Gail_R Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Hi everyone well on Tuesday it will 10 months since Bruce passed away. I'm not sure that I can do this anymore. I miss him so much. I thought that I was doing ok the last few weeks and then this weekend it all went to hell. This pain that I am feeling is to much. Bruce was my only love we meant when I was 17 and married 10 month later so I'm not sure how I am suppose to do this without him. I am not suppose to be widowed at 49 that does not happen until we get old or so I thought. Why cann't i seem to beable to wrap my head around this. I hate weekends they are not made for us that do not have our other halfs. Sometimes I feel so jealous when I see couples out it feels like a knife in my heart. With all the stuff on TV about christmas I feel like just going to bed and not getting back out until the holiday's are over does anyone else feel like this. Thank all for being here for me. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Hi Gail,I feel the same as you do and I'm further down this road....just over two years. Nothing is the same...I know. I'd give anything to have my Jack with me but it's not going to happen and I know it and you do, too. We have to just go on for ourselves, family and those who care for us, right? These feelings just come and go, I'm in one now just like you. I do know that it will pass, even though the sadness will still be there, but I simply will go on. You, too, Gail? If you have faith, please rely on it...it's the only thing that will get you through this. Hang in there, my friend.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Oh my dear Gail,Just about 15 mins ago I was going to post the same friggin thing !!! I am so tired of hurting so tired of crying so tired of making it look to everyone like I am okay when I am not. I feel so empty inside, so incomplete like I am now half a person. It is 9 months for me and I am also 49 so we are not far apart and I just feel like there is nothing to look forward to anymore. I just keep surviving but what am I working towards now, retirement ? What by myself ? Saving for a nice vacatione? By myself? I come home everyday...by myself...I eat by myself...I watch tv by myself...I sleep by myself etc etc etc. I also see happy couples and could cry, or see happy elderly couples and could cry even more. You know no matter how we plan out our lives we have no control over the outcome. We will stick together Gail, do you know lately I feel so much like I could use some hugs that I am even having dreams about people giving me big hugs and telling me it will be okay? Even people I haven't seen since High School, weird huh? I miss having Steve to take care of me, at least I have the meds down pat now . ( Thanks Derek, I love you )Now if I could just stop falling asleep in Steve's recliner every night I may be able to get rid of this stiff neck.Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBob Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Gail,I am glad that you had your first love right through to the end. That was always one of my dreams. Definitely didn't work out in my case. I would have liked that. Over 30 years, that is special. Of course, it hurts. I know that. I'm sorry for your loss.I am coming up on 4 months and I never know from one day to the next what kind of shape I will be in. I had a couple of good weeks, the first since she died, and today I'm really missing her again. It happens. Allow it to. It's all you can do. The pain means your love is still alive.It's too bad that our society doesn't talk much about death and not be in such denial that it's a part of life. If things were different in that regard, you would probably have been more aware that people become widows / widowers at all sorts of ages, sometimes more than once.May I offer a thought? It isn't denying your love for Bruce, or approving of his death, to move out little by little into this new world not of your choosing. You can pursue little hobbies or activities you used to enjoy, preferably at first things you did alone or with girl friends rather than with Bruce, and even though you will just be going through the motions at first it will gradually become a comfort to you and help to bring some of your will to live back. Try it if you can. Maybe doing these things on weekends would be particularly helpful.As for your question: I don't know if I want to hide from the holidays but suspect I'm about to find out ...Best,--Bob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted November 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Thanks Karen, Wendy and Bob did does help to come here and talk to people that are going through what I am going through. Like I said before things have been going not to bad the last few weeks so I'm not sure why I feel like this on this weekend. No I think that is a lay I had my kids and my mom and dad over for supper tonight, everyone one wanted to pick names for christmas so we did then had supper cleaned up and everyone went home and then the feelings all started to come up and then the crying started and then I just started to really Bruce. This christmas thinking is so much harder then I ever thought that it would be. And I thought is would hurt like hell and it hurt evern more then that. So after I posted I went and had a bubble bath and a good cry and made myself a cup of tea and I feel a little better. Bob you are so right I need to get myself involved in SOMETHING what I'm to sure of what it is yet, but give me sometime and I think that I will. God know I cann't sit here everyday cry. Again guy's thanks for being here for me. Tomorrow will be a better day. Night all going to take Madison out for her last pee and go to bed. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Good Night Gail I am glad you are feeling better. I think I will go do the same and see if it helps. Night all !Love,Wendy P.S. Derek where are you tonight? Lost your BB address, sorry. Just wanted to check on your day yesterday at Six Flags. Send me a note when you get a chance and let me know how Carson liked it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 You know...I just got off the phone with my daughter. I may have divorced the person I never want to see again in my life, but I've always, for 25 years or more, kept in touch and cared for my mother-in-law. She's 102 and was in good health, but now she just had a stroke. She's said so much lately, "I'm tired, dear, why can't I just lie down and die?" She's tired. I will miss her being here on this earth so I can still go and visit, even though she asks questions again and again. We are going to lose her soon. It breaks my heart. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Karen I am so so sorry that she had a stroke. My goodness 102 years young, God bless her ! I will say a prayer for her and for you and all your family tonight ! Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Thank you so much! Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBob Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Always remember, Gail, that it's allowed for you to back out of holiday activities if you feel it becomes too much for you. It may be wise to let your family know that you may need to do this, that you're going to try to participate but this first Christmas is apt to be especially difficult (you can blame it on us, tell them we said so) and ask for their understanding should you skip some of these involvements. :-)Christmas is an emotionally loaded holiday, I would even say overloaded. It's almost a shared societal madness. It's no accident that people are driven to suicide or the counseling couch at this time of year more than others. I think that even people who aren't hurting often could benefit from scaling back their participation and contribution to this commercialized madness. If true, than surely we can.I speak as someone for whom the holidays sort of come and go normally and I don't get very involved. I seem to meet a lot of people who claim a similar mind-set. I understand that others may embrace the holiday season a lot more and would miss it ... and I certainly mean no disrespect to the religious significance of it all. But really ... if you want to do something special on Christmas day it can be as simple as being alone in a room, lighting a candle, saying a prayer ... whatever is meaningful to you. It doesn't have to be wrapped up in everyone else's demands and expectations. You needn't observe it in a particular way just because you've always done it that way.--Bob...I had my kids and my mom and dad over for supper tonight, everyone one wanted to pick names for christmas so we did then had supper cleaned up and everyone went home and then the feelings all started to come up and then the crying started... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Gail,Just when we make advances it rewinds, I know the feeling too well, I successfully repressed the feelings, but lately, with issues of my living situation I decided to purchase a home across town, and I found myself feeling crappy without Myrna to live in a home with me, I dreamed of the opportunity, but now as always, why did we let them slip by so fast? Like Bob said, I'll be spending it alone, and exactly the way I choose it so its fine if others refuse to respect our feelings about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted November 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Bob and William this morning I feel better what a good nights sleep wont do. AS for christmas things will be different this year not only will Bruce not be here but I am not holding any of the large dinners not this year. Christmas day was always at our house. Christmas moring Bruce,our kids my mom,dad,and grandmother would stay at our place christmas eve and in the morning we would get up open gifts and have a big breakfast then we would clean up get the turkey in the oven and wait till my sister and her family would come over and we would have a big day of eating playing with the kids and big kids (Bruce Tom Dad Grandma) would play cards and before you would know it the day would be done. Well this year it will be my kids and me christmas morning and we are going to my sisters for supper that way if I have had enough I can go home. So I guess we will play it by ear and hope that it goes ok. It is hard to do this differently when you have been doing one way for 31 years. Also my grandmother died in march so maybe Bruce and grandma will be playing card together LOL. Boy did she like her cards. Thanks guy's for being here for me. Gail Karen I'm so sorry about your mothe-in-law my grandmother was 93 when she died in March. She would say the samething that your mother-in-law would say she was tired and was ready to go. Gail Wendy I hope that today is a better day for you. i'm thinking of you. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Karen,I'm sorry about your mother in law...any new news?Gail,I'm sorry you are feeling like you are and others also, but I'm afraid there's no way to circumvent this...it's what we go through and holidays seem the toughest to get through. Bob offered really good advice. I know when George died I didn't care about anything, but I forced myself to get out and spend some time with people (although I still don't as much as I should, more due to time constraints than anything), and I forced myself to get back into my card making...I had a couple of people who used to come up once a week and do it with me, and that helped get me going...they quit after a year and I miss that, but I have another friend I do it with once in a while when our job schedules permit. I've also tried walking and that's helped me a lot too, just fresh air and another perspective. This year I didn't put out a bouquet of leaves on the table...George and I always used to go for a drive and collect them, and it just seemed too painful a reminder so I decided to forgo that this year. I think it's important to listen to your inner self, what helps, what hurts and go with what is most comfortable for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 She passed away this morning. I always kept in touch with her (after the divorce) for many, many years and I never let her know what her son was really like. I knew her for 55 years. She's going to be missed, but she was ready at 102 years old. An era is gone. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Karen, I am sorry to hear that, she had a full life, bless her soul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Karen, I'm sorry. I loved my mother in law too and still miss her even 20 years after her death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 19, 2007 Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Thanks, you guys. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted November 19, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 19, 2007 Karen I'm so sorry to hear about your mother-in-laws passing. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 Karen I'm so sorry to hear about your mother-in-laws passing. Gail Thanks, I'll miss her a lot. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted November 20, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 Karen it's hard when you loss someone that you love. I lost my grandmother in march and she was 93 that is been hard but I don't think that I have yet to mourn her passing as I am having a hard time with Bruce's passing. To say that this has been a year from hell is an understatment. Grandma was here for me with the birth of each of my kids and she also lived with Bruce and I for about 10 years moved to live with my parents about years before Bruce's and her death. Sitting here tonight feeling very sad Two of the most important people in my life gone. karen thank you being here to listen to me.. you are a god sent I'm not sure how I would get through this without all of you. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 Karen I am so sorry to hear your Mother In Law passed away this morning. How are you doing my friend, are you okay? That was very special of you not to tell her the truth about her son, what an angel you are for that.Love,Wendy Gail, I have been thinking of you too, I am alittle better today but of course because I am super busy at work. As soon as things calm down is when I start to think about things. This 4 day Holiday weekend should be a doozy ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 Yeah, Gail....the lump comes and goes but being prepared has helped and she was so old and ready. I'll miss her so much....the way she'd bend over, stare straight in my face, and say, "Oh, hi, dear...it's you!"...and ask the same question many times. You have all the rights in the world when you're that age. I even gave her candy when she wanted it and told her daughter that it must have been someone else. It's not at all like when my Jack died. He made it a lot longer than the doctors said he would, but too soon for me and when he did died it was coming home from golf, driving his truck on the freeway. I'll always be grateful for my son-in-law who called for a ride home or Jack would have been alone and other people would have been hurt. It was an immediate heart attack, never made it to the hospital and I sure wasn't prepared and it took me months to finally say, "Good-bye, dear. I love you." Thanks, Gail. Here comes another lump but with a grin that she's happy. KarenThanks, Wendy....she was a special person. We'll never forget her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 Karen, I wanted to add, how much you been like a mother to me, this is sure a difficult time but you proven to be very fortuitous in yourself, I hope you will do ok. I know you will, (((((Hugs)))))Love,William Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 William I have missed talking to you, how have you been?Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted November 20, 2007 Report Share Posted November 20, 2007 Thanks somuch, William. That really is an honor. I feel like adopting all of you special people. Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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