Lothar Posted May 11, 2018 Report Share Posted May 11, 2018 Thank you all in advance for your support. I'm not an english native speaker, so please forgive me for my poor writing skills.THE STORYMet a girl on a dating app and we became friends. We lived in different cities and we just maintained a good friendship for almost 2 years. We went together through good and bad times, even without knowing each other in person. I know, it's strange but that's how it went.Finally we met one time for a lunch, when she happened to be in my town for work. It was a really good time.Then we meet two weeks later, she stayed by my house and we slept together, talk and felt a deep connection with each other.It was amazing, I just fell head over heels for her. I wasn't really interested in her before meeting her in person. Then... well, it just hit me like a train.I crushed on her for good.THE PROBLEMTwo days later, her dad was hospitalized. Pancreas cancer, liver metastasis. Months if not weeks to live. She told me everything thats was going on, that she won't have the time and the will to give me attentions and that i could move on if i wanted. She was honest from the beginning.I did my best to be there for her, message her daily (since we were long distance) and try to support her by staying at her side during this difficult time.Things went fairly good for a few weeks, then she started to grow distant and to treat me just as an ordinary friend. Which i was comfortable with but also felt like a rejection.Well, things went worse and worse from that point on. Maybe i was not so comfortable and i struggled all i could to not pressure her, thinking of the terrible situation she was into, but it was like i had to strangle my newborn feelings with my own hands.I offered many times to go to her city to be beside her, she refused because her weekends were with family of course. She warned me about what was going on, and she didn't want to make me waste my time. I just said i would be there for her, and that was my choice. Unfortunately, every time i asked to visit her she got more and more upset. I don't know what i was thinking, maybe the circumstances and my infatuation for her played a role in this huge screw up. Anyway, i told myself it could be no harm: i just wanted to show her that i was willing to stay strong during her hard times and that i was willing not to withdraw from her.I proposed i could go there during week, because my schedule wasn't too busy at work atm. I asked this several times because i wanted her to feel i was truly there for her, distance or not, and thought that people in this kind of terrible situations sometimes don't have the energy left to ask for help or think straight. Also, i missed her very much. Well, i was wrong big time. What i saw as a reiterated sweet offer, she saw as reiterated unbearable pressure.She snapped badly, told me she couldn't plan anything at the moment and that i had to realize her father was dying.I apologized, told her that maybe i did a mistake but that was because i greatly cared for her and wanted to prove that i would be by her side even in difficult times.She went no contact for 4 days. THE FINAL BLOW During this frame of time, I sent her goodmornings and goodnights, talking lightly because i thought she would open to me whenever she was ready, knowing i was there for her.Wrong again. She snapped again. "YOU NEVER ACTUALLY ASKED HOW I'M DOING. YOU ONLY TALKED ABOUT YOURSELF.", she texted me.I said that she was really upset with me the other day and this was my way, clumsy all you want, to show care and that i was there for her to talk if she needed because she was important to me.I called her, apologized for my mistakes, told her i did really care and that my intentions were good and sincere.She said i could repeat this all i want but this won't make up for my errors; she reviewed all my mistakes fo the last 2 months one by one (one time i got jealous that she went on dinner with a male friend... my fault, she was not my gf, but anyway i didn't make a big deal of it, i just said that i was jealous with a smile, more like a game between lovers), speaking with great anger towards me.Finally she told me not to contact her, because things were not working between us.She said that if she wants she will be contacting me. As of today, it has been 5 days of no contact, but the damage is already done.THE UGLY TRUTHI know, i totally screwed up and i don't even know where to start to blame myself. I should have listened to her.I guess i was too eager to be in a relationship with her, i don't know really. Maybe the infatuation clouded my thinking process.I just feel numb because i truly saw something in her, and i put everything i had with pure heart on the table, willing to stay by her side in her darkest time.And maybe that's the real problem. She wasn't in the mindframe for a boyfriend: she needed a friend. And I did all the worst things possible on this planet when she was just asking for a friend. And i was a selfish idiot.I'm really really sorry for her and her family, and i wish i could do more. I think of her constantly and pray for her and her family everyday. I cannot even begin to imagine what she is going through and i blame myself for my inability to be the man i wish i was in her time of need. If i had a time machine i would use it and give her the support she deserved.Would appreciate any advice, and sorry for the long post.I've been a lurker in here for quite sometimes and, since i've found this to be a great place full of awesome people, i just thought this was my time to ask for help. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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