LoriS.

I'm sorry Erica. It sounded like it was your son. I am so sorry about your husband. Take care...Lori

I am sorry that you are in such a terrible state. I have a 25 year old daughter...I can't imagine my life without her. I wish you the peace that you are looking for. Again, I am so sorry. Take care...Lori

I'm sorry Poco. It will get better...I promise. Just do what you can. Some days are better than others. Hang in there! take care...Lori

I miss my mom so much, too. It's been 10 months for me. I can't believe it. She would have loved all of the events that have been happening lately in my life. I know that she would have wanted more than anything to be at my daughters wedding in 6 weeks. I wanted her more than anything to be there, but this is how it has to be. I want to ask her if she died last year so that she wouldn't have been too old or too ill while we were planning the wedding...so that I could have the proper time to deeply grieve and to move forward to be able to handle all of the plans. She would definately say yes. I can hear her telling me that she needed to go so that I can be ok for my daughters wedding. And I will. I am going to honor her wishes. I feel her with me through all the plans. I feel her telling me to suck in my stomach in my dress that I'm going to wear and I feel her warmth and laughter and fun come over me when I'm figuring out what to do at the bridal shower at my house next weekend. If I could say something to my mom right now I would say: "I love you Mom and wish you were here with me at this special time in my life. The whole family misses and loves you soooo much!" There's so much more to say, but I know my mom knew how I felt about her and there are sometimes no words to decribe that. Take care...Lori

Oh my gosh, Libby...that really got to me! I think about my mom all the time being with me...in the air, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, in the grocery store, when I'm eating, sleeping...all the time. Thanks for that! It'll be a year on October 22 that mom passed away. My daughter is getting married on October 5th and I feel my mom with me every step of the way...even figuring out table seating arrangements! I was writing out a card for my younger daughters 21st birthday and my moms words came out of my head onto paper. She always said the words "kindly or nicely" and sure enough, somehow those words came out onto the paper as I was writing the card! Thanks again for that...I'm going to print that out and carry it with me! Take care...Lori

Annie...I am so sorry. Just say or do whatever is in your heart when you are sitting with him in his last days. My thoughts are with you. Take care...Lori

Hi Rosanne...things will get better, but you have to work at it REALLY HARD!!! Don't expect too much of yourself in the beginning. I still have my bad days, and I think about my mom every day, but in my case time has been on my side. Also has been this support group, friends, and my family. I expect that it'll come up at my daughters wedding during the ceremony that reference will be made about both my parents and yes, I expect to cry and express my feelings, but I am at a point in my healing where I know that this wedding isn't about me...it's about my daughter and her husband to be and I know that my mom and dad would never want me to be sad on her wedding day! I am lucky that I will have almost 1 year of time to go through this process before the wedding. It's an ongoing journey... Take care...Lori

Hi everyone...First of all to everyone new on these boards, my thoughts are with you at this difficult time. I just wanted to say that I'm back from my trip back east. We had my moms stonesetting and it really went well. Yes I cried and yes it was sad, but some people spoke and it was very nice. I spent a little extra time at the gravesites of my parents with my daughters at my side and we said some private words to both my mom and dad. I actually wish I had more time to spend at the cemetary, but we had a busy weekend with other family events. We also went to a family reunion from my dads side of the family. I was able to see some cousins that I hadn't seen in years. They were all glad to see me, my husband and children and they all had so many nice words to say about my mom and dad. I really feel like I made a real turn around a huge corner after this trip, all for the better. This healing journey is so up and down, but the further time gets away from when my mom died, last October, I am starting to see much progress in this journey. With my daughters upcoming wedding just about 7 weeks away, there are a lot of positive events coming up. I think somehow my mom had a hand in planning when she was going to die so as I could start the grieving process in enough time to be prepared for my daughters wedding. I know that sounds funny, but I really do believe that. I know my mom would have done anything to still be alive to have made it to the wedding, but somehow, she knew that she wouldn't make it but still wanted me to be ok for it. When she was in the hospital, she stressed to me to not deeply grieve for too long, and to keep keep the family together and to continue with planning for my daughters wedding. I am going to honor all of this as she would want me to do this. Take care everybody...Lori

Thanks Shell...today I'll be busy running last minute errands and possibly going into work for a little bit. I'll be busy enough as to not spend too much time to think about the anticipation of the stonesetting. I'm ok; not to sad about this (right now!). If I turn this around and reverse this, I could look at this as a nice dedication to my mom rather than dreading going back to the cemetary and making it about me rather than her. It'll be good for me to see my dad at the cemetary too. I know that they are together and that makes me happy. I'm glad that I had this opportunity to "talk" to all of you before I leave on my trip. It has really helped me to sort things out! Take care...Lori

Hey Everyone, We leave Wednesday for back east for the stonesetting. I feel better about it just knowing that whatever I feel is the right way. I have realized that there isn't any etiquette on how to act at one of these things. The weather is supposed to be nice. My daughter said that we should wear something bright because my mom would have wanted it that way. So I think that I will. After the stonesetting we have a lot of family things planned which should be fun. Thanks everyone for your responses and endless caring! Take care...Lori

Hi Annie, what a wonderful story! I love that you found the angel and you didn't even know that your daughter had packed it! Your mom is definately with you! How is your dad? I know that you have a lot going on and I am thinking of you! Take care...Lori

Hi Rosanne, I am very sorry about your mom. My mom passed away in October 06' and my dad passed away September 03'. It's sad. Someone is always here to answer and read. This is a wonderful place to vent anything you are feeling. Take care...Lori

Hi Jay, I'm sorry for your loss of your beloved Ginger. She sounded like she was an amazing dog. When we had to put our Einstein (he was only 4 1/2) to sleep because of a blood disorder, I was devastated. Einstein was an Australian Shepherd; he was big and beautiful! Without taking time to think about getting a new puppy or even really spending time to mourn Einstein, we went back to the breeder where we bought him and ended up taking home a 7 week old puppy! This was only 1 week after we put Einstein to sleep! Charlie is Einsteins cousin. They share the same grandfather. I didn't care that it was only 1 week later...I just wanted something, anything, alive from Einsteins family to come home with me. Fortunately, my husband was in agreement. He had just moved his office into our home and had time to properly train this new puppy. Charlie is now 7 years old and he is the love of our lives. In the beginning, I couldn't believe that we made such a hasty decision, but in the long run, it was a good one for us. We just kind of jumped in without thinking. Luckily it worked for us. I do think that Charlie helped me with the void that I felt from losing Einstein. Einstein was too young to have to have been put to sleep, but he ended up quite ill for about 2 months before we had to make the decision to put him down. Maybe that's why we brought Charlie home right away...because Einstein was so young to have left us so soon. You have to do what is right for you and your family. But sometimes the right opportunity presents itself even if you're not sure what to do. If it was me, I would go look at the puppies. A new puppy is always bound to put a smile on your face...even if it's just to go there and look at them. I wish you and your family well on this journey. It's a tough one. Ginger was lucky to have you in her life!!! Take care...Lori

Teny, I'm so sorry! A big hug goes out to you! Take care...Lori

I was driving my husbands car the other day and I hit the CD button, not knowing what was in there. A CD came on, one that I made with various songs that I liked to listen to. Well, I was instantly taken back to the week before my mom passed away. I brought these CD's with me to play in the rental car that I used when I went back east when I found out that my mom was in the hospital. It was fall and the leaves were amazing. I had a 20 minute drive to and from the hospital from my nieces house where I was staying. I played these CD's over and over. I hadn't listened to these CD's since and must have put them in my husbands car at some point and time. It was kind of bittersweet finding them again and listening to the songs. I actually felt the beautiful nature of the fall season, but also remembering why I was there at that time. I'm actually glad that I found them again. They are now back in my car and I find that I enjoy listening to them again! I thought I wouldn't, but I do...strange. Take care...Lori

Julienne, I agree with Shell. If you are lucky enough to have this time to give your body what it needs, than do it. I remember I slept so much in the beginning. I was just exhausted physically and mentally. My body just hurt. It's all a perfectly normal reaction. Just one day at a time. Or just one minute at a time. Some days are harder than others. Give yourself the time you need to heal. We've all been there and are here for you when you need it! Take care...Lori

I love that..."Do your best and the hell with it!!!" I'm going to do just that! Thanks Shell!!! Take care...Lori

I am so sorry about your dad. It's a wierd feeling of being unsure of everything you knew to be true after a loved one dies. I'm sorry that he was so young and without any warning. I'm also so sorry that you are so young and have to deal with this at this time in your life. Keep on posting. We're all here for you! Take care...Lori

Deborah...Great quote. Good for you for volunteering. You are such a special person for giving your time to do that! Take care...Lori

Thanks Shell, I love that. Relax and be yourself. I'm going to do that...that's all I can do!!! What ever will be will be! I remember one day last year I was talking to my mom on the phone and I told her that I was scared that it would be the last time I was going to talk to her...that she just wouldn't wake up or she'd have a heart attack (she had congestive heart failure, but ultimately a cancerous tumor was the culprit)and her response was "Ce la Ve"!!! That's life, whatever, so what...it all means the same thing! She was a funny lady. She would agree and love your analogy! Thanks again and take care...Lori

Thanks again everyone for your responses. Marty, what you say makes sense. I will tell my husband to make sure that I need some alone time with my mom at the cemetary. We are a pretty tight family, so I don't think anyone would care if I cried. They would completely understand. I'm just nervous about it. It's the anticipation of not knowing how I'll be. But since I don't know how I'll be until I get there, I guess I shouldn't worry about it as much as I am. Another thing that has me a little concerned is that I won't feel anything while I'm there and regret NOT feeling anything. Like a protective shell...afraid to feel. I've felt so much these last few months that I don't want to go back to those awful dark times. I know in my heart how much I love and miss her and I suppose that is the thing that matters most of all; not necessarily how I'll react to this event. I know you all will be with me and I really appreciate that! Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and prayers! Take care...Lori

Thanks, Shell. I'm starting to get that feeling in the pit of my stomache...you all know what I'm talking about. The best I can describe it is like I am going down the worlds tallest fastest roller coaster and my stomach is going to....you all get the picture!!! I am so nervous for this stone setting. It'll be here in a few days and I guess I'll just have to roll with the punches. Thanks for listening...Lori

Teny, I am so sorry that you are in so much pain right now. I'm sending you a BIG SUPER hug from California to Greece!!! KayC, I like your analogy about the diamond in the rough. I remember when my dad passed away, a girl I used to work with who had lost her mother a few years back told me that eventually I will look at this experience as a gift. I couldn't imagine what she meant. Than when my mom died last year, she gave me her words of wisdom again saying one day I would look at my moms death as a gift. What she meant was that now that I am facing one of the biggest challenges in my life and that I will learn and grow so much as a person. We will never be the same without our loved ones who meant so much to us. But I hope in time that my "new normal" will be a life filled up again and that my knowledge and experience will benefit me along with my family, friends, coworkers, etc. You seem so much better these days and I'm glad for you. I don't post much on these boards (about death of a spouse) but I feel like I know you guys from reading about you. You are a bunch of brave souls. I can't even imagine what a death of a spouse would feel like, or be like, or what would I do, etc. Keep on plugging through...we're all in this together! Take care

Shell, I think we touched on this subject awhile ago. I think someone said it's like a movie reel in the back of our mind all the time, but when we're out there in the world, we're polite, say thankyou, pause and move on. It's like our own private thing. Any you're right...it's an useasy situation for both sides. I remember in the beginning, I felt in a fog about what to say, how much to say, etc. It also depends on who we're talking to. Sometimes I blurt out everything and sometimes a simple thankyou is enough. Take care...Lori

Thanks Shell and Lori, I appreciate your thoughts. It is going to be a whirlwind weekend that is planned on this trip. Not only do we have the stonesetting, but later that day my sister-in-laws and my niece are making a small bridal shower for my daughter who is getting married in October. Since were all going to be in the same city before her wedding, they wanted to do that...which I think might be a good thing...something to look forward to. Than all of us are driving to Indianapolis for a family reunion on my dads side of the family. So it'll be a very busy weekend. It's so hard to plan events these days with my side of the family since we live so far away, so that's why all of this is planned in one weekend. I'm kind of glad that it'll be busy and that I'll have lots of family around me in case I do need a shoulder to cry on. You guys have been my lifeline to normalcy after my mom died. I hope I have been there for all of you as you have been there for me! Take care and big hugs...Lori