STARKISS

Hi All, I just finished a book called The Battle belongs to the Lord by Joyce Meyers and what a great book it was, it made me realize that other people are in the same way as me... Joyce was abused while growing up too and she really makes you think about what the Lord will do for you if you let Him... I was not a real church person but the more I think about it Jesus is there if and when we need Him no questions asked... Shelley

Hi All, I have seen the message out to all the siblings but no one has replied as of yet so now it is wait and see time to see if we can all agree what to do... Thanks Niamh you have been there for me for all the kind words and encouragement.. Shelley

Thanks Niamh, It took along time to get the guilty feeling to go away, but it has finally left and I have forgiven myself for not going to see her that night... After all God is the only one who would have known she was going to leave us the next day... I love you Grandma.. Shelley

Hi Marty, Thanks for the last reply, I was always taught to treat someone like you would want to be treated... I was going to do what she did to me but my mom always used to say two wrongs do not make a right... Shelley

Hi All, I know I have dealt with the remains issue all ready but my therapist's says that if we do something with the remains than maybe I would feel more at peace with the loss of my mom... I was not interested when she said this but maybe she is right, I have sent a message out to the family and told them that I think we need to decide so that we all have closure with this issue... I was going to wait till I was able to forgive dad but my therapist says that may take more time so maybe this is a step I need to take... Shelley

Hi All, I had forgotten I had posted about my dad earlier, My therapist has been great and we have been working on a weekly basis about the abuse my dad did to me... I have tried many things and found the more that i open up too the better I am feeling... We done empty chair exercises and I have wrote him a letter too... I still have not really became angry at him but realize that he must have had some real problems to do this to his little girl... Maybe soon I will be able to say I forgive you dad but right now I am continuing with therapy both with face to face and art therapy too... SHelley

Hi All, I know one lady who told me not to cry now has something to cry about, I was told that her mom has just been told she has cancer and has not much time left... I want to say now do not cry about it but than I just feel like running over and hugging her and telling her I will be here for her when she needs someone to vent to or just listen to... I feel so bad for her right now... Shelley

Thanks to Marty and the rest of all of you, for all the encouragement and kindness you have shown me... I would have not made it this far without all of you.. Shelley

Hi All, Today I can honestly say that I have dealt with the death of my grandmother... It took my therapist and I to discuss it over two months of therapy for me to discover that I would have not changed a thing if I had gone to say good bye to her or not... I needed to forgive myself so that i could move forward and I have with the thanks to my therapist and all of you... Shelley

WOW kath, How beautiful is that, Thanks for brightening my day... Thanks for sharing too... Shelley

What I miss about my mom, I miss her smiling face every day when I wake up in the morning, I miss her good night hugs at bedtime, I miss our little talks about what happen in our day, I miss her stories and tales, I miss that she was the only one who really understood me, I miss her so very much I love you mom shelley

Hi Marty, Thanks the article did help, I am working with my therapist's to be able to forgive my father so that I will be able to move on my grief journey.. Shelley

Hi Niamh, Thanks for all your encouraging words, I have had a rough time lately.. I have been dealing with the abuse issues about my dad, health problems that have come up all of a sudden and missing my mom so very much... Shelley

Hi All, I know this is not an actual grief issue, but it does affect my grief journey because it has stopped me cold in the way of dealing with how I actually feel about my dad... I have been having some severe nightmares about my dad lately... I am burying his remains in the ground and he jumps out of the ground and says what do you think you are doing? you can not stop me like this...I only want to find peace so that I can get on with my life and deal with the remains of my parents... Shelley

Hi mlg, Thanks for the reply, I have cried so much lately... I think that it is because I was told not too so much that now I just let it out when I need to and I do not feel bad about doing it.. I actually had a very bad day today and I am holding the tears in but normally I would just let it out.. Shelley

Hi All, Right now I feel so alone, I am having a very difficult time right now with so much pain inside of me...I miss my mom right now so very much and I have no one to talk to about her with out getting the siblings all up in arms by saying not to be sad and mom would not want you to be sad... I am sad and I have the right to be sad when I want to be.... My family does not feel the same way toward my mom as I did... She was my life and now she is gone I have no one to talk with except my therapists and they can only do so much... Shelley

Hi Kavish, Thanks for being there and replying, this is why I love this website people really understand what we are going through... Today has been really hard and I am trying so hard to just take it day by day... I need to find a job as soon as possible so that I do not have to give up my therapy.. I really appreciate everyone here and all the kindness everyone has shown me... Shelley

Hi Lainey, I just came back from a very cold and over cast day out but I bought a very colourful balloon and wrote a very personal note to my mom and said I love you and released the balloon and watched it go up in the sky till I could not see it anymore...My mom will love it and know that I am thinking of her today on this Fifth Mother's day without her... Shelley

Hi All, I have started therapy and I have been told by my therapist that some people can not move forward if they do not let the pain out... And if the only way the pain can come out is by crying than do it and continue to cry when needed so that you can move through your grief... SO now I do cry and I still might not do it infront of others except I do it infront of both my therapist and when this happens they encouragement to let it out and move through my pain... Shelley

Hi Niamh, I am so sorry for your loss, I wish I could relate but since my dad and I had quite a different relationship... My dad sexually, physcially, emotionally, and verbally abused me for many years... At first when he died I was sad and than I felt this safe feeling all over me... I know that this sound really weird but I felt like i could start living again and there was no one around to hurt me anymore... This is why I have stopped my grief journey because I need to learn to forgive my dad before i can move on... Sorry again for your loss and all the pain you are going through... Shelley

Hi All, This is my fifth Mother's Day without my mom, and for those who are new to this no it does not get easier... My first Mother's Day, I remember that I was putting all my mom's belongings away forever... They told me it would be best for my dad if I did this for him, I could not believe they made me do it on that day... After all it was only three weeks before that my mom actually died...My second Mother's Day I bought a balloon and tied a message on it and let it go way up high in the sky... The third and fourth I just hid away and quietly remembered how much I missed her and loved her... This being the fifth Mother's I made some clay flowers and I made a special card to thank her for all she did for me... Shelley

Hi All, I do not know about anyone else but I stayed behind and looked after my parents while the other kids went on with their own lives and now I am feeling really guilty about staying home all those years... What I mean is that now I am suffering more and I have no one who cares about me... They all have their own husbands or wives and they all have adorable children... I have no one.... DO not get me wrong I loved the time I had with my parents atleast with my mom... I just wish I had more things going right this time and not so many going wrong for me right now... I am in therapy but will have to quit because I lose my job at the end of June and until I find another I will not be able to afford it anymore... The problem is that all the stuff I have gone through therapy has really helped me and without it I fear that I will not be able to go forward any further... I just seem to have so many good things ending and none starting anymore... MY LIFE REALLY SUCKS RIGHT NOW shelley

Thanks Niamh, I have such anxiety issues right now, I have never suffered from anxiety till my parents died and now it is a daily thing that happens so often I think it is just normal to feel this way.. Shelley

Hi All, I still have the fear of being left alone but live now with a sister and her family, I have never really lived by myself and so in a few years I will do that but live close enough to have some one there if needed Shelley

Hi All, The family does not know anything about the abuse that my father did to me, my therapist says that I am not ready to tell them yet... I have so much bottled up that she believes that it will not be till late summer before I will be ready to say anything... She is going to ask the family to come to her office when I am ready so that she can be there for support when I do... Shelley