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My grandchildren

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My precious grandchildren Lily Lila Noah and Gracie.  There is no way to express how tightly you have held my heart.  Your losses have so deeply hurt my soul.  I know you’re being held by Grammy Mary.  That’s my only solace.  If you can know how deeply heartbroken your Grampy is I beg you to come to me somehow and give me a sign that you’re free from suffering.  I need that so much.  You own my heart in a way that no one else could.  Plz love on each other and love your Grammy Mary.  ❤️

Grampy Butch

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi Allen,

It is good that you have found yourself a safe and caring place to receive the support YOU so deserve.  The burden you are being asked to carry right now is great and I can understand your feeling that “the world is on my shoulders.”

Your family has been through mega grief.  As a devoted son, you have held up under the loss of your mother, the loss of your precious children, and the added temporary loss of a father who means the world to you.  Sometimes when the grief is too heavy we need to stop and reach out to others for help. We will to be here for you, Allen.  We are good listeners. You are not alone.

 We know your dad is struggling right now with all this grief and that is adding to your already fragile state as you try to process all that has happened.

I think anger is ‘normal’ in grief and the one who is angry has to work through this on his/her own.  At times professional help is needed.  As much as family wants to help sometimes it can’t happen because the person either can’t see this or isn’t ready to hear it. I know how much you want to get your dad through this difficult time and the most important thing you or any of us who love your dad can do is be there for him.  We know enough about grief to know that we are not broken nor do we need to be fixed.  We need people who will listen to us and sometimes we do need professionals to help us through this.  Grief is not a sickness and shouldn’t be treated as if it is.  Your dad is getting the help he needs right now and I pray that he is also getting the understanding of a good grief counselor who can guide him in understanding some of the thoughts he is struggling with. Keeping you and your family in my continued prayers. Sometimes too many losses so close together are just beyond our mental capacity to digest.  We shut down or start to blame ourselves for something we had no control over.  I think anger and blame are ways we try to cope. Your dad will come through this.  We are here for him and for you and your family.  


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Allen, my dear, I can only reiterate what Anne has said to you already. Everyone in your family is suffering in his or her own unique way with these overwhelming losses. Turning to one another for support is not enough. You simply cannot provide all the understanding and support that is needed by your dad, your wife and your boys right now ~ and this is way too much for you to bear on your shoulders alone. Certainly we are here for you, listening, praying, holding you in our hearts ~ but that is not enough either. Please give serious consideration to getting some professional support for yourself that is outside your own family circle, from a qualified grief counselor or therapist. 

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15 hours ago, A&K said:

This utterly horribly upsets me.  My mom and four children are gone and Katie and I are broken.  My father is inpatient broken.  The world is on my shoulders.  



I can't imagine what you are going through because I've never seen anyone suffer so many losses in such a short period of time as your family has.  I know your family has inner strength, we've seen it, but right now you aren't feeling it and we totally get that.  I agree with Marty, professional grief support is very needed right now.  Still praying for your dad, but always for you and Katie also.  Caleb and Ryan need you to survive this and be there for them.  We're here for you but I have to agree that you need more than just us, you need a guide that can help you through this.  (((hugs and prayers)))

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