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What Can I Do?


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My mom passed away two years ago tonight. I have felt like I was gonna be able to get through this.........but I know I can't. It feels horrible. My whole body has shut down and I'm on reserves right now.

Another problem is that when my mom passed away I was studying for my comprehensive final and I couldn't finish because I was such a wreck. I have signed up to take it every semester since and I always chicken out because it is the last thing I have left to complete while she is living. And also she isn't here to encourage me. My best friends reminds me she is looking down on me but it isn't enough. I know my friend means well, but she doesn't understand, I'm in complete zombie mode and I don't think I will be able to take this exam. I don't want to let everyone down again, but I freeze at this point every semester. I need some advice on how to move through this... Can anyone help?

Frozen in Sadness.

Shanna

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Shanna

You need to go through this exam with hope and trust that your MOM is with you every step of the way. Just because she is not here on earth doesn't mean she doesn't want you to finish what you started and make her proud now as she was than. You should think about taking a peice of her with you that day to help and see that she is with you. I bet you will feel a push now and again and a big hug to start, and a pat on the back when you are done. If you feel as if you can not do it for you do it in memory for her

I think you should take the advice of your friends and get ready and take the jump and go.

Good luck and let us no how you did

Keep your head up

Thanks

Haley

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Hi Shanna,

you have to take your test and get it done with. Just asked your mom for help and it will come. My mom died 4 months ago and now I talk to her a lot more (my thoughts are clearer) and I ask her to guide me thru all sorts of things. It really puts my at peace knowing that she is right there (not physically of course) but I can sense her and I really believe she is watching every step I take. So, go ahead, take your test. You will be glad you did! Let me know how it went!

Good luck!!!

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Hi Shanna,

While I think your Mom would want you take the exam and get through it you also have to do what you think is best for yourself right now. If you do freeze every semester maybe there is a counselor you can talk to or maybe you can ask to re-schedule the test so it doesn't coincide with the loss of your Mom? I guess I don't want you feel that you "need" to do this and put pressure on yourself that you're not ready for...it may do a lot of good to put the test behind you but I do think that you should be in the right sort of situation to get through it, whether it be after talking to a counselor or setting a new time frame to take it. I also don't think you should ever feel as though you're letting anyone down by not doing something, you're just trying to cope with a loss that no one but yourself can comprehend.

Kathy

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Shanna,

I'm not sure if this will help or not, but I know how my gf (who lost her father about 5 months ago) handled the end of her program after his death. She had a choice to postpone or continue. She went back the day after the funeral, not because she wanted to, but because it was what her dad would have wanted. He was extremely proud of her and would have never wanted her to quit. Honestly, at that point she wouldn't have cared if she threw her whole career away because he was more important. However, she survived the last course. She didn't enjoy it, but she felt like she was honoring her dad that way. So, as your mom was your encourager, perhaps you could use this strategy as well in order to push you past the sadness. If not, don't get too down on yourself. When the time is right and you regain your strength, I am sure you will accomplish your goal.

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  • 2 years later...

Dear (((Shanna,)))

I just wanted to thank you for your post. Reading of your experience makes me feel like I have a friend, in that you are also a student trying to do schoolwork in the midst of grief (and it is equally difficult to do work, and other daily functions, while grieving). It is very difficult to keep doing certain things when they remind us of our loved ones. Sometimes even walking to work or class is difficult, because I remember walking out there on the morning I found out that my father passed away.

I think that the posters on this thread have an excellent piont, that your mother is with you, and is so proud of you for continuing to try at this difficult exam that is so hard to do in the midst of grief.

I hope that you were successful in completing this exam, and if you are still trying, we are here for you also and encouraging you, as well as your dear mother. I think wacked has a good point too - if it is too much right now, then that is ok, too. Be gentle with yourself.

Take care,

Chai

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