I'm Exhausted

[Jan 44]

My husband used to complain that I had too much energy for one person. I had to be doing something all the time even if it was just cross-stitch while we watched tv. Since that horrible day in April, however, I feel exhausted all the time. I've never needed more than 6-7 hours of sleep. Now, I average about 5-6, which I feel is good, considering the circumstances. But I still feel so tired. Just getting through a day sometimes seems impossible. I work as a Nanny = a job that has been a real blessing for me right now. I am forced to stay "up-beat" and focused for the boys (ages 4 and 7) all day, but my energy level has dropped dramatically. When I come home at night the last thing I want to think about is housework or fixing dinner. I make myself get on my stationary bike for 30 minutes a day, but still that never bothered me before. Is this a "normal"phase of grieving? My attitude is "Why bother". On week-ends, I have lists and lists of things I want to get done, but on Sunday night (like tonight) I hang those lists up for next week-end. Meanwhile, the weeds are growing in the gardens, the furniture is collecting layers of dust and the kitchen floor is badly in need of a good mopping. I just don't understand what is happening. Jan

[dpodesta]

Jan,

What you describe is normal, especially if you are having to put on that happy face and focus on what you are doing when you are with the children. Doing that expends a ton of energy, so it stands to reason that you will be more tired. I didn't eat very much after my wife passed away in April of 2006, I lost over 20 pounds that I didn't need to lose. At first I expended most of my energy working on the house to the point of where I made myself sick. Once I got done with the house, during the winter all I would do is come home make sure my son had something to eat and that was it. My list of things that needed done just grew longer. It is enough to drive me nuts, the house has so much clutter and needs to be gone through and either put up or thrown out. I want to get it done but it just doesn't happen. You are still new into this, I remember where I was this time last year and so much has changed since then, give it time just take the time you need for yourself right now. If stuff doesn't get done right away oh well don't worry about it. Hope this helps in some way, and welcome to this site, you will find a lot of caring people here that will be here for you when you need them to be.

Love always

Derek

[lorikelly]

I agree with Derek when it gets done it will get done. it will wait. for me somedays i would only be able to do one thing. i thought that was terrible. then i decieded to say one this better then none and try to look at it that way. i know it is hard. i work at night so at least the night (which for me were the hardest) are busy. just take one minute at a time, be proud of the things you can do. Lori

[kayc]

Jan,

Yes that is perfectly normal. When I first lost George I busied myself doing what I could in an effort to regain some of the control in my life that I'd felt I'd lost by having him yanked away from me, unbidden. But as time went on I became lethargic, not caring about anything...maybe that's "depression", it's a companion to grievers. I look at the yard work that needs done and I can't bring myself to care. I too have battled tiredness, in spite of the fact that my 25 year old daughter tells me I have more energy than all her friends. I know I don't have the energy I used to. I have been walking every day and that has improved my energy level. I don't sleep like I should and I know that has to affect my energy level. Whenever you go through stresses like we are it affects our energy. It's good that you are getting exercise, that helps alot, as does eating right, sleeping, etc.

[LarrysGirl]

Jan, I'm so glad you are continuing to talk with us, it will help. Exhaustion and fatigue go hand in hand with the grief, something I didn't know until I experienced it. The last couple of years before Larry died but was very sick, I could leap up the flight of stairs, and go on and on. Even right after he died I still continued to try to take care of everthing. Eventually it caught up with me and I pratically made myself sick. I hate feeling tired but I'm trying to just let myself take it alittle easier. If you don't, the grief will bring you to a halt, so better to just be kinder to yourself and rest. Deborah

[Jan 44]

Thank you all for replying. It helps so much to know that I'm not alone on this terrible journey . Jan