad - curse - cry. I did it all. She gave me some good suggestions but basically told me I have to take care of myself before I explode. Next week is going to be all about a memorial to my dad to celebrate all the happy times. She got to see some pictures today but she wants me to bring a bunch next week so I can share the good stories behind them. After that...we move on to deeper things but first.....celebrate his life and how much he means to me. I feel mentally and physically exhausted after it but it was good.

I understand. Hang in there and always here if you need to chat. We are all in this together.

Thanks Enna, I will try this tonight.

I did the video journal again tonight. Wow...I really love it. I think this is going to be very beneficial for me. Now I just have to figure out how to lock the videos. Lol