Gail_R Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 Hi Everyone today has been a bad. This moring I thought that I would take out my christmas decortations and start putting them up. Well that was a bad ideal got all the boxes out on the livingroom floor started to take stuff out and then the water works started. I put everything back into the boxes and put the boxes back into the closest. I knew that it would be hard but I thought at lest I would be able to decorated the house and put the tree up but I guesst today was not the day. Is everyone feeling the same way that I am? Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 Hi Gail, Yes, yes. I finally got things set out over a 2-3 day period. I just have a table-top tree now and got it out the other night, boxes on the floor, the top on the tree and my waterworks started, too. I just quit for then and we'll see later. My son will visit me, so I have to put it up. If he wasn't coming, I wouldn't even bother. It's just me and my dog. I'm just waiting for the new year. I'll enjoy the church service but I'm sure not in any mood, and it's been over two years since Jack died. Oh, well - and this, too, shall pass. Hang in there, my friend, we'll all do fine.YOur friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 Karen it is sooo hard I miss Bruce so much. If it was not for my kids I don't think that I would even put the tree up. God this is hard to beleive that last year at this time I had the house decortated the tree up baking done and the the shopping done and wraped this year I have done nothing. Sometimes I don't think that I will make it through the holiday's. Thanks Karen for being here for me. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 I haven't done much of anything yet either. I have canned goods, some handmade aprons, kitchen wash cloths, etc. that I do in the evenings to keep busy and they need to get to Kauai for my son and his wife. I'm going to have to do that very soon. I did go online and send them some good books. My Jack absolutely loved Christmas. He would go shopping well before and begged me to open "just one present, Dear" all the way up to Christmas morning. He was very creative in his choices. I miss that! Just try and do it for your kids, that's all we can do for now.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 5, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 Bruce and Christina our daughter would go out together and shop for me. They would have a blast doing it. Christmas was Bruce's favorited time of the year. He loved to have people over at our place. Bruce was very socialble love have people around. Things have got to get better they sure can not get any worse. The only good thing is that all my kids live within a 3 minute drive from me and one at home. Karen how do you get through this?? If you have any advise I would more then happy to hear it. Thanks again. gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 You know, Gail, when asked that question I really have to pray for the right words to come out. It does get better, but, of course, children help a lot. We can lean of them if we need to, but they're hurting too, so for me I don't lean a lot. I've found strength inside me and I know where that comes from. This is just me but everyday at about 3 o'clock I've prepared my spot to look out the window, read the Bible and other devotional books I keep there. I always pray for an open mind and heart, love and strength. I make this a habit every day. For a while I put different inspirational sayings on my bathroom mirror just to remind me One was this - "Good Morning. It's GOD. I'll be taking care of all your problems today, so just go about your business and don't worry about a thing. I'm here." - things like that. I have devotional emails coming early in the day from various sites. Most of all, Gail, I don't allow myself to make myself feel bad. I try to change uncomfortable thoughts to good ones or go do something to keep busy. It's all just daily practice and for me, it works about 99% of the time. One foot in front of the other and try to do for others. I hope this doesn't sound like preaching, but it's actually my daily life. Your friend, Karen My first year was hardest and forgot the faith I did have, but slowly in the 2nd year I started doing the above things and started feeling better having still some ups and downs. Take care, Gail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzanne Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 I cringe at the thought of the holidays. It would have been easier I think if Will and I had a child together. Just me and my little dog at my house so I don't have to do decorations. I think I might get just a tiny tree to put on top of his ashes and maybe a silk poinsettia to go beside them.Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 That would be a very lovely thing to do.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted December 5, 2007 Report Share Posted December 5, 2007 Gail, your not alone with the feelings you having. This will be my third Christmas without Larry. He died Nov. 2005, so I had the first less than thirty days of his death. Don't remember that one AT ALL. Some people may think that this being the third that maybe some normalcy would have returned but it has not for me. We always bought a fresh tree and what fun we had picking one out. Such a happy time. I thought about it this year, as I do miss having a tree, but I honestly don't think I can do it without him. He died and having a Christmas tree, or anything happy, just doesn't go together in my mind or heart. Maybe one day. Please don't think this is the way everyone should handle it, its just me and I'm still grieving way to much to handle Christmas right now. I miss him and my life, thats all I want for Christmas. Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Gail, I is tough and I don't know how I am going to get through it. I just told my daughter tonight who has a tough schedule between 2 jobs and going for her black belt in Karate that we have to make time to put up the tree. I don't know how I am going to do it either, and I am trying to find the courage to tell my family I don't think I can have Christmas here, but I really can't because my sister won't be around earlier in the day and she did Thanksgiving and my mother is still recovering from her hospital stay with her Lupus. Next minute I think it will be better to have it here because it will keep me busy and then I think I just can't do all the preparing for company and the shopping etc. even with their help. Gosh I don't know what to do, I just want Christmas to go away and leave me alone !Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Thanks everyone it helps wo know that I am not alone in the way that I feel. Christmas is going to be tuff on all of us but maybe we can help each other through the holiday's. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Gail,It is tough but we are strong, we've already proven that for the last few months and we're still here doing what we can and it's been okay....'cause we're here. My prayers are with you.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teny Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 HI from far away I just dont even think about holiday decoration trees and allthe joy that goes with it.Desperate without him.TENY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Teny, don't feel alone, I am with you. I have no plans to decorate, maybe a wreath on the door. Its a difficult season when you are missing the one you love. I so understand, it is very, VERY hard. I hope you feel as if you have friends here that are listening to your heart. Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Gail,I felt the same way the first year and the second year almost as bad. I personally recommend you get someone else to put up the tree and have your kids do the decorating when they get there, even if it's not until Christmas! My son went out and cut a tree down and put it up and my daughter decorated it completely that first year...of course I still got stuck taking it down by myself, but that was way easier. Enlist help.Wendy,"Next minute I think it will be better to have it here because it will keep me busy and then I think I just can't do all the preparing for company and the shopping etc. even with their help."That's because you are thinking of the practical things but you need to listen to your inner self...take care of YOU not everybody else right now. Right now you need to protect yourself and try to make it easier on yourself. I remember that first year when I didn't think I could do Christmas (that was such a big thing with George and he really got into the holiday spirit) and I remember my son saying, "That's okay Mom, we can celebrate Easter instead" - I loved his humor and his understanding, but in the end, I didn't color eggs, I let them do their tree thing and I tried to ignore Christmas as much as possible. Whatever we have to do to get through the holidays...people just need to understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieO Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 I had a horrible day. I decided I have to get Xmas shopping. Got my courage up and went. It was awful. I cried the entire day, I am sure people wondered what was going on as I walked thru the stores with tears streaming down my face. Everywhere I went had so many memories of my mom and I shopping together and then the Xmas music was too much to handle. I didn't get anything done, sobbed all the way home. I just don't think I can do this. I told my husband I can't shop alone, so he has to be my new shopping buddy! He hates to shop! I think I will try and find some things online and avoid the malls if I can. I have also decided to try an antidepressant, I have been avoiding it but this week I feel like I am falling apart. Its as if I can actually feel my heart breaking, the pain in my chest, the feeling like I want to scream but nothing will come out, a silent scream. I know we have to put up a tree, but maybe we could just not decorate it! Thanks for listening, I am filled with panic and anxiety but it helps to know you are all here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 Oh Annie I am sorry you had such a bad day. This is going to be a rough couple weeks coming up to Christmas, just keep trying to tell yourself a couple weeks and it will be over with. To me shopping on line is well worth having to pay the shipping charges, you have a front seat to everything, you can take your time deciding, you can comparison shop without leaving the room, you can shop for bargains, no lines, no expensive gas wasted, no looking for a parking spot, no going out in the cold, no crowds with flu germs and best of all you can do it in your pajamas !!! Yeah ! Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 Annie,I'm sorry you had such a bad day, but at least you're brain storming to find a solution, and I think that shopping on line is a great idea! In fact, I did ALL of my shopping on line! I'm more used to it living in the country and the shipping isn't as bad as making special 120 mile round trips with gas so high, besides, a lot of places offer free shipping. amazon.com overstock.com even sometimes on eBay.comDon't feel like you HAVE to put up a tree, maybe a couple of boughs or a wreath or a nativity set or something. My mom and sister don't do trees anymore, they say they're too much work.I hope your day goes better... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted December 8, 2007 Report Share Posted December 8, 2007 I am having a bad day today too, or should I say evening. Today is 9 months since Steve passed and boy am I feeling it. To add to it, I have been sending my daughter emails and telling her verbally ideas for me since she first asked me for ideas about a month ago for Christmas. ( this is the 22 yr old that lives with me) She just sent me a text message from the mall asking me what I want for x-mas !!! I said are you kidding me ? She responded well I thought I would be nice and ask. I don't know what planet she has lived on for the last month but it hasn't been this one I can tell you that. Trying so hard not to reach thru my cell phone and strangle her ! Of course she has already ordered and wrapped her boyfriends gifts but what about me? Unbelievable !Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieO Posted December 9, 2007 Report Share Posted December 9, 2007 Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I did manage to get quite a bit of shopping done online! I never thought about looking for wrestling action figures at Amazon!Friday was the year anniversary of my mom's death. What a strange day. As you know I was really falling apart last week. I must have scared my husband because he stayed home with me on Friday. I had plans to walk with a friend and then have lunch with another one. I cancelled all of it, I just couldn't stop weeping. My husband and I actually had a nice, quiet afternoon, he was wonderful. That night we drove my son to soccer practice, we dropped him off and went to dinner, when we came back there was no place to park.We ended up parking in the lot right across from the building where my mom died. At first I was in a panic. My husband ran into watch the end of my son's practice. I stayed in the car, I looked up and found the window of the room where my mom had been. I suddenly felt very calm. I told my mom that no matter how much I miss her, I was glad she was no longer sick and in that room or the nursing home. I felt so much peace on the way home. My daughter called the next day to tell me about a wonderful dream she had, she saw my parents and they were healthy and happy. My mom told her in the dream that "they were fine and she didn't want my daughter to be sad and she knew how hard my daughter was trying to get thru this and still do well at school". My daughter and I talked and cried and had some wonderful memories and said how lucky we were that we had,had my parents in our lives. Yesterday, I felt so much stronger, I even got out my mom's recipes and made some Xmas cookies. I laughed while I was doing it, they didn't turn out at all like my mom's , but I felt like she was sitting at the kitchen counter laughing with me. Thanks for listening and helping me get thru last week. You are all in my thoughts, especially during this tough time of year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 hi everyone with christmas just around the corner it is getting harder and harder to get through each day. i miss bruce so much my heart aches.these last few days have been so hard. our oldest son had his 30th birthday yesterday and on friday i was out getting a birthday card for him and i broke down in the card store who would think that buying abirthday card would bring me to tears but it did. i have been getting christmas card the last few day's and they make me cry and cry thinking about putting up the christmas tree. how are we going to get through the holiday's? thanks guy's for being here for me again. gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Gail, You'll get through it...you have so far so you can take those steps forward. It is hard, I know. After two years I had a melt down the other night and really tired the next day, but I did get through it. We will. I have pretty much gotten over the times when the "lump" comes and you can't help it but just cry, mine is in the evening and I have good friends and my daughter if it happens then. You just think of good thoughts of your life together...I just grin when I do that. You have our support.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 11, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Thanks Karen but it is hard as hell to get through each day. I'm hope that things will get easier as time goes by. It hurt so much to love someone with all your heart and have him gone just like that with no warning. I know that I will get through this I have got through the last 11 months ....if not for my kids and my parents and the help of everyone on this site I don't know how I would have got this far. Thank you Karen you always have the right words tohelp me get through another day. I have asked this before and I will keep asking why or how could this have happened Life is so unfair all I want is to have my old life back I don't think that is asking to much.I don't like being all alone. I don't like how my life is turning out...this is not how I saw my life. Don't mind me I'm just having myself a little pity party. Thanks again for being there for me tonight and all the other day's and night's that you have been here for. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Gail...I don't like any of this either, but I have to go on like you are doing. It's a horendous (sp?) pain! Nothing will help now, except time. My husband was gone in a flash and I wasn't there, I know. The feeling of loss is way to much. We have to get through it for ourselves and family. A very good friend of mine just now lost her beloved brother and she calls me a lot because she knows I understand. That's like this gorup...that understands. You just stay a prayer for strength and know it will happen, maybe not now, but when you most need it. Love you friend.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Gail as I sat here reading your post I had tears running down my face. You and I are so alike it is not funny. As I drove home from work tonight, crying like I usually do I said the same exact thing as you ! I hate being alone, this is not the way my life was supposed to be, I am so lonely, all I want is my life back and to be happy again. Last year at this time Steve and Melissa and I were shopping for eachother and decorating and planning the big family get together. Now Steve is gone and Melissa is never home and here I am all alone and miserable. Yes people say it gets easier with time but that still doesn't change the fact that we worked so hard to get to where we were and it was gone in an instant ! Now it is just me and all that hard work was for nothing, life is just not fair !Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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