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4 Deaths One Not Anniversary


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This month is a killer. January 13 would have been our first anniversary but Curt died one month after our wedding. Jan. 14 I get a notice in the mail that it's been the one year ann. of my dads' death. February 12 coming up is the ann. of Curts death. 2 months after that(in April) my mom died. I am swamped. I cannot start to think about one to deal with it without another one intruding into my thoughts. I cannot concentrate enough to work my way through the main ones (my Husbands's without this other stuff piling in. 5 Years ago Dec. 04 my first husdband died after 27 years of marriage. I 'm only 57.

I feel so frustrated right now, so crowded in that I would want to scream but I am too tired and that would take thought which I do not have. I have been getting apprehensive lately, especially at night which I hadn't been. Too much, too much. Doublejo

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DoubleJo, I'm sorry you have such alot to deal with all at the same time. It must feel overwhelming. It would be for anyone, much less, someone who is also grieving. I'm not sure what to say that would help but do you have friends that you could confide in and lean on? (that might be a stupid question as most of my friends aren't available!) Rest and try to slow your mind down. This is a difficult time for you, please post here and we all listen and understand. Many of us feel like we are sinking into a hole. I can only offer what I think would help me, breathe and try to get some extra rest. I'm thinking of you. Deborah

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In reading your post, I can't help but feel how overwhelmed you must feel. My only suggestion is to try to focus on the nearest events...when it's your dad's day/week, pay heed to that, when it's your husband's, focus on that, etc. Maybe do something special for each one as they come up, write something, buy flowers, something. I'm sorry you are going through so much, it's got to be really hard. As was already suggested, it helps to talk with someone about it. And of course, we're all here to listen too.

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Thank you both for your prompt replies. Seeing that someone actually listened to me has given me some reassurance and support to keep pushing. As you well know, if there are friends they won't be for long if they had to actually listen when they ask how your are. They are too busy complaining about their husbands and kids. They have no real interest. Mine use me as their sounding board for their complaints. I let them talk.

The advice you gave is a help. I am going to try harder to keep my mind still, so I can then concentrate on one tragedy at a time. You're right- my mind is in a whirl, rushing everywhere, repeating everything and getting nowhere. That's a good reason for being exhausted. I would like the"luxury"

of having one at a time to deal with. But it's not gonna happen and will continue until April is over. There are birthdays and another wedding ann. to deal with in March. I guess I could see it all as having things to do, unfortunaly they're not the right ones. Doublejo

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DoubleJo,

I am so very sorry for your losses. I lost my Mom in July 06. I can't imagine dealing with more than one loss at a time. Dealing with my Mother's death was pure hell for the first 6 months. I hate to think of her birthday coming in May and the first aniv. of her death.

You've come to the right place. Everyone listens here. Our situations maybe different but I think grief is grief. Keep coming back and posting. We'll always be here for you. God Bless.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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Doublejo,

I felt that way in June...my dad's bdy and my parents' anniversary is 6/10 and my dad passed away 25 years ago. My husband's bdy is 6/14 and he died 6/19, Father's Day, so the month of June is a tough one for me. But that doesn't begin to compare to all you are having to deal with at once. I'm sorry, it will get better eventually, but I hated having people say that to me because that's not much help RIGHT NOW.

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Dear Doublejo, I feel so much for you. I thought it was bad losing my mom and my husband with in ten months- hadn't really started grieving for my mom (she died 6 weeks after diagnosis Aug 15/06 and I was devestated) I thought that I would never feel worse than that and then a month after her death my husband (57) was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I didn't know where to begin, I was trying to grieve both at the same time. Rick died June 18 /06 - it was father's day (hard for my kids) and his brothers birthday. I cannot imagine losing my new husband, father and mother in such a short time and you were still probably still mourning for your first husband as well. We would have been married 35 yrs one month after Rick died. I am 55 and I must admit that life feels pretty bleak to me as well. Have you tried a grief councillor or a grief group? I use both of them and felt some progress but seem to be really backsliding right now. I took a terrific course on line at selfhealingexpressions.com. They are very caring and helpful. You didn't say if you are working- that can also cause you extra stress - I have decided not to return until I am ready when ever that will be. One thing our grief group leader says is to be gentle with yourself. I am not apprehensive at night, I just can't sleep. Please know that I understand and care about how you are feeling. Sometimes just knowing that someone who you don't even know cares, can help. I hope that tomorrow will be a little better for you. I'll be thinking of you Jane

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Thank you for your helpful advice and information. Today is better. It is such a shame that there are so many of us with multiple sorrows to deal with. You have all made me feel better- Doublejo

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