MartyT

Some useful resources included in this article: Coping with Dreams in Grief

See also Using Music to Help with Grief  ❤️

One of my favorites:

Lyrics: 

Warmest congratulations, Kevin! Such happy faces! Wishing all the very best to you and your lovely bride. ❤️

"Why are so many of us mourning a queen we never met? Is it about Elizabeth II the person, or what she represented for Britain and the world – or us, and our apparently unrelated sorrows? We talk to psychotherapists, anthropologists – and the bereaved."  ‘We need to find our kin, people who speak the same language’: the power of shared grief, from Covid to the Queen

What’s Reawakened Grief – And Why Are Some Of Us Experiencing It After Queen Elizabeth II’s Death?

Queen's death highlights power of collective grief: Benefits and how to handle it

Another article of interest: Is It Real Grief We Feel for the Queen?

7 hours ago, LittleRedHen said:

I know I’m not special. I know that other people have had to navigate difficult things like this too. But how?

I'm so sorry to learn that this is happening to you and your family, my dear. Unfortunately, though, your experience is not at all unusual. I realize that knowing this doesn't make it any better for you, but if you're willing to read a bit about how others have dealt with this, I'm hoping you'll find some suggestions that might work for you: When Death Brings Out the Worst: Family Fighting After a Death

7 hours ago, LittleRedHen said:

The emotions are so overwhelming. I feel so alone and yet overloaded all at once. So guilty, like I have done something wrong yet I know I didn’t.

I think it's helpful to remember that feelings are not the same as facts, and feelings aren't always justified. Feeling guilty is not the same as being guilty for something you did or failed to do. Still, guilt is one of the most common reactions in grief. See, for example, Grief and The Burdern of Guilt  ❤️

7 hours ago, LittleRedHen said:

And most of all, I just want to talk to my Dad. 

Understood ~ but part of coming to terms with loss is finding ways to maintain our connection with the one who has died. Might you consider other ways to "talk" to your dad or communicate with his spirit?  It really does not matter if your dad can "hear" you. What matters is that you find a way to say whatever it is you feel a need to say: to get those words out of your head and onto a piece of paper, in a journal or into a computer word processing program. See, for example, Writing As A Healing Tool in Grief ❤️

More than anything else, it's important to give yourself permission to mourn this loss and to take the time you need to do so. See also Bereavement: Doing The Work of Grief  ❤️

"Why do we feel collective grief for the Queen? A sentence you’re likely to hear a lot right now: ‘I didn’t expect to feel so upset.’ But there’s good reason why you might feel more affected by the news than you anticipated, whether you consider yourself a royalist or not."  Collective grief: what you need to know + how to deal with it

Is Kodie with you, Kay? Stay safe! ❤️

11 minutes ago, chloebetta said:

My conclusion is that you never get over the loss, you just learn to live with it.

Your conclusion is absolutely correct! Grief is a lifelong journey ~ not a single event. We find ways to get through it, but we never ever "get over it."

13 minutes ago, chloebetta said:

How can I improve myself:  gain self esteem, self confidence, get back to how I once was before my loss?  Any suggestions would be very appreciated!

I'm hoping you'll find this helpful ~ and note all the resources listed at the base: In Grief: After Caregiving Ends, Who Am I?

Okay, Scott. I understand. I'm just concerned for you. Do make every effort to keep everything as clean as possible. That's the best way to prevent infection. ❤️

Scott, I don't know what, if any, instructions you were given regarding an indwelling catheter, but finding blood in your urine is not a good sign, and it should be reported. Can you return to the ER to let them know what is happening? Having an indwelling catheter can lead to other problems, including infection, and special care is required. See, for example, Indwelling Catheter Care 

8 hours ago, Sad_Widower said:

My questions:
1.  I don’t want to burden my doctor with my problems, however this sheer heartbreak is taking a physical toll on me.  What sort of help should I seek for this?
2. Am I wrong in thinking I should expect nothing from a mental health professional other than telling my story, and then they simply agree that I have been extremely unlucky?

My friend, you say you don't want to burden your doctor with your problems, even though you recognize that "this sheer heartbreak is taking a physical toll" on you. If your doctor considers sharing your problems with him to be a burden, perhaps you need to find a different doctor.

As for what you can expect from a mental health professional, there are many articles online that can answer that question for you. See, for example, 10 Sure Signs You Need to See A Therapist (And How to Find The Right One.

I also invite you to read this, in hopes that it will speak to you in a helpful way. Note the additional readings listed at the base: Finding Grief Support That Is Right For You ❤️

This may be a good reason for you to consult with a qualified grief counselor ~ someone who can support and guide you through these challenging circumstances . . . 

31 minutes ago, nashreed said:

I'm trying to get used to nobody needing me, nobody caring if I'm alive.

James, it hurts my heart that you think so little of yourself, as if your life has no meaning, no purpose at all. But you do have a choice! Our lives have as much (or as little) meaning and purpose as we choose to give them. 

I have to ask: Have you ever considered volunteering as a way of "getting through this lonely life"? There are so many organizations and places that need help, and they simply could not exist without the help of volunteers. See, for example, Healing Grief Through The Gift of Volunteering  ❤️

--

Nan & Gary Zastrow     nanwings1@gmail.com

the Founders of:  wingsgrief.org  Wings--a Grief Education Ministry (1993)

P.O. Box 1051, Wausau, WI 54401

 

 

Visit Wings on FACEBOOK  website:  wingsgrief.org 

Voices of Experience: How Grief Can Affect Your Health

Physical Reactions to Loss

Physical Effects of Grief

See also

National Widowers' Organization - Support Groups   

Resources for Young Widow(er)s

Starting A Support Group: Suggested Resources

My dear, my heart hurts for you as I read your story. I am so very sorry for your loss.

The best advice I can give anyone in your position is to be careful making big decisions when you are in early grief. Better (if you can) to make decisions that are reversible, that you can get out of later, should you decide to change your mind. (See, for example, To Move or Not? Making Decisions in the Wake of Grief .) 

That said, sometimes big decisions are simply unavoidable. In that case, it's important to find someone you trust who knows you well and has your best interests at heart, who can guide you and support you in whatever big decisions you must make. Given how you describe your close friend, it would seem that she is that person. What does she think about your proceeding with buying this house?

Even if you decide to go through with the purchase of this new home (which is, after all, presumably a good investment, and something you can always decide to sell later on) you might try staying with your parents on a temporary basis, to see how that might work for you (and for them).

And as I say in the article mentioned above, bear in mind that wherever you decide to live, your grief goes with you, no matter where you choose to go. ❤️

Customer Serivce (Author Unknown) 

“Hello, sir,” said the guy answering the phone. His accent was foreign. “Thank you for calling the Spectacular Internet Service Help Center hotline. How may I help you today?”
“Yeah, hi. Look, my internet is out, and I just need to get it turned back on.”
“I see. Yes, sir. Of course, sir. Let me begin by thanking you for being a valued Spectacular Internet Service customer. I shall be helping you with this very important problem you face. Do you have access to a phone, please?”
“A phone?”
“A telephone, sir.”
“I’m calling you on a phone right now.”
“Okay. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. And what seems to be the problem today?”
“Like I said. My internet service. It’s not working.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you for your persistent patience, sir. I will be helping you to troubleshoot this inconvenient problem, can you hold please?”
“Hold? Okay.”
Smooth jazz. 
Then, Marvin Gaye’s “I Heard it Through the Grapevine.”
Then, “Wildfire,” by Michael Martin Murphy. 
“Thank you for your patience, sir,” said the voice on the phone. “How is it that I may help you this day?”
“Yeah, It's still me. Same person. I just need my internet turned back on.”
“Yes, sir. I see. I will be assisting you in this terrible technical issue. Are you near your modem?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“Thank you, sir. Please unplug your modem.”
“Look, I’ve already tried this, the unplugging-the-modem thing. I unplugged it, did the whole power cycle deal. Then I plugged it back in and nothing happened. So I tried it a few more times, and still nothing happened. That’s actually why I called you. Something is wrong, and the problem is not on my end.”
“Please tell me when you have unplugged your modem, sir.”
“Okay. I’ve unplugged it.”
“Very good, sir.”
Long silence.
“Hello?” I said. 
“Hmmm?”
“I said I have unplugged my modem.”
“Yes. Thank you, sir.”
Silence.
“Am I supposed to plug my modem back in yet?” I said. 
“I’m very sorry, sir. What is this you are asking me?”
“I’m asking if I’m supposed to plug my modem back in?”
“Have you unplugged it yet?”
“Well, I wouldn’t be asking you if I hadn’t.”
“Plug your modem back in, sir.”
“It’s plugged in.”
“Very good, sir.”
Long pause. 
“Are you still there?” I ask. 
“Of course, sir.”
“What are we doing?”
“Doing?”
“Why are we waiting?”
“Waiting? Have you unplugged your modem, sir?”
“I just did that, remember? We unplugged it. And I was waiting for you to tell me to plug it in.”
“I already told you to plug it back in, sir.”
“I just plugged it in. Remember?”
“Very good, sir.”
“So, what the heck are we waiting for?” I asked. 
“I am looking for a signal, sir.”
“Okay.”
Long silence.
I ask, “Do you see a signal on your end?”
“Please wait, sir. This will take a long duration. Maybe five minutes or more. May I put you on hold again?”
“No. Do not put me on hold ag—”
Smooth jazz. 
AC/DC’s “Shoot to Thrill.”
Burt Bacharach’s “I Say A Little Prayer For You.”
“Thank you for your patience, sir. Have you plugged in your modem as of yet?”
“Yes. Remember, you said you were looking for a signal? I plugged in my modem, and you said you were looking for a signal. Do you have a signal?”
“Signal, sir?” 
“Yes, we were looking for a signal. Why do I feel like I’m in the movie ‘Clockwork Orange’?”
“Sir? I have no signal. Do you see any lights blinking on your modem?”
“Yes, I see lights all over the place. I see lights up the earhole, but no internet service. No nothing. I have no service.”
“Hmm.”
“What does ‘Hmm’ mean?”
“Please unplug your modem again, sir.”
“Oh, no. Not again. Please don’t make me do this again. It’s not going to work. Unplugging my modem doesn’t work.”
“May I put you on hold, sir?”
“I am serious. Do not put me on hold again or, I swear to God, I will—”
Don McLean’s “American Pie.”
“Smooth Operator,” by Sade. 
“Sir?” said the voice. “Thank you for your continued patience. I am going to transfer you to my supervisor, thank you for allowing me to help you with your issue. Is there anything else I may assist you with today?”
“No, thank you.”
Rupert Holmes’ “Piña Colada Song.”
“All Out of Love,” by Air Supply. 
Followed by “Dance With Me,” by Orleans. 
Finally. A voice. 
“Hello, sir,” a new foreign voice said. “Thank you for calling the Spectacular Internet Service Help Center. How may I help you today? Let me begin by thanking you for being a valued Spectacular Internet Service customer. I will be helping you with this important problem. Let us start by unplugging your modem.”
Dear God, either give me strength or just take me home.

😜

10 hours ago, V. R. said:

Talking and listening to our friends here is now helping me to survive, but the trauma of losing him suddenly  still  controls my mind, causing sleeplessness, anxiety and so many other strong emotions that no words can describe, and that I never even thought could exist. 

It is gratifying to know that you're finding some measure of healing here, my dear ~ but you might also consider giving yourself the benefit of an in-person grief support group, or even a session or two with a qualified grief counselor who specializes in traumatic loss. 

Coping with Traumatic Loss: Suggested Resources

14 hours ago, Boho-Soul said:

I can't even explain my feeling of not knowing, doesn't matter, because it appears that nobody can relate. The lack of responses on this topic of not knowing and waiting tells me that.

My dear, I'm hoping this article, along with the related readings listed at the base, might assure you that you are not alone in how you are feeling: Traumatic Loss: Needing To Know The Details  ❤️