Boho-Soul

It was very difficult at times, just to see him is such a severe depressive state, and was at times traumatic - so no, I did not have what many here talk about. We were married for 16 yrs. The last 10 being the hardest. As you said about your boyfriend, my Michael was a good soul and a quality man. That's what made it so hard to leave when he suggested it. I knew his core self, that's who I dated, I just wanted that part of him back. He passed December 10, 2020, so coming up on 2 yrs. Strange thing is I still don't have cause of death - that's another saga in another thread - so that's been hard. As well, his illness manifested into a hoarding scenario in our 2 properties which is now my responsibility to clean up. I initially told my therapist I have to untangle myself from his mental illness, it's been part of my healing. Thanks for your responses Chocolate ☺️

Wow, living with someone with an addiction must be so hard. My late husband was diagnosed with a mental illness and chose not to be treated or medicated for years. It took a toll on our married to the point of him saying we should go our sperate ways. I dug in my heels and we went to therapy. Even when he finally did go on medication his thoughts didn't seem like his own. Just 5 months before he died he said we should end things, it hit me hard. I don't know where we would be if he had lived. You mom's relationship story is incredible! She now has many souls to reconnect with up in Heaven.

That's so lovely that you found another relationship that was meaningful Chocolate. My mom died and my dad was widowed when I was 4, he remarried when I was 24. Then his 2nd wife died of cancer 10 yrs later. He then found love for a 3rd time in his 70's and eloped of all things when he was 81! They're still going strong and he is now 93. It's kind of inspiring to see, and to know that the possibility of a 2nd love exists and is out there. My daughter so wants me to find love again, she's not pushing me though, she just wants me to have a loving relationship again when I'm ready.

I agree, that is a nice thought. I'd like my Michael back, just like nashreed said he wishes to have Annette back. For me I'd want the version of Michael before his illness took hold and changed his core self, then I would have the best of him again. I'm with you on not wanting to be alone nashreed. I'm perfectly fine having my alone time and solitude, and I don't 'Need' someone, but man would it be nice to come home to someone and share my day with, to have meaningful conversations, or just hang and watch Netflix. I really miss the simplicities of having someone in my life. Interesting thought Chocolate. I'm still in my 50's and it has crossed my mind. Don't think I'm quite ready for that, but I am keeping the idea on the whiteboard and am not ruling it out. Of course it won't be the same type of relationship I had with my late husband, but I also think another relationship can still be meaningful in it's own way.

Praying for your safety 🙏

I totally agree when you say self-care is a top priority. I've never had a facial massage, sounds so pampering. I've been getting myofacial massages, they're very relaxing. I'm going to try manual lymphatic massage next. I thought it was just used to relieve swelling, buy my massage therapist said it helps sooth the body from stress, provides a sense of calm and can improve one's emotional well-being, so I'm definitely trying that next. Hey kayc, you've been going through a lot lately, I think you deserve to pamper yourself and get a massage Healing thoughts to all ♥️

Just a quick update: I called the medical examiners office on Monday, they said someone would call me back this week. They didn't. I called again today, reception transferred me to someone but I just got a voicemail, so I left a message. I'm going to call every day next week until I talk to someone. I'm not stressing about it though as it's not worth hanging on to. Plus I had a massage today and feel great, so I don't want to change my head space ☺️

I saw lots of cars parked in my cul-de-sac late last night so kind of knew something was happening. My neighbour's husband passed away last night. It brings back my early moments of shock and grief.

I think someone made a similar comment. I don't feel anyone is trying to cover up anything, that's not where my mind goes. My one neighbour's cousin works in homicide and she told me that if there's a suspicious death or homicide then those deaths automatically jump the cue, as autopsies and reports are need to be done in a timely manner in case it goes to court. That doesn't mean it's fair to a common person who then gets bumped down. Everything has slowed to a crawl due to the covid fiasco, my probate took a year and a half, and I just found out that the wait for my transfer of land from land titles is now a 3-4 month wait as they're so backed-logged. I've made the mindful choice to not dwell on the ME report or anything else that's delayed. Why baste myself in the emotions of anger and frustration. It's so static and too easy to get rooted in that mental space. Plus, it doesn't align with my intention of returning to a healthy state of well-being.

Well, I've hit the 21 month mark and I still don't have Michael's cause of death. Gonna be making a phone call next week, hopefully they can tell me when the report will be completed so I can move forward with some closure 🤞🏼

Thx kayc, I just have to be mindful so it doesn't affect me in an adverse way.

My neighbor Suzanne connected with me when my husband died. She came over within days of Michael's death as she saw the emergency vehicles in the cul-de-sac and new something happened. We aren't close and only chatted briefly over the years, as our lives are different. She's busy raising 2 boys, I'm an empty nester. Just moments ago another neighbor came to my door to let me know Suzanne's husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer this summer and now has days to live. I had know idea as they were on vacation the last few months to have one last summer together. I feel like I'm in mild shock, not a paralyzing shock that hit me when Michael died, but I feel it. It's also a bit of a trigger *sigh* I just hope I can support her, even if that just mean to be a listening ear.

Hey, no bad feelings Roxi ♥️ I just like to get clarity when people share things, in person or online, so I can gain understanding and don't misinterpret or take things the wrong way.

Wasn't clear to me. The way you worded your comment in your initial post does not clearly say what you are meaning. Mentioning the queen's death and how 64 million poor children can't go to school in the same sentence made it hard to understand what you were referring to, at least to me. You did not say the info was sourced from an Italian newspaper which stated poor children can't go to school in your first post and I didn't see how the two topics were related. Your second post 5 minutes ago gave more clarity.

Thx VR, I didn’t think of that perspective as the comment didn’t clearly state that. I wasn’t commenting about whether she was a heroin, I was commenting on the humanity side of the situation. Put aside the external aspects of her life that she was born into and she was still human, a woman who had family who are now grieving their loss. . I can understand you passionate views on the monarchy. What’s hard to understand is how that view seems to dismiss a royal from being human or worthy of mourning upon their death. Should one only grieve a person based on their living conditions, or their hero status, or should they cherry pick who should be worthy of grieving based on whether they made the world better? I think not.

Really? 😲 Can you not look past her privileged life? She was a mother, grandmother, great-grandmother - she had family, have empathy for them as they are now in mourning. And her life wasn't worry free, her family has experienced a lot of turmoil, most of which was made very public. Not sure what you're talking about or where you got you info about children not going to school from (?) Found this sourced from inews.co.uk --- School have been advised to remain open for the time being, but are likely to be closed on the date of the Queen’s funeral ---

Ugh, one of the scariest part about being alone is lack of support - whether you're sick or you're going through something and just feel overwhelmed. It's another secondary loss. I've been unwell a few times in the last 21 months (pretty sure due to stress) and I wonder who can I call, even if it's just for comfort. Sometimes all I need is a listening ear and a hug. Friends say they're there for you, but will they really want to help if it's getting late? It's hard to ring someone after the sun has set because they're probably spending time with their loved ones or settling down for the night as they work the next day. I'm sorry your not well Sad. Wish you didn't have to go through that alone, that's hard. Sometimes all we need is having the presence of someone else around, who we know is there if we need them, to feel safe and settled. I'm just gonna say it - being alone suck! Be well and God speed with your recovery 🙏

It's been 7 yrs since your mother died, for me it's almost 2 yrs since my husband died. I'm not sure one can get back to how we once were before out loss, we are forever changed. Life moves us forward and changes us. I think it's about adapting to where you find yourself now. Easily said, hard to do. That's why seeking help is beneficial. Although our situations are quite different I decided to respond and share 2 things I found that has been helping me with my traumatic grief patterns. I'm currently seeing a therapist who supports me while I process my loss and trauma. Also, I get Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy which is a gentle yet powerful modality for self-healing. Our physical, emotional and mental bodies are shaped by life’s experiences (i.e. joy, grief, trauma, injury etc.) and they create patterns that can become held within our bodies. Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy can help release these patterns and allows you to let go of emotional pain. It also relieves physical pain and is very calming for the central nervous system. I hope you find the support and healing you deserve ♥️

This echoes your life-changing decision to move to India that you posted in another thread you started back on July 15. You also shared you were going there to disperse your wife’s ashes, and were staying to open an orphanage in her name. It sounds like your business trip helped to solidify this decision.

Fabulous thread. Your comment was awesome, just lovely Sad. So warmed that your son showed his love for you in a way your wife did. And to say he is proud, how touching. Definite blessing indeed. I think it's so important to focus on the positives. It's sometimes harder, but it's important to do this for our mental health. It's easy to feel like a victim in challenging situations and circumstances in our live. It reminds me of a Native American parable. Whether or not it’s your first time hearing this story, it serves as an important reminder of the power we have over our experiences and emotions. I was blessed today too. This year I have been cleaning, renovating and preparing my studio condo so I can rent it out. I was at my church bbq today after church and was going to the condo after to do more work. A bunch of my friends from church and my prospective tenants came over to help ☺️ We got a ton of stuff done and I was so beyond grateful for their help. I had been so stressed out and they were there for me, so willing to help. Truly a welcomed blessing.

It's so hard to hear about your loss Joanna. I wish you didn't have to experience this, especially at such a young age. I'm glad you found your way here though. This is a caring community. I too prefer to share my life with someone over doing life alone, so I can relate to your comment. I do enjoy my solitude, but that's different. Please be kind with yourself and allow time to process your loss. Above all else, self-care is top priority. I was given this Dual-Process Model model (see below) when I went through a grief group. I found it more helpful than the 5-stages model for bereavement. I'll post it as it may help. Do know that what I share/post is always a suggestion, I'd never tell someone how to process their loss. Everyone moves through grief in their on way, there's no right way, and how you face and process your grief is always right for you. Be well and take care.

That’s so hard to hear 😕 Wish things weren’t like that for you James. Is there any way possible to move somewhere safer and less expensive? Wondering if there’s any place you could move that has low-income housing. They have that in my city. I suppose a move costs money, so probably not.

Thx for the info about Twin Peaks. Never watched Lost, couldn’t get into it. I did hear the end was a fail. Mad Men was similar, the initial story was so mysterious, the whole series covered the 60’s decade, but the last season seemed off, and the last episode was a big let down given the entire series storyline.

So much talk about Twin Peaks, I'm now curious and am going to check it out. I don't watch much TV, I prefer to watch either Netflix or Crave and enjoy series or movies. I really like Schitt$ Creek, it's Canadian and has a fun story line. It's about a wealthy family who looses their money and end up living in a small remote town they purchased years prior as a joke. I enjoyed Mad Men, Breaking Bad and Rectify, an American television drama series exploring the life of a man after he is released from prison after nearly 20 years on death row following a wrongful conviction.

That’s a heart-felt story about your boat. Your family’s reaction still astounds me 😳 Hey Sad, curious to know. What would you do if you won the lottery?