Boho-Soul

I’ve heard that saying before too. Some older men either want a woman to care for them as they age or use them to pay their way financially. It’s a hard no to either scenario for me.

I don’t take the typical HRT which is both estrogen and progesterone. I was told it’s just estrogen that can cause breast cancer. I only use progesterone cream which has stabilized my levels and got right of my estrogen dominance symptoms I was experiencing. Glad your doctor was able to proscribe something that helps you with sleep Kayc.

Oops, I shouldn’t have assumed it was pain. It must be so hard, I wish you didn’t have to deal with that. I had fluctuations with my hormones when I was peri-menopausal, my Dr prescribed progesterone cream, calmed me right down and helped me with my sleep. I’m still on it, maybe it’s why I sleep ok now. That’s quite the story about chocolate. Glad you triumphed over the addiction fix. I’m a bit of a chocolate snob, I only like dark chocolate. Milk chocolate is like candy to me and I don’t like candy. And white chocolate isn’t chocolate to me, lol

Ooh, I can see how that would make sleeping harder if pain is keeping you up. Seriously, if I had magic fairy dust for sleep I’d send it to you. By the way, I’ve been meaning to tell you that I like your username 😊

Yup, our choice my friend. I think if any of us meet we'd be friends, the connections of friendship have been made.

Ya, I don't have a problem sleeping, especially in the last 20 some months. Sometimes I sleep too much, I just have an energy crash and have to nap. Think my body still needs extra sleep to heal. I also do guided meditations before bed to help sooth my nervous system. There's so many on YouTube. I also listen to neural retraining visualizations that are great too. They're sensory rich, it's like a 10 minute vacation. Oh, and I sometimes listen to yoga nidra body scan videos, they're really great for drifting off to sleep. I wish I could sprinkle magic fairy dust on all that need a good night sleep ✨

I agree with you, the "I'm so sorry," response is just an appropriate social nicety, and can often feel empty. Too bad empathy can't be taught along with manners when growing up. It would make for a more caring society.

Not sure I'm handling the loneliness well. Last winter I did puzzles, colored adult coloring books and watched way to much Netflix. That got boring and I haven't done that in months though. It didn't fill the loneliness and want of an emotional connection with someone. I can occupy myself with activities, hang out with friends, sleep - none of those things fill the emptiness due to the lack of deep emotional connection. So basically I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

The outcome of our lives after loss does not always follow what the stats say. And if men typically pair up again then there are women out there who are pairing up with them.

I get that the connections we all have here is somewhat impersonal, a virtual hug from a virtual friend just isn't the same as a real one. I feel I've got to know you more as a person nashreed. You've demonstrated kindness and consideration to other members, show great understanding and have provided support to many. If I met you in real life I can't see why I would drop you as a friend. Some of my former friends didn't demonstrate those traits when my life became chaotic. Those characteristics aren't that common, so I can't see myself dropping a friend if they demonstrated the above qualities.

Yes, when nothing is said you feel even more isolated. Even if they said, "I don't even know what to say, but I'm glad you told me," then I'd feel heard. But rarely will a response makes something better. What makes something better is connection. That's the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is acknowledging that someone is going through something hard, empathy is connecting and trying to understand someone's emotions around something hard, and feeling with them.

Interesting topic. Each one of us have experienced a loss, have our own unique situation, and have lived varied lives. I think everyone's response is valid. Nashreed, as you said you are only human, so I wouldn't think of you as a jerk because you would like another relationship. You state 3 things you think a woman your age would want. I'm in that age group and those things aren't on my list if I were looking for a new relationship. People want many different things from a relationship. At some point I would definitely consider a new relationship. It wouldn't be to replaced the one I had, rather it would develop alongside it. My soul has the capacity to love. I love my daughter, my grandson, my friends, my late husband - to me it's part of what makes me 'me'. And I would never ignore or suppress the needs of my soul. If I meet another man and there is a mutual emotional connection I would not deny that. To not allow my soul to love another soul would be like cutting off my oxygen supply. I wouldn't suffocate my soul needs if another love relationship came into my life. My soul needs many things, rest, fun, connection with friends, emotional intimacy in an exclusive relationship. I'm not looking, but when my heart and soul are healed I'm open to the possibilities of another soul connection.

I thank you too. When you go through big life events sometimes all you want is for someone to acknowledge that is some capacity.

Thx so much Chocolate

Yes, I've heard of that term. I wouldn't say Michael was my twin flame, maybe soulmate isn't quite accurate either, it's hard to know due to the way our relationship unfolded. But we did share a deep love for each other before the beast of depression took hold. Maybe my next connection will be a win flame. As I move forward in life I'll wait and see who may cross my path in the future. All I hope for is a deep mutual emotional connection with someone I can share life with.

Yes, you never know how life unfolds. I believe my late husband was my soulmate for the time I had with him (illness aside). I also believe souls can have more than one connection. It will be different because it will be a different soul, but it can still be a beautiful connection if it happens.

Thx Chocolate ☺️ I love that 👍🏼

What an incredible accomplishment! I totally understand the concept of really learning to write, I love the process though. Hope you're able to move forward with your latest book when the time is right.

Wow, and double wow!! That's horrible, shocking, disturbing. Love that you wrote a book about it, must have been cathartic. I'd love to be a writer, I feel I already am. I wrote a book about when I was abducted at 19, it was very healing to write it. I wrote is as fiction because I didn't think anyone would believe the real story. Sadly, I lost half of it when my computer crashed though, but I will finish it someday. I hope to write another 2 novels based on my life stories. Was your book ever published?

Yeesh, you've been through a lot too. Hope you were able to return to school and finish your masters. What program did you take?

Yes, my ex is her father. I left due to marital abuse.

The healing team is just what I call it, I see a few people who use different modalities so help me heal. I see a massage therapist who does myofascial massage, a physio therapist who does visceral massage and has a focus on German New Medicine, and I see someone who does craniosacral therapy which helps release trauma. I also see a therapist for complicate and traumatic grief. So ya, I've got a lot on the go. I have one daughter who is the best, plus a son-in-law and the most joyful 18 month old grandson, Jeremy. He's a bundle of energy and so much fun. My return to work isn't set, but I feel it will be sometime next year. I do miss my job and love what I do. I provide educational-based occupational therapy (OT) in schools. I also have my schooling for speech-language therapy, but primary do OT because I enjoy it more. My focus is working with kids K to Gr 2, but my caseload is mostly the kindergarteners. I told my daughter that I'll have Jeremy therapized and he'll be grade-one ready in kindergarten, lol

Well I could, but I've got so much going on, and I don't think I have the mental capacity to deal with an attorney about this. I just finished cleaning and repairing the studio so I can rent it out, now I'm working through all the stuff in my house. I'm also trying to heal as the trauma and grief of all this manifested itself physically, so I've been trying to heal my body. I've got a great healing team now so I'm doing so much better. I have no medical bills which is such a blessing. I live in Canada so our health care is funded and administered to our 13 provinces and territories. Living on long-term disability right now until I'm fit enough to return to work so funds are tight, especially with the cost of everything rising. It'll be great when the financial stuff goes through and I can stop digging a deep hole in my dwindling savings account. It will be good when I'm back to work too, but I need to be well enough to do so. I provide pediatric therapy, so I've got to be in a healthy state before returning back to work.

Yup, that's what people are saying. I have a friend who is a nurse and she thought blood clot too. I was told that he was given anti-clotting medication, I think that's what they injected in him before they left for the hospital. I think he had a blood clot too, the blood clot won and the anti-clotting meds dissipated the clot so it wasn't detectable. That said, they have to prove that through fine tissue testing to ensure accurate cause of death. I did contact a lawyer at my mother-in-law's request but was told his case is in the cue and there was nothing they could do in regards to speeding up the autopsy results. The life insurance can only be processed once they have cause of death, so a lawyer can't do anything there either. Trust me, I've tried every angle except going to the media to put it on the local news. Not doing that, I've got enough going on already.

Ya, our provincial health care has been overwhelmed since the pandemic, even before really. I'll give a shorten version of what happened. So 5 weeks before died he was in a bike accident and fractured his leg in 2 places which required surgery. That went well and he was at home convalescing, I took time off work to be with him as he couldn't weigh-bear. He had 2 cast changes and all was going well. Then one morning I woke up to him moaning in terrible pain, not sure why because he'd been off his pain meds for almost 3 week by this time. He said he was extremely nauseous. I instantly called 911. He was struggling to breath and I'm pretty sure I saw him take his last breath, which freaked me out, but within the same minute fire and EMS arrived. They said they couldn't find a heart beat, gave him something, stated he was stable and off he went to hospital. I couldn't go because of Covid. My sister came and drove me when I got the ok to come to the hospital, but when I arrive I was told he didn't make it. Initial autopsy showed he didn't have a heart attack, stroke or infection and they couldn't detect any blood clots, so it went to secondary autopsy for pathologies etc. I was told that would take 6-12 months, it's now been over 21 months and I'm still waiting. It's hard for a lot of reasons, but it's frustrating because I can't warp up legal stuff like processing his life insurance policy. The whole scenario around his death seems like a a horrific dream and it some ways it still doesn't seem real. Strange thing is I feel more sad for him than me because his final years were so awful for him, and all I wanted was for him to have a joyful life.