STARKISS

Hi Julie, Yes it is hard to figure out how to prepare yourself for someone close to you to die. I know when my mom had breast cancer five years ago I started to think that we would lose her. Than it was ovarian cancer two years ago and again I thought maybe this time she would leave us. But it was the year 2005 and she died while on vacation to Las Vegas of a diabetic coma. Go figure we did not know she was diabetic. Than of course you start thinking of your father and when is it his turn to leave you, my dad had non hodgkin's lymphoma and did not even tell anyone he was sick until the very end. I do not know why but I guess he did not want his family to worry... So you see it is so hard to prepare yourself take care and my prays are with you Shelley

Hi All, Did someone say has anyone been through the four to nine month period yet? Well I have it has been sixteen months since my mom died and it is almost one year since my dad died and it does not get any easier as far as I am concerned. I still have bad days where I really, really miss them and other days it is not so bad but I still miss them a little. So I hope this helps, God bless you all Shelley

Hi All, I have no children of my own but I live with my sister and her family. She has a six year old girl, a four year old boy and a two year old boy. The four year old boy constantly mentions that he missing his grandmother and pappa. I say back to him I do too, I than say things that he would remember doing with them. This seems to help him by knowing that I miss them as well. I will freely talk about them with him because he wants to talk about them. I think if a child mentions them they want to talk about them. I think people need to listen to what the children are saying and communication is the key. Keep it open and honest and your children will be greatful. Take care Shelley

Hi All, First of all I want to thank Shell Louise for bringing up this subject. When my mom died I was told by my siblings not to cry infront of my dad because it would upset him. Well I lived in the same house as both my parents did and I did as I was told. When I got emotional and needed to cry I would tell dad I was taking a shower or bath and I would go upstairs and get into the tub or shower and cry until I could not cry anymore than I would go back downstairs and see my dad. And when my dad died four months later again I was told to put on the brave face and not to show emotions in public. So until the day I lefted my parents house I did alot of baths and showers. So I am glad someone brought up this post and I know realize I am not alone when feeling like I do. Take care Shelley

Hi All, Thank you All so very much for all your posts, I have read them over and over and I now feel that I am not crazy and others do feel the same way I do I still have the lonely feeling especially at bed time I miss my mom's kiss good night even at age forty I still feel the need. I miss their hugs and the times I spent with them. I am alone physically as well and now I moved in with my sister and her family I still hide out and I just can not make myself enjoy their company. I feel so alone and yet when I am not I want to be. How crazy is that??? Take care Shelley

Hi Shell, I am sorry for your loss and all the problems that you are having with your mother. I know when my mom died and it was just my dad and I it was very difficult because I wanted to help him so much and he just kept saying he did not want my help. In the end he was missing my mom so very much that he finally past away four months later. I hope this does not happen with your mom but maybe she is missing your dad and needs some time to deal with the loss. Some times it is easier to talk to a stranger than family maybe there is someone she can confine in. Take care and I will pray for you both to give you the strength to get through this . Shelley

Hi Maylissa, I am sorry that your parents were like they were in the way of allowing you to be happy. I guess in some ways it is how we are brought up in life. It is not to late to be happy. The problem is finding what makes you happy and make it worth while. Here is too you and finding some happiness out there. Take care and I will pray that you get some of the happiness you deserve. I am sending you a great big hug as well Shelley

Hi Paul S, Thank you for your post, I think that you are a very kind and understanding person just from what I have read from your posts. I think that we are all very lucky to have such warm and understanding people to help us through our grief. I know that we all grief at different stages and no one does it the same but I have a very hard time thinking why I am not doing any better after all it has been over a year for my mom and almost a year for my dad. Take care and God Bless you Shelley

Hi Tamilla, Welcome to the site, My mom has been gone since April 2005, and Dad has been gone since August 2005. My youngest nephew that I now live with was not even two years old when my mom died so he does not even know her. My other neice that I live with was six years old and she constantly tells me that she misses both her grandma and Pappa, My other nephew who is four years old constantly asks and tells me about how much he misses his Pappa, and Grandma. I have taken up scrapbooking and I did one just on my mom and dad and I bring it out and show them the pictures all the time. I will keep telling stories and showing them all pictures so that they will know how great they were and how much their grandma and Pappa loved them. Take care and God Bless you Shelley

Hi WaltC, I am so very glad that you made it through your surgery and that you are at home recovering. It is so nice to have you back as part of our website family. Take care and God Bless you Shelley I will pray that you will make a full recovering because we all still need you and your kindness and understanding

Hi Andrea, First of all I want to say that I am truly sorry for your loss, second of all your neice is testing you to see if she can drive you away. The best thing you can do for her right now is to tell her you love her and will not leave her. I would ask your doctor for some advice about seeking a family counsellor. I say family counsellor so she does not think you want her to leave and if the family gets involved then she might feel like she truly belongs. I know you both have been through alot and maybe you need each other even if you do not believe it right at this moment. Take care and God bless you both and I am sending you both a great big HUG!!!! I will pray for you both and hopes that with God's help you will have the strength to deal with your grief and be the family you need to be Take care Shelley

Hi Carter's Mommy, I am so very, very sorry for your lost. I can not find the words to say to you as I have never lost a child, but your story just reminds me that life is so frail that you have to live everyday like it will be your last.. I live with three young children and whenever that get hurt I worry about them. I can not even imagine what it would be like to lose a child and unfortunately I will never know because I am unable to bear children. Carter's Mom I am going to send you a great big hug and I will pray for you and ask God to give you the strength to go on. Take care and God Bless you Shelley

Hi Dancer, Thank you for keeping us All updated, and I will send you both a great big hug. Good luck and I hope Tawny will be home with you very, very soon. Take care and God Bless You both Shelley

Hi All, It is so hard to deal with emotions that I am going through because after the deaths of my mom and dad I moved in with my sister and her family. My sister has a six year girl, four year old boy and a two year old boy and when I have a hard day and feel like crying I try to find somewhere to hide and be emotional. This is not easy as the children seem to find you where ever you are. I try to stop if they do find me but it is hard to do. I know cry in the bath tub where no one can hear or see me. I know this is not good but I do not know what else to do. Take care All and God Bless All Shelley

Hi Paul S, Thank you for your post, I do feel like eventhough we are not family it seems like we are because we have bonded over the grief we share in.. We have grief differently but with a website like this atleast we have people who really understand. Thanks again Paul S and take care Shelley

Hi Paul S, Thank you for your post, when you read and think about it, it does make sense. I just have to remember my mom and dad want me to be happy again and to do things that make me happy. We are having a family picnic for my mom's side of the family and even though she will not be there I think she would be happy to see that we did carry out her request and keep the family picnic alive. Take care PaulS and thank you again. Shelley

Hi All, Thank you Cain, for sharing this wonderful story and I just think sharing is a wonderful way to show you care. I remember when my mom first died, my dog Chelsea went all through the house looking for her and whining. I told her that grandma loved her but had to go away. After awhile Chelsea seemed to understand and stopped whinning. But when my dad died Chelsea started up again and when I had to give her to my brother because I could not keep her where I moved to my brother told me she started up the whining again. I try to see her atleast once a month and it seems to help her deal with everything she has gone through. Take care All and here is a great big hug for you All. Shelley

Hi Maylissa, Thank you for your post and though I started with several different hobbies that I am presently doing right now I still have a big problem getting out of the house and meeting people and making friends. I have started a ongoing scrapbooking class and I do meet people but still find it hard to start a friendship. I have also started to go to a counsellor and I am starting to get help so maybe I can stop feel like this and get some happiness back in to my life. Take care Maylissa, and thank you again for your post. Shelley

Hi All, I am sorry very sorry for all your losses and can not imagine how you are all feelin at this time of your lives. May God bless you and give you strength in this time of need.I too have not lost a sibling but I lost my parents who I lived with for forty years. I did everything for them when they got older. So I really can not imagine losing a sibling but I had two adults who as they got older were totally dependent on me. I am sending you All a great big hug and I will pray you All get through this. Take care All Shelley

Hi Shell, Thank you for adding this post, I too have been feeling this way. I feel if I get happy again that I am forgetting the loved ones I lost. I feel that I would be telling them that I do not care anymore about them. Does this make any sense or am I crazy? Let's pray that we learn the answer and maybe one day we will feel happy without thinking that it is bad. Take care Shelley

Dear LRL, I am so very, very, sorry for your lost, and I am very sorry that the family blames you for his death. The family is really hurting as you are and they are just trying to cope the best they can as you are also trying to cope. It is easier to deal with a situation when you have a reason and that is why they are blaming you. I am going to pray for you to ask God to reach down and hold you and to give you strength that you need to deal with the death of your loved one and also the family of your loved one. And if it is okay I am going to pray for His family and to ask God to give them strength they need to go on and to know that it is not your fault. Take care and God Bless You Shelley

Hi All, I do not know if it is a mask or manners but when people have said not to bother strangers with your troubles that might be easier for some but for me that is all I have. My family do not see eye to eye about talking about my parent's death but for me I really still need too, and since I have no real friends it is strangers I do talk to. My parents brought me up with good manners but when I have no other way of talking about this I have to do what I have to do. Take care and thank you for letting me vent Shelley

Hi Kellymarie, I just wanted to write this to tell you that I am very, very, sorry for your loss and to tell you that I will pray for you and with God's love and His strength will help you through this awfull time that you are having right now. Take care and God Bless Shelley

Thanks, For keeping us updated and of course we will still pray for you both. Please let us know when you find out and more. Take care and God bless Shelley

Hi Lori, I am so very sorry for your loss,I thought the same thing after the deaths of my dear mom and dad. I still think after their one year anniversaries that I will wake up and nothing would have happened. I feel so much like I am dreaming and when I wake up it will be okay. I can not say for sure that I am doing okay or not. But I have been through both parents one year since their deaths and still feel like I am dreaming. Take care and God Bless you