STARKISS

Hi All, I still have not heard from one brother and no one else in the family is really talking to me anymore... I do not know what to do ... I need this to happen but I can not make them do it ... So here I am waiting it out but it is tearing me up inside knowing that in order for me to go farther along I have to do something with the remains Shelley

Thanks for posting this Kay C, I have had some very interesting dreams as well as some really bad nightmares to... The latest one starting as we decide to bury my parents and as the family walks away and I am the only one at the grave I hear a sound behind and I turn to see what it is and it is my dad who has jumped out of the grave and yells back at me... He yells you can not get rid of me, I will get you... Than I wake up.. Shelley

Hi Sheiss, You sound like a really caring sister and someone who your sister can really count on... I wish my sister would have helped me in that way... Take care Shelley

Hi All, How I am stuck right now, I can not move forward or backward... All I do is struggle to any movement, I want to finally do something with the remains of my parents and I so want to tell the family about the abuse...My problem right now is making the family realize how important it is to take care of the remains without telling them about the abuse... I just do not know if I can handle both situations together, I think the family would not understand if I told them about the abuse right now... I am so stuck on what to do... I just want it to be over... Shelley

Hi Niamh, Thanks for all your understanding, right now I am waiting on my sister and brother to help decide what to do... My brother Mark says we should do the grave thing, Steven says scatter the remains so there is no grave and no tree... I think that we should scatter the remains and than plant a tree as a memory to them for all the love they gave us... It is not a grave and we do not even need to make a really big deal about it but it could be somewhere we could go to remember them by... I know that I lived with them for 40 years and the rest of the family did their own thing.. I sat at the side of my mom's bed each time she was sick and we were told she might die... .. I think that she would be okay with the tree ... shelley

Hi Niamh, Thanks for the reply, I knew someone would understand... I know my friends do not because most of them have not lost anyone really close to them... I just find that when this happens it is best to let it happen and not stop it.. I tried to stop crying but it was worst than if I had let it happen and finish with the tears... Shelley

Hi All, Just heard from another brother and I am beginning to wish I was an only child... I thought the tree ideal was a good ideal but he says mom would not want that... I lived with them the most so I should know them a little better... Shelley

Hi All, I went to my therapist yesterday and we discussed alot of things but one thing I did talk about is what to do with the remains of my parents... My one brother wants us to do something in Bowmanville a town my parents lived in for so many years... He wants a grave so that he can go and visit and so that his children can go and spend time and remember their grandparents... My mom did not want a grave so I was thinking we could scatter their remains and than plant a tree in remembrance of the love we had for them... This way my mom gets her wishes and we still can have a place to sit and remember how much we miss and love them...shelley

Hi All, I took some time to celebrate with family, but found a quiet spot and just sat and remembered birthdays that have gone by that my parents were with me... The first one was at my 40th birthday my mom surprised me with a surprise party it was the last one my parents help me celebrate before they died... Shelley

Hi Sheiss, I know you care about your sister and her kids, but you need to remember we all grieve differently and if you do find the kids are not getting taken care of properly than you should step in but taking them away from your sister might getting her thinking that you are ganging up on her... If they need help than try and go into the house and help but leave the kids where they are... Unless the kids are in physical danger there mom might need them to get her through all of this.. Shelley

Thanks Niamh and Marty, I have learned so much since the deaths of my parents, I have grown up so much since than... I lived with my parents till the day they both died and so I was always helped with all my problems till they died and my mom did everything but since than I have learned to start to stand on my own... I was always taught to treat people with respect and kindness no matter how they treat you... Shelley

Hi All, The two siblings that have got back to me about the remains now think we should do it on August 25th and have all the family help with whatever is decided... I can not do it on August 25th without it being so very difficult... The family picked this day because it is the actual day that my dad died... With everything I have gone through since January I just can not deal with this too... My therapist says we need to deal with it but realizes that doing it on that day would really upset me even more but does not want me to tell the rest of the family about the abuse until after we deal with the remains... Now what... Shelley

Hi All, I have just got home from my therapist and we had a really long talk about everything that went on this week... I promised her I would not do anything and I would talk to her if I felt the need too... But right now I am starting this topic on flashbacks because I have had several the last few weeks... It is so crazy what simple things you see and they make you have flashbacks from the past... Like walking down the street and seeing lilacs trees and smelling them I got so upset because everytime I saw them I would see my mom's face and remember how much she loved them... Another flashback was hearing just a simple song on the radio like My heart will go on and bridge over troubled water and remembering how much my mom and dad loved these songs and they were the first ones I remember hearing after each of their deaths... Another day it was a vegetable garden and again I saw my mom digging in her garden... This is so weird how I have these memories about the simple things in life... Shelley

Hi Niamh, I am so sorry to hear this, I wish I could just wrap my arms around you and give you a great big hug... It is so strange how out of the blue this can happen and not everyone will understand when it does but people who have actually lost someone can... I was at work and one of the parents who did not know what had happen to me said with a great big smile Hey How is your mom? I left the room running with tear rolling down my face, but how was this lady suppose to know... I wish I could say I was magic and snap my fingers and say it would be fine but we all know that it just takes time and understanding from people around you... Take care my friend Shelley

Thanks Niamh, You have been there for me the last little while and I really appreciate it and think how lucky am I that I found this site when I did... My brother Mark who is the less family oriented one spoke up about the remains now I need to hear from my sister again and my other two brothers but hopefully we can all find a way to help each other deal with the closure of the deaths... Shelley

Hi All, I just heard from my brother Mark and he thinks we should do it somewhere in Bowmanvlle where my parents and I lived for so long and I know my mom did not want a grave BUT... We need somewhere we can go and remember her, not to cry but for happy memories and for her grandkids to visit to remember her.... I would home mom would not be too mad if we did this because I think it is important for the family to have a place to visit for good old memories... Shelley

Hi Suzanne R, I first of all want to say I am sorry for your loss and that I too had these feelings but know in my heart that my loved ones would not want to see me if it meant killing myself.. They would want me to go on and finish the time of earth that I am suppose to have... My mom nearly died two or three times in her life and we were told that she could die anytime so when she got sick we thought here we go again but this time she did not make a recovery and she did die while we were on vacation... My dad who I never knew he was sick until three weeks before he actually died was a totally surpise to me... Shelley

Hi BillW, I do not find it offensive at all, a matter of fact when I lost my mom I felt in the same way... My mom had breast cancer and we almost lost her, but she did recover from that to only come down with Ovarian cancer... She was a fighter and did not want to give up and even on her death bed she would not quit.. She knew her one son was missing and we had to tell her that he could not be there and without our approval she would have not left so we finally told her it was okay to leave now.. She had been through alot of things and in the end it was half ovarian cancer and than a diabetic coma that took her finally...I am so sorry for your loss.. Shelley

Hi All, Sorry time to vent again, I have emailed the family about doing something with my parents remains and the only one to say anything is my sister and she just agreed to it... I need something done with this so that I can move forward and have some sort of closure but how do I tell them that I feel so trapped on this journey if they will not answer the phone or email messages.. Shelley

Hi All, You will be happy to know that I have decided to stay on this earth as long as God will allow me and when I leave it will be up to Him... I want to Thank all my family here on the website for all the love and support I have gotten over the past years... I hope that I can give some of it back, I know now when things get rough I can turn to this site and find a friendly person... Thanks again Shelley

Hi All, I just want to thank everyone who replied to this post, I am not ready to leave this earth yet... I had a really hard and horrible day yesterday the worst since I lost my parents... I let everything build up inside of me and I think that it just burst and everything came at me at the same time.. I have had alot of abuse to deal with both past and present, I am losing my job at the end of June and need to find another one really quickly, I have some health issues I am struggling with and really bad teeth right now... My money situation is really off too... SO you see this all came at me yesterday and with the bullying right now I am going through it was just all I could handle... Shelley

Hi Marty, I have not mentioned about this too her but I am going to seek her help with it as it has alot of different things that are really needing attention right now... The abuse but also the verbal and emotional abuse I have getting from my brother in law and neice as well Shelley

Hi All, I am so mixed up inside right now, it is not just about grief but about alot of differnt things that have bottled up inside too.I have been living with my sister and her busband for the past five years and they are good people for the most part... I look after their three children but lately I have had many things happen like while working i the clothes washer has broked down twice and needed repairs and the vaccuum cleaner also broke and the hot tub motor broke and tap in the sink broke and the toilet broke so you see my brother in law blamed all this on me... I also have had trouble with his daughter and her bullying of me on a regular basis... She would pick fights and just call me names too..Plus I am also dealing with the finding of a new job too... I have also been seeing a therapist as I am dealing with past emotional, physical, verbal, and sexual abuse my dad did to me.. My brother in law and I do not see eye to eye and this is also a big problem with his bullying against me too.. I used to have a dog named Chelsea who now lives with my brother and because I will not learn to drive and because I am lazy about learning to drive he will not allow me to see Chelsea unless I get to his house on my own with no family help... So you see I have this all inside of me and As well as being bullied at school while growing up and no self eestem or self confidence and that is Shelley in a bottle ....

Hi All, I am so thankful that I believe in God and know that suicide is a sin, because the way I have been feeling if I did not believe in God I think I would have joined my parents and got out of this world...Shelley