Your Loved One’s Possessions?

[Sad_Widower]

I would love to hear what you each have done with your loved one possessions and how it affected you ;if at all). 
I remember when my grandmother passed, we went to their home and removed most of her personal items (clothes, pictures etc) so my grandfather would not be tortured with reminders when he was alone.  
Unfortunately we did not of that when my wife passed.  ALL of her possessions are still here…literally untouched.  
Her dirty clothes are still in our hamper. All her cosmetics are in our bathroom, shower, down to her night stand and items she was reading the day she passed literally untouched.  
While her items have been torturous to go through, I am not ashamed to admit there are I find myself in our closet, smelling certain items with her scent still on it like her jackets and coats, and it literally makes spirit lift and feel like we are hugging one another.  
I will be moving out of the county in the next year, so have decided to donate most of her items and keep just a few personal ones. 
FINALLY - my wife and I would always hide written love notes for one another that we would randomly find. As an example when I traveled on business she would put a note in one of my pockets of clothes she packed etc.  
A few months ago I found one, and it affected me so much I didn’t know how to feel.  I cried for hours, unsure if it was tears of joy or sadness or a combination of both. 
So I would love to hear your stories on your loved one possessions and what—if anything—you may have come across that touched your spirit. 
Thanks!

[kayc]

My George passed Father's Day 2005.  A couple weeks later I went to the town's July 4th "Music in the Park" (much smaller scale back then)...when I came home I discovered the rod his clothes had been hanging on, broke, and his clothes were all on the floor.  I put them on the bed and cut another rod to fit.  But what to do with the clothes?!  It came to me, donate them to sponsors where others can get a use out of them.  So I did, They sat in boxes in my bedroom and the next month I took them in.  The men's eyes were so big, they'd never seen so many nice clothes!  He was a dapper dresser.  His heart was with the down and outers so I knew he'd approve.  I found a note in his wallet, he'd bought a new tent and wanted it to go to a homeless person he'd met and given rides to.  That's the kind of person he was.

My husband did the same, he'd put little post-its up around the house with his smiley faces and love notes on them...Some are still here...

[Capricorn1]

I donated within two months all of my hubby's clothes.  His business attire I donated to an organization that helps young fathers interview for gainful employment.

His fishing gear I donated to someone I knew, who saw that they went to fellow fishermen who could use them.

I kept a few of his clothing items that I toss on in the colder months. 

His personal care products, those went rather quickly.  I only kept his one bottle of cologne.

There is no timeline for departing with your dear wife's items.  But I came to know they do not "live" in these things.  They live in our hearts.

There were many times I started the process, then realized the time wasn't right.  I just stopped, then resumed the task later when the time was right.  I tackled this in very small steps. 

I do have a small bin with intimate personal items - one of his favorite ties, the red suspenders he wore when I first met him, all of the cards he sent to me, and many other items.  It took quite a while to visit them, but oh how I treasure them with love in my heart.  No sadness.

Hugs,

Shirley

 

[Boho-Soul]

My scenario is quite different. My Michael had mental health disorders, one of which was hoarding. He developed deep depression and hoarding tendencies after witnessing a stressful life event (the 9-11 twin tower attacks). Although we lived in Canada he had difficulty coping with the trauma. He began accumulating “stuff” to as a coping mechanism to avoid dealing with the emotional shock he felt. 

After he died I was bother eager and angry. Angry because trying to deal with his stuff when he was alive was like trying to dry off in the shower. I’d clean a space and it would be filled up with stuff in no time. This was very frustrating, so I was eager to sort and donate. I was driven by the angry that I now had to deal with his mental illness by cleaning up what I called his ‘piles of depression’. The clean up is now my responsibility in 2 properties. It’s a lot to process on top of grief.

All that said, it was still hard to sort through things. There were many times I just fell into a pile of his clothes and cried. I have found old note books - he had an abundance of them - and I read through them, his struggles he would write about with his depression. That was super hard as I realized the depth of his illness. If only he chose to be medicated sooner his struggles wouldn’t have lasted for years.

He was a musician, and due to his hoarding he accumulated an enormous amount of music gear. I’m talking small music store amount. I’ve sold a lot of it with the help of his music buddies. It’s helped me out financially. As Capricorn1 said ...

36 minutes ago, Capricorn1 said:

I tackled this in very small steps.

38 minutes ago, Capricorn1 said:

But I came to know they do not "live" in these things.  They live in our hearts.

I totally agree. Their memories are not in the stuff. I’ve kept some mementos, like cards, the ‘I Love You’ notes, awards etc. I’m putting them in page protectors and creating a memory binder. That’s all I need. My home is looking more Zen like every passing month as I get rid of unnecessary things. I’ve come to the point of not liking stuff - if I don’t like it or use it it’s clutter and it goes.

[MartyT]

10 hours ago, Sad_Widower said:

I would love to hear your stories on your loved one possessions and what—if anything—you may have come across that touched your spirit. 

In Grief: Sifting and Sorting A Loved One's Personal Belongings

Tips on Sorting A Loved One's Personal Belongings

[V. R.]

I've kept all my husband's  clothes and other personal belongings. It's been almost 20 months but still feels like yesterday, I just cannot part with anything that was his. I've even bought a set of garment bags to protect all his special jackets and coats, and they will always stay in his side of the wardrobe, where they always have been. I've placed all his shoes neatly in their boxes, his toolshed is the way he left it, everything is really. 

 

[Sad_Widower]

On 7/11/2022 at 1:20 PM, V. R. said:

I've kept all my husband's  clothes and other personal belongings. 

You know, I determined the only way I could truly do this is via an estate sale. By that we live in a large house (~3500 sq feet) and it’s FULL of stuff. 99% of the items were my wife’s.  If fact she was redecorating the house when she passed. 
Just opening her nightstand drawer throws me in a trance, and the next thing I know it’s 20 minutes later and I am teary-eyed.  I’ve asked my family for help with this to no avail.  

So…I contacted an estate sale company.  I informed them I am staying in the house I just want 99% of the items gone.  I let them know I would put everything I wanted to keep in one room and the rest would go.  They estimated the value at $60k. I found it low but they said it was a “huge sale”.  
They told me it was such a huge sale that I would have to leave my house for two weeks while they prepped e everything. I agreed.  Then they asked for three weeks, then eventually said the job was “too big” for them to handle.  
Other companies I called said the same thing.  I would need to leave for 2-4 weeks. It’s the route I have decided to take but waiting until I sell the house.  
There are some items of course I want to keep (photo albums, old home movies etc).   
As always I appreciate everyone’s responses.  I find each of your experiences very interesting. 

[kayc]

Oh wow, on the estate sale company!  We are going to go through this with my sister's estate, have to wait until my brother can sign an agreement, another 1-2 months.  I hope it goes well and this is done for you!