Doctor Apt.

[Laurie]

I went to the doctor on Monday. I felt like I needed something to help me. Friends keep saying I need to get something to help me calm down. He looked at my records and seemed pretty concerned. He said since March of 2003, I've been on and off of so many different anti-depressants. (That's when all of me and Sean's problems started.) He said you're going on 3 years of depression and have you ever seen a psychiatrist? I haven't, he thinks I should. He prescribed Wellbutrin, he said to start that and he made me an appointment to come back in 2 weeks to see if I'm doing any better. Well my prescription benefits are used up for the year, and it would cost $125 for 2 weeks of pills. So I didn't get them. I called an old friend who's a psychiatrist, she talked to me for a while and made me an appointment to come to her office on the 30th. (no charge) She also told me to start writing a letter to Sean, all my feelings, everything. She wants me to bring it when I go see her.

Some days, for just a minute here and there I feel almost ok. Like maybe I'll be ok again after time. I hope those times get to be more often. I feel so sad for Sean, for what he lost. For what he's going to miss, long holiday weekends, football games, all the things he loved so much. He was so full of life, I know he wouldn't want to be "at rest", I know that probably sounds crazy, but these are the things I think about now. Well I hope everyone's doing ok. Congrats Kay!!! Love, Laurie

[gabrielle_land]

Laurie,

I think it was a good idea to visit a professional if you feel its necessary, and much better I guess if its an old friend of yours. It's hard to deal with the grief by ourselves. Yeah, some days it feels like things might get better, and others are so dark like there will be no end to this pain... it's this roller coaster thing thats scary, you never know how you'll feel the next day, even the next couple of hours.

You know, I have thought about it too, everything Christophe is missing, tell him how was my day, holidays, his ping-pong tournaments... I still look at the ping's site and see results, it's still so awkward to know he wasn't there.. believe me it's not crazy, precisely yesturday night I thought about it too, how my mind keeps on asking and thinking, I guess we all cant stop doing it.

I really hope your friend may be of some help for you. Send you hugs,

Gaby

Edited November 23, 2006 by gabrielle_land

[lorikelly]

Laurie

I also went to the dr last week and he gave me lexapro to start. i haven't filled it yet b/c i am afraid. i am so afraid of the side effects i can't handle being sick, i am trying to make it on my own. my therapist says i should try it maybe i won't get sick and if i do work through the side effects. easier said then done. i get sick on everything.

i also think of what my mom will miss. 2 weeks ago we were out to dinner and i was eating chicken marsala and started to cry. i said my mom will never be able to eat this again. crazy , she doens't need chicken marsala in heaven. oh the crazy things we think.

if you ever need a good therapist, she can not prescribe meds. she is wonderful i see her and she is in manasquan, let me know.

i will be praying for you and everyone here.

lori

[janieb0828]

Laurie,

I understand what you are saying. They have me on four different kinds of anti-depressents, I am on Elavil, Ativan, paxil, and Effexor. I see a psychologist once a week. She too told me to sit down and write a letter to Mike, I did, I took me two hours to get threw two pages, just make sure once you start that letter you have lots of klenexes cause believe me it really dragged the feelings out of me.

Good luck with the letter.

Janie

In Memory of Michael Wayne Wilson

05-25-69 to 05-21-06

[Laurie]

Thank you Lori, Gaby and Janie, I am glad I'll be going to talk to my friend. I hope it helps, especially the problem with my guilt.

What a day I had today!!! I went to leave for work and realized I had a flat tire. I went hysterical in my driveway. I had no spare, not that I'd know how to change it anyway. If I missed work, I would have lost all my holiday pay. Well, I am so lucky to have incredible friends. My one friend drove me to work, another one drove me home. One of my neighbors took the tire off, (in the rain) My friend took me to Pep Boys to drop it off, and then back again later to pick it up. She also stopped at the doctors office on the way home, so I could pick up the prescription samples the doctor got for me. So, the tire wasn't cheap but at least I got to go to work, I'll get my holiday pay and I have my medicine now. I don't know what I'd do without my friends, I don't have much family close by, so I'm very grateful for them! Love, Laurie

[kayc]

Laurie,

I used to work for a doctor and usually they have free samples they keep on hand to start people off or to give to people who can't afford it. PLEASE call your doctor back and explain the cost and that it's prohibitive, ask if there is something generic that is less expensive that he could prescribe, and then check with Walmart to see if it's under their $4.00 plan. Also, don't hesitate to ask your doctor for samples. Call the maker of the drug too or go on line and ask them for free medication, I have heard that sometimes they will do that. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, it doesn't hurt to try.

I'm glad you talked to your friend. I saw a counselor at first but I didn't hit it off with him real well...he gave me a book to read that talked about writing a letter goodbye to your husband and taking your wedding ring off...this when I was widowed only a week or so! He pushed for me to move on and I thought he was nuts and insensitive and shouldn't even be practicing. I wonder how he'd feel if HE went through it! So I've winged it on my own since then, with help from my friends on this site.

[Laurie]

Kay, Thank you for the tips about the prescription samples. I know I have to find some way to stay on them. I can't believe that guy told you to take off your wedding ring! I have thought about what I'll do about that, I know I'll keep wearing my ring for a long time. But maybe someday, I'll wear it on a chain around my neck. It upsets me now when people say, you're young, you'll meet someone else, you'll be ok. I don't know, I can't imagine that. Me and Sean got tattoos a few years ago. I have his name with a heart on the front of my hip, and he had my name with the same heart on his chest, right over his heart.

Well I hope everone has a nice Thanksgiving. Love, Laurie

[janieb0828]

Laurie,

You said that everyone said your young and you will find someone else. My mother just told me that last night. I just looked at her like she was nuts. Right now, finding someone is the furthest thing from my mind. I have to get to the point where I don't cry everyday for I can even go one step further. I am not wanting or desiring to meet anyone.

I am glad you are getting some meds. They sure help, I got lucky, my insurance where I work, covers all of mine except for one, I spend, 35.00 for four different meds.

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving!!