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Having A Very Down Day


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Hi Every one,

I am having a very bad day. You all know that I lost Rick almost 10 months ago now but I really need him today. Yesterday my son and his girlfriend saw their year and a half choc lab killed by an idiot driving a snowmachine at 80 mph on the ice while they were ice fishing - he was simply showing off. There were also small children there that could have been hurt. Kelly and Ashley treated their dog like their child and are devestated - me too, I was her Grandma. Bailey was special to Rick also - we have no grandchildren and he knew he wouldn't live long enough to see any but was so pleased to be with both of our kids when they got their dogs. Bailey was born the day he was diagnosed with lung cancer and they picked her up just 5 days before Christmas - she was a gift from Kelly to Ashley. I miss him so much and don't know how to help my kids - Rick would have known just what to say - I hate being the only parent - I want to fix it but I can't. I feel so alone. Thanks for listening Jane

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My dear Jane,

I'm so very sorry to learn of this tragic, senseless event that took the life of your beloved granddog Bailey, and I cannot imagine the pain this has caused your son and his girlfriend. As awful as it is for parents to experience the pain of loss, I don't think it can compare to the pain we feel when one of our children is in pain. In addition, with Bailey's death, you have lost yet another treasured connecting link to your beloved husband. So for you, this is a double loss.

Please know that you are not alone; we're all thinking of you and your children today.

I hope you will find this article helpful:

Pet Loss: Helping a Friend Who's Hurting

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Thanks for your reply Marty - you are right it does seem like a double loss for me - and it does tear you apart when your child is hurting so bad and you can't fix it. I now can understand my dad's frustration with not being able to "fix" me after Rick's death. Sometimes I just wonder if I will ever make it to the end of the tunnel. My councelor says be patient with myself that I was with him for 40 of my 55 years and I am expecting too much of myself - yet my daughter and I had a huge argument today because she feels I am not moving on with my life and it is making it harder for my kids - they feel responsible for me and feel they have to come to town to "babysit" me - that hurt because I felt she was coming home just to spend time with me - some times I don't know if I am coming or going (crazy). I don't know if you read my post about my friend who said my dog was not welcome at her camp, so I stopped going there but did try to explain to her about my dog and how important he was - she turned the whole thing about my feelings around and made it about her and told me she wasn't prepared to go down that road with me (my emotions). I tried again to explain that it wasn't about her at all but just how I was feeling - right or wrong - but she didn't reply. I sent her an email today about Bailey's death and she just emailed back and said she didn't feel I needed to communicate with her again, that she would hear about whatever was happening from someone else. I really do feel so alone, missing Rick more each day. My daughter told me I had to stop making this "all about me". I don't feel I am doing that at all - I just don't know how to go on without him. Jane

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Jane,

I am so sorry about Bailey. I was sad to read about the things your daughter and friend have said to you. Do you think your daughter is trying to deal with her own sadness and grief, and is scared that she doesn't know how to help you? And afraid that you can't help her right now?I know when my mom was sick, there were days when I was so sad, I just wanted her to take care of me, I wanted my mom back so I could be her little girl again. It was scary to realize my mom could no longer "take care" of me. I am sure your daughter doesn't mean to hurt you. I just feel so bad about your friend, I don't understand how someone could be like that to someone in pain. I have stopped seeing a friend too, I call her an "energy vampire", she took so much energy from me and made me feel sad and exhausted everytime I had any communication with her. It has been easier since we took a break from eachother. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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Thanks Annie O

I know you are right my daughter is hurting too and when we talked later she told me she was just trying to help me and that she only wants her old mom back, the mom she could always count on. She told me how much it hurts her brother and her to see me like this, not trying to live my life and that it wasn't what her dad would have wanted, and I know that but I just can't seem to get on with life - I miss him too much. Thanks for your concern, that's what I love about this place, there are truly caring people here. Jane

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Hi Jane,

I truly sorry and deeply sadden to hear about Bailey's death... I can only imagine what your family is going through at this moment... I too just loss someone close to me and I am going to pray and ask God to give us both the strength to go on... My family just lost the fifth person on my dad's side of the family in four years... My Uncle Ted died yesterday... So I will definitely remember Bailey and your family when I pray.... Take care Shelley

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Jane,

I am sorry to hear of your bad times. I lost my cat a week before my husband died and I know that animals can become family. It is not easy. I know your daughter is hurting too. I dont know how I would react if someone especially my child said that to me.. I do know that to truely understand how it feels to have such a significant loss, as that of a spouse, someone would have to walk in our shoes to understand the way we feel. I know how deeply you are missing Rick. Life is so different without them. I hope things get easier for you, and I am sorry your family lost their friend Bailey.

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You are helping your kids...by caring. Your loss is great and I am so sorry you had to once again experience this. Our beloved pets ARE like children to us. I wish there were some way you could lessen their pain, but that's no more possible than it was for them to lessen yours when your husband died. Only time helps and right now, time is all too elusive. I am so sorry. Let them know that there is a loss of pet link on this site, perhaps that can be of some help.

Edited by kayc
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