Another Sunday

[teny]

another sunday is here Im working to set up the shop for the season.I keep thinking the way we were and I can not stop crying .Last year I had some hope that in 1 year I could feel alitle relief but its geting harder as time goes by I miss him more.I just want to end the torture.I feel so lonely and yearn for his love.Every night Igo to bed trying to get some sleep pils dont help and Im soo tired.is that normal? How we are going to go throu the holidays?Does any of you feel the same emty no reason to live ? TENY

[lyn]

Teny,

My thoughts are with u and wish u will be able to overcome the sadness. Its good that you keep yourself busy by setting up the shop for the holiday. Unlike you, i have been sleeping a lot, but i still feel tired most of the time. I still ask myself the question "is this real? is he really gone?" everytime i wake up every single day, hoping to wake up from this nightmare. However reality sets in, we dont have a choice but to face the day. Shell put it rightly by saying that we can try to force the happiness in our lives..by trying to smile even if our hearts are breaking. Everyday, i try to appreciate the simple things in my life..definitely hard when my heart is aching but eventually it helps and lessens my pain.

I dread the coming of the holidays too yet i also try to focus on its real meaning, the birth of Christ and somehow by focusing on this, it makes me more hopeful.

[DesertBob]

Teny,

My life has been changed forever by losing my wife, particularly in the way that I lost her. But it's also changed forever by having known her. Her greatest concern for me, knowing as she did that her days were numbered, was for my happiness. Her greatest regret was that she would not be able to be with me to share life and help me through the rough spots.

I don't know if you have that luxury ... that your beloved had some time to prepare for and think about and talk about his imminent death and his wishes for your happiness. But even if not ... don't you think he would have had a similar attitude to Linda's?

I cannot dishonor my wife's memory or her love for me by withdrawing myself from life's possibilities or by giving up or becoming bitter. I am as human as the next person (I hope) and I am certainly tempted to do all those things at times. Right now, I am mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally exhausted. The very last thing I need right now is to add months or, who knows, years of grief recovery to my resume'. I am 50 years old and can't help but wonder when, if ever, I start simply enjoying life without "waiting for the other shoe to drop".

But ... (and don't you hate those "buts") the only alternative to pushing through the pain to the other side (whatever in the world THAT may be) is to become a grumpy, bitter old man. If my wife's death is to have any meaning at all, it is that a little of her sunshine rubbed off on me. I'm bitter in only this one sense: I'm too stubborn to quit and give whoever or whatever has tried to destroy me the slightest satisfaction.

Does it get better? Some say yes, others say no, but you learn to cope better. Others say that new blessings come into your life to counter balance losses of such staggering magnitude that they can never be set right. Perhaps they are all right.

Just don't give up, Teny. Give thanks for what you had with your husband, and don't focus on what you lack now. Don't deny your loss, but don't dwell on it either. Take it a day at a time and be patient with yourself. And don't try so hard. For some totally insane reason, when you quit striving for peace, it is more apt to fall in your lap.

Today was another day living with the reality that she is gone, but it's also a day where the sky is blue, the air is crisp, I am healthy, and had a pleasant breakfast and have interesting and useful work to do today. I would much rather share those things with a Linda who is present and with whom I can interact ... but I'll be damned if I'm going to pitch a fit because I can't.

You are now in the middle of an activity that you shared each year at this time, and it hurts to do it alone. Believe me, I understand that. Next weekend I am taking the special meal out we would take together each year on our anniversary. That's going to hurt too. The hurt and brokenness comes from having loved. It is as much a part of love as the mountain-top experiences, just as death is also a part of life. I like to think I could have come up with a better system, but I'm probably wrong somehow [sigh]. Anyway, it is what it is.

We will all stagger through it together and I suppose that better days will come.

My best to you,

--Bob

[Art]

Hi Teny,

I feel I have to tell you I am going through the same sort of pain and loneliness or as you put it torture. I wake up every morning and face the awful reality anew. It just seems more than I can stand at times and I too search for a way to make it stop. I strongly feel that everyone here has very similar feelings or they would not be here. The only thing that has brought me this far is my faith in God and continuing to be thankful for my two beautiful daughters, in spite of the tendency to get bitter over my wife's death. I have found the Joel Osteen ministry to be exceptionally helpful to me. His message is very positive and uplifting. I don't know if you are of the Christian faith or not. If not, I apologize, this is not meant to offend anyone. If you are of the Christian faith I strongly recommend his TV programs to you. I will keep you in my prayers and ask you to do the same for me whatever your belief.

[suzanne]

Teny

I know the pain and loneliness you feel. Just try to think he is not that far away. Our loves are closer than we think, just ask him to be with you and he will. Have faith. We don't have the physical presence but our spirtis are still connected with our beloveds. Death is not an ending to our love we had for our spouses, it's just a different relationship now and yes as Bob stated our lives are forever changed but we must learn and grow from our loss and be strong for them. This is their wish for us. Do what you know Yiany would want you to do. It is exhausting and draining but each of us have come this far and I believe we will continue on the path that each of us is meant to go. We have all had the blessing to have known love in its purest, unconditional sense. We have truly gone the road "until death do us part". Many will travel through life and not have had that experience nor never taken their vows seriously. Those are sadder people than we for they never had that one true, once in a lifetime, soulmate. If I carry nothing else with me for the remainder of my life, it will be that I was and still am loved by one of the most beautiful souls I ever knew and will continue to be loved by him as you will you will with Yiany. Draw strength from that and it will carry you through as it will for all of us.

Suzanne

[teny]

NO BOB I did not have the luxury to be prepared. Yiany had no symtoms. just a pain and as soon as we went to the hospital in afew days he lost contact and he was gone .Liver cancer.Whenever we tried to talk about this matter he would tell me dont worry il be here for you and when he realised that he was sick he told that he is going to be cured cause GOD is on his side and the poroof is that GOD gave him my love .It does not get any better THe 29th our son is getting married and il be standing alone in church without sharing our sons happy day.THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT AND REPLY TENY

ART YES im a christian but the TV program I cant find cause I live far away in Greece.ALso I do feel that GOd or whatever the power is that rules our lifes has given up with me THANKS for your support TENY

SUZANNE

Im trying hard to feel his presence without suxes all I end up is why?THANK you TENY

LYN

THANK you for giving me some hope.TENY

[Art]

Hi Teny,

I too am having a really hard time finding the will to go on and sometimes it seems it would be easier to just quit and give up. I don't know a lot about coping with this loss yet. I'm still trying to learn to live without my wife and sometimes it seems the whole world has turned away, but I can promise you that God has not given up on me nor on you. Please try to hang in there and continue to pray. Have faith and believe that God is there and that he cares. Also, stay in touch with us on this forum. I have found a number of caring people here who know exactly what we're going through because they have experienced it.

Art

[kayc]

Teny,

Bob's reply was very special, as was Art's here. My thoughts will be with you on the 29th, I pray that you will realize that Yianni is with you and you are not alone at your son's wedding. It is so easy to feel we are alone because we cannot see them or touch them, but I think in a sense they are with us always and that brings me great comfort. I like to feel that George is cheering me on, that he has cared about my grief and everyday problems, and he has rejoiced in my triumphs, and has encouraged me when I faced new challenges...it's how we were with each other.

I pray especially for each of you as you go through this holiday season.

KayC

[Stallyn]

Teny,

I hope for you to feel better, I also did not have time to close my life with Myrna, she died days after departing to her homeland, all the time before I thought she is coming back. but it didn't work that way, or any way I expected. just as fast as life goes, she passed without a word to me. what you feel, you may be in touch with yourself, I however have not been the same person, or experienced true joy, just existing day to the next with out a care anymore. But God does care, we wake up and go about doing what we need to do, with a courage that is by not by pills or a bottle, that itself is Love from our spouses and God. Heres a hug

(((((HUG)))))

William