suzanne Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 I have posted before I was having my house remodeled. I look around, it's like a tornado has been through. Tomorrow I'm having new carpet put in along with all of the drywall, paint etc. I have been this way for 5 weeks now. Time doesn't really matter any more. All of the things I'm doing are things we had planned together to do. Now I have to do it alone. But is it for my benefit or am I doing this for both of this.? All familiar is gone. My comfort zone has been sorely misplaced. Was it too soon? The reality has set in so hard, I'm nine months into this journey of grief and it hurts like nothing I've ever known. Has anyone felt the need for change but felt remorse after? It will look beautiful when I'm done, but Will is not here to appreciate it or compliment me. I need a hug so bad tonight.Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Suzanne I did the samething. I got a garage put on the house this summer it is something the Bruce and I talked about all the time. We would do this so I did it and there where times when it was going up that I thought what am I doing,maybe I should wait for the year mark. then I talked to my kids and they said mom dad would be so happy that you put the garage up. So Suzanne you are not the only one that had done something since their beloved as passed away and thought maybe I should have waited. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzanne Posted December 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Thank you Gail. Will's children don't even know I have done this. But they have no contact with me so I guess it doesn't matter about them. I'm sure they would not approve, if and when they ever come around again.Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 I've got something coming up and that's a deck we have all around the house that's giving up. Jack and I were in construction for many years, but I don't know anybody anymore that can give me honest advice, so what do you do. The expense will be prohibitive, so what? I'll wait till spring and think about it again. It's really not fun having to do these things without our wonderful husbands, but what do we do....just do it. I think our spouses would be proud that we're doing all we can.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Suzanne you have brought up a subject that I have been wondering about myself. You see Steve and I got the addition done a couple years before he passed and I am so grateful for that as he loved the house when it was done. My mother is starting to hint that she would like to sometime soon get a house together and I don't know if I can leave here. There are too many memories and everything in this house we either designed or picked out together and this house is so much a part of us. I could not in a million years picture someone else living in our home, so I will not know what to do. I feel such a sense of warmth and security here that I don't know if I could ever leave. Anyone else have this problem ? This is a lake community and all the homes here once were summer homes that were converted. Doing what we would need to have done to also house my mom would not be possible so that is not an option.Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzanne Posted December 6, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 WendyIn my session Will said he was glad I was staying in our house and to not sell. He could see boxes all around. Not forever, but for now. We are so much alike. I have never been afraid to be here. It's my comfort zone. I think he would be proud of me. It's just so hard.SuzanneKarenThank you. You are always so strong and supportive. So hard to muster up the strength. You give me hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Oh Suzanne your reading must have been wonderful ! Maybe Steve would want me to stay here too ! I just couldn't leave, this home makes me feel closer to him. Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 You know, I was building this house after the man I was going to marry died in a truck accident, several years before, and then my long time work friend Jack..his wife died, who was also my friend, to the end. So, Jack and I knew each other for about 25 years and then got married when I was about 50. So the memories in this house I built and we lived in toghether for 16 years or so are beautiful and it, too, is my comfort zone. Fortunately, a year before he died we got a reverse mortgage so I can live here for as long as I'm physically able to without a payment. I'm only 68 and according to what my friends and doctor say a 50-year-old 68 person, so I'm thankful. But I will never leave this "home" and the comfort level is great. Thanks that I'm hearing thoseare your words,too, from you guys.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Karen I had a feeling alot of us felt the same way. To be perfectly honest too? I don't have it in me to sell this house, buy anotehr house and pack up all this stuff and move and unpack and re-do another house...geez I am exhausted just thinking of it, and the stress ? Whew ! There is just too much stuff accumulated here, just couldn't do it !Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 You know, I bet if you just go with your intuition and your feelings that everything will work out. I tell you, with my ex-husband's abuse, losing the one I was going to marry, and to finally marry and truly "love, love" Jack more than anything in this world, and losing him, anything is possible, and that "possible" will happen with all of us. Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Guys,I have been tackling this issue for several months, I had to move on due to rising expenditure of 'renting" and the low quality of life, we lived here 5 years, was the largest place we lived in since we could not afford a 1400 mortgage payment, though I held hope that Myrna and I would someday be able too, just one of may dreams shattered, until now, She nudged me several weeks ago to do something, and told me the house I was going to see was to be my new home far away from the 9 years of memories. I will have a place for her there, a chair for her, a garden, something to share though she may not be there in body but spirit. I'll finish now, just painful... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teny Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 HI my friends this is a big problem for me also .3 months before YIANY was gone we have sold our house and had plans to live in our summer house by the sea.I have been since then a refuge running from one place to another.I have no home.It hurts so much to be in the isolatet summer home all by myself in a place we both loved and spend happy days that are gone forever .I keep moving from my brothers home to my sons .I know its crazy but I cant decide what to do with my life.In a way if I had stay in the house it would be easier so what some ofyou are doing by decorating and staying is a good choice.I like to have your advice for my case.Time goes by and some days feeling better and then like abig wave hits and Im under the water again not be able to breath. TENY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corinne Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 William my friend after just 4 months of losing John I too had to move on due to the low quality of life and having to deal with John's family. You will be fine, it will be a new start for you. I am so happy that Myrna gave you that nudge. When you move you need to remember to bring along all the good memories and leave the bad ones behind. I also think that it is a wonderful idea to make a special place for her there because she will be with you always. I will pray for you to have peace during your move and that you know that you are making the right move.Hugs & prayers, CorinneDid you take your meds? Wendy did you remember to take yours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 6, 2007 Report Share Posted December 6, 2007 Suzanne,You are continuing what the two of you had already planned so I feel this is the two of you in on this together.Wendy,Listen to your heart, not your mom, do only what feels right to you.I think it's great that you guys are doing these things, and it'll help your confidence when you see what you've accomplished! I wish I had the funds to do the things I need to do on my place, but so far I feel like I'm just putting out fires, still, I think it's a big accomplishment just to get the house payments made and keep everything working. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stallyn Posted December 7, 2007 Report Share Posted December 7, 2007 Corinne, I think there were alot of factors at work also, the rent keeps going up with the greedy owners, and not wanting to keep up with it worrying every year if I can pay it and get nothing back. Its a better accomplishment than lining the pockets of someone else, but I know each one of us has that special fortitude to keep going since our loved ones are advocating for us. I missed my meds today Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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