WaltC Posted July 2, 2006 Report Share Posted July 2, 2006 I was a little late reading today’s message in Martha Hickman’s Healing After Loss – a great little book that I have recommended previously to those on this journey of grief.Martha reminds us that:“… We don’t need to take seriously the comments of probably well-meaning but ignorant folk who imply that we are being indulgent or weak in not “getting over it by now” – whether “now” is six months or six years after the loss has occurred”For me, it is nearly 15 months and I am not even close to “getting over it”.Martha tells us that “every grief has its own timetable, which only the grievor knows…Someone once said it takes seven years to adjust to the loss of someone close. So there’s no need to apologize if after many months we are still finding grief a major pre-occupation. And there is nothing to be ashamed of if a particularly poignant moment reduces us to tears a very long time after our loved one has died."She suggests that if someone says “It seems to me that you should be getting over that by now”, we might want to quote William Shakespeare who wrote: “Everyone can master a grief but he that has it.”I hope all my Canadian Friends had a good Canada Day yesterday and best wishes to my American friends on your upcoming Fourth of July holiday. Holidays can be hard, but if we can concentrate on the good times we had with our loved ones the pain can be lessened. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny1 Posted July 3, 2006 Report Share Posted July 3, 2006 Thanks WaltTomorrow will be 7mths for me...and I, like you am so far from seeing daylight.....For me, it is like a terrifying roller coaster ride... the emotional waves that hit me come when they chose to....I need to do some more reading....maybe I should buy another book....Just wanted to say your tribute to Jeannie is amazing...Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted July 4, 2006 Report Share Posted July 4, 2006 Walt, I hope its okay but I'm going to print out your post today just to give to all those that surround me and just want to dismiss or challenge my feelings. Its getting very very old. Fourth of July was one of Larry's favorite holidays. We would buy the fireworks and all the neighbors would bring their lawnchairs and cheer each time he lit another pretty one. He loved doing that and seeing everyones faces. Time has changed for me. I can't figure out if it is standing still or racing on. My point of reference is the day he died and thats all I can compare each day to still. Seven months, feels like yesterday to me. Easier, no way. Acceptable, not even close. I still would rather be with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted July 5, 2006 Report Share Posted July 5, 2006 It seems hard to me to believe that it has been 12 1/2 months for me...last 4th of July I was alone and steeped in newly found grief...this year a friend of George's and mine came down and spent the four day weekend and just had to leave to go back home...and my daughter and soon to be son-in-law came and spent the night last night and are going to take me to the fireworks. George and I always watched the fireworks together and so my mind goes back to two years ago when we were at the fireworks and he (always one to find food no matter where we were)got an ice cream cone...a blue one, and it turned his tongue and lips smurf blue! I miss him, this man that always managed to turn everything into something fun. This love of mine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ustwo Posted July 5, 2006 Report Share Posted July 5, 2006 I don't think there is a "getting over it". I've accepted the pain as a shadow...a part of me now. Instead of wishing the sun did not rise in the mornings I accept that it is going to rise and I'll deal with the day as it comes. July 4th, 2005...my first attempt to try and step out of my house. I made it until the first firework went off and then in tears ran back to curl up in my pain and tears. Oh, my darling Gene I miss you so much. Only you made me happy...just seeing your face, your smile, hearing your sweet voice made my days shine. Days are just time going by without you...they hold no meaning. I love you darling! Always Gene!Always! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted August 10, 2006 Report Share Posted August 10, 2006 Hi All,I just want to say that I do not think we will ever get over it. I think that it just gets easier year after year. I know myself that it has been sixteen months since my mom died and almost one year for my dad. I miss them so very much but I hope with God's love and His strength I will feel better in time. God Bless You All and take care Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrissy777 Posted August 10, 2006 Report Share Posted August 10, 2006 Hi everyone,Its so weird to see everyone talking about the fourth of July. The day before my husband died this year. We were on the phone together because he was in the hospital getting his bone marrow transplant 120 miles away. I asked him if he could see the fireworks from his window and he was so sick he said he hadnt even looked he was just sleeping or getting sick. I never really liked the fourth of July. I mean I like to celebrate our independence but I have never been fond of fireworks I always just watched them from my window. Now I am definately sure I will never like the fourth of july again ( the celebration not the fact that we are free people). I also wanted to say that It has been little over a month for me and I do not see it getting better anytime soon so if people cant deal with that They dont have to listen but I know I will be talking about Jason and all I lost when I lost him for years to come. God bless everyoneChrissy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted August 10, 2006 Report Share Posted August 10, 2006 Hi All,I just wanted to say that each of us is here for one reason and that is to help each other through the grief that we suffer from. Be it from the loss of a dear mother or father, or from a loving grandmother or grandfather..It maybe from the loss of a sister or brother... but who ever we loss we can get help with the upcoming feelings that we feel through the grief journey we are on... Take care of yourselves and God Bless You All ShelleyHi Walt,I really love the tribute you did for your Jeanie... She was a really lucky woman to have someone to love her like you did... And you must have been a really lucky man for her to love you Take care Walt and God Bless You Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WaltC Posted August 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted August 12, 2006 Hi Walt,I really love the tribute you did for your Jeanie... She was a really lucky woman to have someone to love her like you did... And you must have been a really lucky man for her to love you Take care Walt and God Bless You ShelleyThank You so much Shelley - I have been indeed a really lucky man to have my Jeannie in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
STARKISS Posted August 12, 2006 Report Share Posted August 12, 2006 Thank You Walt,For the message you posted for me, Hope life is a little easier. Take care and God Bless You Shelley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted August 16, 2006 Report Share Posted August 16, 2006 WaltC,It's good to hear from you again...I know you must rest, but please know we continue to keep you in our prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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