widow'15 Posted February 23, 2020 Report Share Posted February 23, 2020 Mark: So sorry to read you have had to suffer another loss so soon after losing your Susie. Keeping you in my thoughts. Dee 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted February 23, 2020 Report Share Posted February 23, 2020 What a tragic loss so close to Susie's and your just having spoken to him. My thoughts are with you as you have to face another void in your heart. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 23, 2020 Report Share Posted February 23, 2020 Mark, I am so sorry...how hard to face another loss so soon. I do believe it was meant to be that the two of you shared that phone conversation, you have that to cherish always with his memory. I, like you, believe they are together and hope you can find some comfort in that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkM Posted March 8, 2020 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2020 Turning a corner Last Saturday was abysmal. I let the dog out, fed her and went back to bed til about 10am. I didn't care to do anything but try to sleep, which was short lived. The day was spent puttering around on the internet and feeling sorry for myself. I was a mess. Sunday wasn't much different, except that I sought out some scripture and prayed that the Lord life me up from the darkness. I have a Bible app on my phone that keeps feeding me verses that seem to be spot on. It's almost as if someone is watching out for me, insert sarcasm here. Of course he is and for that matter it seems as if though Susie is too. I have felt her presence on numerous occasions and I take comfort in it. Tuesday morning, when I woke up, something seemed different. There was a slight cessation of the normal feeling I awaken with, where I come to and realize that this nightmare is real. I got ready for work and decided to wear a bright green shirt that belonged to Susie. Up until then I was wearing dark colors, which pretty much reflected my mood. I fully expected my mood to take a dive during the day, but it didn't. I actually laughed a couple of times and it felt good. On my way home I talked to Susie and I thanked her for watching over me. I told her that I had felt her concern and that I wanted her to know that I would be OK. I suggested that she go check on her Daughters to make sure that they were alright. I could almost feel her relief. I know she knew that I was a mess and it had been this way ever since she left. I still cry daily, mostly in the evening, but I feel I have turned a corner. the hardest thing I'm having to deal with now is the loneliness. I'm accepting of the fact that Susie is gone, at least physically and her absence is really hard to deal with. I so miss the company, the conversation, the laughter, hearing her voice and feeling her touch. I have picked up the guitar again, am working up the callouses, getting my voice back in order and relearning some wonderful songs that I once played for her. I sit next to her pretty suede cowboy hat, pictures of her and I am able to smile on occasion. For the second service, or "Celebration of Life", I'm still working on the photo collage, the song list and I'm seriously contemplating performing a song. If I think I can pull it off without completely losing it, I just might. This one comes to mind. She always loved it.... 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 8, 2020 Report Share Posted March 8, 2020 That is so beautiful. I'm glad you feel your wife watching over you...as well as our Pilot. It's good that you had a better day, getting a couple of smiles in is good! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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