In Grief: After Caregiving Ends: Who Am I?  ❤️

After Death Communication

After Death Communication: A List of Resources

After Death Communication, Continued

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3 hours ago, ellenmarie said:

I do regret now putting her down and feel like we should of given her a couple days to see if she improved but we were afraid she was suffering.

Sometimes we mistake prolonging an animal companion's life with prolonging their dying. You chose the most compassionate and humane alternative. Now Buttercup's suffering has ended, and yours has just begun. This exchange of suffering ~ hers for your own ~ is your final and most selfless act of love for her . . . 

I am so very sorry for your loss, Ellenmarie ~ but I must say that, given what you've described, it seems to me that your beloved Buttercup already had reached (or was reaching) the end of her natural life. Whether the flea medication speeded things along we cannot know, but you say your vet didn't think so, and I see no reason why you cannot take that professional opinion to heart. I understand that you read about side effects on Google, but Dr. Google doesn't know your cat the way your vet does, and at her advanced age (17) it is more likely that (as your vet said) her body was shutting down and she was getting ready to leave. I know my words will do little to comfort you now, and they won't erase the guilt you're feeling either. But guilt is a FEELING, not a FACT ~ and just because you're feeling guilty, it does not follow that you are, in fact, guilty as charged. I encourage you to do some reading about guilt and forgiveness ~ and I hope that one day soon you will find it in your heart to forgive yourself for being human ~ as I'm sure your Buttercup has done already. ❤️

Pet Loss: When Guilt Overshadows Grief

In Grief: When Pet Loss Feels Worse Than Person Loss

Tips for Coping with Anniversary Reactions in Grief

Grief Rituals Can Help on Special Days

In Grief: Dreading the Anniversary of A Loved One's Death

In Grief: Remembering Is An Active Process

Only you can decide how much, if any, support you are willing and able to offer to your mother-in-law. Short of visiting her in person, might you find some alternative, indirect ways of acknowledging her grief and demonstrating that you care ~ e.g., a written note, an email or a text message saying simply that you're thinking of her? See, for example, Helping Another in Grief and Helping Another in Grief: Suggested Resources

Grief In The Second Year: Finding Your Way   ❤️

2 hours ago, sp99 said:

Lately I haven't gone or left when they came over. But I am wrong for doing this? More importantly, can my daughter and I do this for the rest of our lives? . . . my biggest question is how do I support a grieving person that I just simply can't stand and who obviously feels the same?

There is nothing wrong with protecting yourself from someone who is abusing you. You don't say what, if any, understanding and support you have from your husband in all of this. Does he recognize your distress and support you in setting limits on his mother's behavior toward you? You may have no control over your mother-in-law's behavior toward you, but you do have control in how you respond to her. 

Disenfranchised grief: Why mourning an estranged relationship is completely valid

In Grief: Setting Clear Boundaries

17 hours ago, Sad_Widower said:

I’m curious how many of you feel that your loved one is “watching“ you?

One of my favorite resources is the writing and research of grief expert and author Dr. Louis LaGrand. Although he left this earthly world in 2019, Dr. LaGrand's written works live after him ~ and he has written extensively on what he calls Extraordinary Experiences of the Bereaved.

A list of his helpful articles can be found here: Resources ~ once there, scroll down the page to see links to his writings. See especially Ask For A Visitation Dream When You Are Mourning

See also "Am I Going Mad? Mystical Experiences in Grief   ❤️

And there is this:

10 hours ago, Sad_Widower said:

I would love to hear your stories on your loved one possessions and what—if anything—you may have come across that touched your spirit. 

In Grief: Sifting and Sorting A Loved One's Personal Belongings

Tips on Sorting A Loved One's Personal Belongings

I also encourage you to consider Soaring Spirits International ~ an outstanding resource for those whose spouse has died. From their website:

Soaring Spirits has one goal; to connect widowed people with each other.

As an organization, our leaders have personally experienced the power of the words, “I get it.” We have felt the relief of being understood by another widowed person.  We have laughed, and cried, with our widowed community. We have witnessed the transformation that having access to hope makes for someone whose life has been altered by death.

Through our unique programs, we prove to widowed people from all walks of life that they are not alone. Our innovative, life-affirming events, groups, and virtual programs provide vital access to hope for widowed people everywhere; hope for the moment, as well as hope for the future.

If you are widowed: Soaring Spirits is a safe place for you to begin the process of rebuilding. We won’t pretend this is easy, and we won’t put a timeline on your process. We will provide you with a huge group of people who are making their way through their own loss, and who are willing to walk beside you through yours. We will also assure you, as many times as needed, that a full and happy life is still possible for you. Really.

No need to apologize, my dear. Venting is okay here, and we are here to listen to whatever you need to say. This grief business is very hard work ~ probably the hardest work you'll ever do ~ but you are doing it, one step at a time, and you are moving forward. Keep right on going! Good for you! ❤️

Controlling. Narcissistic. Argumentative. Jealous. Insecure. Doesn't Trust Me. Doesn't Believe Me. Constantly Disrespectful.

Is this really a list of the sort of traits you want in a new partner? Maybe you're finding it hard to love him because he is not worthy of your love . . . 

George, this is simply wonderful, and I thank you for bringing it to our attention. I encourage everyone to take the time to watch this video! Natasha Josefowitz offers valid and reliable information and practical suggestions for healing. This is one very wise lady, who speaks from personal experience!

The only comment I would add is that in the years since Dr. Josefowitz was widowed (2009), experts in the field of grief and bereavement have studied and come to understand so much more about personality patterns and gender differences in grief. (See, for example, How We Mourn: Understanding Our Differences.)  ❤️

My dear, I'm so very sorry for all your losses, and I hope you'll take time to mourn each and every one of them. I hope it brings you comfort to know that we are thinking of you, and sending wishes for comfort and peace to your broken heart. ❤️ 

1 hour ago, Witmer said:

Does anyone else feel this way or had to process their grief and loss of their dog with similar emotions?

In all the years I've worked with bereaved animal lovers, I've yet to meet a single person who doesn't share the emotions you describe. I'd venture to say that the sort of guilt you're feeling is a universal response. We pet parents hold ourselves to impossibly high standards in caring for our beloved companions, believing that, if only we'd done this or that, all would be well. And as you say, instead of remembering all the good times, right now you're focusing on all those times you weren't at your best with Drake.

One reason we love our dogs so much is that they live in the moment, accepting us as we are, never holding grudges, overlooking our shortcomings and showering us with unconditional love. They do not pass judgment on our human frailties, and they don't hesitate to forgive us for whatever we've done or failed to do in our efforts to take good care of them. Dogs are far more advanced in that regard than we humans could ever hope to be. 

I invite you to read the following, which I hope will help you to better understand what you may be feeling and why: Guilt in The Wake of The Euthanasia Decision.  (Note the additional readings listed at the base.)

See also Loss and The Burden of Guilt   ❤️

I'm so sorry all of this loss has happened to you, and all within five months. It's no wonder that you're feeling overwhelmed. I welcome you to this warm and caring place, and I invite you to read the following, in hopes that doing so may help: In Grief: Coping with Multiple Losses  ~ and note the additional resources listed at the base of the article.

12 hours ago, Mary Linda said:

I think about the old gang on here often. I've been thinking about the lady from Greece (Tiny?) I wonder if she survived all the turmoil.

Mary Linda, you're thinking of teny ~ our "friend from far away" ❤️

Wishing you the best in your job interview! Do let us know how it turns out for you!

I know you'll be watching Kodie like a hawk, Kay. Do let us know how this turns out ~ and we're all pulling for you!

The video Kay shared includes a discussion of Complicated Grief, now known as Prolonged Grief Disorder or PGD. (See What Is Complicated Grief?) 

1 hour ago, DeeP said:

I’m trying to work through this because i won’t be able to fully be invested with someone as to having a life with them until I figure it out. It just sucks this mind battle I have inside. I know I want love but I also run when I find it due to that uncomfortable feeling. & the thought of having to move on from my partner who passed it feels wrong idk

Clearly these "uncomfortable feelings" are getting in the way of your finding love again. That's an important insight, and if you continue to feel "stuck" this way, I encourage you to find a qualified grief counselor who can help you sort through all of this, come to a better understanding of yourself, and find a way to get on with your life. Think of it as a gift you can give yourself. You deserve it, and you most certainly are worth it. ❤️

My dear, the feelings you describe are not unusual, and I hope you'll hear from others whose experiences are similar to your own. The good news is that we humans have an infinite capacity to love, and if we so choose and if we are ready, our hearts most certainly are big enough to expand and make room to hold another. 

In this article you'll find a number of resources that I'm hoping you''ll find helpful: In Grief: Finding New Love After The Death of A Spouse ❤️

My dear, I am so sorry that this is happening to you and your sweet sunshine girl. Please know that our thoughts and hearts are with you as you face what lies ahead. Your Eunice is simply beautiful, and I know you'd give anything to keep her here with you, if only that were possible. I hope you can feel our collective arms around you . . . ❤️  

In Grief: Setting Clear Boundaries   ❤️