LoriS.

Hi everyone. Today is 9 months to the date and day that my dear mother passed away. I miss her more than words can express, but I know all of you know exactly what I mean as you can relate it to your loved one that has passed on. Anyways, it is customary in the Jewish religion to have a "Stonesetting" within the first year after a loved one has passed on. It's a simple ceremony at the gravesite that dedicates the headstone to the loved one who has passed. There are a few passages read and whoever wants to say anything can. When the headstone is placed, which is prior to the ceremony, there is a piece of muslin over the stone and sometime in the ceremony my brothers and I take it off. I am DREADING this!!! When we had this for my dad, I was sad but not as sad as I'm going to be for my mom. During her funeral, I was in shock and numb and sniffled mostly, but didn't cry as much as I did before she died or the months after she died. By now I have had a lot of time to process and understand the grief process and I'm much more in tune with what's going on. So my husband and kids and I are flying back east for this August 1st and the Stonesetting will be on Aug. 2nd. This will be my first time back at the cemetary since she has passed away. I will see both my mom and dads graves side by side right next to each other. I am scared that I am going to explode!!! Thankfully, it's not a long ceremony and it's more casual than a funeral. We have other family things planned for the weekend before we fly home. You have all been so generous in the prayer department...can you spare an extra one for me to help me get through this with grace? I want to be strong. I want to talk to my mom alone at the cemetary after everyone leaves. I want her to know that I'm there for her and that she will always be with me. She and my dad will always be within me. After all, they created me. Sorry for my rambling...I know you guys understand. Hope all is well with everyone. Take care...Lori

I am also so sorry about the loss of your mom. She would have wanted you to be there for the birth of your daughter, and I know that she knew that you wanted to be there with her (your mom). It just goes to show you that there really is a circle of life. How ironic that your daughter was born just a few hours before your mom passed on. I'm sure that your mom was thrilled to know that her grandaughter was born beautiful and healthy. Maybe your mom hung on just long enough to wait for your phone call. It's bittersweet. These boards are so helpful. Everyone is willing to lend an ear...so come back anytime. Someone will definately be there to respond. Take care of yourself, your wonderful wife and your beautiful new daughter...Lori

Dear Ellen, I am so very sorry of your loss of your beloved Kate. She sounds like she was indeed fearless and was here to teach us some beautiful life lessons. she looked so happy in your arms in the pool! Marty's right...we're all here to help you and lend an ear. When my mom passed away last October, I felt as if I lost one of my body parts. In her later years, I felt defined as "Mae's daughter from California". She lived back east and whenever I would visit her, which was very often when she became elderly, she would always refer to me as that when introducing me to anybody. The people in her senior apartment complex always refered to me like I was so special (which I am not) coming in from California and helping my brothers that lived in town by taking mom to her big doctor appts., etc. I will always be that daughter that flew in to be with my mom whenever I could and I will always remember how proud my mom was of me for just being me. I KNOW Kate was so very proud to have a helpful, caring mother like you! I also know that you are so proud to be defined as Kates' mom. We share the same genetics as them, so in part, we really have lost part of ourselves. It's hard. You seem like you have a positive outlook regarding how you see her now; running around and talking up a blue streak! I know you're right! Give yourself lots of time to figure out who you are now and what you plan to do. You will ALWAYS be Kates mom!!! Take care and lots of hugs...Lori

Thanks Lori and Jessica. I'm doing a lot better with everything lately and it's nice to have words of encouragement! take care...Lori

Thanks Deborah for your words of encouragement. It's a tough road we face when we lose our beloved family members. It's like losing a body part. I have a couple events coming up this year that I hope I will not fall apart being that my mom won't be there. You're right...it is like a movie reel in the back of my mind, but it really is getting easier for me. Yesterday would have been my dads' 87th birthday! I hope that my mom and he were together celebrating! Take care...Lori

Shelly, What's Facebook?

Hi Ramona, I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. I know how painful this is. I'm also so sorry about your relationship with your mom and all of your childhood issues. I'm sure it's very hard. You've come to a great place to get your feelings out. The people on this site are so amazing and helpful. Everyone in one way or another "gets it" and understands all too well the pain that comes with death of a loved one. Post anytime. Someone is usually around to listen! Take care...Lori

Dear Jennie, I'm so sorry about your dad. You have come to the right place on this site. There are a lot of great people here to listen and lend a hand when needed. Take care...Lori

Shelly...try and go. Sometimes we need to muster up the courage to just take the plunge. If you can go it would be great for you to do something different. Take care...Lori

Thanks, DoubleJo...I really appreciate your kind words. I don't expect to be busy at first...and that's ok. When I have down time, I'm going to work on my knitting and start to make a couple of things (scarves and beanies) to start selling at the shop for the upcoming fall and holiday season. My mom always loved the scarves I made for her and my dad would love that I'm back working. He always thought it was great that I had a job that I actually enjoyed and that I was lucky enough to be part time when the kids were young. So, we'll see! Thanks again...Lori

Shell, I agree about wanting to keep it in to myself more now, but in a good healing way. You hit the nail on the head with that. I was trying to figure it out to try to understand the feeling of not having it (my grief)at the front of my mind, yet knowing it's always in the back of my mind and yet I'm able to go about my day better now. Did I make sense?!! I know what I mean and I know what you mean so I guess it makes sense...I may just not know how to write it! I wish you lived closer too! I'd love to give you a manicure!!! Take care...Lori

Thanks Shell. I am looking at this "going back to work" as part of my grief work. The girls I am working with seem nice enough. I guess it's progress when people introduce themselves to me, or me to them, and they ask how I am and I don't even hesitate to say "fine, how are you?". I didn't find myself compelled to talk about anything deep. I used to walk around thinking how can everyone go about their business day after day as the world goes on and I could barely get out of bed. I would resent that. But now I don't even think about it in that way anymore. I'm sure as I get to know my new coworkers, my mom will come up in conversation, but I don't feel the need to tell anybody there what I'm going through. I guess that means that I've made some progress without even realizing it until now. So, today is another day. One foot in front of the other... Take care...Lori

Dear Chandrasmom and Gypsy, You are both in my thoughts and prayers. I have two daughters ages 25 and 21 and it scares me to no end that something tragic will happen to them before I die. My heart goes out to you both. Take care...Lori

Dear Gypsy, I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I can't even imagine. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Take care...Lori

Hi everybody. Today was my first day back to work since I broke my arm last August and then my moms' death in October. I had two clients (I've been a manicurist for 23 years on and off) that have been my regulars for years. It was great again to feel needed and wanted. They were really happy that I decided to come back to work. I'm at a new place which is small and really comfortable for me. I'm going to keep it at a very part time level for now. Of course I lost a lot of my business last year, but I still have a few die hard clients that know me and support me. They went through the loss of my dad and now the loss of my mom with me. It feels right for me right now. I'm glad I took the plunge. I'm hoping this will help me with my grief. Take care...Lori

Hi Geri, I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. Marty's right about keeping the memory of our loved ones alive and if we do, they will always have a legacy. My best girlfriend from elementary school (I'm almost 50) almost died from complications from an emergency surgery in her abdominal area about 3 months ago. I don't know what I would have done if she died. I can't even imagine. What a dear friend you were to be Brendas caregiver. I'm sure it was hard. I'm glad you found this website. It saved my life when my mom past away last October. Take care...Lori

CFH, I agree with everyones take on the situation. It's got to be a protective mechanism. It's a tough situation. I'm sorry! Take care...Lori

Shell, I know how hard all of this paperwork is. It's time consuming and sad. I'll be thinking of you. Take care..Lori Marcy, I am so terribly sorry for both of your losses. I don't even know what to say, except I am soooo sorry. This is a great board for you to come to and get some things off your mind. Take care...Lori

Oh, I see. That's too bad. I'm sorry! Take care...Lori

Shelly, Why doesn't your brother want you to see Chelsea anymore? That sounds harsh to me. Lori

Hi Maylissa, You certainly love to write. And you are very good at it! I have another "gentle suggestion" for you. Why don't you print out all of your posts (and other posts if you wish) and start some kind of "Memorial Book for Nissa"? I have found that by doing something "artsy" has really helped me in my grieving. I love to knit and crochet and I had made my mom several things. At first when she died, I couldn't bring myself to knit. It was too hard. I even get that wierd pit in my stomach sometimes when I start on a new project, but my mom would WANT me to continue "creating" even if I'm not really making anything. Just the act of holding the yarn and physically knitting makes me somehow connect with my mom. In fact one of the last things she said to me was thanking me for making her such beautiful things. I don't make anything fancy, just scarves, shawls and such, it's the yarn that is so beautiful. So maybe by creating a beautiful journal of your posts in your grief journey would put some validity back in your life. You can add pictures...it's endless what you can do. Again, if you've already thought of this or something similar, I apologize. I just try to see what a person is good at (your writing) and try to help them to use that energy to make it something positive for them. I did that with my kids (maybe making too many suggestions!) and sometimes they even liked what I had to say! Well, you take care and if it makes any difference, I am validating your feelings and I know that they are real and true! Big hugs to you...Lori

Thanks for that. I love reading positive affirmations! I'm definately going to check out that website! Take care...Lori

That's great that you had a good time! Take care...Lori

Dear Delores, I am so very sorry about your son Sean. I often avoid reading the posts in this section since I know it's about losing a child and I just can't imagine it. Something compelled me to look at your first post and the subsequent posts and I could barely get through it without my eyes welling up with tears. My heart breaks for you and your family. I hope that someday you will find some peace. Take care...Lori

Wow...that's all I can say. What a powerful post and yes you are a poet! Take care...Lori