avsqr_dancer

Hi all, The news I got at the vets was NOT good. Her number-BUN-is up again. Double what it was when she left the vets on Monday. But the vet also said that she is continuing to defy the odds. Just by looking at her, she looks and acts like a totally healthy dog. She wasn't even particularly dehydrated today. So I am not happy of course, and still quite concerned, but I am also not as freaked as I have been. I will try as hard as I can to just take each day as it comes and give and receive all the love and joy we can give each other for as long as we can have her. And the vet cannot say how long that will be cuz she has already stayed healthier longer than expected. I will not let her suffer, so that if it comes to that, I will know what I have to do. Meanwhile she stays on the same diet and he will show me how to give the fluid treatment through her fur if/when that becomes necessary. I don't think there is anything more I or he can do at this point. Only hope and pray that she can still have a long and healthy life even at this number with this disease. I will take her back again Monday morning to check numbers again.

Just wanted to let all you wonderfully supportive people know that Tawny seemed better in the afternoon and in the evening. We leave very soon for another all important vet appt-to check her numbers since being off the treatment. So keep your good thoughts and prayers coming, as I am doing too. And I continue talking to my dear furbaby. I'll let you know the results when I return.

Good afternoon. I had a scare this morning with Tawny. But I think she's okay now. Not sure I am though! This not knowing anything for sure and this waiting is just so stressful. Tawny didn't seem to want to eat her breakfast this morning, so I started by hand feeding her. She only ate about half. And of course, I know not eating is NOT a good sign. But then she went outside to "do business," I assume and then came back and then did eat the rest of her breakfast without any persuasion and seemed to be looking for more food. Then I noticed she was shaking a great deal. I read articles on kidney disease in dogs things and one symptom is tremors. A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing! Well the truth is that she does have kidney disease, and we are just hoping that her BUN numbers and other numbers will remain low enough (without IV treatment) to manage the disease. Also she has always been a timid dog, and has trembled, shaked for a lot of reasons. She may have sensed my own fear/lack of calm over her not eating right away. I know I have to stay calm for her, but that can be tough, esp for a person like me. Anyway she seems fine now-she's resting and I'll soon feed her lunch-and see how she does then. Anyway thanks again for being here.

Thank you so much, Derek! What a beautiful prayer and I will try to keep your positive energy and thoughts with me throughout tomorrow and Thursday. Tawny thanks you too!!

Just another quick thank you for all your prayers and your support. Thursday morning is a critcal day. She goes to the vet to check to see if her numbers are still down without the treatment. I find myself physically and emotionally exhausted from all this stress. So I am going to try to to to bed early tonight. I have an interview tomorrow for a teaching position at our local community college, so I need to be on top of my game. Blessings to all of you.

Latest update. Tawny is home now and she seems to be doing well to me. She sure is hungry!! I need to take her to the vet's again on Thursday and this is the next big hurdle and important day. She is NOT out of danger yet. The vet will test her again to see if her numbers are still down without the treatment. So please keep her in your prayers. Although the numbers went down almost 100 points, they are still double what is normal. I think ideally the vet would like to see them in the normal range, but I think he'll be satisfied just to see them staying down. And he did give her the low protein, special kidney diet dog food. She was SO excited to see us, as we were to see her. I'll will let you know what happens on Thursday. Good day to all and God bless.

Yes, it is great news. I do assume there is still a long road ahead of us, but this is such a positive sign. She's obviously a fighter and I choose to believe that she will continue to fight. She has every reason to! And I am very hopeful the diet will help, as it has with other animals that I have read about. So thank you for your continued support and prayers. And I will take it one day at a time. Now I just can't wait to see her again.

I just heard from the vet and it was the best news!! Tawny's numbers are now at 64 from a high of 159. Normal is about 35-40, so it's not that far off. She is continuing to eat and drink also and exhibiting no signs of illness. So we get to finally take her home this afternoon. The vet will send her home with antibiotics and a special kidney diet. I am so relieved and excited. I do have to bring her back tomorrow to check her numbers once more to be sure the numbers don't creep up without the treatment. Vet says he can't guarantee that either way. So yes, I admit I am a bit concerned. But mostly I feel great and I cannot wait to see my sweet girl again and take her home where she belongs. I can only imagine how excited she'll be when she sees us too. Thanks once more for all your support and understanding. This is one of the few places that I could find any relief at all from my fear and pain.

Still no news and this waiting is total agony. I only know the vet said he'd call some time today. He never said when. So I try to keep myself and my mind busy, but it is near impossible. Earlier I was playing ball with my other dog, Tanner, but he tuckered out even before I did. So nothing to do but continue to wait and to continue to prayer and hope.

Thank you Maylissa both for your prayers and your encouraging news about the cat. The vet also said it could have been due to antifreeze poisoning, although we can't imagine where/how she got into it, but anything is possible. I'm still very scared because I won't really know for sure until tomorrow (at least I think that will be the telling day), but I am hopeful because of the improving numbers. All I want is to be able to take her home and I will do whatever I need to keep her as healthy as possible for as long as I can. One step at a time. Her numbers still need to go down more, but of course that is what I am praying for now. I'll update you all as soon as I know something. Again it is nice to find fellow animal lovers who understand the depth of my feelings!

Thanks again for all your prayers. Yes, Tawny is a strong dog. That is what the vet said too. I think he is truly amazed by the progress she has made so far. I also think she knows how much we love her and need her and she doesn't want to leave us yet. Like I said she is far from out of the woods yet, and I am still very scared, but I am encouraged by her progress and I too am continuing to pray.

Thanks again for all of you who responded in support and understanding. But I have some amazing news. We did not have to put Tawny down last night after all. When the vet called yesterday afternoon to his complete surprise, her numbers were down about 20 points. Then when he called us again this morning, her numbers had dropped another 20 points. Now she is far from out of the woods yet and her numbers are still critical and way too high, but the vet says he is "cautiously optimistic." She will remain at the vets all weekend and continue her treatment. I'm trying to stay in the moment and not be too negative, but also not be TOO hopeful, because I don't want to feel horribly let down again. And like I said, she still has a long road ahead of her. But the vet also said she is still eating and drinking and not throwing up-more good signs. He said she is indeed one strong little girl. So please continue to keep her in your prayers. I won't know anymore until Monday when the vet will call. I will update you then. It is just so nice to have other animal lovers who understand the depth of my feelings. My husband is sad because he loves her too, but he is not taking this nearly as hard as I am.

Thank you, Derek for your kind and comforting words. I love her so much and she loves us so much. I know that I will feel better in time. But you are right, the weekend will be very hard and the pain is just overwhelming right now! I am also praying for the strength to get through this. I know I can. I am very strong and have been through a lot. But I just want this horrific pain to go away.

The vet just called and the news is bad. Tawny's bloodwork is not any better. Although he will do one more test this afternoon, he does not expect it to be any different. He is recommending that we euthanzize her. We don't know what caused this in a dog so young. He is the second vet we took her to and the diagnosis was the same. Her kidneys are just too far gone to do anything. It is not an infection because there are no infection markers. I am in so much pain now that I can hardly breathe. We will do what is best for Tawny and I do trust this vet-he comes recommended highly by a few people. I don't know what is best for me-I just don't think I can be with her. I am so upset and only stop crying for a few minutes at a time. Although I want to say goodby to her, I do not want to upset her anymore than I already have. My DH will be home in a bit and we will make the decision together. I guess the only decision left is whether or not to say goodby. That is it for now.

I just wanted to thank all of you who have responded with such caring and understanding. Marty, I already read some of the articles you suggested and plan to read more of them. Tawny is still at the vet and we are hoping for some news-GOOD-of course by this afternoon. I am trying to focus on other things, including my precious other furbabies, Tanner, and my cat, Scooter. But it is very difficult. Tanner can tell something is wrong, but of course, he doesn't know what. I am feeling the same kind of intense fear and intense pain that I felt the week before my father died. I had to end up making a similar decision for him, when I told them no more extraordinary measures. I was able to say goodby to him, but I could not stay to watch him die. But although he was unconscious, I believe he heard me tell him it was okay to leave and be with mom, as he died a few hours later. And he looked more peaceful than he had all week. Of course I am hoping for a far different outcome for my dear Tawny. But if it has to be the same, I will do what I must do so that she will not suffer needlessly. Thank you for the suggestion of the sedative. I think I will want to say goodby, but I do not want to upset her so that might be the best option. Again I get ahead of myself since we still do not know how the IV meds and fluids are working. Thanks for your prayers and please continue to keep her in your prayers. Serl

Today I got devasting news about my dear dog, Tawny. She is only a year and a half and the vet said she is suffering from kidney disease. She is there (at vet's) now and they will try IV fluids and other meds to try to get her numbers down, but the vet is very doubtful it will work. Even if it does, it may only be a temporary solution. He said if it doesn't work (as he suspects that it won't), she will probably die within a week. So he recommends putting her down so she will not suffer. I am a wreck. I cannot believe this is happening and I cannot stop crying. I have another dog, Tanner, from the same litter. It is possible this problem is genetic, although no way to know. So now I worry about him too. I'm sitting at home trying to be upbeat for him, but like I said all I can do is cry. In this past year, I have lost both of my parents-only 7 weeks apart and my brother-in-law who was only 55, and now this. I just don't know how I will get through this. Please any words of help that you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I also feel like I have failed my dog somehow. Final decision is if I do have to put her down, should I be with her. I don't know if I can do that, but if there is anyone who has done so, please give me your feedback. Thanks for listening. I have no children, so these 2 precious dogs ARE my kids and now I am facing the loss of my precious baby.

Thanks for your replies and your support. I sympathize with your pain also and wish you a healthy recovery. I am finding that some days, or some hours are better than others. Sometimes I almost think that I am okay, then something will remind me of them and I will feel the pain again. I am also having to deal with the reporting of their deaths to all the various necessary places, which also drains and depresses me. I didn't realize how many places needed to be contacted or how long this would go on after the funerals. It seems never ending-although some of it involves calls to insurance companies to get the money now payable to my brother and I. I had barely finished these calls about my mother, so I could get Dad money he needed, but then he died. Although the money doesn't seem that important right now, I know that both Mom and Dad set it up so that their assests would go to us so I perserve on. But each place I call wants something different. Anyway I guess the reporting becomes part of the grieving process. Thanks for listening and responding. All of you are in my prayers. avsqr_dancer

Hello, I also appreciate this post. In the space of 7 weeks, both my parents died. They were both in their 80's. and I am in 51, but it is still very painful. I do not think that some people, especially those who haven't gone through it, understand this. So I am careful who I talk to about this. That is why message boards like this are so important. I did have one very sensitive friend who echoed the sentiment expressed in the article-that the older we are, the longer we have had our parents and our memories. She told of how painful it was for both herself and her mother when her 95 year grandmother died. I don't want people to minimize my loss just because they lived a long life. I am coping well enough, but I miss them both and probably always will. avsqr_dancer

I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your mother. It is very difficult and painful. My mom died on June 18, and my dad died less than 2 months later on August 13th. Suddenly I am an orphan and floundering. My mom's death was sudden. But my dad was in the hospital for a week and a half before he died. The last time I saw him, I also told him that it was okay to let go and be with mom and that we'd (my brother and I) be okay. I never thought I could say those words, but he was suffering, and there was nothing left that they could do for him. He died several hours later. Like you said about your mom, my dad gave me unconditional love and support. I do not have any children, but I do have a wonderful husband and 2 precious puppies. But it is a struggle and I empathize with your pain. I have read the book you ordered from the internet. The book is very good, but it really does deal more with loss due to the breakup of a relationship, rather than death-although it mentions those losses too. I read Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul which had some inspirtational stories. I also saw something in the bookstore-I don't remember the name-but it was basically daily meditations on loss, death, and dying. I may pick it up. Anyway good luck on your painful journey, and if you feel like talking more feel free to email me. avsqr_dancer

Thanks for you imput. It is okay to feel the pain, as difficult as it is. Feeling the pain and going through it will eventually help us get past it and into the healing phase. I hear from others, that later on you can remember the good memories without feeling the pain. But now the memories are very painful. My dad didn't suffer a long time, for which I am grateful or at least relieved. I believe that my mom just needed him now more than we (my brother and I) do. I understand about it being hard to be with your mom at a time like this. You want to support her, yet you are dealing with your own pain and loss. I am glad that your mom is now willing to see an counselor, even if only for you. I am sure that it will help her -a safe, nonjudgemental (and someone who is objective and outside the family) place to talk about her pain and not have to pretend or "act strong" for anyone else. I wish you luck in your healing journey.

Thanks for your response. 7 weeks is so short and sometimes it still doesn't feel real. But I know that it is and it is really hard to accept that I will never see them again. Although I had some issues with my mom growing up, we were able to finally resolve them and have a good relationship the last few years of her life. Her death was very sudden and unexpected. I was always very close to my dad-a real "daddy's girl" and I never thought I could survive his death. Of course I am-I have to, there is no choice. He had many health problems over the years, but always fought them off. But he didn't want to after Mom died-plus he had dementia and he just went so rapidly downhill after her death. So not unexpected, but difficult. I don't think that there is anything that is "normal" or not "normal" when it comes to grieving. You need to do whatever you can do to help yourself heal-whatever seems to help, as long as you don't hurt yourself, of course. Anyway thanks again for the response. People don't seem to know what to say about this kind of loss, I find, so some have said nothing to me at all. better to talk to others in the same place. Serl

Today I buried my father, just 7 weeks after my mom died. Sometimes it still seems unreal, but I know that is not! I know that others have written about losing both parents in a short amount of time. I'd be interested in how you coped with losing both parents, and how you grieved for both of them at the same time. Any input would be appreciated and just to hear from other people in a similar situation would be helpful. avserl

Hi I completely understand what you are going through. My mom just died 6 weeks ago. My dad is in very bad physical shape, and has really deterioated since my mom's death. He also has dementia which makes it all the more difficult for me. They are now taking him to the hospital for the second time since she died. He knows that she has died, but he doesn't remember or believe it when he is told. I live about an hour away, but he has a full time health care giver. I too am afraid that I will soon be dealling with his death and I haven't even really had time to mourn my mom's death. I feel like I don't know how much more I can take, and yet more bad stuff keeps happening. There is nothing I can do except to go through it. My heart goes out to you, Karen and starkiss. And I agree, life just doesn't seem fair sometimes. avsqr-dancer.

My mom died just 6 weeks ago and I am still trying to deal with all my grief while going on with my life. But my dad is also in very bad shape, and I don't know how much longer he will be around either. I am so afraid to lose him too, especially so close to my mom's death. I realize this does happen and that people on this board have written about having to deal with this. But how do you handle the death of both parents so close together? Right now it is just so hard to watch him decline mentailly and physically. A part of me is already in mourning even though he is still alive. Meanwhile his condition makes it that much harder to grieve for my mom. avsqr_dancer

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My mother just died a month ago. My father has dementia and a host of other ailments so am I not sure how much longer he will live. It is so painful to lose a parent, but I cannot imagine the pain you must be going through losing them both so close together. I think that you are right-that they did not want to be seperated and that is why their deaths were so close. But you are also right when you say how much more painful it is to have to grieve them both at the same time. Although my dad is still alive, I still feel the loss of who he was and watching his slow mental decline is so difficult, as you can probably understand because of your mom. I wish you the best as you go through your painful journey. If you would like to chat more, feel free to email me. av sqr_dancer