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Just Been 7 Months On The 24th


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This is my first time on. My husband and I were together for 33 yrs., married for 31 yrs. I thought I was doing ok but now I'm finding it hard to sleep, to go to work and to just function. I'm having to deal with living alone for the first time in my life, cooking for one, I just feel losted, and empty. I don't want to be around people. Just need to know if anyone else has felted this way and how they got pass that feeling.

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First off, welcome to the site that none of us ever wanted to join. I know where you are coming from and for me it comes in waves. It is hard to get through this part, when you just don't feel like doing anything or being around people. I think some of it has to do with the season right now. It is dark early at night so when I get home all I want to do is sit in my chair and watch TV and play on the computer. During the summer, however you couldn't slow me down. The main thing personelly is if you are feeling like not being around people and you want to get over that feeling is to make sure and go when someone invites you somewhere. I was only married for 11 short years and have a 7 year old son and it has been almost 10 months for me. So I am not alone in my house as far as someone else being there, however this is the first time to live by myself for more than 2 months without an adult in the house. I still feel like this house is just too big when it really isn't, I don't know if that feeling will ever go away.

You are not alone in what you are going through and you have found the right place to express your feelings and concerns.

Derek

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Peggy,

We welcome you to our site, although we wish you didn't have to be a member of this particular club. You are not alone in your feelings and I, like Derek, don't think it ever goes away completely. It's hard to keep focus and interest when your whole life has been turned upsidedown. It does help tremendously to come on this site and know you are not alone and your feelings are very normal and understandable. I hope you will keep coming back, there are some very good people here and we want to be here for you.

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Peggy, everything you have said is exactly what all of us in some form or another have felt or are feeling. Grief is an experience that affects you physically, emotionally, and spirtually. Seven months, in my opinion, is still very early grief, and it will take time to get you legs back under you. I'm almost at 15 months and its still difficult and tiring. I'm trying to learn that I have to take care of myself now so that I can make it thru this process. Please keep writing on this site and we all will try to help and listen. Deborah

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Peggy, this too is my first time on...I was sitting here last night at 1:30 unable to sleep also. Ilost my mother to cancer Aug 15/05 and then my husband Rick was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It came completely out of the blue. He was at the doctor for another reason when he coughed and they wanted a chest xray. That was Sept 20/05 the day after his 57 birthday. It took until Oct 28 for a final diagnosis. He began treatment but died June 18/06 about 7 1/2 months ago. I too am living alone for the first time in my life. We had been married for 35 years but together for 40. I have 2 kids but they are on their own. I am struggling with grieving for 2 people as there was no time for me to grieve my mom when he got sick so soon. We knew he was dying but hoped for a little more time together. I too thought that I was coping but it was anti-depressants, which they have just changed, slowly off one and slowly on the other. I have only been taking the new ones for 1 week so of course feel no difference. I cry so easily and get embarrassed. I have not yet been able to return to work. My mom chose to die at home. She only had 6 weeks after diagnosis. Those weeks were pretty intense. I did return to work part-time but since the day Rick was diagnosed I haven't been able to go back. As for cooking, most of the time I just don't bother...lean cuisine isn't bad. I also have 2 sisters and my dad, so am invited out a lot.I am feeling everything that you are. Have you gone to a grief support group, I am and it really does help. There are only four in our group all at different stages and different deaths. Our leader lost her husband at age 45, 12 years ago and was left with 4 teenagers. I figure that if she can do it so can I. I also have a grief councillor, she is great and it helps to have an unbiased person to listen to you talk. Family is ok but they are also grieving themselves, and in their own way. I have learned that we each do it in our own way- there is no right or wrong way and no time limit. I took a course on line at selfhealinghealingexpressions.com called the First Year of Grief: Help for the journey. The author of the course emailed me with some advise and it felt so good that a stranger would take the time to do this. They are a very caring and loving website. I too still feel so lost and alone but she expalined that this is because you don't just lose your husband, you lose all your hopes and dreams that you two shared, your identity as a wife, and so much more. I don't know if this helped ou but I do care about you and understand competely how you feel. Don't you hate it when those who have never experienced the loss of spouse say they know how you feel or aren't you over it yet!!! They don't know that you are never over it, you just have to go through the stages of grief and learn to live with it. I still think to my self , oh I have to tell Rick this when I get home, but now I do--I talk to him quite often - for me this helps, and I have never been a religious person but after mom got sick, then Rick I became one and feel that prayer does help. I don't say formal prayers, I just talk to God like friend who is always with me and ask for his guidance to get through this time and to show me a small glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.I will be praying for you. Jane

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My dear Jane,

The online e-mail course you mentioned is mine; thank you so much for your very kind words ~

I'm so pleased to learn that you've found your way to this very special place, and I know that you'll be very glad you did.

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T

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Jane, you have learned a lot and we appreciate your sharing it with us, along with the web sites that have been of help to you.

You are right, we never get over it, we just learn to live with it, and that in itself is a tall order.

I am glad that both of you have joined this site, we welcome your thoughts and comments, any time!

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Thank You everyone for letting me know I'm not going crazy or going over board with how I feel. I do have 3 children and 6 grandchildren and this has been hard on all of us but seems to have taken the most out of me. I am glad to know this is normal if you want to call it normal. I do feel for each of you and your losses. I do ask God every day to just help me thru it. Peggy

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Sorry Peggy, I just reread what I had sent you previously and see that I was "quite" repetitive. I guess that is part of the need to tell your "story" Will try and make it MUCH SHORTER NEXT TIME".. told you I was having MEMORY PROBLEMS. Good thing we can laugh at ourselves sometimes--your friend Jane

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