Margm

Your having an open communication with her mother, that sounds like some hope for her. I sure hope so. We feel your pain.

Gwen, I do not know how they handle things now, I've been out of the transcription business for quite a long time now. Usually that back surgery you had would always make the patient dependent on the pain medicine. In this part of the country, Louisiana, they would automatically send the patient to the pain clinic and get them off the pain meds with methadone, and from what I would hear, it is just as addictive. I don't know what they do now, but the patients went to the pain clinic for quite a long time. I do not know if they still have this, but we were a university hospital, so possibly they still have one and have many different meds than methadone. It just followed, if you had the back surgery, you usually knew they would have to go to the pain clinic. It is ironic, Billy suffered back pain since his 30's and this was in his 70's. I had heard (or possibly typed) a newer surgery that allowed them to be out of the hospital the next day. He had herniated disks. We were aware of it, but he was really afraid to have the surgery similar to yours. It was in the surgeon's office they saw the aneurism at the base of his skull and called it "old" and I guess they knew. We went to the neurosurgeon and even before the "special" neurosurgeon could operate he started having the belly pains and it went so fast after that, after the liver biopsy (which was a terrible nightmare), it was a teaching hospital. The rest was a short history. Perhaps you could ask about the pain clinic (if they still have them.) Of course, you are correct, they will think you are medication seeking with a new shrink. You are not to blame for this situation. You trusted the back surgery to help your pain, but I think the percentages of the people who have this surgery rely on pain medications. That is not your fault, but unfortunately, it is your fate. Also, you are living in a time the doctor can have his license pulled and possible jail time if he writes a bunch of prescriptions. Biphetamines could be bought with a prescription in the 1970's, and also in the 1970's the Federal Government made them quit writing prescriptions. So, seven years of biphetamines keeping me awake so I could work 11-7, they stopped the doctors from writing the prescriptions. I had a friend, her husband was a fireman, and he made amphetamines himself. I was afraid of homemade meds that were illegal, so I went cold turkey off and was on the psych unit very fast. I went totally berserk. Cannot tell you all I destroyed from withdrawal anger. Almost destroyed Billy and myself. We made it through it though, and he helped me. It was literally years before I lost the need for this drug. I had to work days because I could not stay awake on a night shift. This was not pain, it was just a long withdrawal, so I understand being addicted. I do take the Xanax and I'm sure I'm addicted. Louisiana docs won't give it so I go back to my family clinic I had for nearly 20 years in Arkansas. I never go over the amount allowed, or they would not let me have them and the effect of the drug lessens, the more you take, making you need more, so I do not take more. I cut it down, and my words to myself are "quality or quantity." I refer to life. Physical pain is something else though. You have had painful surgery, surgery that I would figure causes most people to have to have the pain meds for a long time. Hopefully you can find, be referred to, a pain specialist. But your shrinks, your surgeons and your family doctors are required to tell when/where/how they dispense the pain meds. Even the psych doc's are held to the same standards. Ask about a pain clinic specialist. Surely if my deep south state has these clinics, surely one more advanced will have them too. You might have to go to another med that is also addictive, but has not come under the federal government's guidelines. A person needs relief from pain. (Sorry for the length, I must be on a word salad binge.)

"My opinion" and I'm pretty sure I'm right, the schizophrenia comes from the amount of, and different drugs. The fentanyl is so deadly. My grandson has a daughter, and a teenage son he did not know about. The family of this child does not want him to get to know of us. His biological father, my grandson, is incapable of being a father. My granddaughter (adopted), her biomom took drugs until she was born. She has some problems from this, but a smarter, more beautiful, sweeter young woman (granddaughter) cannot be found. It happens. My son was able to overcome his, and it was into the "shooting up" phase with dirty needles. A year of hepatitis C treatment, but we were able to pull him out, with his overall help. So many people have a story to tell of this. It is sad. They say addiction is inherited and my great grandfather died in a charity hospital from either stomach cancer or alcohol poisoning. My beautiful cousin, majorette, beauty, homecoming, etc., died in her 16-year-old son's arms of alcohol poisoning. She drank at home. She was so sweet, quiet. So many stories. My son just waits for the call. He stays depressed, thinking it was his fault, but it is the culture too.

I'm lazy, do not think we ever put them up outside. Billy and I just happened to be the type that would leave them up till the next year. Flatlander hillbillies.

I know not to make myself (or anyone) a promise that I am going to do something. But I plan on putting up the three foot one with purple lights on a garland surrounding it. I have had the LED lights two foot one that I have on 24/7 with one day interruption for moving, since I moved into the apartment life, more than six years ago, I think. I keep it lit by Billy's wooden urn. I had found a note he left me when he went fishing once "I love you, be back by noon" taped to the front of the urn. Maybe just seeing the lights will give a lift. I love purple, I feel better seeing anything purple. Want to have a red rose on Ferris the Yaris's door and a big purple one on the other door. It will be easier to find among his thousands of same size and color tiny cars in the parking lot of anywhere. Just like keeping my phone in my right pocket, I try to always look at the number of the aisle I park in, but there have been times of anxiety, when I am in the store of choice, that I had forgot to look. Try to park close in the same two aisles at Walmart. Memory is not one of my strong points. Know we are not having a happy time. I remember my friend telling me to "stay busy" which I immediately discarded, knowing she didn't really know me. I had occasion to send a note by FB messenger to a high school friend. We had been very close for years, until marriage, and another friend mentioned she thought our friend's husband had passed away. Both of these friends keep very busy with church affairs and I'm just not a person who needs other people around me all the time, or visiting, or calling. I am just a grouchy grinch, I guess. Actually, my friend's husband passed in 2021, so, of course, I am not that good a friend. But I did write, telling her I was sorry. They had been married for 57 years, but I had to just tell her that I was sorry. My other friend lost her husband this year. He was 10 years older than her and in his 90's. He had survived being paralyzed from a random shooting, colon cancer, and was deep in dementia. She wanted to keep him forever, and don't we all.

Gotta be sad for all of us because that is exactly how we all feel and after seven years, it does not seem to let up. I will go to my daughters. Everyone is tired of dressing and chicken and turkey. One is going to bring a slow cooker beef stew. My daughter is fixing pinto beans, ham hock, and cornbread, maybe even Mexican cornbread. I will go without eating until I get home, cannot eat anything served anyhow. I will have probably Dairy Queen chicken or steak basket I buy night before. Just getting together is what counts. Can't do that for long, so we go through the motions.

Chocolate or not, I can't tolerate it. Not surprised though. Perhaps it is the cocoa bean that causes problems, with me. Cocoa butter, also called theobroma oil, is a pale-yellow, edible fat extracted from the cocoa bean.

I tried the Atkins diet years ago, more than once, and that was back when if you bought the expensive "sticks" and urinated on them, if they showed purple, you were in "ketosis" and the diet was working. Unfortunately, the low moisture diet I have to live/or die on only has the meats and fats in common. I can have carbs, many carbs, many terribly unhealthy carbs. I miss my fruitcake (most people hate), I miss the nuts, cereals made of corn (I can have Rice Chex, all of the wonderful vegetables with low carbs, the ones that country people eat, I can't have. I can have a lot of root vegetables. I can see where fiber would make for a good elimination diet, unfortunately, it would kill me. I have to just try to keep the diabetes at bay. So far, it has been nine years, I've done okay, except the weight has stabilized, as "fat." Billy would not like that, but he is not here. I had even lost 10 pounds. I do drink Glucerna now instead of Boost, etc. I guess it made a difference. Believe me, my diet comes with warnings. I tried white chocolate with Scott telling me it was still chocolate. I have seven crosses I pray to in front of my necessity. I was at home about four days after eating the white chocolate, and I've promised God I will not eat it again. I sure miss nuts and trail mixes.

True enough. Keithville is a suburb of Shreveport. A mama and her little eight-year-old boy were killed there. Homes look like matchsticks and a concrete foundation. Mother Nature has a strong hand. The storms are over, the cold front is in and talking possible snow for Christmas. If you don't like today's weather, wait for tomorrow. I'm sorry people are sick, not only the holiday season, but also all year long. The situation with people that make life harder for you, I guess you just have to figure out if you'd be better alone, if not, then I guess they are worth putting up with. Certainly, we all live with difficulties or difficult people Sometimes we make our own difficulties. I certainly do. I wish I was a child again, but I have to be careful of what I wish for, a child is cute, an elderly child is a bother. I wish you all felt better. A lot of sadness this past two weeks. I remember Hettie, my neighbor telling me, that we were both old (she is four years older than I am) and at this age, it is about losing friends. One young friend breaks my heart. She fought so hard to live with all the treatments available to her. One young man told of seeing this little "spitfire" while they were stationed in Germany. She was playing women's league softball. Little short girl, hit the ball to outfield, short legs made it to first, bad throw, made it to second, another bad throw and she made it all the way home. She came into the stands and said hello to him. Her husband stationed there too. He was a classmate. She never gave up. A good analogy, all the years of fighting this monster cancer, she took everything available, so sick, so many years, more time spent in MD Anderson. She finally made it home. She kept us updated each week until she couldn't. She complained some, the treatment was painful, but she stayed in the game until they had to put her in a coma. This was Kelli's friend, her mom and dad from my hometown and my former church.

I'm not there, I don't know the situation, but can you get soft cotton gloves and big plastic gloves when performing the lifting. Will be painful, but possibly no infection, and only for the task at hand. My granddaughter OCD and her hands are itchy and skin breaks in spite of gloves bought to cover them. Too many chemicals and her hypothyroidism, and I'm afraid it is turning into psoriasis. Doc told her to get certain ointments and lotions and she aggravates them just rubbing it in. I got her the Aqua-Phor, which seems to be a more expensive Vaseline. We had a few deaths in the tornadoes, I think they were close but below us. They danced around in East Texas and we are about 50 miles or less from the Texas border, same for Arkansas and why they call it the Ark-La-Tex. They seem to be sitting over Louisiana now, going into Mississippi. It is a big swath of storms. They seem to be taking their time. I know a woman and baby were victims this time. We had one in December once that hit a few blocks below us and totally left a swath of ruin. Many deaths, two young sisters in their bed by blown heavy concrete blocks. This was in December, and I thought April was bad. I had heard a tornado could drive a pine needle through/into a telephone pole. Hard to believe until you see the destruction. We have lived to see climate change in some very bad ways, but we won't be here to see what lengths it will go to that our children and grandchildren will see.

My brother and sister-in-law, both are going through dementia. Billy's nephew too. His brother-in-law got angry because his daughter (their caretaker and a school teacher also) has taken the keys away from her mom and dad. She is not married and lives with them to take care of them. He actually spent the night in jail. I think he is about 86, and it was his first night ever in jail. That, along with the dementia really aggravated him, and I feel so sorry for my niece. He wants to go for a long ride in the morning, with her driving the countryside down close to the Rio Grande, and he is okay for the day. He was a tractor mechanic and a car mechanic and this sitting around is very hard on him and she has to go get her mom from walking away from home. A lot of worry on a woman, (she is my daughter's age) but I guess I still think of them as children. He was wrong-way driving on I-25 (think the name was). They live in one of the small towns below Albuquerque, Los Lunas, I think. He sure was shocked to spend the night in jail. He does not drink. Hurt his feelings and he is very stubborn. No more driving though, he understands. My sister-in-law falls a lot. So, we are thankful for whatever wits we still have, knowing so many younger than us are going through hell. Interstates are for those in a hurry and they usually hurry and wait because of the wrecks. Y'all stay safe.

We have been watching tornadoes blow above and some hit down. The weather is not typical Christmas weather, but it is typical Louisiana weather. Took my sister for her PET scan yesterday, my daughter drove my car, the traffic is too much for me. I can handle the traffic in our close to 12,000 population town. At one time on interstate a new car cut over in our lane so it could hurry up the off ramp. Crossed three lanes. It didn't hit us, but was close enough if Kelli hadn't slowed down. I can feel my age, I probably slept 12 hours. I was tired out. This was in Shreveport where the PET scanner was. The spot in her head/neck area was gone and the tumor itself had shrunk tremendously. Her chemo today didn't involve the hand and feet nerve tingler and made it where she could taste her food. She had lost one pound, but is hungry all the time and eats whatever her stoma will allow. I know it gets too cold for some places and sure hate your hands won't allow you to do the things you want and need to do, Kay. Hope everyone feels some better soon.

I did see it and unfortunately, the guy who played him, Austin Butler, he has beat out even Elvis. I do hope he wins an Oscar. Did not really like the movie itself, but Austin Butler should be a teen idol all on his own. He sings too. I never let on to Billy that my favorites were "The Everly Brothers" Gene Pitney and Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons. Of course my first was Buddy Holley. I played them all the time. Mickey Gilley had a club near Houston, Texas called "Gilley's." He was the first cousin of Jerry Lee Lewis (didn't like him) and Jimmy Swaggart the televangelist. (Never liked him.) His music was in a movie "Urban Cowboy" probably still on TV, with John Travolta. His club was "Gilley's" but he had a bunch of popular country songs,, and I loved his voice, and songs. I guess I just was total country.

Okay, I forgot to sign out of my last one. Karen, if they are anything like Scott, socks and underwear are exactly what they want. I don't think Scott would know where any of his clothes were if Kelli didn't keep them washed. When living alone, socks were something he wore out of the pack, and where they would wind up, no one knew. Gotta tell this on Billy. When we were first married gas was cheap and I would go the 17 miles to Mama's house and wash and dry my clothes. He ran out of underwear once and I had him put on a pair of my silk panties. He said "Hmmmm, I could get used to this." Now, men were not supposed to say that in 1961. But, they do make silk boxer shorts now with all kinds of pictures, etc. on them and I think Billy would have liked them very much. Silk feels good on men too, but they usually won't admit to that.

Billy hated Elvis and Mickey Gilley, maybe because I enjoyed them. But, I would not listen while he was around. After he left, I bought a new Elvis CD a couple of years later and continued to play my Mickey Gilley. Hearing Elvis just made me cry. I don't know why. I could listen to Mickey, but don't know what I did with my CD now. Some things do not disappear. Some mornings I wake up thinking I have to slip out of bed to keep from waking him. I started my at home job very early so I could enjoy the rest of the day with him. If I didn't, he would feel guilty for my working, even though it was my choice. He should have been fishing, or in the woods, but he would not go without me. I wish I had stopped at least five years earlier, but we cannot go back and change anything. And this is what holidays do.

We have been sweltering. This is December, where is winter? I know where most of it is going in the USA, and I think the west coast is getting the blunt of it. It just shows USA, but I'll bet Kevin and family and friends are used to this more than the south, for sure. Fixing to go get the PET scan for my sister. I've gotten to where I dislike driving interstate, so will stop by for my daughter. She has no trouble traveling this traffic. I'm not so sure we, as we age more, if we are unable to do the things we used to do or if it is being contrary. I can drive this drive to south Shreveport, I-20, I-49, then a loop named something. I had rather not drive it myself, but I still can.. Still can do a lot of things I refuse to do anymore. I'm elderly, you know.

I feel sorry for the homeless. A lot of them, when offered shelter, will not take it. I do not know where, but I'm thinking here (but my son works for VA and have not heard him mention it,) but one hospital is picking up mentally ill on the streets and not offering, but picking up and bringing the people who are homeless and have mental problems to the hospital psych floor. They will keep them during the coldest weather. My grandson is one of the homeless. He, because of his drug use, is schizophrenic and has been in treatment. He refuses treatment now and chooses the street drugs over living with a job, or trying to make a semi-normal lifestyle. His dad, my son, his heart is broken. He is in California and Scott has tried to reach him by searching the drug jungles. A policeman once told him he was lucky to come out with his own life. He is fixing to be 38-years-old and is so handsome your heart aches. But, coming sane out of treatment, he said he was sorry, but he still had to go back to the drug lifestyle. Help is offered so many times. Turned down. Ongoing depression for my son, and there is nothing he can do. He tried treating him the same as we treated him. We got off the RVing life, bought a home. Our son had the front of the house and cold turkey took himself off drugs. We moved to another state to get him away from his dealers. It was not easy on him, he wanted to leave once and Billy told him "okay, but don't come home." He respected his dad too much, got off the drugs (and he was into the shooting up kind). Of course Scott is always depressed and in a state of worry. Grandson is in jail now, for what I don't know, but will be out in four months. So, we worry about the homeless and have to thank God for the small favor of him being in California and not Alberta.

It is 79 in my house right now. I have the fan on but my granddaughter will be freezing when she comes in. I remember Marty's dad's quote right now and I wear a towel turban because my head "glows" so much. Hypothyroidism is tough, even with meds.

There is a commercial advertising immunotherapy (I think) and Jeff Bridges walks us through it. He has faded jeans and shirt on, his grey hair is long, so is his beard, and he either is still fighting cancer, or recently was, along with COVID. He has his guitar walking in the woods, the mountains, in the sun and leans back and says something like "I love life" and I so hope he has whipped his cancer. I had so much radiation they would not do chest x-rays when I worked part-time after my full time job. I was not doing it for the money, It was a hobby more than anything. I just got paid for it. I loved learning the new programs at the different places and when a clinic or hospital needed help, they always came to us. You are told you are cured, but it is hard to believe. My aunt said the same. My friend who walked/worked with me most of those years told me it was a surprise, after beating cancer, 32 years later it came back to literally bite me in the behind. I feel so much for your daughter and know that you, like me, would rather have it than our child. I'm so sorry.

I'm a Leo. A long time ago I saw this quotation. Maybe getting very elderly has its good things. I can't load the picture, but I'm sure you have seen it. "Lions do not worry themselves with the opinion of sheep." My daughter manages to run off a few sheep often, and somehow or other, people (except my family of lions), their opinions do not bother me. I discovered something I had forgotten about when Billy left. Friends have a lifelong habit of gossiping. I only knew family, I did not know many people outside of family, except in passing. We could not have worked together if we gossiped about another worker. But then I met with a group of women who were going to have meetings ever so often. We did for a while and then gave up on it. We have a whole world to worry about, and not much we can do. And on rereading this, I want to make it clear, we do not really know each other, but you all have to be considered family. Too many years have passed, and we could meet each other on the street and not recognize each other, but we suffer the same, we definitely are a family. I reread a post made a few years ago by someone not with us anymore, and it hurt all over again. I've lost my friends I shared everything with. A part of my family is gone. We never have too many. And, I am back pedaling. I think I wrote about an acquaintance that was fighting cancer, for years. I have never seen such a warrior. MD Anderson did everything they had in their arsenal. Failed bone marrow transplant, stem cell transplant, so many therapies over so many years. Always in a miracle mood.. She was my daughter's age. So much pain and traveling back and forth to Houston. She was in an induced coma these last weeks. I know her mother, I knew her father. She has two young children and a husband. They will take her off life support in the next couple of days. She suffered so greatly, for so long. She was always in an "I'm going to beat this" mood, I hate to see her give up, and do not think she did, it was just time to quit fighting. She is in a coma, or she would still fight. My heart breaks for her family, but know they are tired of seeing her in pain.

Thank you again. I think you have to tell me each time. But to know that men think of women like that is so darn kind. And America as a whole wish we had back our real family physicians, your dad, Dr. Gray, Dr. Garrett (my childhood small town physicians), and Dr. Gray was the only one who could treat my allergies even though I went to allergists.

Just opposite here. Gonna be up to the 80's tomorrow, high 70's today. I keep forgetting what Marty's dad said about women, but it was sweet. This southern woman does not perspire (and he said it more delicate), but I just plain s-w-e-a-t. Even my head. Hot headed country women. I know you have a distinct warm up, but I sure can't make snow ice cream in Louisiana. I learned how to make it with only condensed milk and vanilla flavoring. Put it in the freezer, it gets too hard, so get a chunk and put it in the blender. That was Billy's favorite ice cream ever, and we got snow every year in central Arkansas. He loved that.

I wanted A/C on today (it's in the 70's) all week but my granddaughter has thyroid problems and even with replacement, she freezes). Extra heater in her bedroom. Happy Birthday to Atlas. Remember his baby picture and he sure fit his name. He is a handsome young fellow. I know y'all can withstand the cold because you are used to it. Some people feel the same way about our humid warm weather. Enjoy your holidays with all your family.

There are a lot of places that provide "in-home" caregivers. I think they would be pricey. I wonder if you called a woman's shelter, someone who would provide care for a place to live and sleep. It is not me, but it could be me or any one of us at any time. Just enter in "caregivers" and your area. People with experience. Unless you've got to thinking of this woman as a part of your family, then it would be hard personally to fire her. Your senior center might could help too. But, don't do anything you don't want to do. Your Dee sounds like trouble, but it might be just the trouble you need to keep your mind off the pain so much. An aggravation, for sure, but one you've gotten used to. It breaks up a boring day, but you need to depend on this person. I'm sorry Gwen, none of us want to depend on others, but if we live long enough, we probably will. It seems the doctors in your area are the same as we have also, every one does now. We need them, they don't need us. A friend (this past week) started throwing up for two days, stubborn, would not go to ER. Finally some terrible pain in her belly made her go to the ER where they told her the wait would be hours. They took her to the VA ER and they sent her by ambulance directly to Baylor in Dallas. She had a torsion of her intestines and would have been dead in a few hours wait in ER. They did a double digit hours operation, have her in an induced coma now until they can go back in and finish. She will not be able to eat solid foods for a bunch of months,, but she lived. She is only in her 50's. But the big hospital ER could not see her until she was dead. I remember an old fellow sitting up in one of the old fashioned wheelchairs (a high back wooden chair) at LSU ER. He was waiting. He was already gone though and looked peaceful and relaxed. But, he was not seen by doc's until it was too late. An elderly, stoic black fellow in blue jean overalls. I will never forget him. Nurses and doctors are on overload after/still with COVID. Many have left the profession. Politics have filtered in their poison. (My, what a comforting post). I think there is someone out there that needs you as much as you need them, and I don't mean that romantically, I mean that as two people that can benefit from the other's need.

Karen, they hire proofreaders. My job turned into one called an "editor" being someone who went over and corrected all the mistakes the computer made. I hated it. I loved transcription, but I felt I was cleaning crap out of the barn having to clean up the junk the computer "heard." They explained we could make more money than transcribing the faster we learned to "edit." I was no good at it, I knew I could do a better job than the computer, so after about 42 years of a hobby job, I just quit. Had retired from two different hospitals. Too old to put up with it now. My "last supervisor" is head of the department I worked for and I enjoyed it so much, and she is still working into her 70's and is still fast. We keep in touch. Unless they just let things go, they still need proofreaders.