Jack’s gone. Now What?

[BobBlah]

Hello. My wonderful companion and best friend Jack graduated from the earth two months ago. We spent almost 14 happy years together. He was just suffering so much he needed to be put doe,. I don’t regret the decision at all. My husband and I were able to take our time with our decision. We gave him celebratory last day. Now, I’m just. Our isn’t the loss of my best friend. We have no children so Jack is my boy. I have a chronic illness and I stayed in bed s lot the past few years. Jack is, like most of our dogs, more than a dog to me. He was a part of my identity. I felt like I could relate better with a lot of my friends who are moms. I miss him so much everyday. I have gained 20 lbs in 2 months because I am not coping with this well. I don’t even know what else to say right now. Help! How do I go through this grieving process? This is my first big loss where I am affected by this every.dingle.day. Thanks for reading. 

[MartyT]

11 hours ago, BobBlah said:

Help! How do I go through this grieving process?

My dear, you go through it one day, one hour, one moment at a time. You reach out to others whose losses are similar to your own, as you discover that you're not "crazy" and you're certainly not alone ~ and you learn what others have done to better understand and cope with this different kind of grief. Coming here is a good first step, as we've all been where you are now, and we know how much this hurts.

Since this is your first "big loss," it can feel as if you're a stranger in a strange land. You don't know the language, you don't have a map, and you don't know where you're going or how to get there. I encourage you to do some reading about what is normal in grief, which will serve to guide you as you find your way, and so you won't feel so lost, so confused, and so alone: 

A Bill of Rights for Grieving Animal Lovers

Common Myths, Misconceptions about Pet Loss

Pet Loss: Is It a Different Kind of Grief?

Pet Loss: Why Does It Hurt So Much?

Bereavement: Doing the Work of Grief

Memorializing Pets We Have Lost

[kayc]

I am so sorry for the loss of your Jack.  I can relate, that's how I felt about my Arlie, I lost him 6 1/2 months ago (cancer).  They continue in our hearts but the missing them continues as well.  This like to have killed me.  I'm learning to live with it but it's not easy.  I still talk to him, I can look out the patio door and see his grave.  I'm sorry it hurts so much, grief truly is the price we pay for love.  

[Connor'sMom]

@BobBlah I think we all share in your loss of Jack. Like @kayc stated, our babies are still in our hearts. Connor passed 11 weeks ago. I didn't leave the house for a month. I can still go days without leaving the house. I have learned the grief is a ride on a roller coaster. Just like you, Connor was our only child, therefore our daily "schedules" are no longer "normal." (If that makes sense). 

I have read all of the articles @MartyT posted above. Be gentle with yourself. 

Connor'sMom

[MollyB]

Hi all. I just lost my baby Doodles Monday morning. He had a long, full life and after 2 years of diabetes his illness finally overcame him. I thought I would have more time but he stopped eating last Thursday and it continued throughout the weekend, so we had to make the decision to let him pass on Monday. He was my one and only love, I have no other animals, no children and no significant other. Thankfully I have a lot of support around me but no one can understand this type of loss unless they’ve been through it. I just miss him so much everyday. I got his ashes back yesterday and brought him home. It’s just so difficult to try to get out of bed everyday. I already struggle with depression and anxiety so this has just made things so much more difficult. I just can’t stop this overwhelming feeling of sadness and heartbreak. He was my everything and my life revolved around his care. Now that he is gone i feel so empty.  

[MartyT]

1 hour ago, MollyB said:

Thankfully I have a lot of support around me but no one can understand this type of loss unless they’ve been through it.

This is so true, MollyB ~ That is why it's so helpful to surround yourself with those whose losses are similar to your own. You don't need to explain your pain to "animal people" ~ those who've loved and lost a cherished animal friend. You've found your way to this virtual support group ~ good for you! ~ as we've all been where you are now. You might also consider looking for an in-person pet loss support group in your community (see Finding Support for Pet Loss). I think it also helps to find ways to memorialize your baby Doodles, so you can keep his memory alive in your heart. Lots of ideas are mentioned here: Memorializing Pets We Have Lost and here: Memorializing A Pet ♥️

 

[kayc]

@MollyB  I am so sorry.  I know the pain of losing the one you're closest to, your constant companion and best friend.  I feel the same way...I called Arlie my "soulmate in a dog."  Making the decision to euthanize 6 1/2 months ago was the hardest decision I've ever made, but it was the right decision for him (cancer).  When we release them to their peace, we take over their suffering.  My kids aren't here, my husband died nearly 15 years ago, parents gone, and two years ago I lost my sister.  When you live alone, your furry companion is your family, your everything.  Two months ago I lost my 25 year old Kitty.  My son brought me a puppy for Christmas, now I am terrified of losing him too.  But they are what life is made of, they are the spark of joy in our lives...I'd about reconciled myself to never having another dog but now Kodie is my incentive.  Still I cry over Arlie, his coat is still hanging on the chair, his leash and collar hanging on the hook by the door.  I don't want to move them.  I look out and see his grave in my back yard, I go down there and talk to him even though I know he is not there.  I hope his spirit knows I love him with all my heart.  And Kitty...I miss her, she's left an emptiness in the house, what I wouldn't give to be able to give her Easy Cheese one more time.

Marty is so right, people here get it.