It's been 2 1/2 years; when does pain stop

[Skeeters_Mom]

Thank you all for giving me a place to come.  

In September 2018 my Skeeter passed.  The pain is still so real.  

Skeeter came to us as a 6 week old kitten who was found in a paper bag in a parking lot.  He instantly become my baby.  As a little guy he would sleep curled up on my left shoulder. Even as an adult he would try to sleep on my shoulder.  Early on Skeeter learned to "give Mommy a kiss" by headbutting me on the chin so I could kiss the top of his head.  He always knew when I was sad and stay right with me.  If I hurt (like when I broke my wrist) he was right there watching over me.  I'll never forget when I had surgery and every time I woke up from resting he was laying above me on the headboard; sometimes asleep but often just watching me.  

There was nothing better than watching him play and play and play then fall asleep where he stopped.  And the way he used to wrestle with the furbrother Jackson!  It sounded like there were going to crash through the floor.  And he loved being outside in the yard (fenced yard and always supervised).  He would run and play then find a shady spot, usually under one of my flowers, to sleep.  

But he got sick.  His wonderful heart started not working right.  When the time came to help him on his journey to the Rainbow Bridge I was devastated.  It felt like my heart was being torn from my chest.  I'd lost other cats before (two earlier the same year) and each time it hurt.  But not like when Skeet passed.  It's been 2 1/2 years.  I still feel like there is something missing.  Yesterday I cried for him again.  For two hours I sobbed.  And all I could think was if Skeeter was there he would have let me bury my face in his fur and just cry.  But he wasn't there.  He was the one I was crying over.  

I have other cats.  Actually 6 of them.  And I love them all.  But none have seemed to fill the hole in my heart.  I can't stop missing him.  I can't stop wishing I could hold his paw again while we fell asleep at night.  I can't stop feeling like a part of me is gone.

Thank you for listening.

[kayc]

I am so sorry, I know what you mean, I feel that way for my Arlie (Husky/Golden Retriever), I called him my soulmate in a dog.  He was the perfect dog for me.  I've had 15 cats and ten dogs, but he was special.  It's been 1 1/2 years since he passed (cancer).  BTW, your cat is beautiful!

Every once in a lifetime we get that special one.  I loved all of mine too and miss them, but he was very special.  25 year old Kitty passed 4 1/2 months after him, but it was definitely her time, she'd lived a good long life...doesn't mean I don't miss her all the same.

Grief has a beginning but not necessarily an ending.  I think we'll miss them until we're with them again, fortunately I believe they go to heaven (Rainbow Bridge as some refer to) and are awaiting us, but without the sorrow we carry.  In the next world it not bound by time like here and there's no suffering or pain...kind of hard for us to imagine.

It helped me to memorialize them by writing some stories about their lives:

 

 

 

 

 

[Coco Forever]

I feel your loss as we all do and my he his a cutey.April 27th will be exactly one year since i held my Coco’s head in my arms for the last time and just today I had a good sob and yes while the tears have lessened the pain has not.I close my eyes at night and I fall asleep with him by my side then I wake up just to emptiness but I try to remind myself that he’s no longer suffering although the guilt I have is still with me as I didn’t know that he had heart disease when he used to just lie down on our walks in his last 2yrs.I’ve had colleagues say to me surely you’re over the loss by now so safe to say that they’ve never owned a pet.The grief has been and still is overwhelming to the point that when I get home from work and open the door to see he’s not waiting for me anymore that voice enters my head saying to me there is an easy way out to end my pain but I’d like to think I’m winning that battle as at least I’m still here.
Love to all and stay safe

Frankie

[kayc]

OMG, I love this picture of him looking at you, LOVE it!  

Not all pet owners are the same!  Some tie them up in the back yard and think they're good if they toss some food at them once a day, no interaction, not part of the family!  Those are the ones that literally break my heart.  We who make them part of our family and abode, who take them on walks, and love them and love making them happy, we are the ones who are here missing them.

All pets deserve GOOD homes and loving families!  Sometimes I feel bad that I don't have the energy of a child to chase my puppy but you know what?  I take him on walks 2-3 times a day and most days he gets a play date with another dog, and he has cuddle time with me and lots of toys to play with.  He is loved and well knows it.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain, I know to a certain extent this is always with us as I will always miss my Arlie, it's been 1 1/2 years.  I miss my other pets too but his death hit me harder than any other.

[Coco Forever]

Thanks Kayc for your as ever comforting kind words and no doubt this forum has also given me comfort knowing the we are all experiencing the loss of our beloved pets.
Love to you all❤️
Frankie

[Coco Forever]

Exactly one year to the day when you left this world and my heart has ached every single one of them days and still does and oh what I would give to hold you in my arms one last time and give you a big kiss but I know this can only be in my dreams.My beautiful boy you have left a void in my life that can never be filled but my pain is lessened to know you are no longer suffering.Love you forever😘❤️

[kayc]

  (((hugs))))

Just yesterday I started crying when I was out walking, thinking of Arlie, saw a neighbor, couldn't shut the tears off.  8/16/19 he left me.  Never ever forgotten.

[Coco Forever]

Thanks Kayc and hugs to you and sending love to all our fellow pet lovers on here who are going through the same thing but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea me coming on here as reading some of the posts has me reaching for the handkerchiefs.Stay safe everyone in these craziest of times.

❤️Frankie

[HG88]

Frankie, I've been thinking about your post up there, where you walk in to the empty house etc. 

Imagine if you died before you met Coco? Just think of all that life time you had before you met Coco. Remember how long your childhood era seemed? All those days, maybe there were other people and pets, but not yet Coco. 

I assume something about you and Coco just worked and fit together right as friends, Made you like him and he like you. What did he like about you? Probably things you'd learned or picked up along the way, long before you met him, ways of being, living. 

So he liked you, for being you. Not for being Frankie + Coco, that bond developed after. He didn't know about your life before him, he didn't know if you had other pets or what you had done in life. He just liked you for how you are moment to moment as another living being, 

Now I'm picturing Coco the soul in heaven. Maybe in a special dog club, or on a personal walk with God through the endless hills. They talk about you.

"So how is Frankie now, God?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"He's my friend"

"Well..."

"Well what? os everything Ok?"

"You see Coco, sometimes when someone dies, it makes their loved ones feel sad, like all the love has gone away, everything that the person was to them seems to have vanished. It can be overwhelming"

"So Frankie is having a hard time, over me?" 

"Sometimes. He's holding in there, you know Frankie he's a tough guy"

"The toughest"

"Right, but yknow, sometimes when he comes home to the empty house, he misses how you would greet him so happy to see him. That always made him feel so good, like someone really appreciated him just for being there. Now he doesn't have that at all, he walks in and there's nothing, silence, emptiness."

"hmm. I understand. Gee, I don't like to think of Frankie suffering due to me."

"It's because he loves you so much"

"Yeah but it's not like I'm gone forever, my body just wasn't working right anymore"

"Yup, that's kinda what happens, hey it was my first universe, gimme a break"

"I was just sayin', God, not criticizing. If i was gone forever then yeah thatd be really sad, like all that love just dies and that's it? Excuse my language but that would be f**ked up."

"Indeed, t'would"

"Good thing the truth is that we are all eternal souls, but forgetting that makes life kinda fun, because of the possibility of dying."

"True, true. There is that saying, 'we are spiritual beings having a human experience, not humans having a spiritual experience', I like that!"

"Yep it's a good one. Gee I wish Frankie could know I'm right here waiting for him. And look at the clock, it's eternity. There is no time, there is no need to rush."

"I have a question for ya Coco... which Frankie would you rather meet, current day Frankie but when he's gotten so depressed he's actually taken his life due to grief of losing you? or Frankie in old age, decades down the road, embracing his natural death with a peaceful smile knowing he's coming home and who will be waiting for him there?"

"you mean me?"

"duh"

"Well of course My number one mission in life was Make Frankie Happy. Each time we did a nice thing or had a nice day together in the back of my mind I was like pssh, Frankie gonna remember this one for a long time lol, hes gonna smile big remembering this, that was how I planned for my mission to continue to completion in the event of my death"

"Smart dog, Coco."

"i try"

"let's say no matter what, Frankie has 60 more years left, would you want him to be miserable the whole time?"

"Heck no"

"would you feel bad if he felt good sometimes?"

"of course not, like i said, my #1 goal is Make Frankie Happy. unfortunately my bag of tricks were all bodily things. Sometimes I'd wag my tail real funny, Frankie got a kick out of that"

"I remember. Is there anything you can do, without your old body, to make Frankie happy?"

"Hmm. Idk maybe just think fondly of him every day and remember all the great times we had and feel good about it and feel excited to see him again - eventually?"

"That would be nice"

"Hey God, I was watching 50 First Dates before, hey imagine if Frankie forgot I even existed?"

"He might not be suffering now"

"But even suffering now is better than if I really never existed, he's suffering because he had so much love, still has so much love! it's connected to all the happiness intricately. Everything's connected, yknow?"

"So I'm told"

"Everything in life has its opposite. There'd be no sorrow if there was no love"

"would that be worth it?"

"No, in a way, even Frankie being sad and crying makes me feel good, uh what I mean is like, it shows me how much he cares. it's so touching! Hey I musta been some dog if Frankie is that upset over me, right God?"

"You were the best friend Frankie ever had. He cherishes that deeply."

"I do too. Aww man, wait till Frankie finally croaks lol I'm gonna be like BOO, guess who bro? remember this *woof*.? he'll be like omg Coco!! and i'll be like 😎in the spirit😎 hehe."

"Patience, Coco. Frankie's got many adventures ahead of him. But he'll be back one day. They always come back home." 

[HG88]

note: sorry if i misgendered you, Frankie. no harm intended

[Coco Forever]

HG88 that is so beautifully and eloquently put it’s had me crying my eyes out.Thank you❤️
Frankie

[HG88]

5 hours ago, Coco Forever said:

HG88 that is so beautifully and eloquently put it’s had me crying my eyes out.Thank you❤️
Frankie

you are very welcome, i'm just glad my post wasn't misunderstood or taken as being insensitive, i was concerned. i know nothing really helps us, but sometimes it's good to get different perspectives on it all. i totally get how you feel though, i'm prety sad today myself. 😔

[Tinac]

Your cat Skeeter was absolutely beautiful!

I had a special bond with my boy Oscar and he had to be put to sleep 2 days ago due to kidney disease (he was 14, would have been 15 this month May) I believe I will be the same in years to come the pain is intense and can't imagine life without him.

We have been blessed with love unlike any other and unfortunately the price we pay for it is the overwhelming grief at their loss 💔 

I hope you are keeping well, I wish it didn't hurt so much. Take care x

[MTNSIDE]

On 3/2/2021 at 11:22 AM, Skeeters_Mom said:

 

On 3/2/2021 at 11:22 AM, Skeeters_Mom said:

It felt like my heart was being torn from my chest.  I'd lost other cats before (two earlier the same year) and each time it hurt.  But not like when Skeet passed.  It's been 2 1/2 years.  I still feel like there is something missing.  Yesterday I cried for him again.  For two hours I sobbed.  And all I could think was if Skeeter was there he would have let me bury my face in his fur and just cry.          
 

By reading what your relationship was with Skeeter in comparison to your other pets, it is very understandable that you still grieve for Skeeter. After all, he was the one who comforted you when you were sad. He watched over you when you were unwell. He had a special place on your shoulder as well as in your heart. A kiss from him lifted you. A pet that provides all of that is sometimes closer to being human than many humans are. I’m sorry for the pain you are still dealing with. It just shows what a remarkable cat you were lucky enough to have crossed paths with. And he was lucky to have found someone beautiful to love him back. I had a connection like that with 3 Pets in my life. I would still rather chose to feel this deep sadness from missing them than to have never experienced the bond I was blessed with when crossing paths with these extraordinary pets!!! Thank you for touching our very souls with your paws and leaving a lasting print :))

[MTNSIDE]

This is Christmas....
we used to laugh because she would sneak and drink milk from my glass. It always stayed on her bottom lip:)....  I would talk for her and say “I never even saw a glass of milk in here today!”

I am so sorry I didn’t get to see you much in the past few months. It was never by choice. I missed you every day my sweet baby girl!!!! 
Christmas was 9 years old. She passed away very unexpectantly on April 21, 2021

[kayc]

Thank you for sharing your pictures of your very sweet girl.  I wish it didn't hurt so much. 

 

[MTNSIDE]

I was always amazed by how smart she was. She also hated her picture to be taken. I would try and trick her,  but she knew that I wasn’t just playing on my phone. She somehow knew  i was really trying to sneak a pic and she would turn away 99% of the time. The bow tie pic is funny because it was being taken to go on her support dog ID. She stood still for that one!! lol ....  Almost every other pic I have of her, she is already turning away. We had to spell quite a few words in front of her too. She was a rescue when still a puppy,  and the smartest dog I ever knew of.  

[kayc]

That's funny, my Kodie is hard to get a candid shot of too, he turns all sober/serious if I get the camera out!  But these pictures are sweet, I'm glad you have them, our memories are so important.