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Joe, I am so sorry you've had to endure such a loss at the same time you are grieving your wife. I hope it helps in some way to know that we are listening and praying for you. God Bless You, Sherry

Mary Linda, I am so sorry that you had such a lonely night. I wish you had called me. I was lying awake last night til the wee hours listening to the radio. This song spoke to me. Maybe you can set it as one of your favorites and play it when you are having that longing to have Tom's arms around you as I do Harry's. My heart aches for us all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rgz_GI7h_U8 Love and hugs!! Sherry

Dear Mike, I am so glad you found this site and were able to write out your feelings. It took me a while to be able to post here but I received much comfort in just reading what the others were posting. It validated my feelings and gave me hope that I too could make it down this path I've been on for just a little over 7 months. You will find engouragment and friendship here. God Bless You, Sherry

Today is just one of those days...another Saturday when I know he won't be coming thru the door after a hard day at work. This song gives me comfort even though it makes me cry. Isn't it funny how much music can move us! Here's a link if anyone is interested. Blessings, Sherry

Derek, You have quite a spirit about you and I strive to be more that way myself. It is very easy in my grief to be more hurt by people's words. I have been thinking back to the inadequate words I've used to grieving souls prior to the deaths I've experienced in my family. I'm sure I have hurt others and I am so sorry for that but it was in ignorance. Until we experience such loss we cannot truly understand. I find myself reaching out to especially those who have lost their spouse prior to it happening to me and having a conversation with them about how I did not understand and I am sorry if I hurt them by anything I said. So far my apologies have been accepted with grace. For that I am truly grateful. Sherry

Jlynn, Today is 7 months for me. My husband died very suddenly also. This site has been a big help to me. I found it rather soon after my husband passed away and at first was unable to post. I would read and cry but there was a strange comfort in reading the posts and having my feelings validated. I also attend a grief support group in which I have made some "real" friends for life. I was in a position to retire from my job after a few months to think about it and have replaced working with taking care of myself, some volunteer work and also the added duties of yardwork, etc. my "other half" used to do. I'm glad you found this site. I know it will help you in this unwanted journey we are all taking. Love, Sherry

Dear Janet, My sister gave me a basket of goodies for my birthday recently which included "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I don't know if you have heard of him but you can search on U tube and find the lecture he gave at the college where he taught. Someone sent the link to me right after my husband died and it was hard to watch but I got thru it. He has a wonderful attitude about life although he is dealing with terminal pancreatic cancer. I just read his book last week and it has helped me...at least right now it seems that way. Sherry

Derek, Thank you for the kind words. I too have been on the other side with my own mother who passed away in 2003 to lung cancer. My sisters and I were fortunate to be able to care for her in home hospice although it was so very hard to watch her deteriote from the strong woman she was who had cared for all of us. I am so sorry for the loss of your Karen. I have been told that Harry did not suffer either that it was instant. If I had been with him maybe the doubts wouldn't keep creeping in. I just get to feeling sorry for myself from time to time. Best Wishes, Sherry

Janet, My husband died December 22nd in our back yard by himself. I don't know for sure how long he had been there...sometime under 1 1/2 hours before I found him but that is of no consoldation as I did not get to say goodbye either. I have been with so many of our family members at the time of death and it is hard for me to understand why God did not think it necessary for me to be with the man I had been married to for 42 years when he passed away. I am trying to trust and have thrown myself into several Bible studies. I also have taken on the yard work and outside projects hoping that Harry would be proud of me. I attend a local grief support group and have made a couple of friends I do things with from time to time. It helps to be able to call them or have them call me just to talk and know that the other understands. I am so sorry that you didn't get to say goodbye to your husband either. The only consolation I have is knowing that Harry was having a wonderful day. It was a Saturday, he was off work and so excited as he was retiring the 2nd day of January. I read but don't post here very much. I felt a kindred spirit to your post. I just said a prayer for you and for all of us. Sherry

Joe, Thanks for sharing your discovery that you don't have to fear going places that were special to you both. I am going to try taking the camper out soon. Some family members are going to help me with it. I have been hesitant as we both loved it so much and that is what we had planned to do in our retirment this year. I know it won't be the same without him but I feel like I have to try instead of just giving up "our dream". This journey is hard but I feel less alone by being able to share my feelings with others who defintely understand. Thanks again. Sherry

I am so very sorry for all your family has and is enduring. There is so much suffering in this world and our finite minds cannot begin to fathom why. I too have family members who seem as if they get dumped on. I hope in some small way it helps to know that I just lifed your family up to the Lord in prayer. I look forward to the glorius appearing in the high above all heavens. Sherry

May 22nd was not only the first wedding anniversary without my husband, Harry, but also the 5 month anniversary of his death. I made a little memorial garden of flowers and stones with sayings on them along the back of the shed in our yard where I found him that day. Every morning when I raise the window shade in the kitchen my eyes automatically go to that spot. I think it is going to help me to have something growing there. Since Mother's Day my grieving had worsened but today I am better. I have read many posts from others that say the anticipation of annivesarys and other dates is worse than the actual day and I must say that seemed to be the case for me. I was listening to his favorite radio station yesterday. As I pulled into my driveway and was about to shut off the truck the DJ announced the winner of lunch for two at Sonic's....and my name was announced. His boss called me immediately and said "see, the big stoop is still looking out for you!" Don't take that remark in a bad way as between them it was a term of endearment. Thanks for listening and I pray that we will all have a peaceful Memorial Day weekend. Sherry

Thank you all for your sincere comments. It does help to know that others care and you all have my deepest sympathy as well. I have been attending a grief support group though a hospital in a nearby town. I was hesitant about going but am glad I made the effort as it seems I am developing friendships with a couple of ladies from the group whose husbands have also passed away. Thanks again for your kind words. Sherry

December 22nd, 2007 was such a beautiful winter day. My husband worked most every weekend but he was off that Saturday. He was to retire January 2nd...just 6 days left to work. He had eaten lunch and gone into the garage. I went to get a shower. We were taking our 6 & 8 year old granddaughters to see the new Alvin and the Chipmunks movie so that my daughter and her husband could finish some last minute Christmas shopping. When I finished blowing my hair dry, I was feeling warm and went outside to get some air. I decided to sneak around to the side door of the garage and play a trick on my husband. I knocked loudly a couple of times but he didn't answer. Thinking he must be in the back yard, I turned to look for him. He was lying face down behind the shed near the alley. I knew from the minute I saw him that he was dead. We were so close to our dream of finally having weekends together and being able to travel with our camper. We've been married since we were kids..just 18 & 19 years old. We had always been there for each other, faithful to our vows, and love. An autopsy was done because his doctor said "he was a healthy 62 year old man." His yearly checkup had just been done 11 days prior. The autopsy result came back atherosclerosis and enlarged heart. I still can't get ahold of why there were no symptoms. I want to go back in time, have a test to discover the problem and get it fixed but of course that is not possible. It was his appointed time. If it weren't for my family, I wish it had been my appointed time as well. The future seems unbearable. May 22nd, the 5 month anniversary of his death, would have been our 43rd wedding anniversary. Most of the posts I've read say that anticipation of a holiday is worse than the actual day. I guess I will find out. I've tried to post since January but can never seem to send it. I have taken comfort in reading the posts of others...I guess the comraderie of pain.