A new low...

[Cookie]

Well, just when I thought it couldn't get worse, I went down to see my neighbor, who has really been supportive in ways.  Christmas is coming up and of course is really hard.  Then there is New Year's, which is hard for me because I remember it as a couple's celebration and all the sweet times John and I spent it together alone at home, so cozy.  Anyway, my neighbor tonight after a visit and glass of wine asked me to house and pet sit for her and her husband while they go out of town for New Year's, never asking how it would be for me or did I have any plans.  I guess I thought she would be considerate of the fact that it would be a sad holiday for me and mention that.  It felt like, they were thinking I'm alone and would be the perfect person to housesit.  They are good people but don't have a clue.  I could say no, but the truth is I am alone and I am available to housesit, so I said yes, but I came home and feel so depressed and sad.  This is what makes everything so lonely.  Just feeling like crap.....and, no, it isn't their fault; it's no one's fault; isn't that a bummer.  There is no one to blame, just sadness.....

[iPraiseHim]

Cookie, it is difficult for most people to understand the plight of us grievers.  My expectations of what I think other people should think or say is what gets me disappointed and off kilter.  I have come to understand that I need to follow what gives me PEACE.  If it would cause me more distress to watch someone else's home then I would just decline the invitation.  Yes it may be convenient for them but it may not be for me. 

Loneliness is an ongoing dilemma for me but I realize that if I don't put myself around other people then I am just isolating myself and causes my own loneliness.  I plan to look for things that I am interested in and see where that takes me.  It takes energy and action.  After 22 months, I am just beginning to think about make a few changes to improve.  It takes time.  There is no rush.  My prayers are with you.  - Shalom, George  

[Cookie]

Thank you George....

[Patty65]

The other day, the landlord came to "talk" (aka attack, yell-at) me.  Commercial landlord at the shop.  At one point in his very hostile confrontation, he said "you always pay your rent late!"  I said, "We have never been more than 30 days late (mostly 15 days late), and you KNOW what I've been through this year!"  He said,  "YES I KNOW, BUT THIS IS BUSINESS, AND FRANKLY I DON'T CARE!"  He hasn't been out a penny, and he is (literally) a billionaire. (and yes, i had to get a lawyer, and I'll never let him talk to me again).

Wow.  Just Wow. I guess I, or we maybe, have to give up any hope that anyone other than those who have gone through it can have any reasonable semblance of understanding.  If we give up that expectation or hope, yet another something to give up, then I don't know - maybe it won't hurt as much?  Maybe that's a fantasy too.

I'm so sorry that happened that way with so little understanding of what you are going through, Cookie.

Patty

[MartyT]

Patty, I'm so sorry your landlord attacked you that way. 

I'm reminded of Deidre Felton's words, that "sorrow is a matter of taking turns." Sooner or later, this man's turn will come, and maybe then will he have some semblance of understanding.  ♥

[kayc]

Patty,

I hope the money starts coming soon enough to pay him on time and I'm glad you turned it over to an attorney so you don't have to deal with him directly.  I'm glad you won't stand for his bullying.  Isn't it amazing that someone can amass a fortune, yet not care about the little guy that is struggling and doing their best with it!

[Cookie]

Patty:  I'm really sorry that happened to you.  So much worse than my neighbor just not being sensitive.  I agree with MartyT; he will have his turn.  It really does help when someone walks with you through this, just lets you be where you are and keeps coming back.  It's rare but wonderfully comforting.  The insensitive ones do more damage than they realize.  I feel for you and think you handled it quite well, even given the pain you're in.  Hang in there girl....Cookie

[Cleo Patricia]

On 12/17/2016 at 9:51 PM, Patty65 said:

The other day, the landlord came to "talk" (aka attack, yell-at) me.  Commercial landlord at the shop.  At one point in his very hostile confrontation, he said "you always pay your rent late!"  I said, "We have never been more than 30 days late (mostly 15 days late), and you KNOW what I've been through this year!"  He said,  "YES I KNOW, BUT THIS IS BUSINESS, AND FRANKLY I DON'T CARE!"  He hasn't been out a penny, and he is (literally) a billionaire. (and yes, i had to get a lawyer, and I'll never let him talk to me again).

Wow.  Just Wow. I guess I, or we maybe, have to give up any hope that anyone other than those who have gone through it can have any reasonable semblance of understanding.  If we give up that expectation or hope, yet another something to give up, then I don't know - maybe it won't hurt as much?  Maybe that's a fantasy too.

I'm so sorry that happened that way with so little understanding of what you are going through, Cookie.

Patty

Oh, my. I just read this and it literally kicked me in the stomach. This behavior would be cruel under any circumstances, but grief makes us super sensitive. I ache for you, dear one. Now what I am going to say may sound impossible, but, if you can do it and I am lucky to achieve it 50% of the time. Forgive. Forgive him because he has no idea and he can't hurt you. Peace.

[kayc]

Cleo Patricia,
Welcome.  I hope you will take some time to introduce yourself.  I don't see another post by you even though it states two, so not sure what I'm missing.  I hope you'll continue to come here and read and post as you desire.

[Cleo Patricia]

Yes, I am new here. An online forum is so much better for me than an in person support group which I feel to be intrusive. My feelings are private. I don't like to share them even with my daughters for they suffer their own grief at losing their father. He was my best friend and soulmate, two sides of the same coin. Forty years ago it was during the Christmas holidays we became engaged. I used to tell him if I had known how happy he would make me, I would have proposed to him. This was on Blue bloods, a quote from Aeschylus: That even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop on the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.