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Social anxiety


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Hi All,

It's been about 4 months now since my wonderful dad passed and I'm struggling a little bit.

At the moment, I'm finding issue with social engagements - I just don't want to do them.

The most recent two events included my mother: She invited me out for a picnic as well as to meet two of her new friends who are apparently close to my age.

Although I am very happy my mother is getting out and about, being social and enjoying meeting new people- I'm just not interested. I tried to politely turn down the invitations which just served to  irritate my mother. I understand this attitude comes across as selfish and rude. It's not intentional; I just can't bring myself to enjoy social events. It's enough that I still go to work (which is very social - I'm a registered nurse at a busy public tertiary hospital).

In the words of Greta Garbo - I just want to be alone.

Is this still okay 4 months later?

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Of course it's okay, Kitty. You feel what you feel and you're not like everybody else. What works for your mother isn't necessarily what will work for you. There is no right or wrong way to "do" grief. Every one of us needs to discover for ourselves what works or doesn't work for us. You will see some of us here using the phrase, "one size does not fit all," because so many of us run into people who think they know how to "fix" our grief for us and they think they know what we should or shouldn't be doing to make that happen. Grief is not an illness, and it's not a problem to be fixed. 

If you're an RN working in a busy public hospital, I'm sure your days are full enough already. Your work requires you to give everything you've got in taking care of others. It doesn't surprise me that you don't have the energy, the interest or the need to go out and be social when you're still mourning the death of your father. 

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Of course it's okay, not only okay, but to be expected!  When my husband passed there's no way I could do "social engagements".  It's enough to get out of bed and do what you have to do.

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I agree with Kay! I feel like that is normal. I lost my boyfriend 8 months ago and I still can't do groups of people. I go into a deep spiral after any gatherings. I have learned to accept my grief and feel through it. Kay is right.. do what you need to do. There are days where I can't and don't want to do anything. I have learned that pushing myself only puts me further back in my healing process.

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