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When does reality set? I'm either very depressed or I'm asking myself if it's real. My Mom has been gone for 2 1/2 months. Sometimes it just feels like a dream. I catch myself daydreaming thinking it's not happening. Somedays, I still feel like she is on vacation and she is still coming back.

I am so afraid of when my heart realizes she is gone forever.

I read everyone posts. Everyone helping each other. When I'm in the denial phase, I can't find the words to help someone else. When I'm down, I can't find the words to help anybody else.

Please tell me I'm normal......

Trudy

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Trudy, I'm sure that others here will share their experiences with you, but in the meantime, please let me assure you that you are normal :wub: . And the fact that you are a participating member of an online grief discussion group is a pretty accurate indicator that you are not in denial about your mother's death. Adjusting to this very painful reality is not like turning off a light switch. Grief is not a single event -- it is a process that must be experienced and assimilated into your heart and soul and mind. Knowing and believing that this irreplaceable person, this one and only mother of yours, has really and truly died is way too much for you to take in all at once. It must be taken in gradually, one little portion at a time, as you are ready, willing and able to absorb it -- and that's okay. It's like the proverbial elephant that cannot be eaten all at once. You must take it in in little bits, as you are able to digest it. This is nature's way of protecting you right now, and you might think of it as a positive thing rather than a negative one. We human beings are very well-defended, you know, and we are quite capable of taking in only as much as we feel capable of handling at any given time.

Please don't worry about not being able to help someone else right now. Just feel your feelings and share with us what you are feeling. That in itself enables someone else, who may feel exactly the same way as you feel now, to know that he or she is "normal," too.

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Hi Trudy1964,

I agree with what Marty T has said in her last post.. I know when I shared my feelings I was told that I helped people even when I just shared my feelings... I than felt better and after a while I was able to share my story.. I hope this helps you Take care and I will keep you in my prayers Shelley

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Thank you all for your kind words,

I come here and as I read your replys I cry because if it wasn't real, I wouldn't be here. I miss her so much. I read on another posting that the 3 month mark was really hard. I felt like I wasn't going to make it throught the 2 month mark. I had 3 days when I felt like I was laughing on the inside as well as the outside. I can feel myself sinking back into sadness again. It will be 3 months of the 16th. Her grave marker will be in place this weekend. I know that will be like burying her all over again. On one hand I am glad the grave marker will be there because I feel like she is alone at the cemetary and no one can find her. Yet, I know when I see it, it will be so REAL to see those 2 inch letters. Thanks for listening.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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Trudy,

I lost someone about twenty-five years ago and I still sometimes find it hard to believe he's gone! After my dad died a year and a half ago, I thought about everyone who had died in my life over the years and I think it was only then that I really faced his death (and many others too). I mean, I knew they were gone, but it just somehow never seemed "real". So, while I don't think this will happen to you, that it will take you that long, my point is you are normal and it is normal to feel like the whole thing is a bad dream. And, as Marty pointed out, it's natures way of protecting us, so we face what we have to when we are ready. And, on some level, I'm sure it is just a sort of wishful thinking on our parts they we never can quite give up! But, it IS normal, so don't worry!

Hugs to you,

Shell

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Hi Trudy1964,

I still have guilt over my grandma's death and I was only 18 and now I am 41 and I feel really bad about her death... I guess I will always feel a little guilty about because I did not go to the hospital the night before she died like everyone else in the family did.... I hope this helps take care Shelley

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