Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

An Anniversary I Don't Want To Celebrate

Recommended Posts

Where do I begin? It has been so long since I posted anything. First let me apologize for not being able to respond to anyone. I’m just not able to help anyone at this time.

The last couple of weeks are a blur. Our oldest son got married a week ago. It was a beautiful occasion. I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter-in-law. But someone was missing… The kids surprised me to tears. It was a wonderful surprise. There was a place setting for Tom with his picture and one for her father who is also passed. Yes, he was supposed to be here for this. I can only hope they have as many years as Tom and I shared.

Thursday is the big #1 day. One year and I still miss Tom with all my heart and all my soul. My boss scheduled me to work so I told him I didn’t feel that I would be any good to anybody. He let me take it off. I can’t seem to get out of my rut right now. I read the posts daily and want to reply, but I can’t find the strength to. Does it really get better? I keep waiting, thinking, “Today will be a little better.” It’s like a dance, two steps forward and one step back.

Everyone else is moving on with his or her lives. When will mine move on? Do I really want to move on or am I happy to wallow in my self-pity? When they said, “Till death do us part”, I thought we had forever.

WaltC…I love your Monday Morning Church.

There are newbies to the site. I see they are in such pain. The stories are similar; Hepatitis C, Cancer or whatever and pain… The pain especially, is new and raw. I want to reach out and let them know they are not alone. I want to be there for them. I’ve been too quiet, wrapped up in myself. I can’t seem to find joy right now and I’m sorry. :unsure:

Tom, all of my love to you. :wub:

Link to comment
Share on other sites


It was nice to see you write again – But can certainly relate to where you seem to be at in this long grief process. I have not been as visible my self on the site for the last 6 weeks – just here and there – but have not gotten into responding to any degree. It seems I have entered some type of phase – but I’m not sure what the phase is – I just know it feels different. I feel less like writing in general – and more like trying to re-connect with different aspects of what would be seen as “normal life” I keep trying to engage my self with the rest of the world. Sometimes it is so painful. I still feel empty and miss Jack as much now as the day he vanished from my sight.

What you describe, as the remembrance to Tom at your Son’s wedding was indeed a beautiful tribute to him and must be consoling in some deep way to you. The fact that they remembered his Father – your Husband is a wonderful message – cherish that – not every family would do that – not every family would acknowledge the fact that he lived. Some would try to bury the memory and hope that it would pass unnoticed. You are lucky to have experienced this beautiful tribute. I am so happy for you. Tom would have been pleased – and I know you were moved by the tribute.

I hope you get through tomorrow – a day to remember what a wonderful man Tom was to you. Jacks anniversary date is still 3 month away – I still can’t believe he is gone. I am so determined to move on – to try to re-connect with life. I am afraid my assistance to others has suffered as a result – its as if I suddenly don’t have the energy to go deep inside the pain of others when I am trying to find the right place to deal with my own pain and still find a way to find life again as well. Perhaps more healing is actually finding its way to my core – and hopefully some day soon I can deal with my pain and others as well. I know helping others with questions they have has helped me in the past.

I have not forgotten any of you – and all the new faces to this site. I understand your pain – but for the moment I appear to be like Bebekat - and not able to help as much as I may have been able to in the past.

My love and support to all on this site.

John – Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Dear Bebekat,

Monday will be one year since I lost my fiance. Like you I haven't posted anything in a while. With this up coming date there is much anxiety. I also recently lost my father and I think what your son and daughter-in -law did at the wedding was such a wonderful thing. I want you to know that it's ok to be in a "rut" and things will get better- all in time.It happens when you're not expecting it. Just remember those happy memories and take some time for yourself.

You'll be in my thoughts this week,


Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am sorry I haven't been on line every day...the one year anniversary must be terribly hard to get through. I wish I had been here for you more.

I guess we are entering phases...sometimes introspective, sometimes feeling like no one could understand what we're going through...and yet we're still here. My heart is with each of you, you mean so much to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you Dusky, Liv, and kayc. It always makes me feel so much better when I come here. Everyone is so supportive. I hope you all find some peace today, even for just a moment. Our love goes on, we will never forget.

I miss my baby.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bebekat, What a beautiful way to bring Tom into the celebration of this marriage...to honor him...to say I love you. I do not have the words to comfort you at the "year" as I approach the same in five weeks. Each day I can not understand..how can this be? Take care of yourself Bebekat...you are important and special to all of us. No one can take the love you have with Tom. It is the gift Tom gave to you on your wedding day...it is yours FOREVER!

Always Gene!


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...