STARKISS

HI THERE, I THINK I AM GOING THROUGH A SIMULAR SITUTATION MY GRANDMA DIED ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO I WAS EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND THE NIGHT BEFORE SHE DIED ALL THE FAMILY WENT TO SEE HER EXCEPT FOR ME. I COULD NOT BRING MYSELF TO GO AND SEE HER IN THE HOSPITAL. THE NEXT MORNING WAS CHRISTMAS MORNING AND WE RECEIVED A PHONE CALL IT WAS THE HOSPITAL CALL TO TELL US THAT SHE HAD PASSED AWAY AND I NEVER EVER GOT TO SEE HER ALIVE AGAIN. NOW BEING TEN YEARS LATER I FEEL THAT TORN APART FEELING INSIDE ME BECAUSE I MISS HER AND WISHED THAT I HAD DECIDED TO VISIT HER WHEN THE FAMILY HAD. I JUST FEEL THAT I AM ON A ROLLER COASTER BECAUSE I AM SAD ABOUT MISSING HER AND MY MOM DIED APRIL 2005 AND DAD DIED AUGUST 2005. SO MY EMOTIONS ARE JUST SO MIXED UP ALL THE TIME.

HI THERE, I AM MISSING MY MOM EVER SO MUCH, SHE PASSED AWAY APRIL 2005. I MISS HER STORIES SHE USED TO TELL ME, I MISS HER OPINIONS THAT SHE SHARED WITH ME. I MISS HER UNDERSTANDING AND JUST BEING THERE WHEN EVER I NEEDED HER. NOW SHE IS GONE AND I FIND IT VERY DIFFICULT TO CONTINUE WITH LIFE'S DEALING CHORES WITHOUT HER. I WONDER EVERY MINUTE WHAT SHE WOULD SAY IF SHE WERE HERE WITH ME. I WAS EXTREMELY CLOSE TO HER AND WE DID A LOT OF THINGS TOGETHER BUT WHAT DO I DO NOW?

HI THERE, I DO BELIEVE THAT WHAT YOUR FEELING IS NORMAL BECAUSE I FEEL THE SAME WAY. MY MOM DIED APRIL 2005 AND MY DAD DIED AUGUST 2005 AND I WANT TO SO BADLY TO FEEL THE WAY I USED TO FEEL BEFORE EVERYTHING HAPPENED BUT I CAN NOT ALL I FEEL IS DEPRESSED AND EMPTY INSIDE AND WHEN I AM NOT FEELING THIS I FEEL VERY TORN APART INSIDE AS WELL I KNOW THEY SAY IT TAKES TIME AND MAYBE IF WE KEEP TALKING ABOUT HOW WE FEEL TRUTHFULLY THAN MAYBE THE PAIN WILL SLOWLY DISAPPEAR. I HOPE I HELPED YOU AND GOD BLESS AND HOPE YOU FIND PEACE

HI THERE, I HAD THE NIGHT TIME, I JUST WISH I DID NOT HAVE TO CLOSE MY EYES BECAUSE WHEN I DO ALL I SEE IS MY MOM IN THE HOSPITAL BED WITH ALL THE MACHINES CONNECTED AND THAT JUST SCARES ME TO DEATH SO I REALLY DO NOT NEED ANY BAD DREAMS WHEN I SEE THIS EVERY NIGHT. I JUST KEEP GOING OVER HER LAST DAY THAT SHE DIED AND JUST REPEAT IT CONSTANTLY. I JUST WISH I COULD DREAM ABOUT SOMETHING AND MAYBE I COULD SLEEP FOR MORE THAT FOUR HOURS AT A TIME WITHOUT ANY SLEEPING AIDS.

HI THERE, NOW THAT THANKSGIVING IS OUT OF THE WAY WE HAVE CHRISTMAS TO THINK ABOUT WHICH DOES NOT MAKE THINGS ANY EASIER. ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO OUR FAMILY WENT THROUGH ALOT OF DEATHS AND SICKNESSES AROUND CHRISTMAS TIME THAN IT SEEMED TO CALM DOWN A LITTLE BIT UNTIL MY GRANDMOTHER WHO I WAS VERY CLOSE DIED ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO. NOW THIS YEAR WE HAVE LOST BOTH PARENTS ONE IN APRIL 2005 AND THE OTHER IN AUGUST 2005 AND IT LEAVES A VOID IN OUR LIVES THAT IS HARD TO DEAL WITH. IT ALSO LEAVES SOME OF THE SOME CHILDREN WITHOUT GRANDPARENTS FOR CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR. HOW DO WE GO ON AND HOW DO WE MAKE IT SPECIAL FOR THE CHILDREN.

HI, I TOO FEEL GUILTY SOMETIMES LIKE WHEN MY MOM FIRST DIED WE WERE IN THE UNITED STATES AND MY MOM WAS ACTING VERY STRANGE AND I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG BUT BECAUSE WE HAD TO PAY FOR THINGS I LET IT GO AND DID NOTHING BUT FOUR DAYS LATER MOM DIED IN HOSPITAL AND I FEEL WHAT IF I DID SOMETHING BEFORE THAT WOULD SHE STILL BE ALIVE.

THANK YOU MAYLISS, FOR YOUR NICE AND THOUGHTFUL WORDS, I DO HAVE A PLACE I AM MOVING IN WITH MY SISTER AND WE WILL JUST HAVE TO SEE IF IT ALL WORKS OUT. I THINK IT IS THE MONEY THING WITH SOME FAMILIES I KNOW THAT IT IS THAT FOR OURS. MY FAMILY WAS SO CLOSE AND NOW I JUST HOPE WE WILL SURVIVE THIS ALL. THANKS AGAIN

HI, IT STARTED APRIL 2005 WITH THE DEATH OF MY DEAR MOM. SHE DIED IN THE UNITED STATES WHILE ON VACATION AND IT WAS JUST MY DAD AND MYSELF UNTIL TWO BROTHERS AND A SISTER CAME DOWN TO BE WITH US. AFTER WE RETURNED TO CANADA IT ALL STARTED I WAS TOLD TO BE STRONG AND THAT OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS WOULD TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING AND DAD AND I WOULD BE LOOKED AFTER. SOON AFTER THAT IN AUGUST 2005 DAD PASSED AWAY AND THE HOUSE WAS PUT UP FOR SALE ONE WEEK AFTER HIS DEATH AND SOLD SIX DAYS LATER. I WAS TOLD I COULD TAKE A FEW THINGS WITH ME AND ONCE THE HOUSE WAS SOLD I WOULD HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAD BEEN WITH MY PARENTS THROUGH THREE CASES OF CANCER AND OTHER SICKNESSES AND FOR THE PAST 40 YEARS. I ALL THE SUDDEN WAS TOLD I HAD TO GET OUT WITH ONLY A FEW ITEMS HOW HURTFUL CAN FAMILY BE I THOUGHT. BUT I AM LEAVING OCTOBER 31, 2005 AFTER LIVING IN THE HOUSE FOR 40 YEARS. I ONLY HOPE THEY REALIZE HOW HURTFUL THEY HAVE BEEN TO ME. I WILL NOT COMMUNICATE WITH ONE BROTHER AND MY SISTER AND I DO TALK BUT I DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER THAT WILL LAST.

HI ALL, I AM PRESENTLY ALL ALONE AND YES IT DOES SEEM LIKE I AM ON AN ISLAND. I LOST MY MOM APRIL 2005 AND I LOST MY DAD AUGUST 2005 AND I AM LIVING AS IF I AM ON AN ISLAND ALL ALONE WITH NO ONE AROUND ME. I AM DOING OKAY AS LONG AS I AM NOT IN THE HOUSE BUT ONCE I RETURN TO THE HOUSE I BEGIN TO FEEL LIKE I AM PART OF THE ISLAND. I AM LEAVING THE HOUSE PREMENTLY ON NOVEMBER 1, 2005 BECAUSE OF THE FACT I DO FEEL LIKE I AM STRANDED ON AN ISLAND AND I CAN NOT BARE IT NO LONGER.

HI, I HAVE LOST BOTH MY PARENTS AND I THINK THAT IT IS HARD TO LOSE A PARENT BECAUSE THEY ARE ONE OF THE FIRST PEOPLE TO LOVE YOU AND IN RETURN YOU LOVE THEM SO VERY MUCH. I THINK THAT IS WHY I GRIEF SO VERY MUCH BECAUSE I HAVE LOST BOTH OF MY PARENTS IN SUCH A SHORT TIME ONE IS APRIL 2005 AND THE IN AUGUST 2005. BUT I DO NOT KNOW IF YOU EVER GET OVER THE HEARTACHE AND PAIN THAT COME WITH GRIEVING. TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

HI, I AM LIVING ALONE FOR THE PAST TWO MONTHS. BUT EVEN WHEN I WAS HOME WITH SOMEONE I STILL FELT ALL ALONE. I FEEL THAT NO ONE REALLY CARES WHAT HAPPENS TO ME. I FEEL THAT IF I WERE TO DISAPPEAR NO ONE WOULD MISS ME. I FEEL THAT IF I DO MOVE IN WITH ANOTHER FAMILY MEMBER I WILL LOSE WHO I AM. I ALL READY FEEL THAT I CAN NOT MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT ANYTHING THAT IS IMPORTANT WITHOUT ASKING A FAMILY MEMBER WHAT THEY WOULD DO. I HAVE VERY LITTLE SELF ESTEEM LEFT AND I CAN NOT TELL THE FAMILY THE REAL TRUTH OF WHAT I AM FEELING BECAUSE I WOULD JUST CAUSE A FIGHT AND I CAN NOT DO THAT.

HI ALL, I DID MANAGE TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE CANADIAN THANKSGIVING AS WELL. WE HAD SOME FAMILY FIGHTING OVER SMALL THINGS BUT I DID MANAGE TO HOLD IT TOGETHER THROUGHOUT THE HOLIDAY. I DID MISS BOTH MOM AND DAD DURING THE DAY BUT I SLIPPED AWAY TO REMEMBER THEM AND SOME GOOD OLD MEMORIES OF PAST THANKSGIVINGS THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO WROTE IN THIS FORUM. TAKE CARE

HI I AM PRESENTLY LIVING ALONE MY MOM DIED APRIL 2005 AND DAD DIED AUGUST 2005. I HAVE A HORRIBLE EMPTY FEELING INSIDE OF ME AND I CRY AND SCREAM BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL IF I DO NOT DO THAT. I HAVE JUST SOLD MY PARENTS HOUSE THAT I HAVE LIVED IN FOR 26 WONDERFUL YEARS. AND MY DOG HAS GONE TO LIVE WITH MY BROTHER SO I MISS HER ALOT AS WELL. WITH EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING I JUST DO NOT KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET RID OF THIS FEELING PLEASE HELP STARKISS

HI I AM HERE IN CANADA AND WE ARE ABOUT TO CELEBRATE THANKSGIVING BUT ALL I WANT TO DO IS TO FORGET IT AND ANY OTHER HOLIDAY AS WELL THIS YEAR HAS BEEN A REAL ROUGH ONE ON OUR FAMILY WE HAVE LOST OUR MOTHER APRIL 18, 2005 AND NOW HAVE LOST OUR DAD AUGUST 25, 2005. SO I AM JUST NOT SURE I WANT TO CELEBRATE ANYTHING IF THEY CAN NOT BE WITH ME.

HI, I HAVE THE LAST THREE DAYS BEEN THINKING NOTHING MORE THAN MY MOM AND DAD. MAYBE BECAUSE IT HAS ONLY BEEN ONE MONTH SINCE I LOST MY DAD AND IT HAS BEEN FIVE MONTHS SINCE MY MOM DIED. MOM WAS SICK BEFORE HER DEATH BUT DAD WENT UNEXPECTLY. I DAYDREAM ALOT OF ABOUT THEM AND WHAT WE USED TO DO TOGETHER AND WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN.

HI, I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT THIS IS A GREAT PLACE AND I TOO FEEL FEAR AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO GO ON EITHER I JUST TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. I LOST MY MOM APRIL 18, 2005 AND I HAVE LOST MY DAD AUGUST 25, 2005 AND I WAS TOLD TO GET ON WITH THE GRIEVING AND I DO NOT KNOW HOW. I KNOW I HAVE TO COMPLETE THE JOURNEY BUT I NEED SOME HELP FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE DONE IT OR ARE DOING IT SO I TOO CAN GET THROUGH THIS THANK YOU MARTY T FOR ALL THE ENCOURAGEMENT AND WITH THE HELP OF THE FORUMS WE WILL ALL GET THROUGH THE GRIEF WE ARE FEELING TOGETHER. TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

HI, I TOO ARE HAVING SOME WEIRD DREAMS LATELY, I HAVE LOST BOTH MY PARENTS AND IN MY DREAMS I WAKE UP HEARING MY MOM'S CALL FOR HELP BUT WHEN I WAKE UP I AM SLEEPING IN THE ROOM SHE USED TO HAVE BEFORE HER DEATH. AM I CRAZY. ANOTHER DREAM IS THAT I AM IN A DORM AND HAVE MY DOG CHELSEA THERE BUT EVERYONE IS SCREAMING AT ME BECAUSE THE DOG IS NOT ALLOWED IN THE DORM AND MY DAD IS TUGGING AT THE DOG'S LEASH OUT OF MY HANDS. I DO NOT KNOW WHY I DREAM THIS ONE I HAVE NEVER STAYED IN A DORM

HI JCL, THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS AND THOUGHTS, YOU ARE RIGHT UNLESS YOU HAVE LOSS YOUR MOM AND SHE AND YOU HAD THE SPECIAL BOND WE HAD YOU REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING THROUGH. THANKS AGAIN

HI, I TOO HAVE LOST MY MOM, SHE DIED WHEN WE WERE ON VACATION IN LAS VEGAS, I AM FROM CANADA SO IT WAS VERY HARD TO LOSE HER SO FAR FROM HOME. MY MOM WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTOOD ME AND CARE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME. I AM HAVING A REALLY HARD TIME DEALING WITH HER DEATH SOME DAYS I WISH IT WAS ME WHO DIED AND NOT HER. SHE DIED ON APRIL 18, 2005 AND I THINK THAT SHE AND I HAD A BOND THAT NO ONE ELSE WOULD UNDERSTAND. I FEEL LIKE I DIED THE DAY SHE DID. MY MOM GAVE ME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND IS THE GREATEST THING THAT EVER HAPPEN TO ME IS THAT SHE WAS MY MOM AND I THANK GOD THAT ATLEAST WE HAD THE TIME WE DID. BUT IT STILL RIPES ME APART INSIDE EVERY DAY. I AM SORRY FOR ALL YOUR LOSTS AND I HOPE TALKING ABOUT THEM WILL HELP US ALL DEAL WITH OUR LOVED ONES DEATH.

HI, I AM NOW WRITING TO TELL YOU THAT I HAVE LOST MY MOM IN APRIL OF 2005, AND NOW DAD HAS PASSED AWAY AUGUST 2005. I AM WONDERING IF I WILL EVER GET THROUGH THE EMPTY FEELING I AM FEELING. TAKE CARE GOD BLESS

HI I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE ALL FEELING, I TOO LOST BOTH PARENT IN A MATTER OF FOUR MONTHS. MOM DIE OF HEART FAILURE WHILE ON VACATION THIS WAS IN APRIL OF 2005. DAD DIE AUGUST 25, 2005 ON NON HODGKIN'S LYMPHOMA. I TO AM NOW A ORPHAN AND DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO FEEL. I FEEL LIKE I FLOATING AND I DO NOT REALIZE I HAVE LIFE IN ME TO LIVE. I TRY TO COPE ONE DAY AT A TIME. I GUESS THAT IS ALL ANY OF US CAN DO. TAKE CARE ALL AND GOD BLESS. P.S. I AM NOW ALSO PUTTING MY LIFE INTO BOXES BECAUSE I LIVED WITH MY PARENTS FOR THE PAST 40 YEARS AND NOW HAVE TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE.

THANK YOU MARTY T, I FOUND THIS VERY HELPFUL. I APPRECIATE THE WORDS YOU WROTE AND FOUND FOR THE FORUM. I MISS MY MOM SO VERY MUCH AND I MISS DAD JUST AS MUCH. BUT I INTEND ON FINDING THE BOOK MENTIONED AND READING IT THANK YOU AGAIN

HI, I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEELING I TOO AM FINDING IT HARD TO THINK THAT BOTH OF MY PARENTS ARE NOW DECEASED. I LOST MY MOM APRIL 18, 2005 AND WE SAID GOOD BYE TO MY DAD AUGUST 25, 2005. HIS FUNERAL WAS TODAY AND WHAT AN EMOTIONAL DAY IT WAS. I HOPE THAT YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL SEE YOUR LOVED ONE AGAIN AND WITH THAT LET US CELEBRATE THEIR LIVES BECAUSE THEY WOULD NOT WANT US TO BE SAD. TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

HI, I HAVE JUST BEEN TO MY FATHER'S FUNERAL IT WAS SO HEARTBREAKING I COULD BARELY BELIEVE IT. I LOVED HIM AND I MISS HIM SO MUCH. HE PASSED AWAY ON AUGUST 25, 2005 AND HIS VISITATION TIMES WERE YESTERDAY AND AS I MENTIONED BEFORE HIS FUNERAL WAS 11 AM TODAY. I ALSO HAVE LOST MY MOM ON APRIL 18, 2005 IN LAS VEGAS. I JUST CAN NOT IMAGINE WHAT MY LIFE WILL BE LIKE WITHOUT MY LOVING AND CARING PARENTS. I NOW WILL HAVE TO MOVE TO A NEW PLACE TO LIVE AFTER LIVING WITH MY PARENTS FOR 40 YEARS. WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT TIME WILL ONLY TELL.

HI I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS NORMAL ANYMORE I HAVE LOST MY MOM ON APRIL 18, 2005 AND MY DAD PASSED AWAY ON AUGUST 25, 2005 AND BESIDES THAT I HAVE TO MOVE OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE IN THREE WEEKS TIME SO THE HOUSE CAN BE SOLD. SO I REALLY DO NOT KNOW WHAT BEHAVIOR IS NORMAL ANYMORE. PLEASE HELP ME.