My heart hurts so badly

[A&K]

I miss my twins.  This is the anniversary time when they went to heaven.  And Sept will be a year since Gracie went to heaven.  And of course I still feel so guilty for Noah’s passing because I didn’t make sure he was wearing his helmet.  

I miss my kids.  They were all my babies.  Yes I still have Caleb and Ryan and This baby girl due in December.  And I treasure them.  So much.  

But my heart hurts so much there aren’t adequate words to describe.  I met a couple people in the new grief group yesterday who’ve lost children and a couple people who’ve lost their husband.  So I think the group may be helpful.  

I just want to hold my babies once again.  I want to turn back time.  😢💔

Katie. 

[enna]

Sending love and hugs to you dear Katie. Our hearts hurt for you. We will always be here for you. I hope that the group you are meeting with are helpful to you. 

Anne

[kayc]

Those anv. of death dates are hard.  I'm glad you've started in a grief group, it helps to have others that know what you're going through.  It all seems like a nightmare, we remember the losses with you.  Hugs to you, dear Katie.

[A&K]

Sept 11th will be one year since Gracie’s passing.  I miss my precious one year old with everything in me.  Our baby girl.  Even though Allen is gone now doesn’t mean our kids are still not ours.  They will always be ours.  I say mine a lot and I feel guilty doing so.  Allen now holds all four of our angel children in his arms in heaven.  I hold the boys and our baby girl to come in mine.  It’s amazing how full my heart is with love but at the same time so full of heartbreak. 😢

[kayc]

It's common to go back and forth with the pronouns I and we when we've lost our mate, either way is appropriate so please don't guilt yourself for using "I".  

September 11 is going to be hard for you, I'm sure.  We all loved Gracie, but for you it is beyond anything the rest of us can fathom.  You will be in our prayers for sure, Katie.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2012/05/coping-with-anniversary-reactions-in.html

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/in-grief-dreading-anniversary-date-of.html

[A&K]

Yes Sept 11 is going to be grueling.  It’s already so bad.  My Gracie girl.  

Thanks Ksy for the links.

[enna]

Yes, Katie, your Gracie girl and I know how much you like this video...

For those who knew Gracie Lee and to those who are here today giving loving support to Katie (Gracie's mom) enjoy the video.

It's best to view it full screen ~ the focus was on precious memories of toys and clothes and life photographed by her grandpa, Butch:

 

 

[kayc]

Thank you for sharing that, Anne.  I remember how she was the joy in Butch's life.  I'm sorry, Katie, I don't understand any of this loss.  May you enjoy this video!

[Widowedbysuicide]

Riley Grace will have her big sisters and brother to welcome her to heaven.  ❤️

[A&K]

I miss my babies!  My heart hurts!   It’s so wrong to lose your children before yourself.  It’s just not right.  😢💔😢💔😢💔😢💔😢💔. 

[kayc]

Katie,

You are so right, it feels VERY wrong!  I'm so sorry, Honey, I wish I could put my arms around you, I know you're in so much pain.  (((hugs)))