Self Destruction

[Brian]

Hi folks.

Maybe somebody else will relate to this.

While my daughter was battling cancer, I asked god so many time to take me instead. I started doing everything bad for me it seems, to make me go instead of her.

Well, she passed away and I'm still here stuck with a self destructive attitude (drinking too much, smoking too much, not eating well etc..)

I keep trying to pull out of it because I still have a 12 year old son to raise and I need to be here for my wife and him. It's really tough.

Anybody else have this problem and what did you do about it?

Thanks

Brian

[Laurie]

Brian, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what it must be like to lose a child. I do have feelings of not caring anymore though. I know I have to do at least the necessary things now and force myself to get through each day. I have three sons that need me. I dread each day and night now. It feels like there's nothing to look foward to, nothing has any meaning now. I'm sorry I can't offer any hope of when we might stop feeling so horrible. I just know that so many others have been through it before so I think it has to get a little better after time. I can't imagine anyone having this sick horrible sad feeling forever. Laurie

[shell]

Brian,

I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I have not been through the exact same thing, but can understand your attempt to "make a deal with God". I have tried that too, and it didn't work for me either, so I guess we just have to try to believe that fate will make our lives go the way they are suppose to. Doesn't help much, I know. But you mentioned your wife and 12 year old son. You are right that they need you, probably desperately, to be there for them. I think that you just have to focus on that. It might help to think of it as a way of honoring your daughters life. I wish you the best.

A hug to you and your family,

Shell

[lorikelly]

Brian

I am so sorry for your loss. I have not lost a child so i can not imagine how that feels. i feel awful for you, i think of my boys and can't imagine not having them. i think we have to get through one day at a time. do the best you can. you are right your wife and son need you so do it for them. my prayers are with you. lori

[STARKISS]

Hi Brian,

I also tried what you did except I started drinking coke about five bottles a day and I also did not eat very well... All that happen was I have high blood pressure now and the doctor is keeping a closer eye on me.... I guess I just have to start living by the day instead of trying to handle anymore...Take care Shelley

[magdalyn]

Brian,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. My dad died of liver and kidney failure recently at the age of 56. I have not lost a child ( I have two daughters), so I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling. You may be wondering why God let this happen to you. I have the same questions. My Dad was never that big a part of my life, and then when he passed, I wondered why God let him live the way he lived and then took him away from me.

I have found much solace in the Bible. The other day, I decided to write some scriptures down and put them on my refrigerator. That way whenever I went to the fridge, I would read them. This might work for you. Even though you are a child of God, he cannot stop trials from happening to you. But this is the time where you must reach out to Him.

One scripture that I put down was Psalms 37:23-24: The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they may stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.

Hope this helps. I will be praying for you.

Maggie

[Roswell]

Brian,

I'm unable to put myself in your shoes, the loss of a child.

As you now are already aware, nothing that you do or say, no matter how strong your prayer...brings them back.

Concentrate your efforts onto your son. Brian...I am so sorry for your loss!

Till then, a strong handshake will have to suffice.

Quite humbled, William