DebFromLodi

Holly: I, too, had to change my mom's diaper and i had never ever seen her naked. That was a hard thing to do but after awhile, it did not bother me at all. My mom was totally fine the days before she died. Then when they called us to the hospital on feb 2 at 6:30 a.m. she was non responsive. The nurse told us she had fluid building around her heart and her breathing was like under water, she too drowned in her fluids. At the very end, she lifted her head up toward the ceiling (or perhaps to God) and her breathing changed. The nurse said two or three more breaths and she would be gone, and she was. I hated her having to die like that. I pray she did not feel any pain or discomfort. Our stories are so close. I am praying for you.

Oh Holly, I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is my first Christmas without my mom and I need her so badly. I remember the Thursday I went to see her (she died 2 days later). I walked in the room and said hi, she looked at me and said "i love you, i love you, i love you" God I wish I could hear her say that again. My heart is so broke and now it is breaking for you too. We will get through this somehow. I want to take a tree to the cemetery. She loved Christmas. We will be having a family dinner just like when she was here. I will be praying for you, Holly. Please be strong.

Empty: My point was, if you do something to yourself you probably won't see your dad in the after life. There has to be an afterlife or what is the reason for life? Please hang on to that and keep praying for a sign. I have not really received the sign that i would like to get but i am sure i am just missing them since i am looking for something specific. Does he ever come to you in a dream? I never remember my dreams, i guess because i smoke. They say people who smoke can't remember their dreams. I will pray that you receive a sign. I think that is what you need at this time.

AnnieO: Please share your experiences that made you believe in the after life. I would love to hear them

emptyinside: everytime i read what you write, my heart breaks for you. Please don't consider taking your life. You know there is a God and there has to be a Heaven. If you kill yourself, you will ruin any chances of ever seeing your father again. At least that is the way I was raised to believe. Have you asked for a sign from him? Just something to let you know that he is still with you. I believe God would allow that since you are going through so much hell right now. I know with me and as bad as I miss my mom, if I were able to find a job, my mind would be occupied by something other than my loss. I can't find a job so I spend alot of time home alone thinking of her and so many regrets come to mind. Are you working? Please, when the thoughts of suicide enter your mind, ask God to take them away. Tell the devil to get out of your life and fall to your knees and ask God to help. I am not a Church goer, though I wish I was. I just know that God will be there for you when you need him the most. I am praying for you to get through this.

Thanks Leeann. You are a good friend and I always love to read the things you write.

Please, please don't do that to yourself. It is breaking my heart reading what you are going through. I wish I (or anyone) could help you through this. I keep remembering back when I moved out of my mom's house (i was in my 30's) and she walked me out to the car. I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes, hugged me and said "come home." Do you know what I would give now to be able to go home and live with her again? God, I miss her. Then, when she was in the rest home, she said to me: "I often wondered why you never let me move in with you." That still cuts like a knife when I remember it. Why did I not let her move in? I had having regrets when it is too late to change anything. Sorry for going on about my problems. It is you I am worried about now.

I talk to my mom out loud. I am alone in the mornings after hubby goes to work. I sit and have my coffee, look outside and start talking to her. I talk to her all day, just like she is standing right beside me. I am hoping she is there and can hear me. Things really will get better for you but that is going to take some time. Just be kind to yourself and express your grief in anyway your mind and body needs. The way I look at it is that I had my mom for 56 years and it has only been 10 months since I lost her. How can I forget 56 years of unconditional love she gave to me in such a short time? I will NEVER get over this, but it is getting better. I think it comes with acceptance of her passing. I think people go through different phases in grief. I hope this helps you some.

Wow, you are going through so much and i feel so bad for you. I wish i could help, but i am still trying to deal with my mom's death in February. It does get better, a little easier, but there is never a day that goes by that i don't talk to her. It feels like someone took away the most important thing in my life. I was so lucky to have her for a mom for 56 years, she was the best mom ever. This will be my first Xmas without her but somehow, i believe she will be with us. Maybe someday I will hear from her, I hope. You hang in there and don't let anyone try to manage your sorrow for you. You hurt, scream, kick, cry all you want. Just don't let those people get to you, ok? Remember to thank God every single day for all the wonderful memories of your father. Ask God to please tell him how much you love and miss him and please to give you a sign. I am praying for you and for so many other people at this site going through what we are all going through.

Thank you so very, very much for the prayers.

My brother's first treatment went well. He was in their office receiving the meds for six hours, then they sent him home with medicine attached to the pump to receive treatment for 22 hrs. He goes back today for another three hours, then home with the med attached for another total of 22 hrs. Then has it removed on Wednesday, blood test next Wednesday and then the following Monday does it again. Wow. Then he does radiation. Thanks for the prayers for him.

Thanks for the kind words,Leeann. I did call the cemetery. They said they will check on it and let me know. My brother is having his first chemo treatment right now. He went in at 8 this morning. Please pray for him.

Had she not been there, the gravy would not have turned out absolutely perfect. It was strange without her body there, and we took flowers to her grave. The disturbing thing was that her headstone was turned almost sideways. That really bothered me, don't they attach those things? Anyway, I got through it and now have Xmas to face.

Thank you so much. I love this site and always get the help and information I need. You guys are great.

My mom used to tell me that death happens in 3's. I don't know where she came up with that but it has stuck with me all these years. Well, my mom died in February this year and we just found out my brother has colon cancer. I just can't deal with this and I don't know who to talk to. It is stage 3 cancer, meaning it spread to a couple of lymph nodes plus I guess it is bigger than they would like. Now he is faced with chemo, radiation and surgery to remove it. Then back to chemo again. I don't want my brother to die, I am not even through the loss of my mom. I am so very afraid and I don't know who to talk to. I try hard to build my brother's faith up, letting him know that everything is going to be just fine. But inside I am freaking out with fear. Please, everyone who reads this, please pray for my brother.

I am not in your age group but, believe me, it does not matter how old or how young you are, when you lose your mother..you lose a part of yourself. I lost my mom in Feb 2008 and I am still in shock. I talk to her daily and pray constantly for God to take care of her. I hurt like I never knew was possible. I miss her more with each passing day. We are here for you if you need us.

It was nice to be together for a dinner again. We all live in the same town so there is no excuse not to get together. It is just that after losing the tie that bound us all together, i guess we get busy with life and it is easy to forget all the dinners we shared in the past. We always go together for the holidays. We all laughed and had a great visit, my mom would have been happy to see us together and not let the family fall apart just because she is no longer there. I just don't want our family closeness to fall apart.

We will take flowers to her grave, beautiful ones. Tonight, the four of us kids are getting together for a dinner. I'll let you know tomorrow how it went. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

I can only imagine what you are going through. My sister in law lost her father about 8 months ago and, within days, lost her sister as well. I tried so hard to be there for her, but what a terrible loss you both must have felt. I will pray for you.

OMG...it has only been 8 months since she died. I am losing it I guess. That makes me feel a little relieved, I can't explain it.

It never fails, I come here and pour out my heart, and all of you take the time to get me through the pain. Thank you all for listening and helping me. My prayers are with all of you as well...

i have never realized how quickly time goes by until my mom died. i still cannot believe it was 9 months ago today that we were called to the hospital and that about 11:30 a.m. we watched her slip away. i just can't get through this and am not sure who to talk to, except all the kind people here who listen to me and offer words of advice. Her birthday is the 18th of this month and that is going to be so hard. i always knew this day would come, someday....i just never expected it to be now. If only i would have known, i would have visited her more often, stayed longer, i just can't stand this. How one person can impact others lives like this, i just never thought it possible. The funny thing is, when i feel this empty feeling inside, which is all the time, at least i am feeling something. Does that make sense? I keep praying for her to send me a sign....but nothing yet. I did have a dream about her finally. It was no big deal, just her at her house being her normal self. But it was nice, when i woke up to realize i did see her again. Some days i feel like i am losing my mind and this can't have happened. But i know it did and i don't know how to live without her in my life. I will take her flowers today, i always do on the second of every month. Mom, I miss you so much.

Some mornings are just harder than others. This date doesn't mean anything to me. But her birthday is coming up next month,perhaps that is why...i don't know. I just need to see her, touch her and tell her I love her. It has been almost 8 months and it is not any better or easier. Thanks for listening, i just feel so lonely this morning.

Thank you for taking the time to comfort me, when you are going through the same. I love this site and all the people who are so helpful. Together, we can make it. I will pray for you.

I think we are all going through the same exact things. I keep looking for a sign from my mom, which never comes. I talk to God all day, i say good night to my mom at night. i wish and pray for just one more day with her. i am starting to feel alot of guilt, and i don't like that. i truly have no reason to feel guilty. i just wish i would have gone to see her the Friday before the day she died. but my brother and sister were going to visit her and i welcomed the break. that is hard to deal with. plus it was ME who put her in the home. she was living with my brother and his wife, and it was getting so hard on them. she was no longer able to walk and they had to do EVERYTHING. so i called around and found a convalescent hospital for her and we put her in there, and now she is dead. i feel so guilty about that. but my brother could not go on caring for her, she had to be physically carried to the bathroom etc. and she was so drugged up i don't think she knew what was going on half the time. i could not bring her here to my home, it is two story. plus i cannot lift so i would not have been able to care for her. my brother and sister in law tried so hard to get her back on her feet after her knee surgery, she just never came "out of it." then, i think because she was not able to physically exercise, she got an enlarged heart, which is what killed her. i think of her everyday, i just wish i could get through this. i miss her terribly and i love her so very, very much.