avsqr_dancer

Hi, I want to express my sympathy for the loss of your mom. It must be especially tougha being an only child and not having any siblings to share your grief with. I do have a brother and although we have never been particularly close, this tragedy has actually brought us closer, something that would make my mom happy. As a said before, everyone's grief is different, but it does help to have a brother who also lost his mom. It helps to have a supportive husband, but they can not understand everything. I am sorry you are having trouble sleeping. I have had dreams where my mom is still alive, but I also know that she is dead or will be dying soon. It is a weird dream and also upsetting. I wish you the best and hope you will start to feel less alone as time goes on. dancer

It's hard to stay focused on work when so much else is going on. I in school working on my master's degree. I only have one more class and my thesis to do, and I'm trying to get a headstart on the thesis now. But it's be particularly tough to concentrate on that when especially when I feel down. They say working helps, which I guess is true.

Thank you, Amy, for your quick reply. Concerning my dad, people have told me that it'll will take more time, but that Dad will probably eventually realize that Mom is dead. I agree that honesty is best. We went as a family to tell him, but I am the one that actually broke the news to him. It was definitely one of the most difficult and heartbreaking days. He did seem aware that Mom was dead at the funeral and afterwards with all those people in the house. In fact the next day, he landed in the hospital with pneumonia. I really didn't think he'd pull through that, but he did. I understand anticipatory grief-it is like we are losing our dads a little each day or "inch by inch" as I call it. Yet the final death will still be traumatic. I don't think one can ever be truly prepared for it no matter what. With my mom, she was having trouble breathing so they took her to the hopspital. When I found out, I was 6 hours away on my way home from a trip. Two hours later, my brother called to say she had died. So I didnt even have time to get to the hospital before she was gone. I am doing my best to take care of myself. But I find there are so many things to do after a person dies that I am was not even aware of. Take care of yourself too. Dancer

I can really relate to what you are saying. My mom just died a month ago, so my grief is still very fresh. It was also sudden and so unexpected. But I am functioning, doing everything that I have to do. But my dad also has dementia and a host of other ailments. His kidneys have failed and he is on dialysis. He lives about an hour away, but I do try to visit him as much as possible. He constantly forgets that Mom has died, and when we tell him again, he just does not believe it. I think that my grieving process is being complicated by his condition. He also has a live-in caregiver who is very good. I had thought about moving him in with me and the care-giver, but my dad had such a negative reaction, that I have decided it is best to leave him in the home he has known for over 50 years. It is so difficult to know what goes on in the minds of those with dementia. I think that somehow he believes that Mom is still somewhere in his house. So I think it would be too traumatic to take him from his house. But I always wonder if I am making the right decision. It is so difficult to see someone you love deterioate mentally, as well as physically. I wanted to let you know that I do understand and can relate to your pain. avsqr_dancer

Hi to everyone, I lost my mom a month ago and I also feel very alone, as others of you have expressed. I am married and my husband has been as supportive as possible, but I still feel alone. Grief is a very private emotion and no two people experience it the same way. My father is still alive, but in very poor health and has dementia besides. I am finding the grieving process complicated by the condition of my dad. He does not remember than my mom has died and when we tell him, he does not believe it. Perhaps, as people have suggested to me, it is a blessing for him, but for me it is more difficult. I am also trying to do what is best for my dad, but I don't even know what that is. I know that I will feel better in time, but now it is still so painful. I cry almost every day. Some days feel worse than others which I know is to be expected. Anyway I just wanted to reach out to others and try to feel connected in some way. Thanks, avsqr_dancer

Hi, I just lost my mom less than two weeks ago and it is very tough! It was very sudden-a heart attack, so sometimes it still seems unreal. She was just beginning to get dementia, so I know how painful that is to deal with. My father is still alive, but went into the hospital the day after her funeral with pneumonia. He also has dementia, and although he understood when we told them that mom was gone, he doesn't remember. It is very difficult to grieve for my mom, and also be so concerned with my dad. Somehow I am hanging in there, but it almost feels like too much. avsqr_dancer